My arms fell open as I began to slowly wake, empty and cold. Immediately a hot anger and fear filled my chest. I was angered because Camira was afraid enough to leave me. I was afraid because I knew Zane had her in the palm of his hand, and she’s probably blaming herself right now.
Quickly heaving myself off the cold and empty ground, I waited for the dizziness to subside so I could start trampling through the woods after her. A deep anger in the back of my throat rose up, and I wanted to roar. I could feel the loss of my woman already. Camira was disconnecting herself. The feeling of her was shriveling inside me like the other half of my soul was tearing.
I wanted to scream.
As I quickened my pace I spoke quietly knowing she would somehow hear me through the breezy air. “Hold on baby; don’t lose yourself now. I’m coming. Hold on just a little longer.”
The last thing I did before I detached myself from her tortured feelings of hurt and fear was plead with fate.
I’ve been trying to ignore the lump in my throat as I tried not to choke on the monster that Zane has created out of me. Just from a persuasion I never asked for. I could still hear his voice spitting into my cheek as he said the spellbinding words.
When the time is right, you will kill him. Camira, you will kill your mate and live a life of sorrow which you could never even think to imagine.
The time was right. And even as I hunched over into the hollow of a tree trunk, I could feel him coming closer. As Dagon came closer so did the monster ñ climbing to the surface at a frantic pace that I couldn’t even keep up with.
I feel like Zane is laughing at me. Or is the laughter I hear actually me? Trying to listen around the rush of adrenaline that indicated the monster I could hear my own hysterical laughter. Oh gods, what have I become?
I began to rock back and forth in my sitting position as I grabbed near the roots of my hair. This is not happening. It can’t. The hope that I felt last night was what our future was supposed to be. Dagon and I were supposed to live in my little cottage and have children...with horns! For a fleeting moment I was in a happier place with a mind turning on its self. But it was only fleeting.
A scream began to bubble its way up my throat and it burned like a sharp wind to try and hold it in. When I had no more strength to hold on I screamed until my throat was raw, my face became heavy ñ as if tears were supposed to run down my face, and I was out of breath.
As I sat there waiting for a horrifying future without my mate, knowing that I will kill him, I began to absentmindedly sing a song I never knew I’d use. I could only remember parts of it as my mind became fuzzy.
I've been ignoring this big lump in my throat
I shouldn't be crying,
Tears were for the weaker days
I'm stronger now, or so I say,
But something's missing
...It feels like it's laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror
Whatever it is,
...Just wanna scream
What now? I just can't figure it out
...I guess I'll just wait it out
I found the one, he changed my life
But was it me that changed
And he just happened to come at the right time
I'm supposed to be in love
But I'm numb again
What now? Please tell me
There's no one to call...
...I'm feeling alone
...I can't even get the emotions to come out
Dry as a bone, but I just wanna shout
...What now? Somebody tell me
I don't know where to go
I don't know what to feel
I don't know how to cry
I don't know where to go
I don't know...why
I think I ended up humming the last lines as I heard the desperate footsteps of my mate. And something snapped. My mind was no longer my own.
I could hear her singing as I came around the tree ñ feeling an evilness that wasn’t her ñ and my heart was tearing when I heard the way she sang. Camira was choking it out. Around the persuasion she could no longer hold inside.
And as I came into view, she whimpered and seemed to get smaller within the hollowed out tree. She was acting like a scared animal, and I knew in that moment that my fate...and Camira’s... were moments away.
Trying to speak around a strange lump in my throat, I realized it wasn’t mine. “Camira, baby...please.” Holding out my hand, I only knew half of what she was going through, beginning to feel the physical side affects.
“No, stay away,” she said brokenly, and I knew it was because of the raw throat.
“That’s not going to happen, my sweet Camira. We’re going to do this together.” My last statement almost broke her. “I need you for this. I can’t do it alone.” But soon she inched out, but never took my hand. She was shuddering, afraid to touch me.
As I got a better look at her bare body, I saw her eyes for the first time. They took the breath out of my lungs. Camira’s eyes were like a storm, glowing like a flash of lightning in the sky. And as they twitched, something not like her, her once dove eyes looked like a windstorm, building every second she stood near me.
“Camira, I want to make this easier. I want to help.” Dagon said, and I almost spat back that the help he could have given was to run in the opposite direction...no, sprint. But I didn’t answer because I had no control.
After minutes of mentally pushing a wall at a monster I didn’t dare let out, something inside me woke up enough to talk fluently. "Dagon, I'm seeing red." I said firmly, not in the least bit done. "I hear his voice in my head, I feel him on the wind like every breath from my lungs. Don't you get it?" I asked, and then took a deep breath, trying to calm a monster that wouldn’t let up. It didn't work, because the next thing that came out was yelled at the top of my lungs trying to make the world understand. "I CAN’T DO THIS ANY MORE!" It was very raspy though.
Immediately I saw the hurt that I caused him in the way he looked at me, and the way his breath hitched for the first time. Good, maybe he’s starting to understand, I momentarily thought. Feeling his hurt, and not mine, only intensified my own emotions. Instead of screaming my feeling swung in the other direction.
Everything spilled out, "I-I'm s-s-sorry." I was close to choking myself with sobs when I finished.
Dagon came closer to console me, and comfort my shaky mind and body. I stepped back almost tripping myself over a tree root. "No!"
"Camira," instead Dagon used his voice. "Please baby, you're frightening me. -"
"You should be." I gasped at what I said before I could have caught myself.
He just continued as if I did not interrupt. "I can feel your pain and confusion and it's tearing at my heart. If I can't comfort my mate." He didn't even so much as pause when he said those two words, but I heard and he had my attention for only a moment. A moment away from the monster...long enough for him to tell me everything I needed to hear. "No matter what happens, you will always be mine, and I will always be yours. I love you and I will say it until my last breath is pushed from my lungs."
I started to cry, because I knew it was too late and that I was alone, standing across from my beloved mate.
That night he wouldn’t leave and I wouldn't get any closer than a five foot radius.
When I woke everything was in sharp detail but yet there was a haze that constricted my mind. I couldn’t think logically.
Staring down with cold, unseeing eyes... positioning the sword... grabbing the hilt just right... spreading my knees as I hunched over him... the sword fell with a satisfying tear and crunch of muscle and bone.
Blood soaked my hands and Dagon gasped awake. In that exact moment the haze lifted and I cried out in fear and pain. Doing a quick study of the horrific scene I realized I hit a lung and not his heart, and he was still gasping for the air that wouldn’t come.
The monster had done this. It took seconds to realize the monster was gone...no more heaviness on my mind.
In the blink of and eye my brain went into panic mode. “No, no no! It’s not too late, its not too late. I can fix this,” I said desperately trying to figure out how I could fix this. I kept saying things that weren’t true with a raspy throat as my hands hovered over his blood-soaked abdomen, trying to figure out what I could do without hurting the man I loved even more. Where could I touch and not harm? All I saw was blood and it scared me to even touch that.
Although I hadn’t touched him, I found the crimson color coating my shaky fingers, and I started to breathe heavily from the sobs that rushed out. All the while Dagon stared with pain-filled eyes at the woman who had failed him....me, his own mate. I looked to him for help even though he may not have had an answer or the oxygen to part his lips. But I saw it in his eyes. Dagon knew it wasn’t my fault, and he would never blame me.
Like a miracle I heard his voice above the new wave of sobs. “Sing-” then he chocked on the uninvited blood that entered his lungs. Within the next gurgled breath, Dagon got out, “Sing t- me,” the ‘o’ in the word ‘to’ not quite making it out.
Because I was sobbing so hard I had to take deep ragged breaths, and it pierced my chest to do so. I wasn’t sure how I was to sing with such a tight throat ñ somewhere deep inside ñ for Dagon. I found my voice. Before I could let out a single note I laid my head on his chest and began to soothe him, minutes before his death. “Shhh,” the more I calmed him the less coughing and strangled sounds emitted from his trembling body. As I listened to Dagon’s heart, frantically pumping blood, song lyrics flooded out my lips.