I wake up, way too early as always. I think that the reason why I always wake up early these days is so i can go to the hospital early. You see, my dad is well.. He’s dying if we’re being completely honest. He’s suffering from cancer, and it wasn’t long ago that the doctors told us there wasn’t anything else they could do. So here I am, waking up early every morning so I can go see him.
″Mom, i’m going to see dad!″ I yell, as I get my sneakers on. I try to hurry before she comes down the stairs, but once again I’m too late.. Just like yesterday..
″But Dawn... You’re not even dressed, and have you eaten anything for breakfast?″ A sigh leaves my mouth as I hear her words.
″Yes i am..″ I mumble, as I look down at my sweatpants, that isn’t really sweatpants but more like pyjama pants.. ″Okay maybe i’m not, but no one will notice″ Noticing my mom rolling her eyes at my words, i walk towards my bedroom to get changed, knowing that she’ll never let me out of the house if i’m wearing this.This is why i wanted to get out before she could see me..
Once I’m dressed more appropriately I walk down the stairs again. And just as I reach the front door, I hear my mom’s voice again. ″You still haven’t eaten anything″
A sigh leaves my lips as I grab the door handle. ″I’m just gonna eat something at the hospital″ I say, before hurrying out before she can get to say anything else.
It doesn’t feel like my walk to the hospital takes that long, maybe it’s just because i’m listening to music as I walk there, or maybe it’s because i’m in my own little bubble. But that bubble burst as soon as i see a shoe come into my view. ″Oh uh, sorry″ I quickly say, as i look up to watch where i’m going.
As I look up, one of my earphones falls out of my ear, and then I’m met with a pair of green eyes. They’re dark green it’s like looking into a dark forest, and then the color turns into a light shade green. As if there’s a clearing where the sun meets the ground, before the dark circle of the iris comes into view. I feel like I swallow a big lump, as I finally notice the rest of his face.
Dirty blonde hair falls lightly over his forehead, almost reaching over his eyes. But he quickly pushes the hair to the side. His skin looks so perfect, with only a few barely noticeable freckles standing out.
And then he smiles at me, perfect teeth that look like something taken out of a toothpaste commercial. If I didn’t know any better, I would say that this guy right here was an angel. I mean, he sure looks like one, at least to me he does.
And so I feel my cheeks heat up as I realize that I’m staring at him, my mouth opens slightly and I feel like I want to hide in a dark cave and never come out again. The guy shakes his head, but his smile never leaves his lips, and then he walks away. Part of me wants to run after him and ask what his name is, but that would be weird. So I just stand here looking longingly after him, like a lost puppy.
I don’t know how long i’m standing here, but i get pulled out of the little haze i seem to be in as i feel a pair of hands on my shoulders. ″Dawn?″ I turn around to see Mary. She’s just one of the many nurses who’s always here. She’s one of the nice ones, and she always makes sure to check in on me whenever I visit my dad to make sure I’m okay.
″I thought that was you, now why don’t you come with me inside instead of standing out here in the rain″ She says to me, as she puts her hand on my shoulder leading me inside.
I just nod my head at her, as I follow her inside. I hadn’t even noticed the rain dripping down on me, as I stood here looking after some guy who probably was long gone by now. As we were about to step inside the hospital, i turn around one last time. I just.. I had to look, see if there was a chance that he was still standing there without me noticing him. But no, nothing..
Mary walks with me up to the floor where my dad is, before she leaves me in front of the door that leads into his room. ″Hey dad″ I say as I open the door.
My dad smiles at me as he sees me. ″Hey pumpkin″ I roll my eyes at his words, as walk over towards the chair beside his bed. He’s called me pumpkin, a classic pet name really but it comes from when i was about five when i wanted to be a pumpkin for halloween.. So I guess the nickname just stuck over the years.
″How are you feeling today?″ I ask him.
″I feel good, really good actually″ He smiles at me, before a cough leaves his lips. I just nod my head at him, and offer a small smile.
I know that he’s just saying that so that i won’t have to worry about him, and his health. But i know that he’s getting worse, i heard the doctors tell my mom that not too long ago. His time is running out, and soon enough I won’t have him here. Neither him nor my mom wants me to know that, but I do.
I do know. And that’s one of the reasons why I’ve neglected my friendships these past months. My dad always tries to talk to me about my friends, or well.. Old friends.. Asking me why I don’t see them anymore. I just lie to him and tell him that we’re talking everyday, and that most of them are out travelling this summer.
It makes him feel better, the thought of me having someone to hang out with. That way I have someone when he passes, a support system for when times get hard.
I know it’s crappy of me to lie to him, but he wants what’s best for me. And if I have to lie to make him feel better, then I will. He deserves to feel good. And for my mom? Well.. She knows I’m lying, but I told her not to tell my dad. She agreed to lie to him for me, but I know that she hates seeing me home alone.
Even my sister is pressing me to call my old friends, my brother too. But they just don’t get it.. I can’t go on living my life like I used to, before we got the news that there wasn’t anything else they could do to make my dad better. It was just a matter of time, and I just wanted my dad.
I just wanted the time to stop. Stop, so that i wouldn’t have to face the fact that i was losing my dad. He was my rock, and the person I was closest to. Guess we could call me daddys girl.