If you reading this, then I have failed to find you and my lawyer has a succeeded. I really do wish I hadn’t had to write to you and instead managed to find you.
I have no idea if you aware about what’s been going on. You’re not picking up my phone and I can’t talk to you and...my world has turned upside down so far that it just lost it’s axis and I lost my trip to reality.
So, I would like you to know. Ratty...I am father - a sweet boy and I want to say I am upset and absolutely disgusted with how he came to be but I can’t because I love that little thing like a treasure.
His mother is in jail, and my mother and father are out of the picture. So when Vidal wondered where his other parent was and I just...blanked. I told him it was you.
I am sorry for pulling you into this, I really am but my life has only always had one string of fate, ratty, and it always tangles with yours in the end.
I always knew if I did have a child, his second father would only be you. And so, I subconsciously ended up telling Vidal just that. I know it’s cruel of me to ask you to accept him, I don’t even know if Vidal would still be a child when you read this...but in any case, ratty, he knows you to be his father. In his eyes, it has always been an absent mother, and two daddies, one of which is out on mission saving the country.
I want you go meet him, if you can, please. I don’t want to put that pressure to be his father on you or anything but since I’ll be gone, he’ll be living with his godmother - that does not exist. It’s a nanny, a highly paid one. I needed to keep Vidal out of system, so I made all necessary arrangements. I just want you to go and check up on him, if you can. And if you read my will, you know all the monetary arrangements as well. He won’t be any burden.
And all this sounds like I am trying my sell my child to you which feels even worse when you read it.
I just...he is an innocent kid and I can only ever trust you fully to, maybe, pop in by and have a look that he is doing okay? Please? I tried to find you because I was so lost in all this shit my mother put me through, ratty, it’s a testament that I am even sane. I kept trying to contact you but couldn’t find you, and so all that you left behind was an lost, confused me, I guess. I’ve been reading some good writers these days, I have too much time on my hands, ignore the sappiness.
Anyway, ratty, I missed you. And I kinda sorta really need you right now but I understand that is highly impossible at the moment. So come find my tombstone once you have sometime? Maybe, with Vidal? Please?
And...I love you, Zyair. I really do. I love you more than enough, more than I believe anyone should ever love someone. But that is all I can actually do for you, tell you that I love you.
I want you to live well, live happy and live a life fulfilled. Don’t keep any regrets about me, ratty. Please. I know after reading all this, you probably will feel bad and guilty, and I don’t want you to do that. I want you to remember me for the good, for the happy, for the love, not because you feel sorry.
So just live, yes? For me. I love you and I probably always will. So...meet me on other side one day? I’d like you in my next life, too.
- Your Kyrith.