Nicole and Brad were shocked when I told them that I would move out. They were both worried about me being on my own, but when I told them I would be moving in with Jordan and Ethan, they relaxed. I know they will both enjoy being able to spend time as their little family without me being in the way, even if they say that they like having me here. I know it’s not fair to them for me to stay.
The spare room at Jordan and Ethan’s is a blank canvas, no furniture, plain white walls, but to me, it was everything. I could find my own style, decorate it how I wanted it with furniture that I chose. I couldn’t wait to get started.
Jordan picked me up from work the day after we went to the beach and took me to get furniture and whatever else I would need for my bedroom. The rest of the house was fully furnished, though they said if I wanted to change anything I could. I figured I would leave it all for now, but who knows, maybe in the future I will change the ratty old couch that Ethan has in the lounge room to something nicer.
Walking down the street next to Jordan, who is carrying all of my shopping bags, despite my protests, I stop when I come across a shop that peaks my interest. Through the windows I can see various musical instruments on display, hanging from the walls or strategically placed around the large room.
“Wanting to learn an instrument?” Jordan asks with surprise on his face. I shrug my shoulders before turning back to the window.
“I never really thought about it.” I say as I bite my lip, something unknown to me seems to be drawing me into the store. Jordan steps around me and opens the door with his free hand, all the bags now carried in the one.
“let’s take a look,” he says as he holds the door open for me. I step inside, aware of Jordan’s eyes on me as I take in the store. I walk further in, my hands brushing along the guitars hanging on the wall near the door until something catches my eye.
In the middle of the room sits a large piano, the shiny black wood reflecting the light and the stark white keys calling to me. My feet move towards it before I know what I’m doing. I stop in front of the piano and rest my hands delicately on the keys.
I feel Jordan stand beside me, as I stare down at the keys, a strange feeling of familiarity coming over me.
“Take a seat…” Jordan whispers beside me, I can feel his eyes watching my face for every expression. I sit down on the small wooden bench, my feet automatically reaching for the pedals under the piano as if I had always known they were there. My hands rest with ease on the keys as my brow furrows in confusion. I don’t move, frozen on the spot as I try to discern why this feels familiar, as I reach into the black abyss that is my mind for a memory that has to be there. But theres nothing, no memory, nothing to recall, just a simple feeling of de ja vu. Sighing in frustration, I let my hands drop to my side.
Jordan’s large hand takes residence on my shoulder as he stands beside me.
“Close your eyes Jane, and just feel, don’t try to remember.” He says quietly, I look up at him in confusion but he just nods his head towards the piano. “Just try it.” He encourages.
I nod my head and close my eyes, placing my hands upon the keys and releasing a breath. I clear my mind and do what Jordan said, I just feel. I let my emotions overtake me and my fingers start to gently move over the keys, as if knowing exactly what they were doing. I allow my body to take the lead, listening to the notes as they ring out across the room, playing a perfect melody from my heart.
I’m not sure how long I play for, just letting my fingers play what my heart was singing, but eventually the last note rings out and my hands fall still. I open my eyes to the few other customers in the store watching me with curiousity.
After a few moments of silence, Jordan sits down beside me as my hands rest loosely over the keys.
“Do you remember playing?” he asks me. I shake my head as a myriad of emotions run through me.
“No… but I know I can, it feels so natural, like I’ve always done it.” I whisper. The shop is quiet around us as a lone tear falls down my cheek. “This is the first piece of the puzzle I’ve gotten as to who I was before. The first solid clue I’ve been given. It proves that I wasn’t alone… someone had to have known me, someone had to have taught me to play. Someone had to have spent hours at my side as we played together.” I quickly wiped away the tears that had fallen as I took a shakey breath.
“But where are they?” I ask as I look over at Jordan. “Why didn’t they come forward? Did they not care? Did they not love me?”
Jordans strong arms wrap around me and I am pulled into his chest, his hands running through my hair as they had countless times before.
“I don’t know why they didn’t come forward, or where they are, but it’s impossible not to care about you, it’s impossible not to love you.” He tells me with so much honesty in his voice that I can’t help but believe him.
“Thank you.” I whisper into his chest, a small smile gracing my lips.
“You’re welcome Jane.” He says as he kisses the top of my head. “Now, let’s buy a piano.”
Moving in was a pretty easy process once I’d bought everything I needed and it was delivered. Watching Ethan and Jordan race each other putting together the furniture after it was delivered was entertaining. They were so competitive and I had to stifle a giggle when Ethan took one of the bolts from Jordan’s pile, putting it in his pocket. Watching Jordan search the room then start getting angry that there is “always one piece missing” had me in hysterics. Eventually, Ethan left it in plain sight and told Jordan he was an idiot for not seeing it. I laughed harder when Ethan claimed victory, despite cheating, and Jordan started to sulk.
We had bought a piano the day we were in the shop, though not the large one I played on, a smaller upright piano that fit perfectly in the lounge room. Ethan didn’t mind, saying he wanted to hear me play. I find myself playing it constantly, wondering how I know the songs I’m playing. Jordan started to record them on his phone so he could figure out what songs they were, most of them being well known by the great composers, Mozart, Bach, and Beethoven. There was something so relaxing about playing, something that filled me with hope, that I found myself addicted.
It’s my fifth night in my new bed, in my new room, living with Jordan and Ethan. I lay awake, staring up at the ceiling, wanting nothing more than to go out to the lounge room and run my fingers over the hard cold keys of the piano, but I know I can’t. It’s close to two o’clock in the morning and I don’t think Jordan or Ethan would appreciate that.
I hear a loud yell that has me sitting up in my bed. I couldn’t make out what was said, but it sounded like Jordan. I sit quietly for a moment, listening out for anything else, and just when I am beginning to think I am imagining it, Jordan’s voice rings out again, only louder this time.
“Chris! No!” his voice sounding panicked, I jump out of bed and make my way to Jordan’s door, seeing Ethan do the same from the other direction. Ethan gives me a worried look as we reach his door and I know I would look the same. He turns the handle and quietly opens the door to see Jordan laying on his bed, his body tense and jerking slightly.
“Chris! No! Don’t go down there!” he yells out, the sound of pure panic in his voice making my heart hurt. I look to Ethan, wondering what we should do, as my feet move towards him on their own accord. Ethan just nods, knowing I’m approaching him and I continue to make my way forward.
I stop next to his bed and sit on the edge of it, raising my hand and running it over his sweaty brow. “Jordan…” I whisper, “Shh… Jordan, it’s ok, its just a dream.” I say, trying to sooth him. His eyes blink open, seeing me on his bed.
“Jane?” he asks, his voice husky and raw. I don’t reply, just nod my head before I’m pulling into his chest as he grips me tight, his body still shaking. “I shouldn’t have let them go down there.” His voice breaks as if he is holding back tears. “I should have said no… it’s my fault… its all my fault.” He whispers.
I look to Ethan who stands in the doorway, a look of concern on his face as Jordan falls back to sleep, his grip on my not loosening. Ethan just nods at me again before stepping out of the room and closing the door. Sighing, I wriggle around, making myself comfortable and laying my head on Jordan’s chest. I guess I’m sleeping here tonight.