I am driving down this 2-lane road looking at nothing but trees. The leaves are starting to turn orange and red due to fall coming.
Fall is my favorite. Growing up in the city of New York, there was not much time to admire the leaves changing colors, but I do love the cool air, it is not too warm not too cold. The best part is sitting outside, bundled up in a warm blanket watching life go by.
I have never travelled before, so this all feels so surreal.
After driving at what feels like forever, we are almost at my best friend Jessica’s house.
I have been best friends with Jessica since I was 18 years old when we became roommates at NYU. We were both majoring in business.
While getting lost in my thoughts, I began to think about all the things that I have gone through over the past 4 years. During my freshman year, I started dating this amazing guy. We dated for several months before finally taking the next step in our relationship, which happened to be when I lost my virginity.
I loved Jonathan and he treated me well. My God, he felt like the perfect boyfriend. Besides from class, we were practically inseparable. My parents loved him as well. We made it a point to go out to eat with my parents and Jessica every week.
Jonathan slept at my apartment almost every night. We began talking about him moving in with me. He also had a great relationship with Jessica, so it never felt awkward with the three of us hanging out all the time.
The only problem in our relationship was that I have never met his family or any of his friends outside of school. We did not really argue about it but deep down it really bothered me. He claimed he just was not that close to them, but something was telling me it was something more.
Well that was until one night, Jonathan took me out to eat for our anniversary. While there, we ran into his parents, brother and sister. Let’s just say things did not go too well because I found out they thought after he graduated next year, he was going to propose to his high school sweetheart.
He did tell me that they were not together anymore since she was away at school but apparently the plan was for them to get back together after they graduated. He told me that when he met me, everything changed. He did not want to be with her, and he wanted us to be together.
His parents were furious. They said as I quote ” We are not going to allow this whore to get in the way of our plans of merging our 2 families together.”
Jonathan noticed how upset I was, so he told them that we were leaving as we got up and walked away.
During the ride home, we sat in silence while he held my hand in his lap. A car drove through a red light slamming into the driver’s side causing our car to hit other cars. I just remember the loud bang, everything getting blurry before blacking out.
I woke up in the hospital 2 days later with a monstrous headache. I notice Jessica and my parents sitting in my room looking like they have not rested in a while with dried tears stained on their cheeks.
Jessica was the first one to notice my eyes opening and jumped up getting my parents attention. Listening to them telling me what happened seemed like I was in a haze. My mind was in a thick fog since my dad told me Jonathan did not make it. I felt my heart breaking. Over the next couple weeks, I went through hell. I was told by his parents that I was not welcome at the funeral since it would make her uncomfortable.
Then I find out that it was a drunk driver that hit us. Someone who just left a party and was careless enough to get behind the wheel of their car after drinking too much took away the man I loved, the man that I wanted to share my future with, have a family with and grow old with.
Jonathan knew I loved him, but I never got to tell him how much. I never told him my dreams and how I wanted him to be a part of those dreams.
Moving on was hard for me but with the help of Jessica and my parents I stayed in school. My grades slip some but not too much.
A couple months after the accident, I found out that I was pregnant. When I say my emotions and hormones were in a tailspin that would be an understatement. All I could do was ball up and cry. On one end, I had a piece of Jonathan that I will always be able to hold on to and cherish but on the other end, my child will never know her father. We will never be a family.
During my pregnancy, Jessica stepped up and played that role. She went to all my doctor’s appointments and she was there for every step of the way.
I will never forget the moment my water broke in the middle of the night. I went to wake her up and she was running around like a nut. I could not help but laugh.
During my 14 hours of labor she never left my side. The only thing that pissed me off was she ordered food for herself while I was stuck eating damn ice chips. I told her she was my sworn enemy and threatened to throw her out, so she ate out in the hallway. God that food smelled so good.
Bringing my daughter into this world is the greatest thing. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love her.