To Have Loved...

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Another Chance

I entered my apartment not knowing if what just happened really happened. Did Ian really confess his feelings to me? Did he ask me on a date to start over? I had to pinch myself to be sure I was awake.

I headed to my bedroom since it was so late to get ready for bed. After changing into my nightgown, I heard my phone beep indicating a message was left. I went back to the kitchen where I left my phone on the counter and opened it up.

There was a text from Ian: “I can’t wait until Friday. I-”

I decided to text him back: “I can’t wait either. S-“

“Are you sure we can’t go out tomorrow?” he replied.

I shook my head and chuckled to myself. “Yes, I’m sure, but…”

“But… Come on, you can’t leave me hanging :P”

“But maybe we could hang out around here?!?”

“I would love to…as long as I’m with you. <3”

“See you tomorrow…goodnight Ian.”

“Goodnight Sarah. x”

I fell back onto my bed and hugged my phone to my chest. This is really happening…am I willing to give this another chance? Absolutely! My mind was running a million miles an hour with so many thoughts that it took quite awhile before I finally fell asleep.

I woke up to my phone ringing, but I couldn’t find it at first. After digging through my blankets, I found it and noticed it was my mom calling.

“Morning Mom,” I said still half asleep.

“Good morning sweetie. Did I wake you, you sound tired?” she asked.

“Yeah you did, but it’s OK,” I answered with a yawn.

“It’s after 10, so it’s about time you get up anyways,” she said with a chuckle and I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, yeah,” I mumbled.

“So the reason I called is to see how you are doing since Ian moved in next door.”

“I’m doing fine Mom. I actually spent the evening with him and some of our old friends last night,” I answered her.

“Oh that is so good to hear. Are you two getting along?”

“Yes Mom, we are. In fact…” I paused. “We are actually going to hang out today and we are going on a date next Friday night.”

“A date?” she questioned.

“Yes, a date. We actually had a really good conversation last night after everyone left and he admitted he still had feelings for me. He wants to start over to see where it will go. I agreed to go, but I still am not sure if it’s the right thing,” I rambled on.

“Oh honey, I think this a good opportunity. It won’t hurt to go out at least once and if you can’t connect after that, then maybe you can find closure and move on easier,” she said.

“Yeah, I guess you are right. I’m guessing you have talked with Emily this week. She said something very similar before she left here last weekend,” I chuckled.

“OK you caught me. Sarah, we just want the best for the both of you and we both feel you belong together and have hopes you can work it out. But, before you say anything, I won’t keep pushing it and it’s up to you to figure out what you need to do.”

“Thank you Mom. I do want this to work out this time, but I think I will always have this fear that something will happen again and I’ll be left even more heartbroken that I was.”

“That’s always a risk, but you won’t know if you don’t take it.”

“I know.”

“Well, I will let you get up and get moving. Love you sweetie.”

“Love you too Mom. Bye for now.”


I hung up the phone and decided to get dressed for the day. I jumped in the shower, got dressed in some leggings and a baggy blouse, brushed my teeth and hair and headed to the kitchen for breakfast or an early lunch since I noticed it was now after 11.

I just finished eating and was cleaning up the kitchen when I heard a knock on my door. Since no one buzzed to come up, I knew it was Ian and my heartbeat picked up and I suddenly was nervous.

I went to the door and opened it up and sure enough, Ian was standing there looking handsome as ever. As soon as he locked eyes with me, he gave me that gorgeous smile showing me his dimples that I love.

“Hi Princess,” Ian said using my old nickname he gave me. Sarah means princess, so he has always liked calling me that.

“Hi,” I said. “Um…come on in,” I continued and stepped aside so he could come through the door.

“So are you still up for hanging out today?” he asked as I closed the door.

“Of course I am,” I replied nervously. “Do you have anything in mind to do?”

He chuckled a little and replied with a smirk on his face, “I have a few things we could do.” He winked at me and I knew what was on his mind and I shook my head.

“I’m sure you do,” I said with a smirk on my face.

“We could watch a movie, go for a drive and talk or go the park and walk around like we used to,” he offered up some suggestions. I could tell he was nervous as well as he kept shifting from foot to foot and looking down as he spoke.

“How about we start with a movie and popcorn and see what happens afterwards?” I asked.

“That sounds good and I’ll even let you pick the movie,” he said.

I knew picking the movie I was going to would stir up some old feelings, but I wanted Ian to know that I was serious about trying to start over. I went to my movie shelf and pulled out the DVD and put into the machine. As it was loading, I went and started a bag of popcorn in the microwave.

When I came back to the living room, Ian looked over to me and offered me the spot right next to him on the couch. I walked over and sat down with a little space between us.

Pure Country…huh?”

“Yep, it’s been awhile since I’ve seen it and you kind of got me thinking about it again,” I said thinking about his song request when he was in my music group.

I hit play, and we watched the movie and ate popcorn together. Somewhere during the movie, Ian’s arm ended up around my shoulders and the space between us was completely gone. My head was lying on his shoulder by the time ‘our song’ was sung near the end of the movie.

“Sarah…I’m so sorry, about everything. I want you to know that I wish that was me singing to you as everything he is saying, I want to say to you,” Ian said quietly resting his head on top of mine as the song was finishing up.

I sat back a little so I could look into Ian’s face. “Ian, don’t apologize. We both agreed to take a break back then, even though I admit that I regretted it from the moment we left that diner.” I paused a moment and before he could speak again I said, “I regretted it even more when I asked you come to the wedding and realized I wasn’t over you.”

“I didn’t help when I kissed you in the hotel room,” he stated. “You don’t know how much I wanted to run after you in the airport, but I willed myself to keep walking to my terminal and move on. I still ask myself why I didn’t give in to my feelings, but we can’t change the past.”

“You’re right, we can’t change it. Maybe we needed these last few years apart to realize what we really want and grow up a little. I know you dated around and I did the same, but I guess I couldn’t help but compare them to you and I couldn’t let myself be fully into the relationship with anyone.”

“I agree and I feel the same way. I think I ended up with Olivia because she was so different from you and I thought that was my way to finally move forward with my life. But after I ran into you, all those feelings came back and I couldn’t be happy with her anymore. I tried…God I tried for how many months, but I couldn’t. I know that wasn’t fair to her, but I know now that we never would have worked and she wasn’t happy with me either.”

“Why do you say that?” I asked out of curiosity.

“She was cheating on me, but I never confronted her on it until the day I left. I originally thought it was a one-time thing, but it wasn’t.”

“I’m so sorry Ian,” I said with sympathy, but I couldn’t help but smile. He gave me a funny look and I said, “OK, I’m not that sorry. Is it wrong I’m kind of happy that happened?”

“No, it’s not wrong,” he said with a small laugh himself. “I wasn’t kidding though a few weeks ago when I said I should have left her a long time ago.”

“I know you weren’t, but would it have made a difference between us at that time? I don’t think it would have, but I’m glad to be here right now,” I looked in his eyes and bore my soul to him at that moment.

Next thing I know, Ian’s lips are pressed against mine and I closed my eyes to enjoy the feeling that is running through me at this very moment. His tongue moved over my lower lip, but I didn’t give in until he bit my lip and I gasped allowing him to kiss me deeper and more passionately. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me closer with his ‘good’ arm.

After finally coming up for air, he leaned his forehead against mine and we sat in silence for several minutes just listening to our breathing. I was the first to move away and got up to take the empty bowls to the kitchen, but he grabbed my hand stopping me.

I looked down at our hands and relished in the feelings it brought back. His touch still feels almost electrical and I didn’t want to ever let go. But stupid me, I pulled my hand away and nearly ran to the kitchen. I leaned against the sink after dropping the bowls in it and closed my eyes thinking about the kiss we just shared.

“Sarah? Are you OK?” I heard him ask from behind me.

I nodded my head and took a deep breath before turning around to face him. He was leaning against the entryway to the kitchen and even with the casts still on his arm and leg, he looked like a Greek God standing there.

I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his torso and he wrapped his arms around my back. I laid my head against his chest and he set his chin on top of my head. I could feel his heartbeat, and it helped calm me down.

We went back to the living room after several minutes and talked a lot more about our time apart and what we did over the last several years. I told him about my summer abroad, talked about the guys I dated and about my family and so much more. He told me about his schooling, the Police Academy and all the girls he dated as well.

It was really, really great to catch up and I couldn’t keep the smile off of my face the rest of the afternoon. We ordered take-out for dinner and watched another movie, a comedy this time. We also spent a lot of time ‘making out’ on the couch and it seemed neither of us could get enough of each other, but we managed to keep it PG.

He said ‘goodnight’ late into the night and went back to his apartment. I already missed his touch, but I went to bed with a smile and had no trouble falling asleep and had some amazing dreams.


It was Friday afternoon and I was supposed to be finishing up some paperwork before I left work for the day. The problem was I couldn’t stop thinking about Ian and the past week.

We spent Sunday back in New Salem with our families as it was Mother’s Day. Mom had told Emily about us spending time together and they insisted on having dinner together, so I drove us to my parents’ place and both families enjoyed the evening together. Emily and Mom asked us a lot of questions, but we limited our answers – they didn’t need to know everything.

Nearly every evening, we spent time together at either his place or mine after work. He did get a job with the Bismarck police department, but was starting in a desk job until he was fully recovered. He spent most of this past week in orientation and training.

Yesterday, he got both of his casts removed, but has to wear a walking boot on his right leg and a sling for his arm until fully healed. He isn’t happy about it, but I reminded him that it had just been over five weeks since the accident and he’s lucky he is healing that quickly.

Tonight was our first date since we decided to start over and my mind kept wandering over what to wear, or where were we going to go and how would the night end. I shook my head to stop the thoughts so I could finish my work.

When 5:00 hit, I was ready to go and I shut off my computer, grabbed my purse and locked my office before leaving. I said ‘goodbye’ to couple of other staff who were still around and finally headed home.

I had two hours to get ready as he was going to stop by at 7:00 sharp and seeing how excited Ian has been about this date, I know he will be here right on time. When I got home, I left my door unlocked, just in case I wasn’t quite ready so he could come in.

I jumped in the shower, washed my hair, shaved everywhere and rinsed off. I wrapped a towel around my body and another one around my head to dry my hair while I went to grab an outfit to wear. I decided on a red strapless cocktail dress and my black heals.

I went back to the bathroom, put on a strapless bra and lacy underwear before putting my dress on. I finished off the outfit with a rhinestone necklace and matching earrings. I dried my hair and decided to put it up. I sprayed a little perfume on my wrists and dabbed behind my ears. I finished with some light make-up.

When I finished and went back to the living room, I noticed I still had about fifteen minutes left before Ian would be by and I was proud of myself that I was able to ready quick enough. I hadn’t been on a real date in so long and I admit I was pretty nervous.

Right at 7:00, there was a knock on my door. I took a deep breath, wiped my hands on the front of my dress and opened the door. Ian was standing there dressed in a suit and looked so handsome. I noticed he was looking me up and down as well and I smiled a little.

“Wow…you look…you look amazing tonight,” he stuttered out.

“Thank you; you look pretty good yourself,” I replied before inviting him inside. “Let me grab my purse and we can go.”

I grabbed my purse and made sure I had my phone in it and took the keys off of the kitchen counter where I threw them when I got home earlier. I walked back over to Ian and he gave me a kiss on the cheek before taking my hand and leading me out of the apartment.

I was driving us tonight since he still cannot fully use his right leg and he still doesn’t have a car. He led me to the driver’s side and held the door open for me until I sat down and then closed the door before coming around to the passenger side. After he was settled, I asked him where we were going.

He told me the name of the restaurant and I took off. We talked a little on the way there, but most was driven in comfortable silence. When we arrived, he got out of the car and came around and helped me out like a true gentleman. I hooked my arm in his and he led me into the restaurant.

We were led to a small table and Ian held out a chair for me to sit down. The waiter asked us for our drink order and left to get us some wine and water. I looked over the menu and settled for chicken cordon bleu, while Ian decided on a small steak and potatoes. The waiter delivered our drinks and then took our orders.

“How was your day today?” Ian asked me after the waiter left.

“It was long,” I replied. “I kept thinking about tonight, so it was hard to focus the last half of the day,” I admitted.

“I know what you mean. I couldn’t get out of the office fast enough,” he said with a small laugh. “I was actually dressed for tonight shortly after getting home and then paced around the apartment for the last hour.”

I laughed a little at that glad to know I wasn’t the only one nervous and excited for tonight. “Glad to know I wasn’t the only one excited about tonight,” I told him.

“Thank you again for agreeing to go out with me,” he said.

“You are very welcome and I’m glad I agreed to do so,” I answered shyly.

After our food arrived, we ate dinner with small conversation. I kept catching Ian looking at me and I smiled to myself and often felt my cheeks heating up in a blush.

Throughout dinner, music was being played and several couples danced on the small dance floor they had. When we finished eating, Ian invited me to dance with him and I accepted. He held me close and I wrapped my arms around his neck while he wrapped his right arm around me. We didn’t move far because of his walking boot, but it was nice to be in his arms.

Eventually, we paid the bill and headed back to the car. Ian continued to be a gentleman until we arrived back at the apartment complex. He led me to my door and I unlocked it and stepped inside inviting him in.

The entire night was filled with tension and I think we both knew how this night would end. After setting my keys and purse on the table, Ian spun me around and pulled me in for a kiss.

We continued kissing all the way to my bedroom. I took off his suit jacket and loosened his tie as he kissed down my neck. I felt his hand reach around my back and unzip my dress where it fell to the floor. I unbuttoned his shirt and took it off and rested my hands on his chest.

He definitely is much more defined since I last saw him and I ran my fingers over his chest and abs as he continued to kiss and taste me all over. My breathing hitched when I felt him unclasp my bra and drop it to the floor.

He took his hand and slid his fingers up and down my back and brought it around my stomach and up to my breast where he ran his thumb over my nipple making me shiver all over. I could feel the electricity flow through our bodies as we continued to caress and taste each other.

I removed the rest of Ian’s clothes and he moved me to the bed. After sitting me down, he helped remove my shoes and kissed his way back up my legs. I felt his breath on my upper thigh as he continued kissing every inch of me. He pulled my panties to the side and I felt his tongue lick over my bud sending waves through my body and I arched my back to get even closer to him.

I felt him smile as I groaned at his movements. He pushed one finger inside of me and added a second. “My God baby, you are so wet for me,” he whispered and went back to licking and sucking. I didn’t last much longer after that and came all over his fingers as I screamed out his name.

He then pulled off my panties and climbed over me and kissed me deep and hard. I wrapped my arms and legs around him pulling him as close to me as possible. I felt his erection growing more and more and wiggled my hips against him causing him to groan. When he had enough, he leaned up and lined himself up against me and slowly entered until he was all the way in.

“Oh God Ian,” I moaned out as he began thrusting in and out. I could tell when he was getting close as he moved faster and deeper and our breathing became more rapid. “Don’t stop…I’m gonna come…oh my…aahhhh,” I cried out as another orgasm ripped through me followed by Ian spilling inside me.

He kissed me again as we came down from our high and then he rested his forehead against mine. “That was amazing baby,” he whispered. I couldn’t have agreed more. After a few more rounds, we finally fell asleep together. I have never been as satisfied with anyone until tonight and I don’t plan on letting this end any time soon.

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