To Love...

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"Don Juan" Pt. 1

Instead of going to lunch after Zach kept trying to hunt me down for the umpteenth time one day, I decided to jump on the computer. It had been a while since I logged on with everything going on, so I wanted to see what people were up to in other parts of the country. Maybe it would take my mind away from the real world for a bit.

I found a room that had about ten people in it, and they were talking about all sorts of things, but two people in particular were talking about love and how the one just started dating the new kid in school. I don’t remember exactly what they said, but I remember commenting at one point along the lines of ‘don’t get your hopes up too much.’

When asked why I would say that I told them how I thought I found the perfect boyfriend, until I caught him with another girl. I just wanted to warn the girl to take her time and really get to know the boy before talking about being in love and all that goes with it. They told me I was being a downer, and I didn’t comment again, but I didn’t leave the room.

After several minutes of just sitting there, I was invited to a private chat by someone named, Don Juan. I was curious, so I joined the chat.

Don Juan: I’m sorry you don’t believe in love…maybe I can help you believe again?

JPres77: Ummm…hi.

JPres77: How do you think you can help me?

JPres77: And I never said I don’t believe in love…

Don Juan: Oh, mi amor, you may not have said it directly, but I gathered from your comments that you have lost your faith in love after what happened to you.

JPres77: So, what if I have? I mean, when someone repeatedly tells you he loves you, but then screws around behind your back with someone else, what am I supposed to think?

Don Juan: I don’t blame you, and I fully understand why you would think that. But because one of us ‘screwed up’ doesn’t mean we all don’t mean what we say.

JPres77: So, you’ve never said ‘I love you’ to someone and not mean it?

Don Juan: Never… If I’m going to say ‘I love you’ to someone, I have to mean it.

JPres77: Have you ever said it to someone then?

Don Juan: Yes, to one woman, but like you, I lost her… to another man.

JPres77: Oh…I’m sorry.

Don Juan: Don’t be, it was a long time ago.

JPres77: OK… so, I am guessing you are not in high school anymore.

Don Juan: No, mi amor, I’m not.

JPres77: Why then are you talking to me?

Don Juan: Why not?

JPres77: Because I’m only sixteen and you could get in trouble.

Don Juan: How so? We are just talking.

JPres77: OK, so how old are you? Tell me the truth.

Don Juan: 29

JPres77: Bye now…

I logged off before he could respond. The bell rang shortly after and since I was in this room for my next class, I stayed sitting here waiting for the others to join me.

“Jackie…” I heard Zach say my name as he sat at the computer next to me. I saw Amber in the doorway, and I assumed they were just together, so I looked back at my computer screen, trying to ignore him. He looked in the direction I was looking in and shook his head turning back to me.

“Jackie, I know you are pissed at me, and you have every right, but you have to believe me when I say how sorry I am for what I did. I don’t want to throw away our time together.”

“It’s a little too late for that,” I whispered, trying not to cause a scene as others were coming into the room. “Besides, you have Amber now, so why are trying so hard to get me back?”

“I don’t have Amber and I don’t want Amber; I want you. She was nothing more than a… than a…”

“Than a piece of ass,” I finished for him. “Look, I’m sorry I made you ‘wait’ so long and made you hurt me in so many ways, and I forgave you for that, but I can’t forgive you for this, Zach.”

“Please, tell me what I can do to earn that from you. I miss you Jackie, and I will do whatever I need to to prove how much I still love you,” he pleaded.

“Now is not the time to discuss this,” I whispered just before the bell rang to start class.

“Fine, but we need to finish this discussion,” he whispered back.

We finished class in silence and when the bell rang, I ran straight to my next class.

The rest of the week went way too slow, so I was happy when Thursday’s classes ended that week, as we were off for Good Friday and the entire next week for Easter and spring break. I wouldn’t have to see anyone for an entire week and could finally take time to think about where I needed to go from here.

I needed to figure out what I was going to do about the baby, which would involve me having to talk to my parents and Zach at some point. I also needed to decide if I would give Zach another chance if he wanted to be with me after he finds out.

Both my parents were home for Easter and Mom made a ham dinner, which we ate together for the first time in a very long time. It was nice to be together, but no one really talked, so after I cleaned my plate, I excused myself and went for a walk since the weather was perfect. I cleared my head as best as I could and walked several miles before turning around and going back home.

“MOM!” I yelled when I came in the door. I decided on my walk to finally tell her everything.

“She’s not here,” Dad said when I came into the living room where he was watching TV.

“Where is she?”

“She got called in to work, again,” he said without looking away from the screen.

“Oh, OK,” I said and went to my room.

I fell on my bed and closed my eyes in defeat. I must have fallen asleep, because I woke up the next morning still in my clothes laying on top of my blankets. I took a shower, and before I got dressed, I looked at myself in the mirror. I was still pretty thin, but I could see some changes in my body, and I sighed. I threw on clothes and made myself breakfast after seeing both my parents had already left for work.

I forgot to mention that shortly after I broke up with Zach, I went and took my driver’s test and passed. My parents got me a small two-door car to get around the city. I don’t know if it was a pity gift after the break-up or a buy-off gift since they weren’t ever around.

I decided to drive to the library where there is a public computer lab. I brought along several dollars and exchanged them for dimes to use the computers and internet features. After waiting an eternity for the internet to connect, I logged in to the chat room. There were a handful of people on today, including the infamous Don Juan.

After our last conversation, I was curious about him and debated on inviting him to chat again, but before I could make a decision, I saw an invite pop up from the man himself.

JPres77: Good morning.

Don Juan: Good morning mi amor.

JPres77: Do you not work?

Don Juan: LOL Of course, I work, but it’s only eight in the morning here mi amor.

JPres77: Where is here?

Don Juan: California.

JPres77: Can I ask what you do for work?

Don Juan: I’m a businessman. I run my own company, so I can work when I want to.

JPres77: OK… that explains why you were on last week a little later.

Don Juan: LOL I usually work from nine to five, but I can be on here all day if I wish to be.

JPres77: Must be nice.

Don Juan: It is…

Don Juan: I’m surprised you accepted my invite. I thought you were avoiding me after our last conversation.

JPres77: Well, I was, but age is just a number, right? I mean, it’s not like we are going to meet IRL, so it’s just talk for now.

Don Juan: If that’s what you want, then yes, let’s just talk.

Don Juan: May I ask why you are on so early today?

JPres77: We are on spring break, so I came to the library. I only have an hour before I have to let someone else on.

Don Juan: Well then, let’s not waste our time… Tell me, mi amor, what happened to make you lose faith in love? I haven’t forgotten…

JPres77: I’ve already told you, my boyfriend cheated on me.

Don Juan: So, you did… now tell me the rest, I know there is more going on in the head of yours.

JPres77: Why do you want to know about my crappy life?

Don Juan: Because I’m a good listener, and I do want to help you, if you’ll let me…

For whatever reason, I believed him and told him about my family, about Zach, my friends, and even told him about the baby. He really did listen to me and responded with everything I needed to hear; if only it was from my parents and not some stranger online. He always knew what to say to make me smile and I did feel a little better by the time my hour was up on the computer.

We met online every day at the same time while I was on break, and each time we talked about my interests, my dreams, my family and more. I told him about me wanting to be a teacher someday, and he suggested some good colleges for that. He would tell me a little bit about himself: his job, living in California, his interests, and some family memories. He was always pretty vague, but he opened up more to me as the week went on.

I found myself looking forward to talking with him every day, and I hoped to continue to do so once I went back to school. We made a plan to meet during my study hall period, since the lab was open during that time. I told him I would confirm once school resumed.

******

“Little did I know that he would be my saving grace after I returned to school to face the biggest embarrassment of my life,” I told the doctor.

“Do you care to expand on that?” he asked me.

“Not today,” I shook my head.

“OK, I respect that,” he responded. “I will see you tomorrow then to continue.”

“I look forward to it,” I responded, sarcastically.

As I walked back to my cell, I admitted to myself that it was nice to get some of this off my chest. Other than Don, no one really knew about my past before him, and I kept it all pent up all these years. I can almost feel the weight come off my shoulders the more I talk.

Once I tell him about the last couple months of school, I can finally put it behind me once and for all. Then, it’s all about my life with Don…

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