I am eighteen years old. I’m downtown, rocking out to some local bands brought together in a bar that I’m not supposed to be in. But my twenty year old friend Alice runs these rock nights, books the bands, and brings them together. And gets me in, every Thursday night.
I’m donning the schoolgirl rock outfit tonight, a little red plaid kilt, white knee socks, mary janes, and a black Guns N Roses baby tee. I’m sure there are eyes on me, but Alice is my date tonight. She never mixes business with pleasure, so never gets to frolic with any of the hot rockers on these nights.
I make it up to her after hours.
I lean on the bar and swig my beer, watching her lean over the soundboard. Her jeans look painted on, jet black hair woven in a thick braided rope hovering just above her ass. I can’t wait to wind it around my fist later.
A couple of the guys from the band that’s up next wander over to her. They look too young to be here, younger than me even. They don’t exactly look happy. I frown. These little dicks better not be starting shit at one of Alice’s shows. She works really hard to get these bands exposure. Have some respect.
I make my way over just in time, it seems, as I hear Alice screaming at them above the music to get the fuck out.
“You can’t kick us out, bitch, you don’t own this bar!” one of the three snot nosed punks cries back in her face.
“You guys have been nothing but trouble since I booked you, and I shouldn’t have!” Alice is about the same height as him, and unfortunately, not very intimidating. Not like I’m very intimidating either, but at least I know I can easily smash the kid’s face in. “Now get out, or I’ll have bar security throw you out!”
“Fuck you-” He starts to grab for her and I fluidly slide my way between them, facing him. I’m a little shorter than both of them, and he looks down at me with cynicism.
“She said get the fuck out.” I am able to say this calmly at a normal volume, as there’s a break between songs.
He sneers. “Honey, we’re having a conversation here-”
I grab his nuts and twist. He shrieks like a little girl just as the band starts up again, and no one is the wiser.
I hate being talked down to.
“Seph!” Alice cries from behind me, but I’m in the zone. I glance over my shoulder to see her scurrying off to get security. That means I don’t have much time.
Apparently, these little fuckers have the same idea as me.
One of the friends of crunch-nuts grabs me around the waist, and I reel my elbow back into his face. He shoves me forward and I slam into the other two hard enough that we all barrel onto the ground.
I quickly roll on top of one of them, don’t really care which, and start beating his face in.
Security is fast. They haul me, fists flying, up and out the door in about six seconds.
The three stooges quickly join me, screaming about how they just want their equipment.
“Maybe you should have thought of that before you were assholes to the host.” I spit the words. “Fucking dolts.”
“Seph, Christ!” Alice is in the doorway. “I can’t get you back in, stop it!”
“No worries, hon, I’ll catch up with you later.” My entire demeanor shifts as I sweet-talk her, complete with a little wave. She purses her lips. “Seriously, finish your show, it’s okay,” I promise. She shakes her head and disappears back inside.
One of the security guards is eyeing us through the door’s window. I flash him an award-winning smile.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Crunch-nuts seethes, obviously still in pain. “We were just talking to her.”
“Talking as in yelling. As in about to touch her.” My demeanor shifts back into bitch mode. “Which is not acceptable.” I make a fist, but one of his friends grabs my arm to stop me.
I try to hit him with my free hand, but unfortunately he’s stronger, and subdues me.
“Why don’t you all just get lost?” I ask, voice sounding bored. “You’re not going to do anything to me, or let me do anything to you. This is stupid.”
“We’re not leaving without our shit.”
“They’ll let you come back and get it tomorrow.” I roll my eyes. “If you weren’t retards in there then this wouldn’t have- oof!” I’m cut off when the asshole holding my arm shoves me down onto the sidewalk.
“You got kicked out too, bitch,” the third guy says, and I notice that he was the face that was bleeding from my ministrations.
“For a good cause.” I attempt to get up, but my vision explodes. I blink a few times, raising my hand to my temple, and realize that crunch-nuts has kicked me right in the head. “You mother-”
“HEY!” A loud female voice bellows, and the three of them suddenly take off running down the street. “Stop, fuckers!” A short navy blue-clad person darts across the street.
“Ah, here to ruin all my fun.” I groan sarcastically and lay down right in the middle of the sidewalk.
“Seph, your mom is going to have a heart attack if you keep this shit up.” Jade puts a hand on her hip and looks down at me maternally.
I roll my eyes. “If you keep telling her about it.”
“Should I even ask whether or not you were in that bar?” She extends a hand to help me up. I hesitate a moment, and then accept it. “I should really just call every single club in Toronto and tell them not to let you in. Taking your fake ID didn’t work.”
“You should be apprehending the club owners, not me.” I shrug. “It’s them that can’t say no to this.” I grab my tits and she shakes her head.
She looks like she’s trying not to smile. How many years have we had this banter, Jade?
“You’re killing me, Seph.”