Calling Callan

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Round and round we go

I walked through the corridor of my school, towards my trigonometry class with a familiar sense of calm and usualness...

After Callan and I had filled our parents in on everything that has happened the past few days, things went back to normal quite quickly which I appreciated. No more pitiful glances were thrown my way neither did anyone randomly stop me on my way to say they were "sorry" for what had happened to me.

But things are not exactly the same as before, after Callan and I completed the mating process, everybody started bowing to me and addressing me as Luna even the pups.

People were starting to chatter about our Alpha and Luna ceremony and I even heard quite a few people talking about not being able to wait to see Callan and I's pups..which was quite alarming given that Callan and I have fucked like once and people already want us to have pups.

Anyway, all is well and I'm happy which is why these small things do not bother me. What bothered me was the fact that I would have to talk with Alpha Kendrik about postponing Callan and I's alpha and Luna ceremonies.

I wasn't ready to take onto that kind of responsibility, even though Luna Christy will be assisting me and training me to become the next Luna of our pack, I wasn't ready emotionally.

I want to go to college and study psychology, that had been my one goal in life. I've always wanted to be the first clinical psychologist for our pack and work in the pack hospital. Even though I would be the Luna, I don't want to give up on my personal identity..I still want to remain Anaïs which is why being Luna will have to wait.

I reached my classroom in no time or maybe it seemed like it because I was lost in my head. I quickly manoeuvred through the web of kids who were busy gossiping. They did however took the time and bowed to me which I still returned with an awkward nod.

You could say I still wasn't used to it. I took my seat at the very back, trying to avoid the eyes of the kids who wanted to spot my newly acquired mark. Everybody in the pack seemed obsessed with it, Sam almost broke my neck this morning trying to have a look at it.

I get it, the pack was estatic to have a new leader, it ensures stability and prosperity but still they don't need to forget that I'm still a person and need my personal space.

I sighed knowing I couldn't do anything about it. I'd be the center of attention for a long long time. I could feel the burning stares of my peers again and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. You could say attention freaked me out..I always liked to go unnoticed, it was because of Callan before and now it's I guess because of Callan again.

Our teacher was in soon and the lesson started, saving me from the piercing gaze of my peers. It's not even been a day and people are treating like I'm some deity.

"You seriously need to stop complaining. You should be glad you found your mate..I think people out there have it worse than you" I heard Isis say, irritated at my spoiled thoughts.

"I'm not complaining Isis, I'm just not used to this. It feels like they're invading my personal space...you know how much I hate attention" I mumbled back and pouted on the inside.

"Well it is what it is, we can't change it. They're just happy and excited, ignore it and focus on yourself" she said, her words straight and cruel...as always.

"yea yea... I'll keep my head down and hope their excitement dies down in a few days.." I replied back to her, hoping it'll be enough to stop her scolding.

I really wasn't complaining, I know I'm lucky to have all the things I have in my life...but that doesn't mean I can't express my thoughts and can't feel uncomfortable and shit...

School went on as always, out history teacher informed us about an upcoming quiz and people stared at me like hawks during lunch, Sam was as always rambling about details about Callan and I's alpha and luna ceremonies while not even sparing me a glance because she was too infatuated with her food.

I walked back home with my mind blank. I was grateful things went back to normal but I was for some weird reason, tired. So tired that I didn't even realise that I had moved to the pack house like a week ago and instead unlocked the door to my house and went up to my room.

I threw my bag on the floor and fell on my bed like a sack of potatoes. It didn't take me much time to start feeling sleepy, so I kicked off my shoes and got under my comforter and dozed off.

I jolted up from my sleep when my phone rang loudly. I looked around to find myself in my room which was lit only by the little light that crept into my room through my bedroom window. I quickly scrambled to the floor, trying to get my still ringing phone from my back pack.

Once I had it in my hand, I saw the screen which read "caveman", meaning Callan was the one who woke me up from my sweet sleep and also the person who was going to die at my hands.

I quickly declined his call and fell back on my bed, trying to go back to sleep but after turning and tossing in my bed, I was unable to fall back to sleep.

I groaned and grabbed my phone which I had dumped on my nightstand to find that Callan had called me 23 times, left 17 messeges..my brother had called me 4 times, my mother 6 and my father 2...

"What in the fuck.." I mumbled and decided to call Callan. He picked up within a second and boy was I sorry that I called him.

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!?" he screamed causing me to flinch and pull my phone away from my ear.

"Why are you screaming Baraed? Geez.." I said.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! YOU HAVENT RETURNED FROM SCHOOL AND YOU'RE ASKING ME WHY I AM SCREAMING?!? WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU ANAÏS?!!" he screamed again causing me to groan.

"I'm home you dope..where else would I be?" I told him and then heard him sigh and say something to someone but I couldn't hear it through the phone.

"Just stay there" I heard Callan say and then the line went dead.

"Weirdo" I mumbled and threw my phone on the bed. I went downstairs to make myself some food. The house was still empty, indicating it was before 8 Because neither my mum nor my dad return before 8 pm and I'm usually home alone during the time.

I quickly whipped up some pancakes and fried some bacon to go along with em. I doused my pancakes in syrup and was about to take a bite when I heard the front door being literally broken open.

I quickly got off the counter stool and ran towards the front door only to be met half way with a disgruntled looking Callan. As soon as he saw me, he captured me in one of his infamous strangling bear hugs.

I felt him bury his face in my neck and take in my scent. His heart was beating frantically and he was breadthing hard.

"Umm it's okay?" I said trying to call him down but my voice came out more questioning since I didn't know why he was being this way. I patted his back as if he was scared 8 year old pup.

"Callan...have you finally gone mental?" I asked, not being able to remain patient anymore.

I suddenly felt hip nip at my mark which made me shriek/moan.

"Hey!" I said while hitting him on his back...asshole!

Callan finally let me go and once I took a look at his face, I wanted him to go back to hugging mode cause damn he was angry. I could see the fire in his eyes and I was sure he was ready to punch someone's face in and the fact that I was the only someone in here scared me...

"Why the fuck are you here? Why didn't you come back to the pack house? We thought you were kidnapped or something! Everybody has been looking for you! Why are you so careless?!? Do you have any idea how scared I was Anaïs?!!?" He said without taking a breadth in between and left me dumbfounded.

"Huh..what?" I said not knowing what he was going on about. I was kidnapped? They looking for me? But I was here all the time...

"I was here after school..nobody came looking for me" I said still confused what he was going on about.

"I'm talking about the pack house, when we didn't find you there, we asked your friend Sam where you went and she said you went "home" but your weren't there!" He said while throwing his hands in the air and looking at me irritated.

"But Callan I did go home.. this is also my home" I said while point around the kitchen and looking at him with a "are you dumb" expression.

"I--i told them to look for you everywhere and they said they couldn't find you!" Callan said while running a hand through his hair.

"Well whoever you asked to find me was a raging idiot to not look at my parents home while they were trying to find me" I said and then proceeded to go back to my, now cold, pancakes.

"I--i know..what are you even doing here? Your clothes are in the pack house" Callan said as he calmed down and realised how stupid they have been. I'm not a child they need to look after, whatever the hell is wrong with him.

"Callan last I checked I can go wherever the hell I want" I said unimpressed by his usual "alpha mate" bullshit.

"I didn't mean it that way" Callan said as he sat down besides me. "I just got worried when you didn't come back home, I mean you need to like change and keep you bag back after school right? I just got anxious.." he said. I looked up at him and saw that he was pouting at me which melted me instantly.

"I don't know, I just came here and fell asleep.. it's fine." I said and continued eating my breakfast.

"You look tired" Callan said and I nodded.

"Just the after effects of being interrupted while I was taking a nap", I said and gave him the stink eye.

"Is your dad home?" I asked Callan suddenly remembering the thing I was worried about all day today.

"Yea..last I checked he was in his office" he said "why?" He asked further. I put down my fork and knife and looked at him.

"I need to tell him about me wanting to postpone my luna ceremony till after college" I told him. I saw him visible sadden at my words, I knew he most definitely would be hurt that I still didn't want to be luna even after mating but I couldn't seem to care about it. I wasn't going to let feelings get in the way of my true dream..

"Oh you still want that" he mumbled slowly and looked away from me.

"It has nothing to do with you...I just want to study psychology, I have wanted to since I was little and just like your dream is to be a good Alpha for our people, mine is to be a clinical psychologist" I said and grabbed his hands, trying to reassure him that it had nothing to with us or him..it was just my dream.

"Yea I know..I think I just hoped you'd want to be the Luna and lead by my side just like I want to with you" he said while he gave me a tight smile.

"Believe me Callan when I say that I want that. This has nothing to do with us, I want to be your mate and I want to be the Luna. As much as it seem as if I don't, I do realise my responsibilities towards the pack and I also acknowledge my feeling for you...I just can't let go of myself in order to focus on being your mate and the pack's luna. I'll be me first and then everything comes next" I said trying to make him feel a little better about my decision.

It was unheard of, leaders doing anything else other than being leaders. I know people expect me to be Callan's mate and the Luna first and I know they'll judge me for not following what had been done in our community since literally forever but I didn't care.

There was a time when I had the same expectations, when I used to think of Luna Christy in the same light other think of me now, when I used to think Callan's mate will only be our luna and nothing else but now I see how unfair that is.

Alpha's grow up knowing they're going to be leaders in the future which is why there is seldom an Alpha who has any other dream than being an Alpha but Luna's? They grow up planning their future and then having that taken away from them.

I don't judge Luna Christy for becoming the Luna as soon as she found Alpha Kendrik, it's her choice. I just hate that people will judge me for making a different choice even though it's my life. Same goes for Alpha's..what if Callan had a dream, what if he wanted to do something different than being an Alpha..poor him can't just abandon his people because then he's the asshole and even if he powers through the scrutiny, how would he live with himself? Knowing he left all these people to fend for themselves?

Whoever said being leaders is great...this sucks.

"Come on let's go and find my dad. We'll ask him about this and then you can clear your head and have a good rest" Callan said standing up. I had suddenly lost my appetite because of all the negetive thoughts in my head, so I got up too and started putting away my food inside the fridge.

"I'm not asking Alpha Kendrik anything Callan, I'm telling him. There's no changing my mind about this, it's either postponing my luna ceremony or giving up my Luna position" I said to him with my back turned towards him.

I was a coward, I admit. I wasn't strong enough to tell him that to his face...I loved him and I couldn't break his heart and watch that happen.

"Anaïs that's not funny" he said his voice suddenly deep and scary.

"I'm not trying to be funny Callan. I've thought about this since the day we found each other. It's just that circumstances kept on forcing me to push it aside and focus on something else but junior year is about to end, it's going to be graduation within a year and I'd have to start applying for colleges before that. I'm not pushing this aside anymore, call me heartless but I'm not giving this up" I told him.

"So you're fine with leaving me? You'd rather leave me and our pack?" He asked his voice getting louder and angrier.

"Opposed to leaving behind my dream? Then yes. Your dream had always been to be the Alpha and mine is to study psychology, it's the one thing I'm actually passionate about and if I have to choose between you and my dream..then I'm sorry" I said, my shoulders slouching and my head lowering with every word.

I knew I shouldn't feel as if I was at fault here. Noone should have have to feel sorry for choosing their dreams but I loved him and he made it sound like giving him up is easy.

"Then why let me mate with you?! You know if you have to leave, it'll kill us both!" He said, his words making me feel shame again.

"I did it to get Isis back..you know that" I whispered and as soon as those words left my mouth, I heard something crack. I turned around to find Callan glaring at me and his fist connected with the kitchen counter which was now broken.

"So the only reason-" Callan started but I irrupted him.

"No! It wasn't the only reason Callan. I love you and you know that...however much I have said otherwise, I can't resist the bond between us neither do I want to and I accepted it even before I lost my wolf." I said.

"Let's not talk about this, we don't even know if it's going to happen" I said feeling tired of having to fight with him again.

"The fact that you're so ready to give me up in itself breaks my heart even if it is a small possibility. Just because it might not happen, doesn't mean it doesn't hurts to know you'll cast me aside so quickly" he said as he made his towards me.

I was soon backed up against the sink, Callan's body trapping me.

"It's not easy or quickly. You have no clue what's going on inside my head. I don't know how to explain it to you Callan. I don't want to cast you aside, I want to have an alternative to this, I want to spend my life with you, I want to be the Luna. Why is it so difficult to understand that I just want to do what I've always wished of and the things you and others expect of me? I'm not choosing one over the other, our rules and customs are making me choose one over the other." I said

"Noone is making you do anything" Callan said, his voice still holding a lot of anger.

"Yes they are. You are making me choose but making it seem like I value one thing more than than the other, by making me feel like I should be ashamed for doing what I want to do. You make it sound like I don't love you and used you which is not true. All I'm asking is to postpone the Luna ceremony and yet here we are questioning my fucking morals and feelings for you, making me seem like a traitor to the pack" I said my voice portraying an equal amount of anger just like Callan's.

"I'm not-" Callan started but I simply shoved him away. I was tired of him, he can't and won't understand, so I won't waste my time with him.

I simply walked out of the house and started towards the pack house. All I had to do is talk with Alpha Kendrik, this isn't even that big of an issue as Callan and I are making it to be.

This is why I said Callan and I couldn't be mates. We were too different and we fought and bickered over everything. Heck all the mated couples used to say that after they completed the mating process, they felt an increased amount of love for their other half and here's Callan and I questioning each other's love and loyalty.

I knew this wouldn't work out, I knew we were set for failure yet I deluded myself and gave into the lies of others. They told me Callan and I's bond will overcome everything and I believed it and now I regret it.

We were back to square one and I was once again wishing I wasn't Callan Baraed's mate. Everything would've turned out fine if only I had stayed at home the night of his 18th birthday..
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