What Are You Doing
I realised I was face to face with a man who had probably been in that hole for a few weeks. My everything hurt and even without the panic and the fuck ton of dirt, moving was hard. But there was no way I was going to stay where I was, so I pushed and pulled and dug myself out of the grave my dad had thrown me in. Because I obviously needed more reasons to hate him.
It was hard but I got there and I’m pretty sure that I looked as much like a zombie, as I felt. But eventually I made it into fresh air. Sweet, beautiful, not the smell of rotting corpse, fresh air.
I just lay on the ground looking up and breathing, and even though I still ached, it felt amazing, and even though I’d only just woken up, my eyes closed again and I fell into a deep empty sleep.
Pain and rage erupted inside of me in a way I’d never felt before. The world went black and white except for Amber’s veins. When I looked at her it felt like looking at cold water after a 15-mile run. Her blood was the only important thing in the universe and I would take it, and have it!
I could hear her heart beat, I could see the blood pulsing through her, moving inside of her, like he’d moved inside of her.
In the moment I tried to move forward, arms like iron wrapped themselves around me and distantly I heard someone say.
“We’ll be right back.”
And the next thing I knew I was being pulled like a rag doll through corridors and my back slammed against a wall.
“What are you doing!”
Belinda stood in front of me with her infuriating smile and said.
“Offering you a bit of perspective. And stopping you from trying to kill that girl.”
Her words hit me like a slap in the face and I could feel my rage grow like a well stoked fire.
“How, fucking, dare you! Now you get coy, you were more than happy to turn me without thinking but you’re going to step up for, for, HER!”
The words felt hot in my mouth as I all but spat them at her. But still she held that smug look and just crossed her arms.
“You were already dead; you just didn’t know it yet. And besides, you can’t kill her, all you’ll do is hurt her, then calm down and have to try wrap your mind around what you’ve done. And I’m not ready for you to go completely insane just yet.”
Sick of seeing her stupid smile I turned my head and spotted an expensive looking vase which I grabbed and swung at her head. But my arm hit the immovable force of her hand, and before the pain had time to shoot from my wrist to my brain the vase smashed down over my head knocking me to the ground.
It took a second for the fog to clear and when my eyes focused Belinda was crouched a couple inches from my nose and her voice was low but hard.
“Frankie, you’re cute, but not that cute. Stay here, calm down, then go break up with your girlfriend like an adult because she cheated on you. If you still want to rip her throat out after that be my guest. But like I said, she’s not going to die, so you can also then deal with a human you have an emotional connection with bleeding out for three days.”
She then leaned those few inches more and kissed me. Her lips were cold, but gentle, and somehow it wiped way the furious brain fog. Then she was gone again and I just sat there facing up to the reality that my girlfriend had cheated on me, and that maybe killing her wasn’t the best reaction.
Also wondering what Belinda meant by I was already dead but didn’t know it yet.
One moment Frankie looked like he was about to attack me, then I was alone. That woman had said something but I just couldn’t hear it over the sound of my heart beat, and the look of pain in Frankie’s face.
Why did she have to tell him like that, who was she and why was she interfering! It was so frustrating and terrifying and for like the millionth time in a week I crumbled to the floor and cried.
I wanted to call Jessica and just grab a bottle of wine and hide under her blanket until the world made sense again. I wanted to call Bastian and just tell him I wasn’t ghosting.
Also, to ask him if he was a werewolf. Because, that didn’t seem like it would be that insane at this point honestly. And because it would be nice to hear his voice.
It had only been like, a day? Maybe? But I missed him, and the world had gotten so totally insane. I mean, I’d heard things changed after the first time but this wasn’t really what I was expecting.
Time passed and I calmed down, and I wasn’t the only one. Frankie slowly walked back into the room, sat down beside me and just lifted his hand, palm up, inviting me to take it. And I did. It was nice, it felt cold but familiar and safe, despite everything. It was terrifying, but I managed to speak first.
“I’m really sorry Frankie. Really I am, I wasn’t unhappy I wasn’t looking for something or a way out. If you’d asked me a week ago to marry you… I wouldn’t have been able to say yes fast enough. But then this dude walked into my life and everything changed.”
Frankie’s grip tightened, but not painfully, or not physically painfully anyway. I knew it was because my words hurt him.
“Yeah, that dude walked into your life and everything changed for a lot of people, and in a lot of different ways. You got laid and I got lied to, cheated on murdered and turned into a vampire. It’s not exactly equal.”
His words hurt too, but he was right.
“I am so, so sorry.”
“Yeah, me too, and for earlier, losing my temper. I, I don’t fully or even nearly understand what’s going on with me. Fuck, I don’t even know how to understand it. But, I do get the impression that you and this guy might have a link of some kind and that the world we knew a week ago, and the world for real, aren’t the same. So, I’m open to the idea that you didn’t set out on the path, but this path happened to you too.”
I put my head on his shoulder and whispered.
“That’s, thank you, that’s really kind, much kinder than I think I deserve.”
He leaned his head against mine and I felt his body rise and fall as he breathed.
“Also, for my own peace of mind. I’m breaking up with you. You cheated on me. I think that means I get to be the dumper, not the dumpee.”
I nodded my agreement.
“Yeah, I am dumped.”
We sat like that for a long time, quiet and peaceful and I remembered that I hadn’t been unhappy before, and that Frankie was a great guy. And that even in that beautiful moment, I still felt a pull, a longing to know how and where Bastian was.