Prologue - You always Hurt the One You Love
I don’t expect you to ever read this letter, or if you did, to give a damn about what I have to say. Your previous actions have shown that you have no remorse for anything you’ve done.
Lord knows I want to forgive you so I can move on with my life and act as if you never existed. Hopefully, in due time, it won’t have to be an act; I’ll be able to go on and not have one shred of a memory that includes you in it. I am grateful though that I can recognize and admit the facts now: the heart I believed you had, the beautiful soul I once loved you for, was nothing more than another steaming pile of bullshit you fed me from your deviously overactive imagination.
You have no heart; there’s this hallow, empty space where your heart should be. You have no soul; you’re like a mindless zombie, just wildly wandering around with no purpose other than raising hell because you don’t know what else to do. You know nothing about love and you can’t recognize or understand anyone’s love for you because: 1. You were never introduced to such an all-encompassing love or any at all, 2. All you can think about when you meet people is how you can use them to your advantage, and 3. You keep thinking that everyone else in the world thinks in the same toxic fashion you do!
Now, I can’t speak for anyone else you’ve met, but as for me, I have never cheated on someone I said I loved like you have. I am not a liar, like you are. I am not manipulative like you, or malicious like you, and I for damn sure am not a coldhearted person like you. I can’t even fathom this selfish concept you live by of harming people for sport. How can you hurt someone who did nothing … NOTHING … to you but love you with every fiber of their being? It pains me that you will never be able to accept love enough to receive it, let alone give it back to someone else as nature intended. I guess what I’m trying to say is … I almost feel sorry for you.
I’m sorry that you’re not mature enough to be responsible for someone else’s heart or embrace love into your own, and I wish I would have known that before you put me through a year of meaningless torture that has crippled me to the point of thinking that every other man I come across is just as evil as your heartless ass is! I hate what you’ve done to me. As a matter of fact, there are many occasions where I simply hate you, but you’re only human. A simple man bound to make mistakes until you see the error of your ways and call on God to help you make a change. You once told me that your faith in God was important to you. I hope that wasn’t another one of your countless lies.
I hope you get yourself together ... one day … or at least have a sliver of a moment in your life where you actually consider where your lack of regard for anyone will lead you. I mean, honestly, don’t you ever think about what you want to be remembered for, the legacy you’ll leave behind for your kids? Do you care that they will carry the weight of your burdens even if you choose to walk away from them? And what about the hearts you’ve claimed and used up to the point that they no longer beat? What about me?
I will always love you, simply because my love for you was genuine in the beginning and that’s something that I have to deal with on my own. But you, you will have to live with the fact of always looking over your shoulder for whenever karma is going to pay you a visit. And when she shows up, it’s gonna be one hell of a wake-up call. Care enough about yourself to do better.