Not your Luna

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I just stared into Damian’s eyes. He looked so tired and I was sure he hadn’t slept just like me. I also knew there was no return ticket. He was stuck in my head forever and the way my body reacted to him would never go away. I didn't feel uncomfortable with him. I felt like I had known him forever.

The heat from his fingers on my chin crept into my consciousness and I wanted to pull away but I was just frozen staring at him. It was an invasion, an unwanted intimacy.

“You’re not that good at hiding what you feel,” he said and moved his gaze down my body. “Your whole body is aching for me,” he whispered in my ear, sending shivers throughout my body. My face flushed and I tried to put some space between us, he couldn’t possibly know what was going on down there. Could he?

“It’s not… I need to go.” I shook my head and began walking out of the packhouse.

“To do what?” He asked, walking after me.

“To train… I’m a trainer,” I said without looking back at him. “You don’t even know what I do and yet you keep coming after me.”

“You’re the one that isn’t letting me in.”

I stopped walking and turned to face him, “I would never let you in Damian. But if you wanna help me train today then come,” I said without thinking. I had no idea why I invited him, but I did.

“How do you train warriors if you aren’t a warrior?” He asked as we began walking beside each other like normal people.

“I never said I train warriors. You’ll see.” I shrugged and hid my smile knowing he was not expecting to see kids. Every man’s reaction to seeing a kids training center was hilarious.

“You’re kidding…” He mumbled as soon as we made it to the building and he saw all the kids standing in a line with Lyra and Alden. “You want me to train kids with you?” He pulled me back and pointed at the door.

“Yeah. Declan isn’t here today so you can be my partner. We teach them self-defense and how to protect themselves in case someone tries to hurt them or something,” I said. I knew that under pressure they might not remember any of the techniques. But teaching them could still come in handy.

My unwanted thoughts began taking over and I felt all the memories flooding in. I was lucky to get out of my situation as a child. But that was only because my father passed away. Many kids don’t know how to fight back and my mission was to never have a child go through what I went through even though I knew it was impossible. But helping at least one child out of any situation still made a difference.

I was adopted into Blue Moon. But the memories of what my father did to me in Silver Moon ate me up every single day I lived.

I was a child. I would always think to myself how when mother left I would leave with her, flee the violence of my biological father. Then one day she did leave… She passed away but she didn’t take me with her. I remained right there with that monster that called himself a father. He harassed me and abused me mentally, physically, sexually, and in any other way possible.

After his death, I was kept in foster homes and it felt like heaven compared to where I was before. Then the day all the kids around me dreamt about came. I was adopted and it was hell at first. I was so closed off and it took me so long to open up to my parents. Which was why I didn’t want to move packs again, I couldn’t bear change again after it had taken me so long to finally settle down in Blue Moon.

Those were things Damian couldn’t find out, I would never tell him. He would never look at me the same way again. I didn’t even want to imagine his reaction if he ever found out.

“Mia?” Damian whispered and placed a hand on my shoulder. I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at him, feeling my eyes burn with tears. “Are you okay? Where did you go?” He asked.

“I’m fine.” I smiled and took a deep breath before walking into the training center. That was my life, just constantly pretending I was fine. I didn't even know which of my feelings were real anymore.

“Okay everyone get into pairs and whoever is taller should stand behind the other like Lyra and Alden are doing,” I said and the kids all began running to their friends making us chuckle. “Okay, what we’ll do now is the bear hug release.”

“Wrap your arms around my neck,” I said and stood in front of Damian. He paused before slowly coming closer and gently placing his arms around me. His hold had a certain energy and instead of feeling like I was being held captive, I felt safe. My body felt like it had lit up and I tried so hard to compose myself as I continued talking.

“Everyone do what we are doing but gently. We’re just practicing. I want the person in the bear hold to step on the person behind them’s right foot. Of course, if we were in a real situation you must do it as hard as you can and stomp. But for now, just step on them. Then slip under the arms holding you, run behind them, and push them before running in the opposite direction. Tomorrow you'll get to stomp on Declan and Alden though.”

“This isn’t a good idea,” Damian whispered and I could already feel a bulge growing in his pants. I bit my lip, holding back my laugh as I demonstrated for the class and stomped on Damian’s foot as hard as I could then proceeded to shove him forward.

He hissed and stumbled forward before regaining his balance and turning to face me. His face had shock and anger mixed together and I knew if I wasn't his mate I'd be six feet under. “Goddess Mia. You did not have to go that hard. You literally just told them to do it gently,” he said and glared at me.

“It was self-defense, Alpha.” I smiled triumphantly and walked over to Lyra who was helping the kids.

“Oh, you just wait, Luna,” he said knowing damn well what he was doing. I turned to face him and balled up my fists even though on the inside my body and my wolf were doing a happy dance as my stomach fluttered.

“Stop saying that I'm your Luna!”

“Hey Lyra, you and Alden could manage for a few minutes without Mia right?” He asked with a straight face. I glared at her, begging her to say no but she just nodded and bowed her head down. He was taking advantage of his Alpha dominance and I knew it. I mean, the entire lesson she and Alden were acting abnormally because Damian was there.

“Great. We’ll be back,” he said and dragged me out.

“What do you want?” I asked and yanked my arm away from his.

“I don’t understand you, Mia. One second you zone out and your eyes glisten with tears, then you’re training kids as if nothing happened. Or you faint after seeing Edwin then you get right back up like it’s the most normal thing for a werewolf to faint. Then one second you stomp on me and laugh and then you're angry. I also don’t understand why you repel the idea of being Luna so much when you are the Alpha’s daughter.”

That was by far the most he’d talked to me and I just stood there trying to find my words. “I was adopted. I’m not part of the bloodline. I don’t have Alpha blood in me,” I said and looked anywhere but at him.

“Why are you fighting our bond?” He asked and walked closer to me. He hesitantly lifted his hands up and tried to cup my face but I automatically flinched making him frown and take my hands instead. “You cannot lie and tell me you don’t feel it.”

“You need to trust me when I tell you you’re better off without me. You don’t know the baggage I come with, you know nothing,” I whispered and gently pulled my hands away from his despite how good it made me feel.

“I won’t sugar coat it. I need you by my side. You don’t know what baggage is. Baggage is having to have a woman you despise follow you everywhere and calling herself your Luna. Manipulating everyone and no one knows her true colors but you. That is baggage,” he said and I could hear the irritation in his voice. I couldn’t blame him for belittling my situation, he had no idea what type of baggage I had.

“So you just want me to get rid of her and to become a baby machine for you, nothing else. You want one thing Damian and that is an heir. I can’t give you that. I won’t be your baby machine.”

I turned my back to him and wrapped my arms around myself protectively. I couldn’t have kids, or I believed I couldn’t because of the abuse. I would ruin his life with that and once he found out he would try to get rid of me. Maybe even regret meeting me.

“Is that really what you think?” He asked followed by a long moment of silence. “It surprises me that you think that low of Alphas when your father is one.”

“Face me, Mia. For once stop trying to hide,” he said and waited for me. I just shook my head and continued facing the wall. If I faced him I would breakdown.

He sighed and I heard him pace around before stopping again. “Just for clarification, I don’t think of women as objects that I can just use and make them carry my child. That isn’t even something I think about but it really does surprise me that you did.”

“But it’s true you are only using me to get rid of her. You really want me to go against some woman who has the entire pack bowing down for her!” I turned around and yelled. He quickly pulled me away to a more private area, mumbling how the entire building can hear me as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“I am not using anyone!” He hissed. “If fucking Katrina didn’t exist I would still be here running after you. It doesn’t change anything about the fact that I want my destined Luna. Katrina just complicates this. You don’t understand that I need you. This isn’t some game to me.”

“You don’t need me, and you don’t want me. Get that into your head!” I said and smacked his chest.

He held my hand and locked his gaze with mine. “Tell me you don’t feel it then. This electrifying feeling when I hold your hand. Your scent itself is enough to give me an answer.”

My eyes widened and I couldn’t fight the blush that crept up my face. No one has ever made me feel the way he did and he made sure to remind me. I couldn’t deny his point… He already knew.

I pressed my legs together, and for the first time, it wasn’t because of a man I’m afraid of. It was because of the sexy angry Alpha in front of me that made my body do things it never did before.

“Fuck, don’t do that Mia,” he grumbled and let go of my hand, taking a deep breath as if he was trying to control himself and his wolf.

“I didn’t do anything,” I mumbled shyly knowing damn well the effect we had on each other.

“Sure.” He shook his head and fought back a smirk. “I can’t lead my pack without you. The past two days have been hell. I couldn’t even sleep and my hate for Katrina grew even more which I didn’t think was possible,” he said, instantly changing the mood again.

“I have a home here. My friends, my family, and my training center. My life is here Damian and I worked so hard to get to where I am today. I don’t want to start over and I don't want to fight some woman that thinks she runs your pack.”

“You’re not starting over. I see it as the next chapter of your life. Your family and friends will still be here, you can always visit. You can have a kids training center in Moonstone too. And you're not fighting Katrina alone, I'm there and so are my close ones. I don’t beg people Mia but here I am,” he said and looked into my eyes pleadingly.

It was pretty funny. There was just a big beastly Alpha standing in front of me, begging me to go with him as if he couldn’t live without me when days ago he didn’t even know of my existence. I just stared at him, surprising myself that I was actually contemplating it when just minutes ago I was in complete denial.

“We don’t even know anything about each other,” I mumbled and kicked a small stone to get rid of the awkwardness.

“That’s true but I can’t get to know you if you keep pushing me away.”

“Give me a week,” I said and watched his eyebrows furrow.


“A week for me to figure it out. You can have my number and we can get to know each other. But I’m not promising you anything,” I said and grabbed his phone.

“You do know that our separation is just going to be like slow torture? Especially for me,” he said as he took his phone and stared at the screen.

I nodded. I knew what happened, but I did not have the guts to leave with him. I was a coward.

"And you want us to text like some middle school couple..." He sighed. "Guess torture is the method we are going for,” he mumbled to himself while putting his phone back into his pocket. “How do I know you’re not running away?” He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. For a man who barely knew me, he certainly caught up on my habit of running away from my own problems.

“I won’t,” I said and bit my lip. Was it the truth? I myself didn’t know. I’d only know when the day came.

“I’d find you. Don’t even try,” he said in a low voice that sent shivers down my spine. It almost felt like a warning, maybe it was. But was I willing to take that big step? Move to another pack, fight some bimbo, and hide my past from Damian.

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