Nonetheless, I brace myself up to face them all as I head to bathroom for a fresh start of the day.
I choose my flannels and a loose tank top to define a perfect Sunday.
Heading downstairs, I'm met with a familiar yet a delicately distinct smell of coffee and pancakes. Mom has always been my favourite chef.
'Good morning' I greet her but I know it's not the same even as she hugs me and kisses my cheek returning the wish.
I take a seat at the stool near the counter and rest my head on my folded forearms before gradually lifting them up on hearing my mom speak about the tensed subject.
'I saw Felix leaving at six in the morning despite me asking him to at least stay for breakfast. What's the matter honey? You both doing good?'
Concern was etched onto her face but I didn't let it mar mine. As casually as I could, I replied to my mother that indeed we had a small fight.
She never asked the reasons as it was extremely normal for the two of us to go on with serious fights for silly reasons for a solid length of time. Instead she just shrugged it off by placing freshly made, thin crusts of soft discs on my plate.
I thanked her and the day continued form there on.
Afternoon went and evening came, but the words he threw my way didn't once leave my mind.
There was no bloody reason!
Either he just didn't trust me that much or... was our relationship just not that strong anymore?
As much as I wanted I couldn't choose between the two, I just couldn't accept it.
At nine in the evening I got a call from my distraction. And I didn't receive it. Instead I just headed downstairs, lay my head on my comforter's lap and scanned her face as I would, most of the time.
She is a beauty to behold, with such a delicately strong heart. She's a fighter and a lover. She knows her daughter - whom she has with a man she loved still - very well. Only the man is no longer with her.
When he died she didn't shed a tear. When she buried the body with a nine month pregnant baby bump, she didn't give into the trauma that had her shun. Shun herself, shun the world, and shun even me. She willingly chose a single life, a sincere mother and lover she is. Fighting all odds she still stands like a finely cut diamond in the blaze of the unfair sun. That's my mum.
I didn't understand where I was when I opened my eyes. They didn't get a chance to glorify their comforter anymore as she was already gone. I laid on the couch all alone.
Vaguely, deep inside, I had a feeling I wasn't actually alone.
Peeling my groggy eyes from a rather tough cushion, I saw him as he sat there with his dark ones focused solely on the sleepy me.
I adjusted my top and flannels as I regained a sitting posture. Drowsiness was already hitting again but I managed to stare and absorb what was going on around.
Slowly he got up and passed the glass of water, which until now stood quiet and unnoticed by the devenustated me.
I accepted and drank some. Feeling cold I wrapped the blanket around myself which too wasn't there when I fell asleep.
He was now sitting on the center table as he took the glass from my hands. He didn't let go, just kept the glass in one still holding mine with the other.
I was not in a mood to hear anymore, listen to more rubbish being thrown this way especially with any kind of connection between the two of us.
So I just withdrew my warm hand from his and folded them across my chest, tucking them safely inside the blanket again.
He let out a sigh and I was fully sane by then. 'I'm sorry', came out rarely from his throat but when it did, it seemed as if he was slicing his heart into two pieces so that you could check for yourself and know how genuinely sorry he was.
However not this time. This time it seemed as if he was still holding some of it back. As if he wasn't really sorry for everything that happened yesterday.
'I'm sorry', he said again. Although there was no need to repeat since I heard it loud and clear the first time he apologized. So I sat quietly waiting for any others to follow after it. There were none. Just silence.
'It's okay. Good night!'
Avoiding some things was better, way better than facing the consequences and I had a functional brain inside the meninges of my thick skull.
Seeing me move, trying to wriggle out of the blanket, he quickly crossed out my chances of escape by planting both of his hands on either side of me.
'I said I'm sorry'. He said glaring at me as if he'd kill me any moment now.
For the first time I doubted if he was seriously being serious right now.
"And I said. It was okay!" I enunciated each word very slow and clear, just so.
Did I mention anything about my skull being naturally thick?
Prolly I did.
No more fidgeting to walk out on him because I had no other option to me, I begrudgingly sat looking sternly at my currently-not-so-favourite person.
A deep sigh once again made its way past his lips.
And with a voice that now had a more controlled tone to it, he started or shall I say, tried once again.
"I didn't mean what I said yesternight Mar and for that I sincerely apologise. Yell at me. Fucking hit me but please at least talk. Tell me what should I do to have your forgiveness?"
"Help me with my escort." I said, without thinking as if it was the only thing I needed, wanted.
"But... we... I.."
He inhaled deeply and let out a much deeper, exasperated sigh this time. His head hung lower than his broad shoulders and for a moment I thought, there was no way I could be more dopey than this.
I decided to just forgive him and not ask anything in return.
That was a first; to see him out of any lupine remarks. I was amazed.
"You said anything, Felix?"
Now, definitely I was being more dopier than before. But I just needed to be sure.
"Fine... since you leave me no choice Mar." He grunted, with his head still hanging like a fat mango, facing down pleading the ground to cushion it's fall, so the overweight doesn't damage itself. I stole a smile at the chance.
The next morning we were in front of the same big black doors that promised me a successful project and perhaps a good college internship.
Fee however was very new to this. And so I took it as a responsibility to lead him through. I introduced him to the receptionist and at first for some reason he acted weird. Not Fee, the receptionist. May be with the idea that I'm actually introducing my friend here who does not wish to join the group of capable escorts.
I made him sit in the same waiting area that I'd been appointed on my very first visit, even before Jack could do the deed. He smiled at me and I passed a huge grin his way before being brutally pulled upon the couch on which Fee made his not-so-gentlemanly derrière land.
After about another fifteen minutes, of which it took me only twelve - by watch- to solve the sudoku despite being crammed with questions from this stupid best friend of mine, we were finally summoned by Jack to go inside a cabin.
Well, not we, just me, alone.
Fee wasn't very comfortable with the idea but still, I managed to make him remain seated where he was.
I went in the direction Jack gave me, all the while being stared at by Fee, I didn't mind that, at all. Dear friend, always looking out.
Finally when I turned, I lost the stare, and I think I lost my way too.
After straining my memory for sometime, I then, finally reached for the third door on the same turn.
The man was shirtless and a not-so-completely dressed girl sat, rather comfortably on him.
With fishnet hose as her not-so-adequate choice for lowers, both her legs dangled on either side of the man's waist, even though she wore heels, the inches of which I couldn't very well decipher.
I wondered how she walked on those sticks without falling face-down on the ground.
Despite these thoughts, I was still abashed, nonplussed, agitated, or maybe perturbed, I didn't have a clue.
But I was subconsciously aware of the hot gush of blood running up to my cheeks, crawling all the way through my neck and thereby giving me weirdest of jitters all the while.
Some sense hit my brain, and in two flat seconds I was out of the door. Fetching for and finally finding the baby blue water bottle from inside my bag, I took huge gulps. The cold water did so much to soothe my fluttering pulse, making me indebtedly grateful for carrying it wherever with me.
Just as I placed my bottle back inside, I heard the same dark voice, demanding my presence by name. "Ms Alexandra, I don't have all day. You're three minutes too late. If you still don't want to step inside, you may leave."
I barged into the office without even knocking. Well, I didn't see the need to anyway.
He had a shirt on now. Black, same as his trousers and he stood there, buttoning it all the way up. Well, all the way up leaving the last two on the top, from where his hard chest peeked in all its glory, very shamelessly at me. Or rather I, at it.
I glanced the other way upon being caught staring with no hint of modesty in me. But then I caught the sight of her. She was straightening up her halter black dress which didn't even certify for the term 'mini', for it barely covered up her buttocks.
After a few certain placements made by the prior occupants of this giant room and the big commanding chair, once seated on by him, now was holding her form in place. With complete authority but ever so gently, she asked for me to take my seat on the chair infront of the mahogany, the presence of which all too impossible to ignore.
The man however, turned to me and walked my way. I swear I would've shat my pants hadn't I realised I was still occupying the exit to his her office.
Quite willingly I stepped aside, giving him sufficient escape.
My desire to have a one on one with this woman was quickly submerged by her upcoming suggestion directed directly to the man I most wanted out.
"I suppose it'd be better if you stayed."
Her authority was infact much above her allure, for this man did not once question of what was asked of him. He shut the door, and took his place on the nearby couch. All the while I stood and watched.
"If you are done staring at my partner, you might as well get started with your cause. Don't bother explaining what you're here for. Just tell me why should I do the deed to hire you for one of our employees."
She reminded me of one of my math professors, back in eighth grade, asking one of my batchmates to provide him with the only sane reason as to why he should even consider promoting him.
I felt the pressure deep upto my very bones. She, undoubtedly, had that kind of command which told her employees to be thorough with a lesson as big as twenty five pages in an hour. Or else...
The threat was very clear and I found myself gulping more than once. Nonetheless, I began with that short speech I had memorized and rehearsed more than twenty times.
"Well, ma'am as you are already aware that I, as a psychologist want to analyse the behaviour of human brain in contrast to the job he either himself chose or was pushed into, as a part of my project. And in my frame, I would like to work with escorts."
She pondered for a while but was quick to point another line of query.
"And why escorts? Why not some other occupation, probably one that ain't so corrupted to talk about in present day society?"
I knew this. I was made to be ashamed of the same by Fee. So now I was only clear why I wanted this.
"For exposure ma'am."
She flirted with her brows, seemingly impressed as she signalled for me to elucidate on my cause.
"Ma'am you see, people in such profession largely participate due to reasons that make them do so but I don't think that's the only reason behind it. I feel..."
She halted me right there, like her mind had already come to a conclusion that I was yet to discover, if it was indeed in my favour or not. She began communicating silently with the man present behind me. I never once gave in to my interrogative nature, instead I just stayed facing straight and granted them the privacy they seeked.
"Alright, she's all yours Nick. I guess we can work with her. I'm gonna fetch some coffee." She left so abruptly, it was almost disrespectful. I didn't mind though. Interviews!
Once left alone, the partner showed up on the same seat once preoccupied by him. I wondered to myself if they usually just rotated their shifts or if she was just too moody.
When he looked up at me, it was the first time since I took in all of his features and I saw the most beautiful pair of deep grey eyes I'd never witnessed before.
They were speckled with what seemed like silver, so unnaturally human.
"Ms. Alexandra, I do not tolerate being stared at. Put an immediate stop at whatever you're trying to do, since you've already mentioned you are not looking for 'any kind of physical contact', here in your file-work."
Oh God, please come down and teach me self control personally.
"I... I was... I mean I am... I will."
Full stop Mar. What the heck?
I could only clear my throat to flush away some of the embarrassment from the room. One is only bound to fumble at some point with such a polished piece of specimen placed in front of you.
Leaving the awkwardness of the passed apart, I just waited for him to direct this interview as his sleek fingers flipped across pages of my resume.
"So, when do you need me?"
"What what? You wanted a subject for your project. I'm asking you what's only relevant."
Wow! I was not expecting that.
He cannot be the one. This seems a li'l too good to be real. My brain scurried at finding the loophole. Found none whatsoever.
"Oh well, I suppose we can start with the case study from tomorrow." Definitely by tomorrow, I'm just too eager to dive into the other world. The so called 'big bad world' out there.
He narrowed his eyes, tongue swiping his plush pink lip, as if going through his plans, checking up and down his invisible calender. Clearing his throat before he settles, "Alright, you have provided me with an e-mail ID here so I'll mail you the address over. For now, you can leave."
He was back onto some paperwork, and I didn't wait to bother him any further. Grabbing my stuff and thanking him in gratitude, I took my leave.
Fee was not where I expected him to be. Instead, he seemed rather busy with a harlot who looked quite dishevelled despite the day and by the looks of it, she had had a rather phantasmagorically ahh-mazing night yester night. I smiled to myself, contagious of the aura she was oozing.
I thought better of the situation at hand and simply texted Fee about being outside and waiting besides the car. In a matter of another few minutes he was out, smirking to what I assumed a promised date.
"When?" I asked, still giving him a snide smile.
"Never! Merely a chit chat. She was not my type. Ya know." He shrugged off still smirking.
"Ooooh so that explains the smirk."
"Well, it's a bit high-horse to know not much women are your type." The asshat friend of mine was still smirking. And that he did all the way home, till he dropped me safely back and until he drove away.
I hope the story is keeping you delved in and I hope the delving continues.
Until the next update...
Possibly next week! 😉