The Tragedy that was Kyrith Alvin

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6.

What do you feel when you die? Not that I was dying but I was curious.

Anyway, two bullets wouldn’t be able kill me when shitloads emotional trauma of loosing my mom and dad, 15 days worth of torture by the cartel and loving him couldn’t. Really, two bullets were nothing.

But still, I did feel faint, vision darkening, body light weighted - I thought I’d end up in the hospital at least. And I was curious. So, what do you feel? Has anyway ever lived to tell the tale?

“Agent Okoro?”

I laughed at my thoughts and then stopped because fuck it hurt to laugh and there was blood coming out of my mouth that really smelt and tasted terrible.

I would be no use to a vampire...huh.

“Agent Okoro, respond to team Beta, Agent Okoro? Agent Okoro?”

I had heard people say that in the last few seconds you’d see your life flash - that you’d see all you had done and cherished and resented. But I didn’t see my whole life or maybe it’s because I was just not dying yet.

I saw my mom, though, smiling at the flowers and my dad laughing, both kissing, and then both of them burried 6 feet below. Then I saw him. That motherfucker who refused to leave me be, continued to haunt me, no matter how far I went.

I saw him laughing at me, his left dimple deep and prominent. I saw him walking closer and kissing me and I saw his absolutely blissful smile as he laid naked on the bed with me in his arms.

I saw his longing when he played with my curls, I saw him leaning down to kiss my head and telling me he was in bliss. I saw him sad, angry, I saw him pulling away from me, I saw him hurting me over and over and over, and I finally saw myself leaving him for good.

I saw my personal phone - the one I had stashed away to crush any motivation to call him for last 6 years. I saw my burning need to have checked on it before I left for this mission, before I approached death with open arms willingly.

“Agent Okoro, respond to team beta! Your tracker is out, we can’t find you, Agent Okoro!”

Will I feel this way when I die? Who knows. Do I have regrets? Some. Do I regret never having heard from him again? Yes. Would I do it again? Yes.

He was lethal for me, more so than the bullet that grazed my head and the one currently lodged deep in my chest. He wasn’t who I fell in love with and I didn’t want to keep loving a shadow.

“Agent Kavanagh.” I smiled at my Chief’s softer voice.

She was retiring this year - this was supposed to be her last big bust of glory and it will be. I just didn’t think I’ll be able to attend her party.

“Okoro, do you copy?”

“Yes.”

I heard her sigh and then her voice changed to that of my second-best man. He sounded really agitated and very gruff. It was almost painful and crude for me to handle.

“We need your location, Agent Okoro, do you copy?”

“5th floor.”

“Which building, Agent-”

Dumb people with dumb voices and even dumber questions. You’d have to find the fucking building yourself because I honestly didn’t know myself.

I threw away the little earpiece and looked at the ceiling that was sprinkling water all over the floor. There was fire, I was the reason but hell, if I’d known my target would be perceptive - I would’ve found an alternative way to capture him alive.

I wouldn’t have killed him, my eyes shift to the floor littered with bleeding corpses.

“Ratty?” He walked up to me slowly, with a small smile and a careless laughter. “I always told you it was dangerous work.”

I closed my eyes and turned away from my hallucination. I’d rather die than have my heart pumping so fast at a fucking hallucination.

"You didn’t call back, ratty."

“It wasn’t worth it.”

"You don’t even know if I am okay."

“You are okay.”

“Are you sure?” No. I wasn’t sure, of course I wasn’t. It had been 6 hellish years to will his love away! “I love you, ratty.”

“Just not enough...” I whispered and he chuckled, his fingers feathered over my closed eyes and his lips were gentle on my head wound.

“Just not enough.”

When had it ever been enough?

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