I shield my face with my hands and rush out of the barbershop where I help out my manager not wanting anyone to see me this vulnerable
I run right into the uncompleted building behind the neighbourhood and break down in the middle of the building letting it all go crying till I have no more tears left to cry
I keep sitting around on the dusty floor without a care in the world about my clothes or myself.It had been months and I thought I had forgotten about him and every atrocity he committed against me,I guess I was horribly wrong because immediately I caught sight of the picture on his WhatsApp status,even before I clicked on the image my hands had started shaking and my heart was beating twice as fast.I don't know how or why he had such effects on me---no that's a lie I knew exactly why even the mention of his name affected me this much!
I could continue lying to myself as much as I wanted, telling myself beautiful lies but he destroyed me and I don't think I can ever piece myself back together again,and if I ever healed I would never be my old self again.
"You're too good for me"I remember him saying not once,not twice but countless times, I should have believed him then and walked away but my stubborn self wouldn't see the truth
"I can't be with you alone"he had stated distastefully another time yet somehow I had convinced myself that he was just being playful,kidding even because to me he was my man and I was hopelessly and blindly in love with him.
I could argue that I was never truly in love with him that I was just obsessed with him and his lifestyle yet mostly lonely.
"If you don't stop trying to fight this I will end this relationship"he had growled when I tried to fight him off the day he was attempting to take my virginity.I wanted to wait,I wanted to take my time and just get to know each other intimately before being physically intimate because that was just me,that was just how I was built but he took that away from me and that too forcefully and I will have to forever live with that.
Another wave of tears hit me hard as I go through all the horrible things he did to me physically,emotionally and mentally.He put me through torture,humiliated me in ways I didn't deserve and I somehow found an excuse to stay in that toxic relationship every time something went wrong.
I finally ended things after another set of humiliation but even with that change of heart I somehow almost run back to him because in my mind I couldn't leave without him.
As I sat down there on the ground crying my heart out for all to hear I knew then I wasn't crying because I was broken hearted neither was I crying because he had found someone new he claimed was "the one" to flaunt I was weeping for the hundredth time because of all the shit he put me through.For the toxicity,shame,insecurities and pain I let myself endure,for allowing him to reduce me to nothing.
Hey guys Ginger here,I have taken down this book to undergo editing,so to everyone who has read this book previously there might be a few changes and a few new chapters so please stay with me😌
Thank you 🖤
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