Enforced Rules 2: Aurora
I wake to an empty bed. It’s only been a couple of nights but I’ve gotten used to sleeping next to him and so finding him missing is... well I’m not sure what it is; disappointing? Upsetting? Unsettling? I don’t know. What I do know, is that I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve never felt like I needed someone there, just so I can sleep at night. I’ve always been more independent than that. In fact, I’d have laughed at my friends if they had told me they felt that way about someone; perhaps even pitied them. It’s still dark out and a glance at Landon’s alarm clock tells me I’ve only been asleep a few hours. My body aches from everything we’ve done. I feel like I’ve ran a 10K race. I’m exhilarated, yet exhausted. I consider just turning over and going back to sleep but I don’t know if I can. He’s not here. His bed smells of him, but it’s not the same. I need the warmth of his skin, the sound of his breathing. I need him. I pull the sheet around me and get out of bed. He’s not in his en-suite bathroom, that’s the first place I look. I check in the living room, the kitchen and utility room but he’s not there either. I feel lost in his apartment without him; suddenly I’m a guest and I no longer feel at home. I hadn’t realised how big it was before. I make my way across the hall to where there is another door and I find myself in a hallway with three doors. I check the three rooms, finding them all to be empty spare bedrooms, before returning back the way I came.
Just as I’m about to give up, I notice the stairs opposite the kitchen. I’m unsure if I should venture into another unknown part of his home. Am I invading some secret territory? Does he want to be alone? It doesn’t hold me back for long. I want to be where he is. At the top of the stairs, I find another front door and a cloak room in front of me. Who knew there were two entrances to his apartment; the thought tickles me. Turning to the right, I open a door to what appears to be a home cinema room. He’s not here though so I close the door again and turn left back towards the stair where I see two doors. The first room is his gym but I know immediately that he’s not in there so I try the next door. His office walls are lined with book after book after book. I’m incredibly tempted to walk into this room just so that I can run my fingers along the spines of these books. Aileen always said you can tell a lot about a person from what books they choose to read. However, I’m convinced that that would definitely be overstepping on his hospitality so I close the door and try the last door to my left and find myself in a large, spacious living area. There are books all along one wall. Landon apparently enjoys reading just as much as I do. It pleases me to find this commonality between us. I notice the grand piano in the corner and am automatically drawn to the instrument. My fingers itch to play a tune. I find myself wondering if Landon plays. That’s when I see him stood on the terrace, looking over the balcony railing at the city below him. His chocolate hair is ruffled from the wind. His shoulders are tense as if they are used to carrying the weight of the world upon them and never buckling. He’s awe inspiring in that moment. Powerful and in complete control; and it turns me on.
I make my way towards him, concern etched across my face when he doesn’t turn to greet me. I wrap my arm around him and shiver at how cold he feels, “you’re freezing.” I wonder how long he’s stood out her in the cold. I’m shy; awkward, unbelievably unsure. I’m worried I’m overstepping, that I’m interfering. The boundaries between us aren’t clear and that makes me nervous. He looks down at me and I wonder what he’s thinking. His face really doesn’t tell me anything. How did he learn to hide his emotions like that – literally his face is like a blank sheet of paper.
“I’m sorry,” he apologises. I’m confused. I don’t know why he’s sorry. He’s done nothing wrong. If anything I’m the one who isn’t giving him space to process whatever crap has kept him awake.
“Couldn’t sleep?” I don’t really know why I’m asking when the answer is stood right in front of me. His returning smile is sad and if I knew him better, I’d ask him what’s wrong, but I’m scared he won’t want to open up to me. I’m practically a stranger. Besides which, I’m still unsure of those boundaries. If this is just sex, the last thing we should be doing is talking about our feelings. He’s already told me so much and I get the impression he’s shared more with me than I should ever expect, especially after a few nights. I don’t want to push it, force it.
I don’t want to ask him any more questions so I let him pull me closer. I’m trapped between him and the railings but I don’t want to run. Then again I’ve never been one to run away from a challenge. He begins to open the bed sheet that has me covered and I don’t know if I should try and stop him. After all, we’re stood at the top of the world where anyone could see. That thought only makes this whole thing more heady; the idea that we might get caught. What would my parents say? I can feel how hard he is and it excites me. He gives me a confidence I’ve never known before. He’s changing me; the idea surprises me. He’s kissing my collar bone, my breasts, my stomach as the sheet hits the ground. My toes are cold on the patio flooring and the rest of me is shivering. I’m not sure if it’s from the wind swirling around us or from desire.
“Look at you... you’re on fire... do you like the idea of being seen like this?” my breath hitches in shock at his words and in shock at how they affect me. I’m dripping wet. “Open your legs.” He’s demanding and forceful.
The first touch of his tongue to my sex is explosive and I’m shaking as I barely keep myself under control. He looks up at me as if he wants something from me but I’m not sure what. He’s laughing. He’s in his element. He’s in control. He starts slow. The control he yields is terrifying. He could destroy me with that tongue. He takes me to the edge and keeps me there but I won’t beg. My hand is in his hair, pulling him closer. I need more but I won’t ask him. I won’t beg him. I’m moaning though. My control is failing. My moans echo off the buildings and I’m convinced any one walking on the street below would be able to hear me but I don’t care. I’m not embarrassed.
“You like that don’t you... the feel of the wind against your skin...” he blows on my pussy and I lose myself in the bliss that he gives me. My head lolls back and I’m scared to let go of the railings in case I fall, my legs are so unstable. I think he’s finished so I’m surprised when he lifts me up. I can feel the cold railing against my back. I wrap my legs around him as I feel him enter me. My hands find his hair again. It’s windswept and slightly tangled and my hands are probably making it worse. I can only imagine what I look like right now with my hair flying in the wind. I’ve never been particularly confident about my appearance but right now I couldn’t care less how I look because all I can think about is how amazing he feels inside me. The feel of him coming inside me brings me to climax yet again.
I’ve got a cramp in my leg so I drop my feet to the ground and he pulls back as we both try and get our breath back. “Come on,” he takes me by the hand, “let’s clean up.” I grin at the thought of just how dirty I probably look right now, with his come dripping down my thigh.
My eyes catch the beautiful instrument in the corner, as we enter the living room, “do you play?”
“No,” I don’t know how I know, but I’m pretty sure he’s lying to me. “My mum helped me decorate. She thought it would look good.”
Now I really hope that he is lying. The idea of that instrument going to waste like that is devastating. I follow him back down the stairs and into his en-suite bathroom. In the shower, he doesn’t let me wash myself and it’s nice to have someone else take care of me. I feel cherished. But the bliss of the moment is broken when we get out and he says “I didn’t wear a condom. Are you on the pill?” Pure fear, that’s what I feel as he pats me down with a towel and it overwhelms me. I shake my head but I can’t look him in the eye. I can’t believe I didn’t think about it earlier. Why didn’t I say something before, instead of just jumping in and allowing him to fuck me, as if I don’t have enough brain cells to remember that I’ve never been on contraceptives in my whole damn life. It’s not the sort of thing a girl usually forgets. I’ve had enough safe sex talks at school, youth clubs and from my parents to know that you should never have sex without contraception. He lifts my chin, “it’s okay,” I don’t understand how he can say that. I could be pregnant; well not literally because his sperm have a bit of swimming to do first but close enough. He kisses me, “we’ll get you on the pill tomorrow.” It’s then that I realise how accustomed he is to control. He even thinks he can control my body and not in the orgasmic sense, although he certainly does a fantastic job of that too. He’s not even scared of me getting pregnant. He already has a plan to prevent it and it’s not my decision. I know that I should be irritated by that. I’m so used to my independence but all I feel is a sense of safety. I feel cared for.
I nod because I don’t know what else to do. “That was fun,” and my mind goes back to what we’ve just done. I’ve broken so many of my parents’ rules in the last few days and yet he keeps finding new ones for us to break. “Your parents would be shocked. That would definitely be against the rules.”
“For sure,” I’m laughing now, imagining what my parents might think if they knew. Then I picture how they would react if I did get pregnant. The look of shock my mother would give me. It makes me feel slightly sick; especially after everything I’ve learnt in the last few days. My sister, Aileen had fallen pregnant right before going to university and had to have her daughter adopted because my parents forced her to. It’s been years, yet I only learnt about it yesterday so it’s all still a bit of a shock.
“Right, bed time,” he’s bossy but I’m happy to obey him. It’s late and I imagine he has to work in the morning. “Have you got lectures in the morning?”
“Not until noon.”
“You’re welcome to stay here,” I smile at the idea of a lie in and find myself nodding my head again. I place the towel on a chair that Landon has in the corner and then climb into bed.
“Are you trying to make me fuck you again?” I hear in my ear, “Because I will.” He pulls me against him so that I can feel his erection against my bum. I wriggle against it, “tease,” I hear that same voice in my ear just as I’m closing my eyes. He wraps his arm around me and I don’t think I’ve ever felt so safe.
I wake to the sound of my phone ringing. I pull it to my ear without checking the caller ID. “Hello?” I ask without even opening my eyes. I can feel the sunlight on my lids so I cover my eyes with my arm; hiding from the day.
Landon is on the other end of the line. “I’ve had Henry deliver a parcel for you. It’s on the worktop in the kitchen. Go now... I want to hear your voice when you open it.” I wish I could wake up to the sound of his voice every day; it’s deep and rich and it makes me hot. I wonder what it would be like to have phone sex with him. I can imagine the sound of his voice telling me to touch myself would be more than enough to get me off.
I pull the duvet off myself and pull on a shirt that Landon appears to have left out for me. “Are you wearing my shirt?” he asks and I know that he had planned for me to wear it, “I like you wearing my clothes.”
I’m blushing. I don’t know how to respond. I don’t know what to say. “Are you in the kitchen yet?” He sounds excited, though I’m not sure why.
“Yes,” I say as I pass the threshold. There sat on the counter top is a bag. I take a peak and I’m amazed by the smell that reaches my senses, “breakfast?”
“There’s a little cafe round the corner,” he tells me, “they make the most amazing egg baps.”
“It smells so good,” I practically moan.
“I’m quite jealous,” he’s saying.
“Why?” I ask, confused.
“Because I’m practically drooling just thinking about eating your breakfast.”
“How’s your work going?” I want to keep him talking. I want this conversation to last. I’m not ready to say goodbye but I know that he is responsible for the running of one of the largest advertising companies in the country and so every minute of time he gives me is precious.
“Not well,” I can hear typing in the background and I know that he isn’t giving me his undivided attention but then I know he’s a busy man.
“Oh no,” I unwrap my breakfast and perch on one of the breakfast bar stools. I lay my phone down on the counter in front of me and put him on loud speaker. There’s no way I’m letting my breakfast go cold.
“You’ve got me all distracted. I’m sat here at my desk, thinking about you sitting there eating that roll, in my shirt... your long legs crossed as you sit at the breakfast bar... you asleep naked in my bed... you see, there is no chance of me actually getting any work done.”
“Well, in that case,” I say between bites, “you better give up and come back and fuck me.” I’m shocked at my own words.
“Don’t tempt me Miss Stone,” he growls.