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Chapter Fifteen

Shae’s P.O.V

I laid on my bed in tears. I haven’t stopped crying since I got back from New York. I keep reading over Darien’s text and bursting into tears. I couldn’t even celebrate the fact that my album already reached a million copies! It was Saturday and I’ve been cooped up in my room since I landed on Friday. I couldn’t even respond to his text and he hasn’t even tried messaging me. It hurts so much like my chest is aching as if there’s water trapped in my lungs and I’m suffocating from the lack of air. I told everyone that I have the flu so I could avoid talking to anyone. I’ve just been secluding myself and writing music. Andy has dropped off food and snacks at my door but I haven’t eaten anything. But now, I think all this crying is giving me a fever and making me sick. My head is throbbing, my nose is red and runny, and my eyes are bloodshot. I even threw up due to a lack of nutrients.

But what hurt the most was seeing Darien’s latest Dior photoshoot with Melanie Goncalves. It was so sexy and now there are pictures of them out and about in LA, grabbing lunch, drinking coffee, and walking down the street laughing and chatting. I cried even harder. Guess he moved on. I understand that he’s angry but, ugh! I don’t even know what to say even more. I’m fucking scared!

There, I said it.

I would’ve told him but, I’ve been lying to myself and denying everything that went down between Peter and me. I’m still insecure when it comes to relationships. I know I need to be honest with him but God, why can’t he just listen to me and understand that when the time comes, we’ll be able to go public and he can show me off. I understand that he’s sad and angry and lying to his close friends but why can’t he just understand? But now, he’s hanging out with a fucking model! Do you see her? She’s fucking pretty! I threw my phone and cried harder.

“Alright. What the fuck is going on?” Andy demanded coming into my room. I gasped and hiccuped. “You’ve been crying like hell...now tell me what the hell is wrong.” He said softer. I froze...he is my brother. Step or biological, family first. Blood is thicker than water. Even if he isn’t blood but eh, you get the point.

“Umm...I umm...” I sighed. “Alright...Darien and I have been secretly dating for the past five months. We got into sort of an argument and we broke up on Monday. We haven’t spoken since and now he’s hanging out with that model; Melanie Goncalves! I’m so..so...” I cried harder. He was shocked.

“Oh sis,” He said hugging me.

“You’re not mad that we’ve been lying to you?”

“Well, I’m pretty sure you have a reason...even if I am hurt that you had a boyfriend all this time you whore and you didn’t tell me!” He faked hurt and I giggled.

“Sorry...but I had my reasons.” I sighed. “Manslut.” I threw in.

“Yours?”

“Yeah...that’s why we broke up. He thinks that I’m ashamed of him because I want us to be a secret.”

“Why do you want it to be a secret?”

“Because... I wanted my career to boost up and have people paying attention to me, not my private life. You know how the industry likes to only focus on who women are fucking and not their achievements but I didn’t want that.”

“Okay...but you’ve been like the biggest star for months now. You’ve transitioned perfectly and smoothly into your career. What else is holding you back?” He raised an eyebrow.

I hesitated.“P-peter.” I stuttered and he looked confused. I sighed and began telling the tale of the magnificent Peter Smith.

“Well Peter Smith is definitely an ass but you can’t keep basing your relationships off of him.” Andy sighed.

“I know.” I groaned. “I just feel so insecure in relationships because of him and Miranda. She always has to ruin something good for me.”

“Now honestly, Miranda is jealous of you, we all know that. And Peter was an idiot. A hormonal teen dummy. But fuck them both. Don’t let people rule your life. Don’t give them any energy. Do you and live your truth, sis. Darien is a guy, he just wants to show you off. I feel him. If I couldn’t feel up on Cass while staring daggers at other guys, I’d go crazy.” He joked and I laughed. “Call him and fix things because I don’t like seeing you sad. And I’ll keep your secret...the secret that I was catching on to.” He winked,

“Catching on?” My eyes widened.

“Seriously? ’Oh..I’m going to go to the bathroom to fix myself.’” He said mimicking me. “Two minutes later what does Darien say? ’Oh, uh. I gotta pee...’” He said, mimicking Darien’s deep voice. “Yeah, I was catching on and I’m sure Dylan knows as well. I pay attention to everyone. Sounds creepy but that’s how you remember things.” He shrugged.

I whined.“Of course, you two would know!” I rolled my eyes.

“Don’t be mad, sis.” He smirked, “Now, go hit the showers and I’ll tell D to come over.” I gaped at him.

“No!” I begged.

“Yes,” He sang as he left. Ugh, I hate him!

***

Darien’s P.O.V

I yawned and rolled over to my side. I touched something warm and I jerked backward, nearly falling onto my ass. What the? I looked up and noticed that it wasn’t my room. I looked down at Melanie’s sleeping figure and my eyes widened. I quickly lifted the blanket and sighed in relief when I noticed that we were still dressed.

“Oh morning.” She yawned.

“Uh hey. Why am I here? What happened last night?” I asked confused.

“Oh...you fell asleep after the movie and I didn’t want to wake you..and whatever.” She trailed off.

“Oh...well thanks. I was really tired last night and probably would’ve crashed driving home.” I laughed awkwardly. “But uh, I’m going head out.” Her features slightly dropped before she smiled again. She got out of the bed, wearing short shorts and a silk tank. I shrugged, It didn’t even turn me on. I’m single and should mingle but nope, she’s still on my fucking mind! I left Melanie’s condo discreetly and drove home. I got home and showered, wondering how to spend my Saturday afternoon.

My phone rang and I picked it up, seeing Andy’s name flash across the screen. “Hey bro,” I greeted.

“Hey.” He said cooly.

“Sup?” I asked. He usually just texts me to hangout.

“Can you get your ass over here and make my sister stop crying?” He said with a slight smirk in his tone. “And don’t fucking bother lying, I know your little secret.” He teased before getting serious again. “But she’s been crying and isn’t eating,”

“She’s not eating? Fuck!” I muttered, angry at myself.

“No, now come fix this shit. See you soon bro.“He hung up and I threw my phone on the bed. I was still upset but if my baby wasn’t taking care of herself, that isn’t good. I don’t want her hurting herself. I slipped on my vans and grabbed my keys before running out of the house. I sped to her house and when I got there Andy opened the door immediately before I ran to Shae’s room. I swung open the door as she was putting on her bra. She gasped, dropping the material and holding her chest in a reflex. Her wet hair cascaded around her shoulders and she looked ethereal.

“You’re not eating?” I asked, shaking my head. She sighed and dropped her gaze like a lost puppy.

“I have no appetite.” She looked tired, frail, and had bags under her eyes.

“Yeah, Andy told me and told me to come over,” I said softly.

“I know.” She croaked out. She turned around, only in her underwear, and bent over to grab her clothes. If it wasn’t for the situation we were in, I’d have my hands all over her. She grabbed my sweatshirt and a pair of cotton shorts. She dressed before throwing her hair up into a messy bun. “No need to put makeup on now.” She muttered to herself. She didn’t want me to know that she’s been looking like this?

“So...what do you have to say?” I asked, referring to my text. She shrugged and I rolled my eyes. “Then why am I here? I don’t want to get angry, Shaeleigh.”

“Does it look like I wanted to get you angry?! I have my reasons that I want us to be private and why can’t you just accept that?!” She said, raising her voice a little.

“Well you are and I feel like your reasons are lies! Do you even want to be with me?! It’s like you’re fucking ashamed of me!” I said and I noticed she was crying.

“How could you think that?” She whispered. “Darien, you mean so much to me! So fucking much!”

“Then why don’t you show that? Why don’t you let the world know that I’m yours and you are mine? Why is this still a secret?” I said gesturing between us.

“Why are you so worked up over this?!”

“Because I feel like everything is such a lie. That all of this is bullshit!” I yelled and she cried. “Maybe you’re just using me! So many things run through my head when I think of this but I don’t want to believe it. But now I’m so mixed about it all!” I yelled.

“See! See why I don’t want to be in a fucking relationship!” She yelled. What?

“What are you talking about?”

“It’s Peter all over again. All fucking over again!” She said more to herself.

“Who’s Peter?” I asked, confused.

“My ex! The reason why I want to keep this private!” She sighed as her tears spilled everywhere.

“What does he have to do with this?”

“Plenty! He ruined my view on relationships and it’s so hard to try and come back from that!” She cried out. Peter? Do I know him?

“How?” I asked calmer.

“He hurt me. Hurt me so bad. And now I’m scared and insecure about dating. I feel like every guy I date is going to turn out like Peter. It’s like I have PTSD and trust issues.” She pulled at her hair. “I feel like I’m going to do something to screw up or I’m not going to do something that you like and you’re going to get angry with me and go off. Or that you’ll sleep with the girl who hates me or someone prettier than me...and just hurt me as Peter did. And that’s why.” She whispered the ending. “I don’t want the world to know of our relationship then have something like that repeat again and then the entire world is going to know of what happened and I’m going to be embarrassed and ashamed. I just can’t have that happen again. It was so hard even agreeing to be your girlfriend. That’s the reason I wanted it to be a secret. Because I wanted to be able to get to that point where I can finally feel safe and secure. Like where I really trust you and can forget about everything Peter Smith did.” She said, crying harder and I felt bad. My heart broke a little.

“What uh...what did he do?” I asked, crouching to her level.

“We dated in middle school until sophomore year. Remember, he went to the academy before transferring?” She said and I kind of remembered. I mean I was so wrapped up in being the high school it boy. “Anyways, once we got thigh schoolol, he wanted to be cool like every guy and lose his virginity because everyone else was. He tried to get us to have sex but I wasn’t ready yet. He always tried and one day he got fed up, he verbally attacked me and I thought he was going to hit me like...like my dad.” She whispered and both anger and sadness coursed through my veins. “He went to a party, got drunk, high, and slept with Miranda. She told him lies about how I could’ve been using him and messing around with other guys and that was why I didn’t want to fuck him. But he didn’t know that I was planning on doing it with him that night. That it was going to be special. He came over, told me off, told me what Miranda said and I was so hurt and upset for weeks-- I did some...regrettable things... He then uh...overheard Miranda and her friends talking about how she lied to him and used him to bring me down. He came to apologise but I was done. He ruined me...he made me so sad. I had gone through so much with my father that I thought he’d make things better but he ruined me. And dating. So whenever a guy would want to get with me, I turned them down. I didn’t know if I could bear that again, if it were to happen.” She said sadly. She looked like it was taking everything in her to say this out loud.

“Babe, I’m so sorry--” I started.

“I didn’t want anything to do with relationships but then you came and I thought, it’s my senior year. It’s time to take a risk. It’s time to take back my life and live my truth. And, I did that but that small part of me was still nervous, so I made the secret thing so I could see if this would actually work. And if it did, I’d be happy to flaunt our relationship. To flaunt you but I just needed time! That’s all I needed. And now, you’re acting just like Peter. He wanted us to have sex and its equivalent to how you’re presurring me to go public. And that’s what I was afraid about.” She whispered the last part again and I felt like a dick. Why didn’t she tell me? I feel like shit.

“Sha-” She put a hand up to stop me.

“It’s fine. This is how it’ll always be...no guy will want me because I always scre-” I growled and picked her up throwing her on the bed. I pinned her down and got on top of her. She widened her eyes,

“Shut up. Cut the bullshit. Any guy would be crazy to want you! You’re beautiful, sexy, caring, sweet, tempting, amazing!” I shouted. “Baby, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re also funny, smart, kind, stubborn, crazy and the list goes on. You can’t keep thinking every guy is going to pull a Peter Smith on you. Peter Smith was an asshole. I now remember him, he moved away the summer after sophomore year. Guessing you’re the reason he left?” I said and she nodded “Well he’s an ass and I won’t ever make you feel small. I just wish you would’ve told me. I wouldn’t have pressured you. You know people jump to conclusions when they’re angry...but baby, I was just hurt because I didn’t know. I’m so sorry that I hurt you.” I went to kiss her but she moved her face.

“Just because you’re saying all of this, it doesn’t mean that things are better now. You still really hurt me. Made me feel like a lying whore and then those pictures and you two hanging out..” She trailed off and silent tears fell. What?

“What pictures?” I asked confused.

“Of you and Melanie Goncalves! You’ve been hanging out-- Its all over twitter. Everyone keeps saying that they ship the two of you.” She sighed. “I thought you moved on. Considering you didn’t answer my call.” She looked down shyly.

“You called me? I had my phone with me all week, I never received a call from your number”

“Well, I did. Look.″ She said grabbing her phone and going to the call log. She did call me twice.

“Why didn’t I receive them? I didn’t block your calls...” She grabbed my phone and went to the do not disturb tab. Her name was on the list. The only one there.

“Then why does it say baby girl here?” She asked.

“Babe, I don’t know. I was waiting for you to call my phone all week.” I said truthfully. She furrowed her eyebrows before turning angry.

“Did that bitch have your phone?” She asked

“Who?”

“Melanie!” She said with aggravation.

“Umm...once? She wanted to do some new trick she said. About an app or whatever.” I said.

“Well...yeah she probably blocked it. She probably noticed the ‘babygirl’ name...ooo, I could kill a b-” I kissed her, shutting her up.

“Shut up. I don’t care. You’re the only one for me, baby girl. Forever and always. Yes, I get angry with you and we fight, but that’s what couples do. It’s because I love you. You drive me crazy and I stay because...I love you. God, I fucking love you.” I breathed out and it felt like a weight was lifted off my chest. Her eyes widened before she flipped us over and crashed her lips on mine. I groaned and squeezed her hips. She was in charge and for once, I didn’t mind at all.

“I love you too,” She whispered. I smiled up at her red dimple cheeks. I kissed both dimples and then pecked her lips.

“Now, I really am sorry and we can wait until you’re ready.” I said

“Baby, I think I’ve reached that stage... but honestly. I love the thrill of sneaking around and I want to keep our little secret up for a little while more.” she smiled evilly.

“Why?” I asked.

“For little Miss Goncalves.” She said and I rolled my eyes. What’s up with girls and getting revenge?

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