I parked my car in front of our apartment hesitant whether to exit or take another drive to clear my head, my mind spinning with questions to the point of a migraine. I laid my head on the steering wheel and took a deep breath. I finally worked up the courage and got out of my car.
The strong wind blew making me shiver, I zipped up my jacket seeking warmth. The weather was gloomy mirroring my emotions. I looked up at the gray sky, it was crowded with angry clouds that were filled with heavenly rain; a storm was coming. With a heavy heart, I stood at the front door of our apartment t, I unlocked the door and there he stood smiling, oblivious to my own spiral, excitement in his eyes at the sight of me while mine held nothing but chaos.
I faked a smile and approached him, instantly his arms were around me providing needed heat. He pecked my cheek and tightened his hold.
“It looks like a storm is coming,” he stated while rubbing my back. I laid my head on his chest and hummed in agreement, too tired to talk.
He slowly untangled himself from my embrace, too soon for my liking. He moved gently to the fireplace and started the fire. I looked at the flames as they were dancing, freely moving to the beat of wood crackling.
“Joy?”, I looked up and Tanner who stood in his glorious body, the light of the fire kissing his face, at that moment he never looked any better with the gleaming brightness. His eyes glinting with happiness mimicking the atmosphere, “Did you hear me?” he questioned.
I shook my head and mumbled an apology.
“I asked if you are still cold because you are shaking like a leaf,” he repeated, worry filled his tone as he pointed at my hands. I looked down, my hands were shaking indeed. I rubbed them together dismissing his concern.
I sat across the fireplace as he sat next to me and pulled me closer to him, no distance between us but it didn’t feel this way.
“Tanner?” I called. His chest vibrated with a humming sound.
“Would you like to come with me tomorrow to the gym?” I asked voice full of hope.
“I don’t think so, babe. You know how busy I am.” He answered nonchalantly as he played with my hair, twirling it on his finger.
“I know that, Just once? Please?” I pleaded not giving up. He shifted his body and looked at me. “Why? I remember specifically you not wanting me to be there. Besides, my workout is different than yours, I can’t change my entire plan for you,” He finished looking apologetic.
I felt a tug at my heart, I masked my expression and plastered a smile that didn’t reach my eyes. “You’re right. What was I thinking,” I whispered voice breaking.
“Why were you late today?” He questioned a slight hint of accusation. “I needed a drive to clear my head,” I replied, listening to his steady heartbeat as my head was on his chest.
“I waited for you, you know?” His tone disapproving. “Next time, come straight home or text me if you want to be late,” He continued instructing me.
“I am sorry,” I mumbled but not really feeling sorry.
“You’ve been spending more time than required at the gym. Do you think that’s necessary?”, I sat up at his dissatisfied tone and threw daggers at him.
“Excuse me, as I remember clearly you are the one who encouraged me to do this,” I spoke in a harsh tone, “Not only that but also kept nagging me to go,” I continued while creating distance between us.
“What I meant is, I want to spend more time with you and I feel you don’t appreciate that. Don’t be selfish," his tone cruel and dismissive.
Is he fucking serious? Selfish? He is the one with the busy schedule and never has time off and he wants me to spend time with him at the expense of my gym time, just when I started to like working out.
“No, I am not selfish. But you know who is? Someone who can’t take some time off and want me to compromise my time at the expense of my health.” I argued throwing my hands. “Aren’t you supposed to be happy that I am actually committing this time?” I exclaimed angrily.
He let out an irritated sigh, annoyance flashing in his eyes, "Yes, maybe this time, but don't forget the numerous other times where you didn't follow through and you quit in a matter of days." he argued back in a harsh tone," or the countless times you failed and the various lazy excuses you've uttered before." he continued voice raising.
"What's wrong with you? You're supposed to be supportive, no matter how many times I quit before. Why are you acting like this?" my voice breaking with each word. I searched his face for some comfort, for some support, for anything to erase his disappointing words but what I found send shivers down my body, pure anger and disappointment shone in his eyes emphisazing his harsh features . He has never thrown my past in my fucking face like this.
Triggered by my words he strode towards me, his body visibly shaking with anger, eyes full of blinding rage, “What do you want me to say Joy? Huh?” face inches away, breathing hard. “Congratulation for going to the fucking gym and thank fucking fuck you are committing, so maybe, maybe next I can look at you when I fuck you.” He snarled, sarcasm dripping from his damaging words. His eyes widened the moment he uttered these words, regret masked his face. “I-I didn’t mea-,”
“Fuck you” I interrupted his pathetic stutter, venom and pain filled my voice as my tears blurred the vision of his guilty face, he took a step back still shocked of out came out of his mouth. “You don’t deserve me, none of me,” my voice wavered and broke at the end but I didn’t care at this point. He eyes hardened at my words then panic followed, “N-No, No, you’re not leaving me, I am sorry I didn’t mean It, I fucking love you, you’re my everything. Don’t do this, please” he begged, his voice so soft and broken, eyes pleading and begging as if he hadn’t whipped lashed me with his words earlier.
“You’re sleeping on the couch, I need my space. I will not leave you unlike you when I say I love you, I mean it” I whispered looking at the ground, choking at my pathetic sobs. I didn’t give him time to register my words as I marched to the bedroom, my hear shattering with each shaky step I take, tears blurring my vision, the booming sound of the slammed door filled the apartment. I sobbed quietly so hurt by his poisinous words. I kept replaying what he said till I had a hammer like migrane. I laid on our bed in a fatal position , his scent hit my nostrils so hard that my stomach flipped, I sobbed harder. The only thing filling the deafing silence in the room was my sobs and the sound of thunder to comfort me.
Last night was awful, I was crying the entire night, so was the sky. Tanner not once checked on me or tried to apologize. Even, in the morning he left early just to avoid me. I dressed in my gym clothes and got in my car, I turned on the engine but it won’t start, after several failed attempts I knew this was a dead end. I banged my head on the steering wheel, a cry of frustration filled the car. The sound of rain hitting the hood reminded me of the ugly storm outside. Great, just what I needed. I sent Tanner a text and informed him about the situation and called an uber.
There I stood soaking wet, head to toe, at the reception, mascara running down my cheeks, eyes puffy from last night, hair tangled and wet.
There she stood looking like a mess, a beautiful disaster, I wanted to scoop her up and hide her from the world and all the bad that’s in it. She was scanning the room looking for something, someone. Her soft gaze met mine, immediately I lost myself in her green eyes, they weren’t as bright as I wanted them to be. She smiled, but her eyes didn’t, they told a different story, those damn eyes always told me everything; answers to questions she can’t utter, secrets that shouldn’t unravel, stories that can’t be narrated and pain that must be hidden, they are my guide to reading her, they always have been, since the beginning where it all started, seven years ago. I curled my fist to maintain some self-control, not reveal too much than what has already been known, she’s clueless but not for long.
Are you enjoying my ongoing story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, farahishereWrite a Review