What he did broke me in ways I never thought was possible. I've loved him—would've given him everything. Emiliano still, to this day, will always have my heart, but the anger that radiates off from me after discovering the truth outweighs the love I have for this man. It took me some time to get over my baby's loss as well; even though I was only six weeks pregnant, I adored my baby regardless. Ironically I turned to Alexis after everything that's happened. She's dealt with a miscarriage, so I knew if anyone understood, it would've been her. We're not as close as we once were, but she was there, understanding my pain and despair.
I shut down and closed off, not wanting to speak to all of my friends, especially since all of the girl's spouses are Emiliano's Capos. I didn't want to risk seeing him, so a few days after my whole world crashed, I ventured out into the city and searched for a new home. The mansion I was living in was a reminder that my mother was no longer here with me, and I couldn't hold on to it any longer, so without thinking any further, I sold it for a hefty price. Regarding my business venture, it's been going quite well, and although Valerie was my assistant, I had to let her go. I love her; I honestly do, but with her fiance working for that piece of shit, as I said, I didn't want to risk bumping into him. Was it wrong to act like that? Of course, it was, but I couldn't help the way that I felt. So I changed my number and moved to a quiet area on the city's upper east side. I'm living in a penthouse that's on the 80th floor that has seven bedrooms with a bathroom in each room as well as two other bathrooms in the house, alongside a movie theatre room that has a bar in it, a vast living room, a dining room with a spacious kitchen attached. It's very modern, but I loved it.
I decided it was in my best interest that I toughen myself up. I didn't want to feel defenseless. So he insisted that I train and know how to shoot a gun, so I went to a boxing ring and learned how to fight. Then he dragged me to a gun range where I learned how to hit my target square in the eyes with my gun. He's built up my confidence so much for the past year, I was doing some grocery shopping, and I bumped into him accidentally. Eventually, we hung out, and I had gotten to know him for who he was, and he was a great gentleman. I was fascinated with his piercing green orbs and the way he looked deep into my soul, but I knew I'd never look at him the way that I looked at Emiliano, but he was still a distraction I desired.
He's coming over today to spend some time with me, so here I am, just throwing on a black silk robe with nothing underneath, guzzling dangerous amounts of bourbon. I don't know what has become of me, but I deal with the lingering pain the only way I know now. Using drugs and alcohol, sure, he's made me feel certain things and has made me more confident but let's be real when he leaves my house; I am stuck here alone by myself, feeling the pain drown me. It suffocates me to the point where I feel like I can't breathe, so I gulp severe liquor amounts, but sometimes I prefer to sniff cocaine to alleviate the pain even better.
My doorbell rings, so I walk downstairs with the bottle of bourbon in one hand, feeling the effects of the liquor seep through my pores. My mind is hazy, but the past is forgotten at the moment. Opening the door and there he stands, looking incredibly sexy, wearing a black three-piece Tom Ford suit. Grabbing him by the lapels of his jacket, I bring him inside. "You look like you've been having fun without me," he says, smirking as we sit on my sofa.
Grinning, "I was, but now that you're here, we can have fun together," I said seductively, gulping my bourbon from the bottle. He takes the bottle from my hand and puts it on the coffee, coming closer to me. The warmth of his body envelops me in a tranquil, serene peacefulness. He brings my body flush against him, so I wrap my arms around his neck and let the desire for him run through my body. I know this doesn't seem right because of who he is, but my mind has been made up. I need this; I need the closeness of someone familiar if not, I will be dragged down a deeper hole than I already am.
Some nights I wake up with sweat dripping down my body, hyperventilating from the dreams that creep inside when I'm sleeping. Other nights I'm so drunk that I sleep through the night. However, I've become very functional, especially when it comes to my job. I'm still able to go to work and do what I need to do. I've hired a new assistant, a lovely yet timid girl, but she comes in every morning with coffee and does what's required, then leaves, which I love. These days I can't seem to talk to anyone but him. My life is very dull.
He brings me out of my thoughts as he kisses the column of my neck as shivers run down my spine, feeling the heat of our bodies entangle with one another. "Should we take this to the bedroom?" He murmured as he touched my breasts through the fabric of the robe, making me moan lowly.
He picks me up and walks with me upstairs to my bedroom as I hold onto him, running my tongue along the crevice of his neck. He brings me to my room, where we spend the rest of the night doing things we shouldn't be doing because deep down if Emiliano found out the truth, he'd kill him.