Chapter 1
Why do we teach boys to not be emotionally available? Why do we teach them that everything has to do with being 'Isoka' before marriage?..well I was young,naive,full of hormones and full of emotions.
(Therapist) why don't you start from the beginning to help me understand your emotions?
The beginning well (lighting a cigarette) We met when I was 14 years 5 months old and he was 17.. not that we loved each other no it was all hormones you know wanting to fulfill the sexual desire we had as teenagers.
It was a Friday after school when his brother proposed it was time to have sex. Well I don't know what was his problem he never spoken when he wanted something instead he sent people to do the talking or was he scared of being rejected? Damn I was easily to talk to and you would get anything you want only when I had a soft sport for you.
Hope was his name I had hope he's be something I longed for the only thing that was missing was his emotions I don't know where they disappeared to I honestly don't know, he was emotionless only potrayed his lust whenever we had sex.
Well we had sex the same day his brother proposed it. I was not a Virgin he was my second and I was his first everything was smooth that guy mastered every curve of my body damn I never felt that way before.
After some few rounds there and there he started to drift away only present when it's intimate time and I felt rejected I was hurt cause he was the first person to show me how nice it is to be loved to be held public and kissed.
Well his distanced was not physically but emotionally I couldn't figure what was going on with him and he never wanted to share with me which I understood but sometimes I just wished he was there emotionally he felt my emotions he was there to comfort me whenever I needed.
Time passed and we were already having raw sex
Well,it was my first time to experience it,it was the best feeling ever I mean who doesn't prefer raw over protected? I invested so much is this relationship my time, my energy ,emotions and support yet I never got any back which makes me very mad.
Maybe I blame him for everything that was mistake we both are at fault here just maybe I suffered alot of emotional distress while he never suffered anything.
Why do I think that? (Therapist)
I dealt with everything on my own I dealt with every single pain on my own whilst I didn't make the baby alone I didn't he was the one who decided he was old enough to not withdraw and after everything he had the gut to insult me !!!!
(Therapist) 'baby' 'insults' tell me more about those two words I qouted
