I think everybody was shocked seeing me up and about after...well after I lost my wolf. I think they expected me to cry around for atleast a few more days but I was in all honesty exhausted from crying.
Nobody had any idea as to why I lost Isis, apparently this doesn't happen very often. A werewolf losing their wolf is not unheard of, it happens or that's what my research showed. But it has only been recorded to happen in two situations: one, if the wolf deems it's human too unworthy and a serious danger to other creatures and decides to take away his natural advantage and two, if the wolf's mate dies.
It has never happened with a simple gunshot wound which is what makes my case unique. I know Isis didn't find me a danger to other living creatures, hell I was out there risking my life trying to save pack members! And I sure as hell didn't lose Callan...so nobody had a single clue as to why this had happened.
I was currently sitting in the pack house's kitchen, eating cereal for lunch. I know, unhealthy but after what happened to me, I could get away with murder right now. Every single wolf that comes into the kitchen looks at me with their eyes wide and mouth agap.
The news of the future luna losing her wolf didn't even need to be spread by word of mouth, everybody felt their connection with me dissolve into nothing...as it happens when a leader or a pack mate dies.
I guess I did die in a sense right? A werewolf without a wolf...I don't even know if I am a werewolf anymore.
I sighed again for the millionth time. I knew everybody expected me to act dead but they should learn by now to expect the unexpected with me.
I wasn't going to mope around day after day. I mourned for two days after finding out I lost my wolf, I still remember it as if it was yesterday, when woke up after I passed out on Callan after I found out Isis was gone.
Everybody was in my ward room, waiting for the wounded little puppy to wake up so they could look at her with pity and feel sorry for her. I hated it, the way my parents looked at me, the way Apollo and Sam looked at me...the way Callan looked at me, as if somehow I had lost everything in this world..my dignity, my sanity, my pride...my everything. I hated it...
But the thing that topped all this shit off was when Callan touched me and I didn't feel the sparks anymore. Yes ladies and gentlemen, the thing I wanted from day one since I found out I was Callan's mate happened...our bond was gone. He was no longer my mate and however much I tried to convince myself it was for the best, I couldn't help but mourn for the loss of my fated.
It was a lot, I admit which is why I allowed myself to cry for two days. I shut myself out, cried my eyes out and starved myself, hoping I would die. I ripped out the IV the doctors put in me inorder to sustain my body and I lashed out at everyone who looked at me like I was a dead person walking.
I cried for two days and then I collected myself. I held my head high, knowing even though I had lost Isis, I was still Anaïs. I didn't let their pity get to me instead I worked hard, trying to find an answer and a cure.
I was pulled out of my thoughts when someone cleared their throat near me. Unlike before, I wasn't able to tell who it was given my lack of wolf.
I looked up infront of me and found Callan standing there with the same "pity" look plastered on his face.
"Stop it" I said, my jaw clenched.
"Stop what?" He asked, unknowing of the look he was giving me. I rolled my eyes and dropped my spoon with a splash into my cereal bowl.
"Stop looking at me as if my world has ended and I'm about to die" I told him through gritted teeth. My words made him straighten out his stupid face and he cleared his throat once more.
"I was just surprised to see your here", he said, his voice low and calm. As if he was trying not to anger me...treating me like a ticking time bomb.
"Why? Were you expecting me to be bawling my eyes out? Like that's going to do anything..." I said calmly, refusing to act the way everybody expected me to act.
"I- yea..yea that's umm that makes sense" he said not knowing what to say to the girl who lost her wolf and mate.
"What do you want Callan? Why are you here?" I asked him tired of this awkward conversation and wanting to back to researching.
"I just wanted to make sure my mate was okay" he said while shrugging his shoulders, clearly bothered by my more-than-usual coldness.
"I'm fine and I'm not your mate anymore. According to what I've found out, your wolf will either choose a new potential mate now or the goddess will give you one." I said to him while making sure my voice or face gave no signs of pain.
We might've had our differences but I was starting to warm upto him and now...
"No" he said, his face displaying a scorn.
"It's not your decision Callan.... it's nature. It's what happened with the wolves who lost their wolves throughout histo-" I was interrupted by his growl and within minutes, Callan had me trapped in his strong embrace.
"It's not going to happen Anaïs! Both my wolf and I want you and you alone. I do not care if we have the mate bond or not, you're mine and nothing is changing that" he said, his voice loud and filled with rage.
I gently pushed him away and the brute let me go reluctantly. It calmed me knowing he still wanted me but I knew these were just words he was saying now, if he finds another mate..then I'd be yesterday's news in no time and that destroyed the momentary calmness and plunged my soul into chaos and pain once again.
I smiled at him, my hard front finally cracking. I tried so hard to show people that I wasn't some weakling, who couldn't survive this but it was hard when it came to Callan. Why did I have to lose him? Why is the goddess doing this to me? What did I even do that was so horrible...I couldn't find an answer however much I searched my brain for one.
A tear slowly went down my still smilling face and I could see the storm that emerged in Callan's eyes when he saw me break down. I gently caressed his cheek, trying to somehow capture the feeling of his skin against mine because I knew this could be the last time I touched him while he still had me in his heart.
I was never the sappy type, the one to think my entire life was over because of a boy but this was my mate, the person who was meant to care for me and love me forever and now he's gone. How does one handle the loss of literally everything they knew was theirs since they were born? My wolf was meant to be with me till I died, my mate was meant to be with me till either of us died...so why was my existence being ripped apart like this?
I quickly retreated my hands from his face, realising I was once again drowing in the sea of sorrow I had managed to swim out of only a few hours ago. I wipped away the few traitorous tears that had escaped my eyes and quickly veiled all my emotions.
"I'm here for you if you need me.. I'll always be here for you Anaïs. We'll start right where we left off before the rescue mission... we'll alway be mates, nothing will change that, I promise" he said and lightly kissed me on my forehead. It took my everything not to flinch away from him. I didn't want to think there will be a future for us, I need to prepare myself mentally for the inevitable..even though Callan was not ready to accept it.
The only reason this fact was recorded in our history was because of it's consistency. It happened with every case, except where one of the mates die. If a werewolf lost their wolf because they were incompetent, then their other half always found a new mate. Mates were created not for the purpose of companionship but to ensure the survival of our race. Leaving a wolf mateless because their other half lost their wolf would be loss of potential, so this arrangement made sense.
I quickly poured my remaining cereal down the drain and washed my bowl and spoonafter I was left alone in the kitchen. I put my dishes in the stand to dry off and ran back to the first story where the pack library was located.
I thought I should start from there, try to look for clues in our history which is where I found out about losing wolf thing and the switching mate thing..but no cure. Not a single record of a werewolf gaining their wolf back and that shit got to me which is why I was taking a break, telling myself I needed to eat so I won't have to think about my fucked up situation.
But here I was back in the library staring at all the books I had scattered around the floor during my attempt at finding a cure. Looking at the mess made my heart clench more. Thousands of books and not a single clue..
I started picking up the books one by one from the floor and put them back in their respective places. I was in the middle of cleaning up when the door to the library was thrown open with a loud bang. It made me jump 10 feet up in the air.
I whipped around to see who the asshole was but was smothered by a crazy Sam who was smiling like a maniac.
"I found it!!! I found I found it I FUCKING FOUND IT!!!" she screamed at me with joy. She was literally bouncing as she held onto me making me rock around with her.
"Sam calm down! What did you find?!" I asked her trying to find out why the fuck my bestfriend was so happy even though I had literally just lost my wolf...
"I found a solution! A witch! A witch can tell us why you lost your wolf and specifically a soul witch! They're rare as fuck but I found one!!! She can tell you why you lost your wolf and possibly a cure!!" She creamed at me as she held onto my shoulders and shook me with each word she spoke.
But I really didn't care that she was making me dizzy as fuck! After hearing her words all I could do was hug the bitch with all my might!
"I didn't even think about that! I--i didn't even think of a witch..of course a witch! How could I have overlooked that!" I said amazed at how absent minded I was..
"Of couse you overlooked it Anaïs! Wolves don't seek out witches for help, we know the dangers of asking a witch for help.. they're mostly bad people and almost everytime fuck with people who try and seek their help...but it's worth a try..I mean it's your wolf! We can't just sit around and do nothing!" She said to me while giving me a genuinely comforting smile, as if telling me it was all going to be okay.
"Wait but if this was so obvious.. wouldn't the people who had lost their Wolves before me tried it? If they tried it and succeeded it would've been recorded..." I mumbled out, my voice slowly losing all the hope it held before.
"I don't care! We'll try anyways! You, me and Alpha Callan and a few of the guards will go to this witch and we'll ask her if there's a cure! Who knows there might be one now which wasn't there before...shit changes with time doesn't it? We have to try Anaïs.." she said. I nodded at her hoping her words would prove to be true and I could find a cure for this..
"Okay! Let's go to Alpha and tell him about our plan!! I can't wait for you to be my luna again..you got no clue how sad my wolf is over the loss of her luna.." she said while pouting and dragging me out of the library.
I quietly followed behind her, hoping this would work. It's only been 3 days and being without Isis is literally killing me, I can feel it in my chest..I knew I was slowly drifting away.
"Please goddess let this be it.. I can't lose Isis forever" I prayed in my head silently..hoping the goddess would take her decision back and give me back my wolf...and mate.