The pains of Love
The pains of Katherine and Ramsay.
Too hard to explain.
It was like that feeling of the greatest joy missed with the greatest pain and everything in between them. I could tell that something beautiful has happened to my emotion. The sweetness was sensational, yet indescribable. It was cool, calm and soft, yet my heart beats fast as if something strange was about to happen. I could tell from the sound of my heart, it vibrated like a falling star that hits the earth. As I listen to my heart, it sings with some surge of unspeakable happiness that defied expression. I had a mixture of pure ecstasy and pure pain all at once. It was that feeling that made me ill. I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t eat, I was restless and thinking about her all day and all night long. I was in that stage of intense longing for union with her. I needed a physical union, thoughtfulness and that sense of connectedness with her. My heart searches to see her as each day passes by. This is what love is all about, a desire to appreciate those who added values to the richness of your life. I needed her by my side so that I could bestow her love.
It all started after that great conversation we had in the air plane, soon afterwards, her thought made me to walk in the air. I couldn’t do anything without thinking about her. She took the whole of me. The thought of Calling her began to filter into the experience with a strong desire to see her. I felt as if my soul was lost without her. I still got her number. Joy filled my heart. “I will give her a call.” The old man narrated silently. He pointed towards me and touched me by the side of my arm. This has become a routine, he normally touches me this way whenever he has something special to tell me. Moreover, he touched me and said,
“Young man, there is a spirit of love, that infinite ocean of pure overflowing energy. I am sure you have heard of this. What I want to do today is to connect you to that spirit that ties two souls together.” He smiled as usual, but I have now been familiar with the ways of the old man, I could predict some of his moves. I have started getting smart and I knew he was about to go dirty on the topic. I have wanted him to go that dirty. How will the old man describe romance, kissing and the rest? These were the questions that linger through my mind. Immediately he introduced the spirit of love, my fire burned for love and I was so willing to hear him on the subject of romance. He looked at me and said, “when you see an old man, what do you think?” He asked with a cracked voice and added. “I have been young, yes I have really been young. It looks like yesterday, I can still remember. How time flies!” He shook his head and buried his head under my arms. We were quiet for some times, then he continued.
He sighed in a muted voice and further continued, “time is too swift, too swift my son for those that wait. Time is a dimension that governs event in the universe making sure that activities do no happen at once. She was here yesterday but today she is gone. I thought time was just a clock placed on the wall. No, it isn’t. it is a fragment of eternity and eternity should be, therefore, a time without end. I know I will see her again. My time with her was like a buzz of excitement in the air. We loved each other.” The old man said and continued.
“In that wee small hours of the morning while everyone sleeps, I would lie awake thinking about her. At a roughly the same time she would wake up too, thinking about me. We created a conscious love affairs were the chemistry wasn’t driving us. It was intimacy. I loved Katherine with all my heart, I really loved her, my love for her was stronger than just a bond, she was in me every day as I walk the earth. She walks in me, I could hear her footsteps each day as she beats my heart. My hearts beats as if it doesn’t belong to me as I desired deeply to be with her.
Could this be love?
This level should be greater than love if there is another way to describe it. She was my everyday most quiet need, my hobby and my love.” The old man said as we sat on a stony cave by the beach besides our house. The old man brought me to this sea shore near my house where the third lesson was to begin. It was a great adventure.
“I brought you here, because here was where we had our first kiss. I never received a slap as you did with your first kiss.” He said jokingly. The old man really knows how to crack some jokes, he was that type, extremely funny.
“My son, sit down. Let me tell you a bit about the whole thing.” He said, and continued, “we were so much in love, it was that emotion we couldn’t control. It was so genuine and real, like that explosion of love that gave me that electrifying feelings. A profound mystery that still makes me speechless. I felt air rushing out of my body and often I began to sweat heavily when I think about her. I sweated on my feet and on my palms each moment her thought buzzes and swarms my whirling mind.” The old man was just completely engrossing in the manner he presented his story, from start to finish I gave him a close and thoughtful attention with a rush and intense pleasure to hear more. He continued. He said with hands resting on my shoulders,
“The distant wasn’t a barrier. I would call her on phone for hours. Now I know that love is giving someone the power to break your heart with a trust they wouldn’t. That is what love is and we were at this level. We both had burning passion for each other, intimacy and even commitment and we got to this stage through mere communication on telephone.
It was a beautiful moment that Friday evening at the airport, my face brimmed with happiness waiting for my darling princess. I could feel my stomach pulsating as I got very nervous. Her flight had delayed, I waited for hours just hoping to set my eyes on my beloved. Yet not a moment was I really bored as the thought to see her became so alluring. With exasperated sigh I mutter to myself. “Where is Katherine,” rubbing my freezing hands together vigorously, I craned my neck to search for her. My darling was to pay me a visit in Bruges Belgium for the very first time.
As I turned to look with relief, there she was, the diamond I have been waiting for. I couldn’t wait for her to come closer, I began to run to meet her and finally, she came out through the arriving gate so gorgeous like the morning sun, I smiled and looked at her penetrating gaze.
“Katherine.” I called,
She looked with a bold eyes that sparkled like diamond. Then she ran towards me, we hugged each other. I tried not to stare at her curly hair as they were flying while she took every step, I couldn’t, I kept on feeding my eyes with this glossy shade that looked so natural. Her dress was meant to give that impression of softness. She wore a beautiful dress which decorated every curve of her body, from her hair, her smiles to her complexion burnished with beauty, you could tell she knew she was a beauty, seeing her eyes, she declared that in her face as she took every step. She wore her thoughts on her face. The tints in her face glowing like diamond in the sky as she smiled directly at me from her innocent heart and her face radiated in a suitable gentle way.
What a woman! I exclaimed. I thought I was in heaven, because everything looks like it. This couldn’t be earth.” The old man said with hands still resting on my shoulder. His eyes and his lips defined his face as he frowned and pursed his lips with a strain of memory in order to recall.
“Incredible.” I sighed, as he sniffed to continue.
“My son, it was a beautiful experience. The following morning, we came to this beach.” He said pointing directly at the area adjacent the seashore. “That was where we had our first kiss.” Beyond the beauty of the land scape lies a mystery to be unravelled. The old man’s kiss.
“Yes.” He said equably. I saw his radiant and bold smile as he narrated every bit to me. My teeth clenched and exposed in a grim smile as he continued with great humility and humour. He sounded so absorbing, uplifting and impressive. He was indeed a profoundly gifted narrator and the climax of his story will blow any one away. It was an authentic saga and the one I considered a love saga.
“As we had our first kiss, my whole body went still. Our feet caked with earthly dirt as the sun of the soft golden sands caress our feet on that sunning day as I kissed her for the first time.” The old man said and continued, “It was just too beautiful.” Then, he looked at me with that overwhelming gaze and said, “If you think that the lips of a woman are created for talking, you could be missing out. They were designed perfectly for the drink of nature. You know how I mean, they were made for kissing. The heart of a woman was not just created to pump blood, it was also created for her compassion and love. Women are special kind of creature, they are adorable to behold.” The old man said passionately and began to describe his first kiss.
“I looked at her eyes burning with fiery light, like a glowing ambers. Her eyes burn with resentment. At that moment, I knew that her perfectly soft lips needed to be on mine and I melted like butter on a hot day. Then she touched her mouth, drawing my attention to her lips as she licked them calmly. She gave me an open gaze and my mouth flooded with moisture as I began to kiss her passionately and for a moment she was quit overwhelmed by the force of it as she became so weak with desires of me. I buried my face on her neck and kissed the curve of her shoulder and the feeling of skin against skin and tongue against tongue was like the warmth of the sun that seeps the skin into pores with that brightness as the sun arises. Honestly she liked it and I liked it more. Just as I was about taking the kiss to another level, she pulled away and began to run as I ran after her like two lover birds that just grew active. I grabbed her arms softly and with some little force I carefully pulled her to myself and began again to kiss her with tenderness. I could hear her heart beat accelerating beneath her coat. She held my hands and said with a look that smolder with intensity,
“You drive me crazy. What are you doing to me?” She said as she fumbled for words. Then I smiled as she added,
“You truly love me and I know it”
“Why where you running?” I asked,
“I was just enjoying you and I needed you to watch me run. I truly love you Ramsay. Thanks for coming to my world.” She said.
“Yeah, I love you honey. Thanks for making my day beautiful.” I said and we went home. The following day, she went back to Spain. I had wanted her to come to live with me in Bruges but it was a tough decision for her to come to Bruges Belgium and live with me. Bruges is a very beautiful city, it is a small golden city, no jewel or diamond could shine with the brightness of each building. With a walk on the street, you could see your reflection on the ground and one could tell that this is a place to live. I could tell that Katherine really liked it here because she visited me again.” The old man said in a happy mood.
Two weeks later, I was to receive her again at the airport. It was pretty much easier this time and I didn’t have to wait for so long like the previous time. When she finally came out, I just walked up to her and said, “look at you darling, you are amazing to behold. I wasn’t expecting something less of this quality. You are a woman to behold my dear, priceless for that matter.” I said with a fond smile. It was as if we have been together for a hundred years, we got along so easily. Right there at the airport, the thought of touching the curves of her waist struck me, instead, I stroke her hair softly.
“You are welcome. How was your flight? And how is Madrid?” I asked,
“My flight was cool and Madrid is fine. Just that you could come over to live with me someday.” She said with a laugh and we went home.
Soon as we got home, she rested a little while with a nap to recharge after a stressful day she had. When she woke up, I turned to her inner life, seeing her inner beauty that reflects in her choice of words. In short this beauty got a beautiful figure which was twine-thin with a tapered waist. Her eyes large and clear, her hair curly and dark. She had a fine nose and a square chin with dimple by the sides. I took a close inspection at her body figure with so much concentration on her boobs, she caught me, then quickly I said, “oh love you are so beautiful tonight. You look like a goddess seen in a moonlit.” Then she looked at me and smiled
“All men are the same.” She said, then I responded,
“Yes, all men are the same, but excluding me.” She laughed and replied
“Please excuse me, what are you trying to say? Do you remember you were telling me a wrong poem in the plane just to make me fall in love with you. You guys will never change.” We both laughed, “next on the line” I said,
“And what is that?” She asked, “the food” I replied. I did actually prepared a chicken sausage personally for her knowing that was her favourite. So she responded, “the food will be ready in a moment.” She said. Soon after the meal was served, we said some prayers over the food and we began to eat.
You need to see that her mood, as she took a bite with her teeth tearing and smashing the chicken calmly. It was a yummy seeing how she licked the plate clean and I was so delighted she enjoyed it. It was that evening I will never forget. As night falls around us, I said to her, tomorrow we are going for a stroll and I have something special for you and we went to bed as we waited for dawn.
The following morning, We sat down on a bench as we went out for a stroll in the city centre. Right there, I scrutinised her with a fearless gaze as she gazed at a particular direction and reminisced about her past. Tears came down her eyes, what is it? I asked. She tapped her fist against her lips while thinking. What is it? I asked again, then she gave me a challenging look with that urge to confide in me. “I just remembered something.” She said and wrestled with her conscience for a moment, “my father, that fool, almost destroyed me. I have never set my eyes on that bastard since five years now. He had written to me more than fifteen times to apologize, but I cursed him every day of my life. I know I have forgiven him but now I am being weighed down by matters relating to love and affairs.” She said raising her eyebrows.
Then I replied, “darling, you have been really so strong. Thank you. But you need to escape from this boredom that has engulfed you ”
“Really?” she replied
“Thank god you are out now. I am so happy for you. We could go to see him someday, or what do you think? I said, “no I wouldn’t dare, he should go to hell, I have forgiven him, but that relationship isn’t going to work out anymore.” She said plainly.
“I saw so much pains and regrets in her blue eyes flowing with tears, I held her to myself to comfort her. I was aware that everyone was watching, I wasn’t disturbed as the fire of love burns in me, my passion lifted. She reluctantly pulled away from me and rested her head on my arms. Her eyes filled with tears when she thought of her father and a shadow of concern darkened her face. I held her hair tightly and silenced her cries with a kiss. It tasted like a chocolate candy, then I kissed her again deeply. Her face was soft and full of compassion. She felt warmed up in my arms as she inhaled deeply, yet overwhelmed with frustration and despair. Then I convinced her over and over again that I was with her and will forever be. She had been consistently fair and sincere as I took advantage of the moment.” Then the old man turned to me and said, “you know what? A woman’s polite manner is her greatest beauty. She was so beautiful even at that moment of sadness, I asked her to marry me.” He said and continued the story.
“I noticed that was the perfect time to ask her to marry me.” At this point, I was overwhelmed with the old man’s amazing love story, brilliantly crafted. Then I listened with a rapt attention as he continued.
“I have something for you. Close your eyes,” I said. As she did, I pulled out a ring from my jean pocket,
Will you marry me Katharine? I asked
She shrugged to contain her tears.
She said, robbing me gently. “I will marry you now and any time. Oh, Ramsay I love you so much. I will marry you again and again.” Then I replied, “thank you for coming into my world.”
“God bless you my man.” She bent her knees over and drew on the sands a sign of the heart, then she wrote “one moment will never be enough for us to explore life.” She said as she yearns for eternity together. She cried like a baby and then added, “thanks Ramsay you have filled the emptiness within me. I wonder if I have been changed by the wind, let me think, was I the same before I came here? You are dancing inside my heart. Love is that feeling that puzzles the human mind.” She scrunched her eyebrows together and tipped her head to one side. Then she looked at me and said,
“You know what, some people come into others’ lives as blessings while some are lessons but I think you are both. Being in love makes us complete, it makes the missing part of us to return. You truly fix me up. Thank you, I had everything, I mean my happiness when I was growing as a young child, I lost it when my own father destroyed me, but I got it back today because of you.” She smiled tightly and continued, “you stirred up the ocean in me. I really love you.” She bit her lips and scratched her hair with her finger tip, thinking.
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.” The old man narrated the whole thing and said, “I was hot in my youth. Oh! Spare me those days.” Then he continued. “We got married afterwards.” He appeared to have reached his climax as tears rolled down like a thousand oceans.
“Sadly, one day, I came home that morning, yes that morning as she was about to fix me a breakfast, I held her arm, touched her, I kissed her softly, then I jokingly said afterwards,
She saw that I needed to tell her something, then she looked at me and replied,
“What is it?” She asked, I wanted to speak with her, but I was still nursing the thought. Thinking it was a good news, she smiled at me in satisfaction. Then I broke it all out. I said,
“I need a divorce!” But wait a minute! Did I say divorce? But there was no issue between us.
She was shocked. She sat down quietly as I observed the pains and hurt in her eyes. She never said a word. I could observe part of her went dead instantly, her heart was breaking, the heart that I really love. She was transfixed, we have had this relationship for five years and I have never spoken to her in a manner of this like. She stared off in space and then turned with a look with eyes that tear up. It was an askance look. I thought she did not hear me, then I repeated it jokingly,
“I need a divorce.”
She replied with a voice that lose strength, “talk to the air because the ears cannot hear you right now.” She said jokingly with a look of frowning disapproval thinking it was still a joke. Then I repeated it as she sat with her hands limped on her jaw and said “please do not touch me with this talk, you are pushing me beyond limit and I might as well lose it.” she said
But I could tell she wanted me to apologize and never use that word again. But I meant it. Few days later she walked to me,
She asked softly, yet I did not know why I was leaving her. That morning, the sun lighted on her face and brought only some moments of laughter for the light within her has been dimmed by the feelings of rejection. I looked at her with compassion but the thought to go filled my heart. I loved her with all my heart that I cannot stand a moment to see her cry. Yet the more I looked at her, the more I want to go. I needed this divorce without knowing why.
Was I under a spell? I couldn’t say for sure.
One week passed by we haven’t spoken a word. She wanted to, but I wasn’t interested. I saw her becoming smaller every day. I can tell she was hurting, but my mistake, I needed a divorce. I saw her face turning ashen and she would stare at nothing. She would probed and grabbed at her chest and winced. I could tell that she was in pain, but I too, was under a spare, a woman wanted me to herself and she used a voodoo and some mystic powers to make me leave my wife. It was my fault because I wanted to test the waters. All cats are grey in the dark. I did not know that Lucy a friend of my wife could cook up that evil against my wife and wreak my home. I have cheated twice on my wife with Lucy. I do not know how she did it and now she finally needed me for herself alone. There are arrows in the smile of men, but am glad because love in itself is not blind, If you agree, well and good. In life, some things are timeless and priceless, yet expensive. Of course love is not cheap.
I left home that day to live with Lucy for good sixteen years.” The old man said painfully.
“It was a bitter sweet experience for her because she truly loves me, this I could tell at any time. Fruit is evident just look at the tree, a heart that loves should blossom like the tree.
“Please my love, I love you so much, I love you so much that I could let you do what you want, please just go for a vacation anywhere in the world, may be for one day, one week and one month or even one year. But my love please come back to me. I truly love you beyond words
Oh! The only man that I love, please do not do this to me, please don’t.” she cried foul to ease her grieves. “I watched her took her showers that washed away her tears. She was being eating up, I could tell this wasn’t that beauty I married. It has been two weeks now, we still have not spoken a word. The next evening, she took me to our quiet room, kissed me passionately and looked straight into my eyes, “before you go, can I tell you something?”
“sure.” I replied.
Then she took me again to another room, this time it was our bed room and we sat down for some minutes as we observe hours of silence. I watched her aimlessly wandering and pacing, “my blood is pumping in my skull I do not think I can take this anymore. Please my love, my lord, let us talk it over, what is it? We do not need a divorce, we both love each other and you know this. I love you so much, I have a hundred per cent love for you, if you do not love me anymore, we could share my love fifty-fifty and it will still be a pass mark. Please don’t do this to me. You know this is not how I wanted to raise our son. And you know I am six weeks pregnant for you, please go and return our son and I will be waiting for you my lord. But always remember that when a man dances naked in a market square, he is obviously tagged a mad man.” She kneed down held my hands with tears. Her eyes were wide opened and she made attempt to speak, but no words came out of her twitching lips finally she said,
“A woman thought she cannot fall in love with men, a man came and re-awakens her, her passion burns for him, but her heart is broken. Is this what love is all about?” I could tell something had gone wrong, still I needed the divorce. She cried without tears as I left her world the following morning. I mean everything to her, I could tell this.
“It is better to make a war with your enemies than to make one with people you truly love. Bye love, I know you will return. I will wait for you, even if you never come.” She said with arms that hanged loosely at her sides. I left her alone in the magnitude of her grieve. She was alone in her aimless guilt and her world became so lonely in her loneliness. Her screams and heart rending cries made me to realise how broken she was.
I returned to her sixteen years later after the woman who hypnotised me with some magical powers died. When she died, my eyes suddenly became clear and I realised for the first time since sixteen years that I have been leaving with the wrong woman. it was a charm she made with her death. Now that she died, my eyes got opened I and realised that this evil woman came to destroy me.” He said and added,
“Love is one of lives greatest privileges my son, never trade it for anything. Love is more connected to the heart than hatred, it is easier to love than to hate. It pays too to love. When I got home that day, after I left her world for good sixteen years, I met my wife, very ill and dyeing. She managed to speak to me. In a cool and tranquil tone, she said
“Forgiveness has nothing to do with right or wrong, it simply means to let go. I have forgiven you the day you left my world. I taught our son Jonathan to learn to forgive. I prayed every night that you should come home, we never had an issue and we will never have one. I love you over and over again. Since you left me, my love I have been terribly ill, I have suffered shame and rejection in the hands of men. I do not know why men treat me so much like a rag. First it was my father, then it was you, I never thought you could leave me for one day, now our son Jonathan, he made an attempt to commit suicide, because he felt he was a bastard. He saw me as an irresponsible woman.” The old man said,
“I am sorry my love. I gave her a kiss that can cure all pain. Please forgive me. I said stroking her hair calmly with a desire to amend the past. time wasn’t just on my side. Later that night she died in my arms. That same night, my son Jonathan committed suicide. I met him for the very first time in my entire life. I couldn’t recognise him and I couldn’t stand the shame of seeing my son drugged himself to death. I Lost everything in one day.” He said softly with eyes closed. It was heart wrenching as tears rolled down his paled cheeks. He felt like his heart has been ripped out of him. Then he added,
“It was as if a part of me hard gone missing and since then I have decided to love and never hate. I buried my wife and my son in one day. I know their souls can never die, because I planted their bodies on the belly of the earth and every day I go the commentary to water with my tears, two gardens where love’s flower was planted.” The old man said and brought the lessons to an end.
Finally, the old man glanced darting around as he turned his head as if looking for answers. then he looked at me and said, “my son this is lesson number (5) five, “any man that makes remorse after doing you harm and tries to make amends, is still a good man.” He shook his head sadly enough and added, “Sometimes, in life we may not be able to predict the future, nor can we change the paste. My son all we can do is to appreciate the present and move on, life is too short to dwell in the pains of yesterday.” Then I knew the old man was trying to tell me how sorrowful he was and that he was still a good man, and that he brought this up for me to learn in the lessons of life.
Now these are the lessons I learnt from the old man’s sad story.
It is not our mistakes that matter, it is how we deal with it, it is what we can learn from them and how we can apply the great lessons to our lives. Tears are words of love that need to be spoken by a wounded heart in order to heal up with time. I cried throughout the lessons as pains filled my heart, hearing the old man’s story. Secondly, though it hurts, when a heart that truly loves is wounded, the pain could be incurable, love still heals all wounds. Finally,
Do not break a heart that truly loves. So learn to water love once it has been planted and not to water it after it had died.
“There is a limit to the grieving which human heart can take, why cause the heart pain when we know that hearts are fragile.”