Letting Him Go

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Chapter 12

Three months later...


We had been home 3 months and baby Alex was growing so fast and he was spoiled rotten. My parents and Nick’s parents drove us crazy with all the things that they bought him. I was still adjusting to being a mom and Nick was a great dad always changing diapers and wanting to feed him. I loved to watch the two of them together. He held him so carefully like he thought he would hurt him it was the cutest thing to me.

Things were getting hectic with the pack my dad was wanting to step down and hand the pack over to Nick. Nick seemed to be hesitant about taking over he had been acting weird for the past few weeks and I was worried about what could be going on with him. He seemed distant and distracted.

“What’s running through that crazy brain of yours that has you ignoring me.” Macy said putting her hands on her hips.

“I was just thinking that Nick has been acting kind of weird lately. I mean he’s just not being his normal carefree self. Something is bothering him and it bothers me that he has not come to talk to me about it.” I explained.

“Look Alli don’t take this the wrong way but have you considered that whatever is up with him has something to do with you and I hate to say it but, maybe the whole first mate thing and you not being his and him not being yours is affecting him. “Look I know this is probably something you don’t want to hear but at least think about what you would do if he did have that issue.” She said walking to the door.

Uhhh why did things have to be like this. What had I ever done to have all this trouble. It was all out of my hands. It wasn’t my fault that when I met my mate he was married. What was I supposed to do be a home wrecker? I loved Nick but there were still some feelings there for Matt. What worried me so much was the fact that if I felt like this how could he not be feeling the same things I was feeling for Olivia.


It was time to go home and do what I had to do for my pack. Things had been so good for me and Isabelle there was no worrying about who would be the future Luna or wondering if the old lady was telling the truth. I had taken these few months to devote all my time and attention to my little girl. Looking at her filled me with so much love. She was my whole world nothing mattered more to me then her. We had spent all these months on the beach taking in the sun and falling asleep to the sound of the ocean. I picked Isabelle up and started heading for the door the time had come. We were going home and I knew that there would be no waiting for Alli. My pack was depending on me and I had to do my duty.

My heart hurt thinking about never being with Alli again. She was my mate. It made me sick thinking that soon I would be mated to someone else. I often wondered if she thought of me at all. Did she feel anything for me? She was mate. She had to feel something. She had to feel the burning fire that I felt when I was near her. All those times I had gone to her knowing that she was not mine broke me to pieces. I held her when her heart was breaking for someone else. I had fought the urge to touch her and how I wanted to kiss her and love her like I wanted too. No, fate could not have made us mates for us not to be able to be together. She was my other half and she would never fit with Nick how she would with me.

“Alpha, the cars ready when you are.

You don’t want to miss your flight.” I heard bringing me back to reality.

“I’ll be right out I just have to grab Izzy’s bag and her blanket.” I answered.

Well this was it. It was time to face reality without Alli.


I was going crazy. Why was I felling this way? I was so confused and guilty. I loved Alli but my thoughts kept going to Olivia and how she was. Everything was just spiraling out of control. Alli had to know that something was wrong. What was I supposed to say to her? How could I look her in her beautiful eyes and tell her that I was thinking of someone else? Is it possible to love two people at the same time? The thought of losing Alli made my heart hurt and my stomach sick and yet I still could not help but think of Olivia. I had to snap out of it and quick. There was no way I wanted to hurt Alli.

“Hey what’s got you all out of it? Alli asked walking over to me.

She startled me, I didn’t even hear her walk up behind me.

“Not much just thinking about talking over the pack.” I said smiling at her.

“Do you not want the Alpha position?” she inquired.

“It’s a big responsibility. I’m just worried that I won’t be a great leader.” I replied honestly.

“There’s no one that would be better. Your kind and honest and your very patient. You’re going to do just fine. I’m going to be with you every step of the way, holding your hand and supporting you. You can do this; I know you can. I have faith in you.” She said grabbing my face and kissing me.

In that moment all thoughts of Olivia were gone and fire ran through my blood. I loved this girl and I was never letting her go.


Things had been going really good. I no longer felt those weird vibes that I was getting from Nick. The way he looked at me brought a smile to my face. The love just radiated off of him. It had been months since I had heard that Matt and Isabelle had returned from there trip. I had been very careful to not run into him. It wasn’t that hard because he lived in the town over but really only a few minutes away. His pack was throwing a party tonight they were bringing females from packs all around to find Matt his Luna. Of course we had to go to represent our pack and to show our support. I had been struggling all day with what I was going to wear and how I was going to do my hair. It so much pressure.

“Alli, where are you?” asked Macy.

“I’m in here,” I yelled.

“Do you know what you’re going to wear tonight?” Macy asked jumping up and down.

“Calm down girl I’m not going to the Emmy’s.” I said frowning.

“Oh come on you might as well be for all the important people that are going to be there.” She teased.

“Don’t remind me.” I said pulling more stuff out of my closet.

“You’re going to be fine Alli you’re going to look beautiful no matter what you wear.” She said reassuringly.

“Yeah, yeah, easy for you to say! You’re not the one that has to be in a room crowded with people that expect for you to look perfect.” I said grabbing a towel and heading to the bathroom leaving Macy playing with Alex.


The time had come I was finally going to have to pick a Luna. I felt a sense of dread but I pushed it down and started to get ready. I walked across my room to catch Izzy, who was running around my bed. My little girl had been a handful ever since she learned to use those little legs of hers. She rarely ever went to stay with Mandy but today she was going to go stay the weekend with her and she nowhere near ready to go.

“Come on my little princess we need to give you a bath and get your hair ready for when mommy comes.” I said trying to persuade her to cooperate.

“Mommy, mommy, mommy.” She said clapping her hands.

“Yes mommy.” I said walking to the bathroom with her.

I had to admit that no matter what had happened between me and Mandy in the past she was a good mom . Izzy just loved her to death and I was glad that Mandy was a part of her life.

Izzy was having so much fun splashing me that neither one of us heard Mandy walk in.

“There’s my little girl.” Mandy said walking into the bathroom.

Izzy squealed in delight.

“Why have you not finished getting ready? Mandy asked handing me Izzy’s towel.

“Your daughter here had me a little busy.” I said smiling.

“So are you nervous about tonight?” she inquired.

“Not really. I only really feel dread. It’s hard to explain.” I said looking up at her.

“You know you don’t have to do it. Alli is your mate, and I’m so sorry for the role I played in you losing her. I never meant to hurt you. I can see how much you still love her and I think that you should at least try one last time to talk to her. See how she feels about you. Look Matthew, I loved you once and I was your wife for 5 years. You’re a very special man. I care about what happens in your life. Plus, Alli would be an excellent step mom to my Isabelle. Just promise me that you will go see her before the party.” Mandy said taking Isabelle from my arms.

“I’ll finish getting my little girl ready to go. You go and finish getting ready and go see Alli.” She said walking out of the room.

She was right. What could it hurt to go and talk to her one last time. I knew that she was going to be at the party but I wouldn’t be able to talk to her alone there. So it had to be now or never. So I guess it was now. I was nervous about seeing Alli. Would she talk to me? Was she going to slam the door in my face. When I pulled up to her house, I just sat there for a minute convincing myself that this was the right thing to do. Nick’s car was not here so maybe I could talk to her alone for a minute. I opened my door and stepped out into the cold air. The walk to her door seemed like the longest walk I had ever taken. I rang the doorbell and waited for her to answer.

“I’m coming!” She screamed from behind the door.

The door finally opened and there she was. My mate. My everything. I felt my blood start to heat up and my heart pick up speed. This was bad…so, so bad. If she refused to hear me out I was going to be devastated. This tiny little thing in front of me had the ability to bring an Alpha like me to his knees. I was willing to get on my knees and beg her to forgive me to give me another chance. I knew that she loved Nick and that what I wanted was not what she wanted. She had a baby with him for god’s sake! What was I thinking coming over here? I needed to make up some reason for my visit and get the heck out of there. She stepped aside to let me in and she closed the door behind us.

“What are you doing here Matt?” She asked.

“I came to...,” just as I was about to make up some lie the doorbell rang again.

“Hold on a minute let me see who that is?” she said opening the door.

“Ummm…Is Nick here?” I froze it couldn’t be, what the hell was Olivia doing here looking for Nick.

“Omg, that’s why your here isn’t it?” Alli said placing her hand on the door to hold her up.

I turned to the door and my jaw dropped. There in the doorway stood a very pregnant Olivia.

“Come in,” Alli whispered with tears in her eyes.


My heart hurt and I was fighting to keep the tears from falling. As soon as I had seen Olivia I knew that that baby she was carrying was Nick’s. I cleared my throat to try and get rid of the lump I had in it. First Matt shows up, and then Olivia! I pulled my phone out of pocket and I dialed Nick’s number. When he picked up I cleared my throat so he wouldn’t know how I was feeling.

“Yes, my love” He answered. “I need for you to come home right away I need your help with something.” I numbly responded.

“OK I’ll be right there. Love you.” He said hanging up.

“Macy can you come down here?” I yelled.

“I’m coming!"She responded.

"Who was at the door?” she said coming around the corner.

She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw who was here. She opened her mouth but nothing came out and she just pointed at Olivia. She finally snapped out of it and walked over to me.

“What the hell is going on here?” She yelled.

“What are you doing here?” She asked Matt. Before he could answer she had moved on to Olivia.

“Oh and you, you little home wrecker don’t even get me started. You better be glad your Prego or I would be kicking you’re a** right now. Ewww your so lucky.” She said glaring at her.

“Where is that good for nothing cheating husband yours?” She yelled.

“He’s on his way home.” I said tears falling down my face.

Matt took a step towards me and paused like he didn’t know what to do. I was hurting so bad I just wanted to roll into a little ball and cry and pretend that all this was a bad dream. I was going to wake up any minute this had to a mistake.

The door opened and the moment was here. Nick walked in and froze. All the blood drained from his face and he turned to look at me. In that moment, I knew if there was any doubt in my mind it was gone now. The guilt I saw there left no room for questions. The baby was his. He looked between me and Olivia like a deer caught in the headlights. I fell to the floor no longer able to hold myself up. Nick knelt down beside me and tried to help me up.

“Don’t touch me!” I yelled rubbing the tears from my eyes.

“Please, just let me explain!” Nick begged me.

“Explain what?” I screamed.

“That you cheated on me while I was worried sick crying that I would never see you again.

While I was pregnant with your baby. While Matt had to be here with me so that I could sleep.” I said standing up.

“Please! Alli just here me out! Please!” He said grabbing a hold of my wrist.

“I said don’t touch me.” I said trying to pull my wrist from his grasp.

“Nick your hurting me let go...”I said trying to get out of his grasp.

The next thing I knew Nick was flying across the room.

“She said to let her go.” Matt growled.

“Why are you even here?” Nick yelled getting up.

“I have nothing else to say to you Nick please leave.” I said walking over to Macy.

“Yeah and take your whore with you.” Macy screamed.

“Who you calling a whore!” Olivia yelled.

“The only person in here Prego by someone else’s husband! Let’s take a look around nope there’s nobody else. It’s just you, whore!” Macy yelled furious.


This could not be happening to me. The one mistake that I wish I could take back is the one that is going to ruin my life. I couldn’t even get her to hear me out just let me explain what was going on in the moment. I just needed to get her to listen to me. What the hell was Matt doing here? He was supposed to be at his party finding a mate.

“Alli, I love you please don’t walk away from me.” I said tears falling down my face.

“What do you want from me Nick.” She whispered.

“I loved you above anything, even my first mate.” I tried to explain.

“There’s nothing you can say that can explain away what you did. While she was in your arms I was in Matt’s and never once did he try anything on me. He respected the fact that I loved you. He came because I needed him. I was so distraught over you being missing that I was putting our baby in harm. Do you think that he wanted to come hold his mate knowing that I belonged to someone else? That my heart was breaking for another man? I think not!” she yelled.

“The bottom line is that you made a choice. Now you have to live with it and so does everyone else. I hate that my heart is breaking right now and I hate that I will have to explain to Alex why mommy and daddy aren’t going to be together any more. I hate that I’m going to have to explain why he has a brother or sister that mommy didn’t have.” She sobbed.

My heart was breaking seeing how much I had hurt her. She had loved me and given me all her trust and I had ruined it. The thought of not being with her killed me inside.

I turned to Olivia and she just smiled. For as much as I wanted to hate her, I didn’t and that only made me angrier.

“Please just take her and go I don’t want to see her anymore.” She cried, falling to the ground.

Her sobs were earth shattering. She was breaking down and there was nothing I could do about it.

“Alli, please just let me just hold you.” I pleaded, trying to get close to her.

“No, no, no”, she screamed pushing me away.

She started gasping for air and before I knew that he was there Matthew sent me flying across the room for a second time. He picked Allie off the ground and held her close to his chest to calm her.

“Leave now, and take her with you.” He growled. “If you come back before she’s ready to see you I won’t kill you because you’re the father of her son but I’ll make you wish you were dead. And you,” he pointed to Olivia.” If I ever see you again, your dead. I warned you all those months back to not come back here. Your only alive right now because Alli needs me. Plus, I don’t want to make her more upset by killing Nick who would come to your defense if I tried. This is your last warning; you will die the next time I see you. And if you’re with her you will die too,” He growled pointing at me. I hated to see him walking up the stairs of my house with Alli in his arms. I hated the fact that he was here at all. Now he was in my room with my mate and I was down here with Olivia and a pissed off Macy. If looks could kill, I would be dead and so would Olivia.


“I don’t know what you’re waiting for Olivia! Get the hell out of Alli’s house! I’m not as nice as Alli and I’ll throw you out on your a**. And you... to you cheating no good for nothing loser, get out.” I said glaring at them.

I couldn’t believe that this had happened. I would have never thought that Nick would do something like that to Alli.

In a way, I kind of feel a tiny bit, and I mean really tiny bit, sorry for Nick. Olivia is his first mate. If you’re going to cheat with anyone that’s the only one that I would understand. That fact that I felt a little bad for him didn’t change the fact that he had hurt my friend and she wanted him gone. So out he was going. I walked over to the door and held it open and waited for him to walk out Olivia right behind him. I growled and showed Olivia my sharp canines as she walked by and she jumped and hurried to catch up with Nick.

“That’s right I bite, be afraid little whore, be very afraid.” I yelled behind her.


I held Alli close to me trying to calm her down but the rage building up in side of me was burring me up alive. I wanted to hurt Nick for what he had done to Alli. Her cries were shattering to me. It hurt me to see her like this. I wanted to erase Nick from her memory until all she thought of was me. I opened her bedroom and carried her inside. She clung to me tighter sobbing into my chest. I pressed my lips to her for head and I sat down with her in my lap.

“It’s going to be ok. Alli, can you please try to calm down.

He’s gone now.” I said wiping the tears from her face.

“It’s never going to be ok again, don’t you get it Matt. I have Alex to think about and every time I look at him I’ll see Nick. Every time I see Olivia’s baby I’ll remember what Nick did. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Why does my life have to be like this? First you and now Nick. I just can’t take anymore,” she sobbed laying her head on my chest and closing her eyes.

Nick had not been the only one to hurt her and I had to take responsibility for that. I had to let her work this out on her own. For as much as I wanted to use this to my advantage, I knew that it was the wrong thing to do. If she chose to be with me, it had to be because that’s what she really wanted not because Nick had hurt her. I knew what I had to do but I didn’t have to like it.

“Alli,” I said turning her face towards me, “I think that you need to give Nick a chance to explain. Let him give you his side of the story.”I advised.

“How can you say that! She yelled.

“There’s nothing that he can say that will change things.” She said tears forming in her eyes.

“You don’t know that Alli, just hear him out.” I said softly.

It hurt so much to say those words but I knew that it was the right thing to do. Inside my heart was screaming at me to shut up but I knew that I couldn’t. She had to have closure to be able to move on if that was what she choose to do.

“I have to go.” I said putting her down and getting to my feet.

“I have a party I need to be at.” I said my heart breaking with each step I took.

“Why are you leaving Matt? Don’t you want to be with me? Don’t you love me?” She said wiping the tears from her face.

“It’s because I love you that I’m doing this. I know that you don’t understand it now but you will. When you have had a chance to figure things out you know where to find me. I was supposed to choose a Luna tonight but I know in my heart that only you could ever be my Luna. My mate. Even if you never come to find me that will never change.

Goodbye Alli.” I said turning my back to her and walking away.


My heart was beating a hundred miles an hour and my head was spinning. What had just happened? Matt had left me and he wanted me to hear Nick out. Rage built up inside of me and I just wanted to hit something. I picked up my remote and threw it at my mirror. It shattered leaving me looking at a broken girl. It was eerie how true that really was. Love had been nothing but heartache for me. I had given all of myself and still it was not enough. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for what was to come.

“Macy!” I yelled from my bedroom door.

I heard her footsteps coming up the stairs before I saw her.

“Are you ok Alli?” She said pulling me into a hug.

“I’ll live,” I said wondering if I really would get past this.

“Um is Alex sleeping? “I asked grabbing my jacket.

“Yea he’s out cold.” She replied.

“Will you please watch him while I go talk to Nick.” I begged.

“What!!!” She screamed.

“I have to; I need to know his side of the story so that I can move on with my life.” I said walking past her down the stairs.

I pulled out my phone for the second time that night to call Nick. When he picked up all I said was for him to meet me in the Park, you have 10 minutes and then I hung up.


My drive home was hard my stomach was so sick and I had to pull over to vomit. I knew that my house would be full of people so I drove to the back and pulled up to a back entrance and walked in without anyone seeing me. I wasn’t in any kind of state to see any one. The only person I wanted right now was the one that I had walked away from. I snuck into Isabelle’s room just to look at her things. I wished that I had the comfort of my little girl right now. I knew that Mandy would not be bringing her back until Monday so I just snuck into my room and locked the door behind me.


Alli’s phone call had been surprising and it had left me wondering why she wanted to meet. I had gotten to my car as fast as I could. Hope sprung to life inside of me and I pushed the gas down more so that I could get there faster. When I got there Alli was sitting on a bench waiting on me. I walked over to her and I could see that she had tears in her eyes and I wanted nothing more than to hold her and tell her that things would be ok. She looked up at me and I could see all the hurt on her face.

“Ok Nick you have me here so explain.” She said crossing her arms over her chest.

Here went nothing I hoped that she would understand and that we could fix things.

“Olivia called me a few months ago to tell me that she was pregnant and she didn’t know what to do, I should have told you then that I had spoken to her but I didn’t want to upset you.” I started to explain.

“So you have known all this time that she was pregnant! “She yelled.

“Did you not think that I would find out about it?” I accused.

“Alli, the baby is not mine.” I said looking her right in the eyes.

“What? “She said looking shocked.

“How do you explain how guilty you looked.” She said getting off the bench.

“Your lying!”She yelled.

“I looked guilty because I was, I knew she was pregnant and I had talked to her behind your back and that was a mistake, but Alli that was my only mistake.”He stated fiercely.


“How can that be true?” I whispered.

“I promise you that it is. You can ask Olivia if you want to or we could test the baby once it’s born if that would make you feel better.” He offered clearly trying to make amends.

“Alli, I won’t lie and say that I didn’t have mixed feeling about Olivia and I was wondering if I loved you guys both. What it come down to was that I loved you more. Olivia could have cleared things up about the baby when she was there but she didn’t. She wanted you to hate me and think the worst. That’s what makes you better than her. You don’t have a mean bone in your body.”He said with admiration in his voice.

“On the other hand Macy is another story. I thought that girl was going to kill me. She even gave Olivia a scare on her way out.” He said pulling me close to him.

“Please don’t ever doubt me again. I would never do anything to hurt you and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about talking to Olivia. It was dumb of me and I’ll never do something like that again.” he promised.

“Where did you leave her?” I asked hoping he would say he left her on the side of the street in a horrible neighborhood.

“I took her to the airport and told her to go home and not to ever come look for me again. I won’t say that I’m not affected because I was. I feel things for her. I’m not sure if you understand that or not. I just can’t have her coming between you and me. We are a family we have a son and I would never trade you guys for anything in this world.” He said holding me tight.

In that moment I knew that everything was going to be ok and that Matt had been right. In my heart I knew why he did what he did and what he must be going through because of it. My heart hurt for him. He loved me and he had proved it to me today. I needed to talk to him. That was the least I could do. I had to thank him for not letting me make a rash choice.

“Nick I need to do something. Will you meet me back at the house?” I said pulling away.

“Let me guess, Matthew?” He said frowning.

“I have to Nick, he’s the one that told me to hear you out. Do you know how hard that had to be for him? I won’t let him hold on to false hope. That would just be cruel.” I pleaded waiting for Nick’s reaction.

“He threw me across the room twice today, and in my own house, Allie.” He said accusingly.

” You deserved it”, I smirked.

“Poor baby did he get hurt?” I said walking over to him and pulling him into a tight hug.

“I’m here in your arms right now because of Matthew.” I whispered.

“Your right and I know you are but I’m a man and I have this little thing called an ego and right now it’ a bit bruised. Go, do what you have to do and I’ll be at home waiting." I reassured her.

"Make sure to call Macy I don’t want her trying to kill me.” He grinned.

“She’s not that bad.” I smiled sweetly pulling my phone out to send her a text. Hell hath no fury like a pissed of Macy.

The drive to Matt’s house seemed so long and I was not looking forward to what I had to say. When I pulled up there were cars parked up and down the street so I pulled around the back and parked right next to Matt’s car. I walked up to the back door and just as I was about to open the door someone stopped me.

“Miss, you’re not allowed in there,” a voice said.

I turned around to see a member of Matt’s pack. When he saw me he was quick to apologize and let me in. It was no secret that I was Matt’s mate.

I didn’t know where to go so I had to ask someone. When I finally came to his door I took a deep breath and knocked.

“Go away I told you I didn’t want to see anyone!” Matt yelled through the door.

“Matt, it’s Alli,” I yelled back.

I heard moving around and then the door opened. What I saw was shocking.I had never seen him look anything but perfect. His hair was a sloppy mess, it looked like he had been running his fingers through it. His eyes were red and he looked so sad he looked broken. He moved to the side to let me in and he closed the door behind me.


The relief I felt at seeing her was so strong. She was here but by the look on her face I was not sure that whatever she had to say was going to be good. I tried my best to keep my emotions off my face. I waked across the room to give her room and then I just waited for what she had to say.

“Matt, I wanted to come because I took your advice. I went to see Nick and let him clear things up. I just want to tell you that I know how much that cost you. I know that things have been crazy with all of us and I don’t want to hurt you. I just wanted you to know that it’s not Nick’s baby and he explained what was going on.” She said looking at the floor.

And there it was. I had lost her. After everything, she had let me go for good. I was unsure how to react so I just nodded and hugged her. There was no need for words. There was nothing I could say that would change things. I would let her go in peace and wallow in my misery when I was alone.

“I hope your very happy Alli, and give my best to Nick.” I said walking over and opening the door for her.

“Matt I just want you to know that ....” I stopped her mid-sentence.

“You don’t owe me anything Alli. Just go and be happy.” I pleaded.

“Matthew, I can’t leave without telling you what I want to say. Look, I know that things between us have never been how they should, but none the less here we are.” She sadly said waving her hand in the air.

“What’s being said here is between us it’s no one’s business but ours" she said going and closing the door.

“This is not easy for either of us, and I want you to know that I think you are an honorable man. Any woman would be lucky to have you. What you did for me tonight was something I will never forget. There will always be a part of me that loves you but there is no hope for us. Our story ended before it ever started. Let yourself love again, find someone to share your life with. Don’t waste an opportunity to be happy because you can’t let me go.” She implored tears falling from her face.

“I would never be able to live with myself if I knew you were all alone because of me.” She cried grabbing both my hands in hers.

” Promise me, you will at least try.” She pleaded waiting for me to respond.

What was I supposed to say? Could I do what she was asking? Alli had suffered enough she was the true victim in all of this. My choices caused all of this, there was no one to blame but myself. I would do as she asked because I knew that it would bring her peace of mind. I had hurt her so much already I owed her this.

“I’ll do as you ask, but no one will ever be my Luna if not you.” I affirmed fiercely.

“I’ll take what I can get,” She frowned wrapping her arms around me tightly.

“Be happy Matthew,” She said letting me go and walking out the door.

The door closed softly behind her, I listened until her footsteps faded away. She was gone and I was finally free to mourn what I had just lost.

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