“Oh, perfect,” my best friend growled, forcing me to raise my eyebrows, “Laetitia Casta is back.”
So the growling wasn’t at me.
What the hell?
“What?” I simply asked for an explanation as I didn’t get it at all. And Jessica´s expression, fairly disgusted expression seemed to be more interesting than trying to remember where I might have forgotten my geography textbook. It definitely wasn’t in my locker.
“Laetitia Casta? The French model who was the face of Chanel, Ralph Lauren, Jean-Paul Gaultier? Victoria’s Secret Angel?”
Whatever it was that was happening somewhere behind me, my best friend stopped paying attention to it only to flash me a confused grimace.
“Spikey and Oscar,” I just shrugged casually. “They were madly in love with her. They built her an altar with all her photos in our rehearsal room. Oscar then found out that Mila Kunis exists, but Spikey remained loyal to Laetitia to this day. No wonder I know so much about her, there were tons of Vogue magazines lying everywhere around me.”
My confession made her laugh, my dearest friend burst into a pretty loud guffaw. I didn’t blame her. She didn’t know what it was like to listen to the two-hour ode to Laetitia Casta’s perfectly shaped boobs. I think Oscar also composed a song for her.
Quite a perverse song.
“No, I didn’t mean this one Laetitia,” Jess stopped giggling as she redirected her attention to something behind me again. “I meant Macy’s best friend. She thinks she’s more than the rest of the world, and when a modeling agency offered her a contract, she had to make sure everyone here knew about it. She dropped out of school in the fall semester due to it, but obviously she’s returned. Her name is Laetitia, but we all call her Laetitia Casta.”
“Ah,” I shrugged again as I wasn’t interested in this big news at all. However, I failed to suppress that bit of my female curiosity and I turned around to look who disconcerted Jess so much.
It looked like it was gonna be a nice day and now…
I recognized her.
The girl who nearly screamed as Macy was admiring perhaps every hair of hers. I was convinced it was her, the long-legged black-haired beauty my demon had almost nailed at Scotch’s party.
I mean, I couldn’t tell what they´d been doing after I left.
I sighed heavily, regretting that I had to say goodbye to Jessica. At that moment, I would rather bear her blabbering about the new strawberry-banana diet than let my brain to think. But the harsh reality hit me as soon as I sat at my desk.
I supposed not to care.
I shouldn’t worry.
Their history shouldn’t bother me at all.
He was mine just in my head.
I hadn’t seen him since the morning when he left right after I woke up. He wanted to change his clothes, and I couldn’t protest. He spent the whole night in my armchair again, while I enjoyed another of his perfectly thought-out dreams in the comfort of my bed.
And now, suddenly, I had no idea whether I really wanted to see him.
Holy crap, why does it bother me so much?
It was pretty obvious after all! With his mesmerizing face and divine body, he must have had a lot of girls. But I wanted to be the special one for him. The only one.
However… What chances did I have?
Although it was the only thing I wanted to avoid - I guess I’d rather watch a 100 ft high tsunami rushing to me - of course, it was the first thing I saw on my way to my second class.
I saw my demon standing at his locker and Laetitia pressed to his chest.
She was running her fingers through his hair as she was blabbering something to him. And he… Fuck, instead of chasing her away, he was just looking at her with his narrowed gaze. And me… That was enough for me to choose a different way to get to my classroom. Even though it took me longer, it didn’t matter. I’d rather go through hell itself. It was exactly as I felt anyway. I felt like hell.
And then it just got worse.
I couldn’t get the picture of those two out of my head, I couldn’t stop pondering about it. Every single second of the next fifty-five minutes, every beat of my breaking heart was about them.
I didn’t know, I had no idea what she meant to him. What kind of relationship they used to have once. And now, willy-nilly, I had to admit that I was scared. I was afraid to face the truth. I was afraid that she might replace me. I was terrified that I would lose him.
Suddenly, it seemed so exhausting to get up, to make those few steps to get to my other class, to sit down. There was no energy left in me. And if I had thought it couldn’t have gotten any worse… Oh, yes, it could have. I almost spat out my lungs as I spotted Laetitia standing by my locker after the second period.
“I just want to tell you,” she said to me with such slight conceit, making me understand that my effort to ignore her didn’t work, “that Eric is mine.”
I rolled my eyes, I did. Cause´ it sounded as if we were kids somewhere in a kindergarten, arguing about a toy.
“Okay,” I shrugged. Again.
I didn’t mean to prolong this meaningful conversation. And under no circumstance did I plan to waste my precious time with talking to her. I surprised her; her expression gave her away. Maybe she expected me to protest, to argue with her, or even to curse at her. But we all didn’t share the same IQ, do we?
“Stay away from him,” she added, my indifference obviously didn’t deter her. And that was the moment when my self-control wobbled.
Would she look good with a monocle under her eye?
Did I want to do it?
Certainly not because of Eric.
“Damn, are you saying the same bullshit to all the girls?” I looked at her for the first time. And I liked the way she jerked. I only assumed that Macy shared the experience of my first and last debate with her. “Or am I special?”
“Macy told me that you keep hanging around him,” she didn’t let herself be discouraged.
Like I said.
“Listen, Macy two, Laetitia, or whatever your name is. It doesn’t matter after all,” I took a deep breath. “I´d quite like to controvert you calling him yours if you have to chase him or all the girls that are talking to him. But because I’m in a generous mood and you look so insecure, I’ll do you a favor. Keep him. I have nothing to do with him, he´s all yours. I have a pretty high opinion of myself, and I’ll never be interested in someone whose attention I have to demand. Good luck.”
I slammed the door of my locker, pissed at myself. Cause´ I wasted more time with her than I originally wanted to.
“Please, do me a favor too,” I said instead of saying goodbye. “Next time when you’re frustrated due to lack of his attention, call the helpline. I’m not interested in your emotional break-downs.”
She opened her mouth, yet she looked like she wasn’t able to answer me. But I didn’t plan to wait for her to find any words either. I left her there standing, I hurried to hide somewhere, to lower the adrenaline she´d made me feel. And maybe I would have managed to calm myself down, maybe those six and a half minutes would have been useful.
“Dove, what are we going to do this afternoon?” If demon himself hadn’t crossed my path. If he hadn’t looked too cheerful that it pissed me off even more.
The last thing I really wanted now was to talk to him. I was about to enter my next classroom, there were perhaps fifteen seconds left until the next period supposed to begin. But no, he still managed to find me.
“Nothing,” I growled at him. “I’ll stay at home today.”
It was his hand that seized my arm that stopped me from escaping him. He easily made me turn back to him and face his confused gaze.
He was confused?
“What´s going on, Lara?” He asked. Damn, he really looked like he had no idea why I was upset! As if he hadn’t heard the whole conversation between me and his girl-fan!
“Nothing,” I smiled sweetly. Yes, I really smiled as I hoped he would believe me and let me go. “Nothing at all. I’m just kind of tired and I have to cook for Jim and such things. I’ll see you some other time, okay?”
In a hundred years, or so.
I ran away from him to my next classroom, not looking at his reaction. I wanted to run away from all those thoughts as well. But I didn’t succeed. I was tired, shit, I was so tired, that was true. However not physically anymore. I was tired of the way my brain felt the urge to think about it constantly. And it bothered me, it bothered me terribly.
Because I was worth more than a boy whose attention was caught by more than one girl.
I planned to get lost. I planned to avoid everyone. But the idea faded at cosmic speed as something warm wrapped around my arm again.
I guess, I opened my mouth to start cursing, but I didn’t manage to make a sound. I didn’t have time to even realize what was going on. I was dragged, I needed that moment just to keep my balance. And suddenly, I stood face to face with my angry demon. Suddenly, I found myself somewhere in a room that looked like a small storeroom.
“Where the hell are we?” I frowned.
“That´s not important,” he frowned more.
“Not important?” I snapped at him. He probably had no idea that he´d just poured fuel on the fire. “What if someone comes…?”
“Drivel,” he interrupted me without even listening to what I got to say. “What’s going on?”
I should have known that he wouldn’t let it go!
“I´ve already told you nothing, I…”
“What’s going on, Dove?”
My demon refused to negotiate with me. The strict expression on his face told me everything about it. And that was the first time I had to take a deep breath as I hoped it could help me control the rage growing inside me. Because…
Did he want to pretend now that he hadn’t hear us?
That he didn’t know about what Laetitia had told me?
“I said nothing! You have no right to keep me…”
“What’s going on, Lara?”
Just the way he didn’t even let me finish made my blood boil. I knew I had to get out of there, I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. But the envoy from my personal hell reliably obstructed my escape route as he blocked the door with his body. My attempt to pull him away failed epically, and the boy in front of me just smiled at how weak I was compared to him.
“Dammit, Eric, let me…!”
“What. Is. Going. On?” He interrupted me again. He asked very slowly, putting an accent on every word. As if he was done tolerating my ignorance.
And that was the second time I had to draw some oxygen into my lungs in order to breathe it through.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I whispered. In huge contrast to how angry I was now, I was whispering, ignoring his raising eyebrows. “Could you please stop the theater and tell your girlfriends to leave me out of their depression due to lack of your attention instead?”
I couldn’t believe my eyes!
One second, I had the feeling as if we were about to yell at each other, the second one I got stuck. Because he released his eyebrows, his whole body relaxed and they were really there, those lively sparks emerged in his eyes.
I hated that, I truly hated that the idea crossed my mind. That he looked damn cute right now. Suddenly, he looked like as if he had come up with something, as if he had discovered the perpetuum mobile itself.
“You’re jealous,” he said, stretching his lips into a magnificent smile.
What did he just say?!
Now, I didn’t believe my own ears either!
“Excuse me?” I swallowed dryly as he surprised me. And caught me off guard. And totally threw me off balance.
“You’re jealous,” he repeated calmly. With even bigger smile on his face than a while ago.
“No, I´m not,” I vehemently denied his stupid accusation. “Definitely not!”
Who was I supposed to be jealous of?
A girl with no self-respect?
“Yes, you are,” my demon was literally beaming. He bent down to face me, damn, he cheekily pierced me with his gaze only to force my blood pressure to rise into heavenly heights. “You´re jealous, Dove. Admit it. It´s okay to admit it.”
And I… The nonsense he was saying, the cheerfulness in his face, the satisfaction in his eyes, the triumphant smile on his lips. Yes, for the third time, I inevitably needed to take a deep breath.
But this time, it didn’t help.
“You’re jealous,” he whispered once more, and my fist automatically shot toward his face.
I wasn’t so fast.
His hand warded off my blow as he caught mine. I was very aware of the sharp breath he took; I noticed the angry flash in his irises. And then nothing, then the world ceased to exist. There was only he.
And his lips, he pressed to my mouth passionately.
He dug his fingers into my hair, he pulled me to him roughly. I guess, it was a wall he pinned me to right away. A total blackness overwhelmed my mind, yet I realized that one essential fact. There was no escape route from him anymore, I´d never really had a chance to run away. And now, I didn’t even want to.
Now, feeling his tongue conquering mine with such a desire, I submitted voluntarily.
I had no idea where the anger I´d felt couple seconds ago disappeared. Only he could manage to turn the storm within me into an unstoppable lust with which I was repaying him his kisses.
Something fell down, I might have kicked a box off the shelf when he grabbed my ass and picked me up. But I didn’t care, I complied with him wrapping my legs around his hips.
Was I addicted?
Without a slightest doubt.
To his fucking captivating charisma.
To his firm body pressed to mine.
To the greed which he was claiming my mouth with.
As if he couldn’t get enough, as if he knew he would never get enough, my demon didn’t gasp for air, he gasped for me. I knew it, I simply knew as I felt the same fucking way.
There was nothing holding me back anymore, I succumbed to the temptation and gently bit his earlobe when he moved his kisses to my neck.
“Damn, Lara …!” he muttered quietly. Yet, I recognized the acceptance in his voice. As if he, just like me, came to terms with his inability to control himself. And the way he took over my lips a second later told me that the boy was even enjoying it.
My heart was pounding under his baton, my body followed his orders, the taste of his tongue was driving me crazy. I desired him, I desired his touches, I desired the warmth of his body. I craved to fondle his skin. I craved to play with his breath, to make him breathe faster. I craved to feel him in me.
I didn’t, I wasn’t able to stop my hands from tracing his broad shoulder down to his chest. I didn’t hesitate to grab his T-shirt, clutch it in my fists as I planned to get him rid of it. Oh yes, that´s right, I didn’t care anymore. I wanted the annoying piece of fabric gone.
But I didn’t do it.
“Please, help me.”
I jerked as it happened again. I saw her in my mind, I saw the dirty scared girl begging me for help. It was just a flash, yet it disconcerted me even more than yesterday.
I broke away from him, I separated our lips. But not as roughly as the last time, my demon probably thought that I couldn’t catch my breath. Well, it was true, I couldn’t as the lust was still overwhelming me. However, a girl appearing in my head while he was kissing me scared the hell out of me.
“She’s beautiful,” he whispered. He said something like that as he licked my chin. Damn, he really licked my chin to bite me in my lip right after that. “Her legs are like a trip to heaven; she has a breast of a goddess and a soft skin.”
“And yet, she can´t be compared to you. She cannot hold a candle to you, she´s not even close to your perfection. You´re my little miss Princess. Don’t you forget that!”
I sighed heavily as I sobered. I understood what he meant, and fine, maybe it calmed me down, too. Still, it bothered me. Another girl around him simply bothered me.
“You have no reason to be jealous, Dove,” he gently pressed his lips to my forehead. “Not at all.”
I needed to put a little distance between us, I needed at least some space to start thinking again. Thank heavens, that envoy from my personal hell released me when he understood that I wanted to go down.
“I’m not jealous,” I smiled. I explained it to him again just in case he hadn’t got it before. And then, I simply needed to get out of his influence.
I had another, much more serious problem now than dealing with all his ex-girlfriends. Like for example my hallucination that happened again. And that was a pretty good reason to start panicking.
I wasn’t quite sure whether I should be glad that there finally was something that occupied my hemispheres instead of my demon. Nevertheless, even despite of constant pondering, I didn’t come up with anything, with any solution. Or at least explanation.
Somewhere deep inside my heart I felt that he was the only one who had all the answers. Who could help me with it. Because none of this seemed to be ordinary, and his world wasn’t ordinary, too. But the idea of him blaming himself for influencing me all over again was literally killing me.
All I could figure out myself by the end of the classes was that it all depended on his kisses. Because it happened, I always saw the girl when we were kissing. Well, there was only one way to verify this theory. I had to kiss him again.
Out of the question.
This option seemed absolutely unacceptable for me when the first thing I saw entering lunchroom was Laetitia leaning to my demon at his table.
What did he say?
That I didn’t have to be jealous?
“What are you looking at so fixedly?”
Thank you very much!
My best friend asked me the most inappropriate question, but I didn’t blame her. She had no idea that the hellish envoy could hear us. And he did indeed, he himself confirmed me that when looking at me right away.
Not only he knows that I´m jealous, now he also knows that I´m eyeing him.
I wanted to answer Jess, I wanted to say something pretty sarcastic. I wanted him to hear it as well. I guess I’d already come up with a perfect phrase, but my best friend turned around forgetting about her vegetable risotto, she´d been glorifying only couple of seconds ago.
“Holy crap! You´ve gotta be kidding me!” The disgusted tone of her voice surprised me. “The girl has no self-esteem!”
“I was there, Lara!” she continued too indignantly to make me pay my attention only to her. “I saw how Eric found Laetitia, I heard as he fucked her off. He told her to stop intruding him that he wasn’t interested. And yet, look at her, she´s bothering him again!”
Wait a second…!
He really said it?
My eyebrows arched but I wasn’t sure why. Whether my best friend surprised me that much or whether I was so disconcerted.
“He was so rude! Even I felt bad for her. And she follows him like a puppy further.”
“What?” My voice jumped two octaves higher, and I began to feel dizzy. Like really truly dizzy as it slowly dawned on me. “When was that, Jess? When did he say that to her? Please remember!”
I needed to know, I necessarily needed to know whether he turned her down out of his free-will. Or because of me, after the storeroom incident. After he got the impression that I was jealous.
“It was short before the third period began,” Jessica replied nonchalantly. In huge contract to my pretty tight insides. Because…, yes.
I owed him an apology.
“By the way…” I didn’t like, gosh, I hated the way Jess winked at me trying to look innocent. She put some vegetable in her mouth, and I had the feeling I was about to explode until she spoke. “It´s just a trifle, I know. But in case you´re interested, I´m very sure he told her that he already had his princess.”
I seriously owned him a huge apology.
“Oh! I am sooo curious! Whom the hell did he mean?” my dearest friend exhaled discontentedly. I had no idea whether she wanted to be sarcastic or she pretended she had no idea that this was about me. Anyway, her acting skills sucked. And yes, I rolled my eyes.
“C´mon, girl, help me out here!” She kept continuing to get on my nerves, ignoring my sour expression. “Who could it be? Can you think of someone?”
And all of a sudden, I was so close to snapping at that little traitor who was making fun of me now.
“Well, that’s definitely a tough one,” she sighed defeatedly, “I really don’t know.”
I couldn’t control myself anymore, I intended to bark something juicy. But she managed to open her mouth before I could even make a sound and she silenced me again: “I just know that he asked Laetitia not to dare to bother her anymore or she would get into trouble.”
I guess, I screwed up.
“Happy girl, isn’t she?” And my friend just sticked a piece of tomato into her mouth and chewed contentedly.
I made up a speech.
I spent the whole afternoon thinking what I should tell him, how I should begin at all. I thought up a speech, but the more time passed, the more scared I was that he wouldn’t show up. I wouldn’t blame him. I wouldn’t be surprised if I crossed his line today.
And then, then I felt perhaps even worse when he really appeared in my window.
He just sat down quietly onto my chair, as he had always done in the last three nights. And I stared at him from my bed, I kept looking at him, saying nothing as well. I kept studying him until it became unbearable. I forgot all my speeches, everything I had been pondering about was somehow erased from my memory.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered uncertainly.
And my demon smiled damn beautifully.
He opened his arms for me, and I didn’t hesitate to leave my bed and snuggle up to him. To get lost in his embrace.
“Is there anything else you want to tell me, Dove?” He added an extra teasing tone to his voice, lifting a corner of his lips into a crooked smile.
I know, I know.
He was right.
“Maybe I was also jealous,” I admitted.
He raised an eyebrow at me, the corners of those divine lips twitching now, and I rolled my eyes at the triumphant smile that appeared on his face right after.
“And maybe it wasn’t maybe.”
He laughed, my demon burst out laughing, yet it was tenderness that radiated from his eyes as he pressed me closer to him. And he let his forehead lean against mine.
“I´d never betrayed you, Princess. Even though you think the opposite, I swear I never had,” he whispered into my face. “Maybe you could learn to trust me a little.”
And I couldn’t take it anymore.
Suddenly I could think of thousands other reasons why I should, why I wanted to kiss him. He didn’t fight back, he didn’t turn me down, he didn’t protest when my mouth found his lips. Instead, my demon gently returned me my kiss.
Yes, I worshiped his lips out of absolutely different reasons, yet the result was the same.
The muddy girl emerged in my head again, I was sure I saw her again. She begged me for help and I, falling asleep with my demon in my head, knew that I was probably in a lot of trouble.