Fragile

I wasn’t sure what I was going to do this year. It sucks because its my last year and I should be able go all out. But I’m just bored. The first day of school and I already want out. Its only Wednesday and I truly feel like that I’ve been here all my life. I know I’m a senior now but I feel like I’m forty five when I’m at school. Just one more year of this and I can get out.

My friend was watching me closely. She had her hands on my desk and her stuff next to me. I wanted to yank on her hair but I didn’t move. I stared back at her since I was bored.

“You’re boring.” MaryAlice said to me as I put my head on my hand. Why do I have first period with her? This is my worst nightmare. Our friendship is mutual because we fight too much, she’s always mad at me for something stupid like not making a coffee run or forgetting something stupid like parties and other events.

“You’re lame.” I said to her.

“We were supposed to go to that party last night.” she said and punched me on the arm. Exactly what I’m talking about.

“I’m sorry you couldn’t go because my car was getting fixed. I’m sure its all my fault you couldn’t have any fun.” I said sarcastically. She narrowed her eyes and glared at me but I only shrugged. Its not my fault she can’t drive and its not my fault that I got clipped by some old guy driving recklessly. Last time I checked, she never asked me how I was.

Some sophomore looking boy walked into our class and I poked MaryAlice quickly. I know that kid but I wasn’t sure why he was in here. Why my response to this was so quick? I wouldn’t know. I tried to make sure I wasn’t in a class with people I don’t like, except that MaryAlice here but I was so totally sure that I had all senior classes.

“Hey, why’s he here?” I asked quietly.

She turned to look at him. “He skipped two grades.” she said as if I should have known.

“But isn’t he-”

“He is though, that’s what alludes me.” she said and turned around when the bell rang.

Hazel Fullerton. People know him for a couple reasons. He’s deaf. And he has a weak immune system. Last year, he was hospitalized for half the semester, yet he managed to skip two grades as if its nothing. He’s only fifteen, how does someone do that? Must have had a lot of free time in that hospital. I didn’t stare at him, it would only make everything so much worse.

I haven’t talked to him before. I barely see him around. I can’t say I know anything else about him besides the whole being super smart. MaryAlice went on about him but I was barely paying attention to what she was saying.

Class went by quietly, but that would happen when all the smart kids keep people from asking questions. I wanted to talk to Hazel then I realized that he’s deaf, he can’t hear me. Why is he here if he can’t listen? It probably is a dumb question so I can’t ask out loud. I glanced back to see that he was already doing the homework while we’re still learning the subject. I was shocked. Smart people dammit. Why am I in this class?

When the bell rang, I kept MaryAlice in her seat.

“Tell me why this kid has not graduated yet.” I hissed quietly.

“There’s certain exams we still have to take, Aiden. But I’m sure he has all the credits he needs to get out of this hell hole.” she snorted.

“This is crazy.” I said.

“Does it inspire you to be smart?” she asked me.

“I’m still lazy.” I said to her as I got up, putting my bag over my shoulder. She shook her head and I knew she had enough with my stupidity, I can’t blame her though.

The whole day, I’ve been seeing Hazel in my classes. I’m smart for a senior, he’s smart for someone that’s fifteen. He’s probably the smartest here. It sucks that he’s deaf, I would love to talk to him, I guess things happen to certain people and there’s nothing they can do.

I skipped the last thirty minutes of class. I just wanted to get out of watching an introductory video for why certain things happen. I made my way around the school for a while, seeing some other seniors who were bored out of their mind, too. I don’t blame them actually, this life is boring. I sighed and walked around the corner without paying attention.

I bumped into someone, but I expected to see them in front of me. That’s not what happened. Apparently, they fell to the floor in front of me. It took me a second to notice but then I completely freaked out.

Holy shit, I just hit Hazel so hard that he fell. I didn’t mean to, I know that but this was crazy. Before I could even help him up I noticed his nose was bleeding. Did I hit him that hard? I panicked as I took his hand, trying to get him up on his feet. I don’t even think he knew what was going on at this point. He touched his nose and looked at the blood on his fingers for a moment, then I saw his eyes roll as he lost his balance. I caught him before he fell to the ground again.

He passed out.

Meanwhile, I was screaming in my head.

Not today, I will not get in trouble today for something today. I picked up the kid, noticing how small he really was and tried my best to get him to the nurse’s office as quickly as I could. When I saw more blood, I panicked and hoped nothing serious was happening to him.

I bursted into the nurse’s office. Both the ladies at their desk looked at me quickly but then sighed. Is that their reaction to a situation like this! I didn’t know what to do with Hazel’s body but a nurse got up and told me to follow her. She wasn’t even panicking, let alone, caring about something this. I set Hazel down on one of the beds.

“I’m sure he was already on his way here when this happened.” she said as she checked his neck. “I’m just going to say he has internal bleeding again and call the hospital.” she sighed.

I forgot they’ve dealt with his conditions for a while now. Its a routine, no wonder they aren’t freaking out so much. I looked at Hazel, blood dripping on his face. I haven’t seen him like that before, I’ve never seen him hurt, or in pain, or bleeding.

Its just that these things don’t happen, at least from what I could see. But now he has a nose bleed so bad that he has to go to the hospital. I hope this isn’t my fault. I know that he always gets sick and the nurse was sure that he was already on his way here, but I really want to believe that me hitting him didn’t cause this.

He doesn’t deserve this.

He looked so fragile, I can’t believe I hurt him not too long ago. I can’t apologize because he can’t hear me. Hopefully he’s here tomorrow. I don’t want to be the cause of him being hospitalized the first day of school. That makes me even more upset.

The bell rang right when I got back into class. I took my stuff and found MaryAlice going through my textbook, just scribbling nonsense. I know she hates this school but its definitely no reason to graffiti the property cause last time I checked, people get in school suspension for that. I’m not going through that this year. I snatched my book out of her hand and pushed her outside.

She looked up and smiled at me as she put her arms down on the desk. I can’t take her sometimes. I was already anxious, and her smiling that way doesn’t help me. She just has that devious face that makes me think that she’s up to no good.

“So tonight there’s a-”

“No.” I said quickly before she could get it out. “There is no way I’m going out tonight okay, I don’t even have a ride so leave me alone.” I said.

“Who’s taking you home today?” she asked. Dammit. I hesitated and that’s when she caught on to my lie. I didn’t want to go anywhere today, I said I wouldn’t, I told my parents I wouldn’t. “Is it Emily? Its Emily, isn’t it? She’s your ride, isn’t she?”

“I swear on my life-”

“I bet she’s going to the party tonight, and I know she can take you.” she smiled widely as she got up.

“I’m going home.” I said and went off to find Emily. MaryAlice laughed loudly, following me to where Emily was. I wanted to believe that I could get away but I can’t and that’s what frustrates me to the core. Emily is only my ride to school and home until this weekend but now MaryAlice is going to destroy that.

Emily’s the other friend that I’ve been hanging out for years now. Between the three of us, MaryAlice is the wild baby of the group. I honestly don’t know how the three of us got together but we did. I stood next to Emily and could hear MaryAlice making her way over to us. I thought Emily had practice today because she usually ties her brunette hair up when she does but today she had a smaller bag on her. That just means I can go him early. MaryAlice came into view and Emily couldn’t wait to hear what it was today.

“Hey, Emily, have you heard about the party tonight?” she blurted out.

“I did but you see, I’m taking AP Calculus and there’s already a quiz on Friday so I have to study.” she said.

“Yes.” I said loudly and rose my hand up. She high fived me and we looked at MaryAlice. She was frowning but I knew she’d get over it, there’s a lot of parties in the world, it can’t be bad if she misses one of them.

“Come on M.A. I don’t even want to leave the house. I have to take this idiot around and that’s already enough.” Emily complained as she lifted her sports bag over her shoulder.

“Alright fine, whatever, be losers.” she said and fumed off. She’ll come back tomorrow. I sighed and put my head on the locker.

“What’s up with you, something traumatizing happen?” Emily asked.

“I sort of actually ran into Hazel Fullerton and knocked him down.” I murmured. She was silent and that made me look at her. She was staring at me with shock and I wondered if this was terrifying shock or just shock.

“Oh my god, Aiden, did you kill him?” she asked loudly.

“No, I didn’t kill him, he just got a nose bleed.” I said.

“The boy is tiny, how the hell are you going to do that to someone so small?” she asked, freaking out. Of course that would be a girl’s reaction. If I had told this to MaryAlice, she would have gone off on me. Girl’s have a soft spot for Hazel and its as if he’s a chick magnet. He’s just cute.

“Okay, I didn’t mean to, I swear I didn’t. Now I feel bad because he has to go to the hospital.” I said.

“That’s what happens when big people hit little people.” she said. I don’t like her attitude towards me on this subject. I’m just going to hope that I didn’t break the little kid’s ribs or something like that. I can maybe worry tomorrow about it if its something serious. I’m so sure Emily will make it publicly known that I knocked down a deaf kid. I didn’t freakin mean to I swear.

I was constantly looking for Hazel but he never showed up. Dammit, I probably did hurt him badly. I wasn’t surprised that this happened, it was going to be a problem for me sometime in my life.

I sat in fifth period, trying to not watch the clock because it would only go slower than normal. MaryAlice kept throwing things at me from the back of the room and I swear I tried to ignore her but she’s been doing that all morning. I literally have had enough of her shit. I picked up all the paper she had wadded up and threw them in her direction, letting her know how aggravated I was. Apparently the papers never even made it to her and it made me feel even worse. I am done with her right now.

The bell finally rang and I planned on attacking her. I will shove all this paper down her throat, I am so serious. Right now isn’t the best time to piss me off because I’m already mad and anxious. I just put a kid in the hospital, next thing I know, I’m getting sued.

“Missed the party last night.” she said.

“Oh, but I know I won’t be ending up in jail before the school year ends.” I said as a comeback.

“You said that last year but you didn’t hold up to it.” she said. She’s always bringing up my past behavior when I try to make a point. Its not like I didn’t clean up my act. “I’m going to lunch.” she said.

“And you say that as if I’m not going with you.” I said.

“I don’t know your plans, dammit, Aiden, always making it seem like I’m stupid.” she raged and stomped off. She gets mad for no freakin reason whatsoever. I can never win with her and I won’t try to anymore. I give up. I sighed and was going to take one more step forward when I noticed Hazel at his locker, I didn’t even think he came to school today but looks like he did. I wanted to do something but its probably best if I don’t anyway. I might hurt him again.

But if I don’t apologize, I’ll seem like an awful person when I’m really not. I hate my conscience right now.

I swallowed whatever was making me not want to do this and I went over to him. I’m going to hate myself even more after this won’t I? He noticed me standing next to him and looked up at me with those big brown eyes of his. I can’t believe I knocked down that.

“Okay look, I didn’t mean to push you down yesterday, I am so very sorry about that. And I swear on my life I didn’t do it on purpose, I just didn’t see you and you happened to be there and then you were on the ground and bleeding and-” he held his hand up to stop me from rambling, then tapped his ear....

I’m an idiot, I forgot this kid was deaf. I wanted to hit myself and I was close to doing it too but I just looked away, feeling my face turn red from my own stupidity. I’m truly an idiot.

He took his phone out and began typing something on it. I waited patiently until he turned his phone around to show me what he typed on it.

If you’re apologizing to me, don’t worry about it. You didn’t hurt me, I was feeling sick already. Thank you for bringing me to the nurse’s office though, I probably wouldn’t have made it on my own.

I couldn’t look at that face of his and still not feel bad. I didn’t want him to smile at me, but I couldn’t tell him not to. He brought his hand up to his mouth, the tip of his fingers touching his bottom lip, and moved it forward. Is that thank you in sign language? I think it is. Well I don’t know how to say your welcome so I should just not embarrass myself even more than I already have. He smiled even wider at me as he walked by me. I wanted to believe that I didn’t have to worry but I did. I’m scared now.

“What did you do?” Emily came up to me, smiling. Is everyone going to smile at me today or is it just them two? I sighed because it had to be her coming to me, better than MaryAlice any day.

“I apologized.” I answered.

“That’s actually sweet of you.” Emily gave me that one happy face I couldn’t stand looking at. “You made him smile.” She poked my arm.

I would really be happy if they wouldn’t bring this up. Then again, I felt a little better that I truly didn’t hurt him.