My daughter in law

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Ch. 76: Gotta be crazy to do this

It was Wednesday, and Martina and I had just come home from her first appointment with her new obstetrician. I was happy to find that it wasn’t the same doctor Allison went to, but disappointed we didn’t get to see the baby in 3D today. Then again, I couldn’t complain as long as everything was fine, could I?

“You’re not going back to work?” Martina asked, sounding hopeful, when I dumped down on a kitchen chair with my phone in my hand.

“Nah. Q and Dom were busy meeting with a new client anyway, and the projects we’re working on are just about done. But the next couple of weeks will probably be busy.”

There was one notification, and it was a text from Rocco. It said that he would pick up his stuff later tonight, because he was planning on staying with Hunter until he went back to New York, which apparently was tomorrow. He couldn’t stand being in San Francisco anymore. He needed to get away from the mess that had been his so-called life, before it swallowed him like quicksand. I didn’t exactly blame him. I was just concerned about how he would cope on his own.


I looked up because I got the feeling that she was holding something back. And I was right.



“The nursery...”

She bit the corner of her lip and looked a bit nervous. Then she groaned in defeat.

“I can’t stand those flowers on the walls!”

I chuckled and put my phone away.

“Let’s paint it, then,” I said with a shrug. Truth was that I didn’t like them either. I never did. I’d just been too numb to care.

“But I don’t want to waste a lot of money, when we can use it to build our new house,” she reasoned, obviously feeling a bit conflicted about it.

“A bucket of paint doesn’t cost much. Besides, I don’t want anything to remind me of the crazy bitch who decorated it.”

Martina pursed her lips to refrain from giggling, and I stood up and walked up to her.

“I’ve been avoiding the whole room, to be honest.”

“Out of sight, out of mind, huh?”

“Pretty much.”

My hands caressed her stomach just like that Jessie lady did the other day, only more passionate. Why some felt the need to touch other people’s belly just because they’re pregnant beats me, but to me it was a peculiar need to claim ownership to her state. There was a little part of me in there. The beautiful result of us two bonding in more ways than one, and it gave me peace.

“But we can keep the furniture, though,” Bambi said, but the poorly hidden hesitation in her voice made me laugh.

“No, we’re not. We can sell it and buy something new. We’ll bring it to our new house later anyway, so let’s find something we really like.”

She smiled, and I saw eagerness sparkle in her eyes together with a ton of relief. I knew she’d already made a list of things we needed for our princess’ arrival, and I assure you that half of it were things I’d never thought of before, or even heard of. And since we didn’t have anything else to do right then, I nodded toward the door.

“So... Shopping then?”

But just as Martina ran off to get ready, there was a knock on the door. Then another one quickly after, which caused her to peek her head out from the bathroom and give me a surprised look.

“Are you expecting someone?” she asked, but I shook my head.

“Are you?”

“Who should that be? My obstetrician?”

She giggled. Then there was a third knock and I hurried across the hall to open.

“It could be your new friend, Jessie?” I suggested, the second I grabbed the door handle.

“I swear to God, if it’s Mr. Richmond creating more problems about the dog, I’ll use his fucking toupee to wash the stairs.”

I must have looked like a question mark when I opened the door, because the lady who was standing outside giggled silently to herself before her expression changed into a strict one.

“May I help you?” I asked.

“Your doorbell doesn’t work,” she pointed out dryly, and brought a frown to my face.

“It does,” I muttered, unamused. If she was here to complain about the standard of the building, she’d have to stand in line.

“No, it doesn’t. See?”

She pushed the doorbell button a couple of times, but nothing happened. I just kept staring at her for an awkward moment or two.

“You’re not doing it right,” I said eventually.

The woman seemed confused about my reply and tried to show me again, only with more annoyed manners.

“Not doing it right? You push the button and then it’s supposed to make a sound.”

Keep your mind pure, Aaron. Please.

I looked away for a moment to try and keep serious, but ended up combing my fingers through my hair because I couldn’t.

“It doesn’t always work that way, ma’am. Sometimes you gotta put a little more effort into making it sing the way you want to.”

“Effort? How about some new batteries?”

I chuckled.

“Batteries might work in some cases, but in this case there’s nothing wrong with the batteries.”

“Then why isn’t it working?”

Oh, fuck it. You’re going to hell anyway.

“Come on, lady. You’re a woman. You should know that it depends on the way you use your finger while pushing.”

The gasp? Priceless. The look on her face? Totally the top ten in AFV.

“Everybody who knows me and has a reason to visit, knows that you have to wiggle a bit while pushing. Not unlike...”

I wiggled my eyebrows and hollered on the inside because of how red her face was.

“Anyway. If complaining about the doorbell was why you decided to grace us with your presence, then I suggest you take the complaint to the landlord instead.”

“I am the landlord,” she snapped back.

“Uhm... No, you’re not,” I protested, and now I was the confused one.

“Yes, I am.”

“Since when? Our landlord is a man named...”

But of course, the woman cut me off and was more matter-of-factly than ever.

“...Alberto is a lost cause after his ex-wife sued him down to his underwear.”

Say goodbye to your cassette player and angle grinder then. It probably went down together with his balls.

“So yes, I’m the new landlord and you have a doorbell that doesn’t work, which I will take care of promptly. But there’s another thing I need to take address.”

“And what is that?”

“A dog.”

Damn it!

Do like you always do, Aaron. Charm those Swiss army boots and the unshaved hair off her legs, and she’ll forget what she came here for.

“Is there something wrong?”

Martina’s voice appeared from behind me, and ruined my desperate attempt to distract the unwanted visitor by flirting.

Play dead! Just fall to the floor and play dead, and hopefully she’ll go away just like bears do in the wild. She has very much in common with one anyway. Aggression, broad shoulders and is ruggedly built. I bet she has bad breath too.

The woman’s expression softened when she saw Martina, but changed back to the squinting strict one when she noticed Sailor in her arms. He’d obviously not registered our new guest and barked a couple of times when he finally did.

“So Mr. Richmond was right. You really do have a dog.”

“Yeah,” Martina replied coyly.

“We didn’t know it was against the rules. He bought it for me because I feel so lonely here.”

Telling the truth was obviously also an option, moron. The last one you’d pick, but anyway.

“Lonely?” the woman asked, obviously surprised.

“Yes. I just moved here, and this little one helps me through the days. I promise he won’t be an annoyance to anyone.”

“But the contract says...”

“It also helps my condition. I have severe depression, and he’s such an amazing comfort when the days are dark. Being pregnant really messes with your hormones.”

Slick, Bambi. Twisting the truth a bit doesn’t hurt.

“So you’re depressed?”

“Unfortunately, yes. It’s called antepartum depression and it can get pretty bad. It’s hard to accept that your body is changing, you know. Your ass and boobs are getting bigger, and...”

Okay, what’s going on here?

Martina swallowed and lowered her gaze a bit. Then she gave the woman a look I knew way too well.

She’s flirting with her! Fuck! Uhm… Fuck? That’s kind of hot, though. Damn.

“You get quite... Needy,” she said lowly. She was blushing with embarrassment but kept on with whatever tactic she had going. And it worked. When Martina stroked her hands over her belly and bit her lip, the landlord seemed completely mesmerized.

“We won’t be a bother, and I’ll make sure he doesn’t ruin anything. We’ll be moving in a year or so anyway, and we don’t want to get rid of him when it’s just a matter of months. I’m sure you understand...”

The lady kept staring at her and the borderline angry face had vanished completely. She clumsily reached out her hand when Martina wanted to greet her, and with a slightly seductive voice she asked for her name.

“B-brittany... Uhh. Quinn. Brittany Quinn.”

“What a beautiful name for a beautiful woman.”

That's your line! She stole your line, Aaron!

Martina kept smiling and flirting, and you’d have to be lobotomized not to get affected somehow.

“Forgive me for being so direct, but are you single?” Martina asked bluntly, which caused the lady to cast me a quick glance before she answered.


“That’s good. Are you open for adventures?”

Holdon! What on God’s green earth is happening?

I grabbed Martina’s arm to get her attention while I cleared my throat excessively.

“Can I have a word with you?” I mumbled through my teeth and pulled her after me into the kitchen.

“What the hell are you doing?” I whisper-yelled, and Martina gave me a grimace that told me to shut up.

“Are you blind?” she whispered back.

“Your gaydar didn’t get any better after realizing that your son is gay? That woman is a lesbian, and I’m using it for all that it’s worth, so we don’t get kicked out!”

Ahh… The army boots should have given you a clue, Aaron. Yep. Your gaydar is definitely broken.

“Play along, and we’ll have an adventure of our own later today.”

That caught my attention immediately.

“In public?”

“Maybe,” she smirked.

“Is it something kinky?”


She turned to walk back to the lady, and I followed up with different scenarios until she pursed her lips and glared at me.

“Aaron! If you don’t stop, my face will be the last thing you see before you pass out from the chloroform.”

Needless to say I gulped down all my other suggestions, zipped my mouth closed and threw away a pretend key.

I can’t believe you’re debating against a threesome. You used to think that the more, the merrier. Yeah, but that was before you won the grand price, and sharing is not an option. Besides, that woman would scare your dick to uselessness. Now that would be embarrassing, wouldn’t it?

I didn’t get the rest of the conversation between them, but it ended with Brittany patting Sailor’s head while Martina winked at her. But as soon as the door closed behind her, she leaned against it and drew a sigh of relief while Sailor licked her chin.

“We’ll have to pretend to be out of town a lot from now on,” she said. Then she started giggling because I was cackling. Loudly.

“You’re the craziest girl I’ve ever met.”

“Like you’re the one to speak?” she retorted, and I had to give her that.

“The perfect match, then.”

“Definitely. At least we’re not getting evicted in the nearest future. But we need to build that house before she realizes that I lied to her.”

Then she groaned.

“Oh, my God, Aaron. I’m such a terrible person. We’re really bringing out the worst in each other, aren’t we?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that. The sex is top notch.”

We looked at each other for a moment before we cracked up in fits of laughter.

“Do you have your list ready?” I asked when we finally calmed down, and Martina pointed at the pocket in her maternity jeans as an answer.

“Good. Let’s go shopping for our little princess, then.”

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