I had my headphones on, softly dancing and singing along to my music as I walked through the hallway. Yesterday, I was exhausted but today; I was a ball of energy. I had gotten so much sleep last night, I think I’m good for the next two nights.
“La di da...La di da Ooh!” I was singing like I was home, in the shower. I didn’t care right now.
“Nice voice.” Someone said as they tapped my shoulder. I jumped about 10 feet in the air and held onto my chest, my heart beating erratically. I turned around to see Darien staring into my soul like he was drinking me in. God, he was so attractive.
“Whoa there! You scared the shit out of me!” I took a deep breath. “And uh, thanks...I guess.” I finished as I fidgeted my fingers.
“No problem.” He said scratching the back of his neck. “So... what’s up?”
“Erm...” I replied as I looked towards the ground. God, Shae, stop being shy! I mean, I barely know him, how could I have a normal conversation with him?
“Erm?” He asked, chuckling. A little smirk played on his lips and his teeth were so clean and straight.
“I’m sorry. I need to use the ladies’ room.” I said as I felt my face heat up. What the fuck was that? Why do I always chicken out when he tries talking to me?!
I opened the bathroom door and saw Miranda picking at her face. I softly scoffed and debated walking further in. I’m definitely not in the mood for her shit.
“Ugh.” She said as she looked me up and down. Is that the only direction her head knows how to go?
“Whatever,” I said rolling my eyes and walking out. I quickly jumped backward as I saw everybody running. What the hell?
“OMG SHAE COME SEE!” Some girl grabbed my wrist and dragged me towards the bulletin board. Top 10 Hot Senior Girls. The list read and I rolled my eyes. This shit was ridiculous. I peered at the list.
Shaeleigh, Miranda, Cassandra, Kayla, Amy, Jessica, Brittany, Laila, Penelope, and Marsha.
Cool. Wait, what? My name was first?! Is this real?
“AAH!” We heard someone dramatically scream. We all turned to see Miranda, angrily staring at the board like a hungry ogre, ready to attack. “WHO MADE THIS LIST?! I SHOULD BE NUMBER ONE!” She shouted.
“Nah...Shae is sexier.” Some random person yelled out from the back of the hall. I smiled softly.
“Fuck you Shaeliegh!” Miranda screeched.
“Oh sorry. I’m not into you like that.” I said and she turned red and stormed off. Everyone laughed and I smirked. I spent time in Hollywood as a child and have the biggest asshole in the world as a father. I know how to be a bitch when I want to.
“Told you you were hot,” James said, sneaking up behind me. I turned around and smiled before we hugged tightly.
“I’m shocked,” I replied honestly.
“Shouldn’t be hot stuff,” Dylan said. “Number one and three! My girls made the top 5.” He said draping his arms around Cassandra and me, kissing both of our cheeks.
“But Cass should have been number two,” James said and we all agreed.
We walked to the cafe and everyone was looking over at us, smiling. This is so stupid. It’s a list that we’re going to forget until we open up our yearbooks ten years from now. I rolled my eyes as some guys made suggestive faces and some girls praised us whilst others sent us death glares.
It made my heart skip a beat. It’s moments like these where I want to shed my shell, lose the secret identity, and be the confident person I know I can be. It just sucks when your mindset is so warped and you don’t feel the way people see you.
All my life, people have said that I am beautiful, pretty, even sexy! I used to believe it as a child but the trauma forced me into thinking I was average and then on top of trying to stay out of the limelight, it’s become a repetitive action to downplay myself.
But sometimes, I just want to push my insecurities aside and show the world who I truly am, inside out. Not just my looks but my talents, my truth.
We passed by Darien’s table and he was already looking up at me. I cheekily smiled and looked away. Why can’t I just talk to him? I’ve spoken to runway models for God’s sake! I mean he is basically this school’s personal runway model but ugh!
“Whats up Shae?” Cass asked.
“Nothing.” I lied as I averted my eyes.
“Huh,” she raised her eyebrow and I ignored it.
I was both happy and saddened that Shaeliegh didn’t want to talk to me. I was happy because I would’ve choked. Seriously if it was any other girl, I probably wouldn’t have cared. But she was different. Her energy was so alluring, I wanted to get lost in her.
However, I was sad because I couldn’t even talk to her. My body and mind were two different entities! My legs carried me to her but my brain would shut off when I stood right in front of her. What was wrong with me? I never had an issue picking up girls. I watched her and her friends exiting the building after school and I thought it was a perfect opportunity to talk to her. I really just want to ask her out.
I wonder what she would say? Would she say no? Would she say yes? Would we last if she said yes? Would we have an amazing relationship...or would it be a fling? I don’t want just a fling with her though.
You’ll never know until you ask her.
“What was that at lunch?” Cass asked as we laid on my bed after school.
“What?” I asked her, confused.
“The whole...blushing and mind blankness.”
“What! You can’t even see my face turning red! So, I wasn’t doing anything.” I lied.
“Shae.” She whined and laughed.
“Fine!” I gave in after a while. Darien came up to talk to me but I chickened out and ran away like a bum! Then at lunch, he was looking at me and I couldn’t stop blushing and now I’m embarrassed. Also, I was thinking about coming out of my shell. As much as I hate to say it, that list actually gave me a confidence boost.”
“Oh wow, that’s funny.” She laughed and I shoved her slightly. “But, girl, calm down! He probably thought it was cute! Some guys like the whole ‘awkward’ thing.” She said with more giggles before continuing. “And seriously?! Like full-on, pushing past your traumas, I’m a bad bitch, and the daughter of one of the world’s most famous fashion designers?! Like, you want the world to know that...I am so here for it!” She squealed.
Cass has been wanting me to stop downplaying myself forever. “Yeah yeah all of that but Cass, what if he tries to talk to me again tomorrow?” I groaned.
She rolled her eyes, “I don’t know...um...talk back? Pull-on your big girl panties! It’s not like he’s Justin Bieber, or Harry Styles...or Idris Elba...Micahel B Jord--”
“I think I get it!” I said laughing. She would’ve named every attractive male celebrity if I didn’t cut her off.
“I know. Just felt like naming sexy people.” She said laughing. “Plus, you’ve met Harry Styles! You’re telling me that you can’t speak to a regular high school boy?!” She tsked.
“But he’s a hot regular high school boy that I see every day. That’s the problem.”
“You’ll be alright. Just be yourself, yourself is amazing you bad bitch!”
“Shut up and let’s head downstairs. Mariel dropped off some clothing from my mom’s line in Paris!” I said smiling. I just wanted to change the conversation.
“Okay!” She said excitedly. “So about the whole shell thing.” She said as we walked downstairs. Here we go.
“Yeah, I feel like I should drop the identity. I’ve been hidden from the limelight since I was like ten! I’m almost eighteen and it’s getting harder. Plus, there are things that I want to do and a certain lifestyle that I want to live. I just want people to know the real me.”
“Okay, but as Shannon Reeves’ daughter or just know you as Shaeleigh? The hottest girl in school?”
“Both. But, I want to start off slowly, maybe as just Shaeliegh first.”
“Great. I’m happy that you’re doing this.” She said happily as she hugged me tightly.
“Thanks. Anyways this is cute!” I said holding up a pair of mustard yellow high waist flared pants.
“It is! And there’s two!” She squealed.
“Yay! Mom probably knew we both liked it and added two.” I said. My mom always sent double of everything for Cass.
We continued looking through the box until we each had equal amounts of clothes. Being the daughter of one of the biggest fashion designers in the world is amazing.