“What would you like to dream about today, Princess?”
His voice brought me back to reality as I got lost somewhere in my thoughts. And then, I just saw my demon threw himself heavily on my armchair.
For a brief instant, I almost didn’t suppress the urge to ask him to lay down to me in my bed as he once used to. But after the last events, after those stolen kisses, when I still had no idea what kind of relationship we actually had, after everything Mia had told me, I preferred to remain silent. I preferred not to risk reopening my old wounds and let him break my heart once again.
I was pretty exhausted. Because… Well, yeah, the three – hour road trip, the chick chat with a witch, the constant thinking about the vision that was haunting me are pretty exhausting.
“I´d like to go to Bon Jovi´s concert,” I said the first thing that crossed my mind. I wanted to recall the first night I´d spent at my demon´s place.
And Eric just laughed softly, leaning his head against the backrest. “As you wish, Dove. Try to fall asleep, okay?”
I obeyed him, I snuggled up into my duvets, and closed my eyelids. It didn’t take long; I already knew the fog that slowly overwhelmed my consciousness. I let him sneak into my head just to hear it.
Sitting here wasted and wounded at this old piano. Trying hard to capture the moment this morning I don’t know. ’Cause a bottle of Vodka’s still lodged in my head…
Even in my half-sleep, I had to smile. Because he let me listen to my favorite song.
While we’re talking about all of the things that I long to believe. About love, the truth, what you mean to me. And the truth is, Baby, you’re all that I need…
He didn’t forget, he had to remember the moment back then when we were dancing together, and I told him that only this song made me fall asleep when I was a child.
I want to lay you down in a bed of roses. For tonight I’ll sleep on a bed of nails.
I loved it; damn how much I loved the melody.
Like the boy who let me enjoy it.
A king’s ransom in dimes, I’d give each night…
I wished I could wake up, I wished I could tell him how much I appreciated it. But I didn’t manage to open my mouth. To do anything. Maybe only to raise my eyebrows as I saw him getting up from my armchair and approaching me.
He fulfilled my secret wish; he didn’t stay in that chair. Instead, he cupped my face with his hands to dig his fingers into my hair right after. He pulled me to him, and suddenly, all I could sense was his breath on my skin. All I could perceive was the warmth of his body. And his lips didn’t let me speak as he pressed them to my mouth.
I let him lay me back on my bed, I didn’t have the strength to fight my feelings anymore. I had never longed for anyone as much as I longed for him.
Yet, my heart pounded too wildly as he slid with his hand down. As his palm wandered through my belly and headed under my shorts.
I was sitting here wasted and wounded. In her room, so fucking close to her. I was struggling to capture this moment when she was lying in front of me, sleeping. This only moment when the night was slowly turning into light, I wished it was just a bottle of Vodka that was trapped in my head. And not her. Because the hangover passes, but she… I simply knew I would never recover from being drunk about her.
Not when she made me remember all the things that were worth believing in. That were worth changing for.
Damn, she was worth it all.
She was all I needed.
And I would lay her down in a bed of roses right now if she let me. And instead, I kept sitting on pins and needles. As if the armchair was really made of nails.
I would give a king’s ransom in dimes each night only if I could guard her dreams forever.
And my Princess shot up into the sitting position, gasping for air as her face fell into her hands.
I was looking at her, I was looking at her reaction as it slowly dawned on me. As I began to realize that I screwed up.
She rubbed her cheeks, but she didn’t return my gaze. And every second of her silence was killing me. And then it came, she said those two words that really made me die inside.
At that moment, I knew I screwed up badly.
“Dove,” I wanted to at least try to explain it to her, to ease her anger, to ask her for forgiveness. But I didn’t deserve it and she didn’t let my anyway.
“You swore you wouldn’t take advantage of it when I let you get into my head!” she sobbed, tearing something inside me along. “You swore!”
And I broke my oath.
I gave her my word that I wouldn’t betray her trust, I swore to watch over her dreams. And instead of keeping my promise, I got lost, thinking about how much I longed for her. Instead of protecting her from all nightmares, I let her dream about me undressing her.
It seemed unbearably difficult, rather impossible, to get up under the weight of my own conscience. Yet, I did it. I wanted to comply her, I wanted to leave. I didn’t mean to give her more reasons to hate me.
But then I noticed it.
She, her body was pretty tense and sweaty as if she was trying to suppress something. She was breathing too shallowly and too quickly, and I swear I could hear her heart pounding. She was so fucking beautiful, my gosh, so hauntingly beautiful!
And at that moment, I knew I wasn’t able to go away from her.
Her scent was calling me, and I couldn’t disobey. She was disconcerted by the dream I´d given her, and I wanted to know, fuck, I needed to know what it had done with her.
Her eyes widened, I recognized panic growing in her face as I headed to her instead the window.
“What the hell are you doing?” she asked. She hissed at me, she tried to look angry, but her body was telling a different story.
A completely different story.
“Don’t do it, Lara,” I whispered. I leaned to her, I didn’t hesitate to lean my forehead against hers, to sit next to her. “Whatever you´re trying to suppress, don’t do it. Don’t send me away.”
Her breath caressed my skin. But then it stuttered as I carefully dug my fingers into her hair. She almost shivered letting me realize that she was scared. And if I had a heart, it must have been breaking right now.
Didn’t she know how much I respected her?
Her lips, it could have been perhaps an inch that divided my mouth from her lips, and only then did I understand what it feels like to be dying.
“Don’t be afraid of me,” I beseeched as my life truly depended on it. “Don’t deny us, don’t pretend you don’t feel the same way.”
I was sure it was her heart that echoed so roughly throughout her body. And I could swear it was the loveliest melody I´d ever heard. I was listening to its song, I noticed as it skipped a beat when I run my thumb through her lips.
Hell, this was pure torture.
She closed her eyes, and I considered the fact that she didn’t insist on me leaving as a little win. I knew she had a hard time to catch her breath but I, vainglorious jackass, couldn’t get enough of that enchanting feeling that I was the one who made her gasp for air.
And I wanted to make her gasp for so much more.
I stroked her nose with my nose, and then I dared to touch her lips. I pressed my mouth gently to them so I wouldn’t terrify her, but my Princess moaned quietly. And with that soft short sound, she sealed her fate.
Because after six hellishly torturous months, there wasn’t even a bit of self-control left in me.
I tasted her lips once more. Right now, it was me who had to take a deep breath when she let me in, when she let me fondle her tongue with mine. She complied me, I felt like entering fucking heaven when she didn’t protest and followed me. And I laid my Sleeping Beauty back into her duvets.
I couldn’t even describe what the hell it was that was circling in my chest, I just knew it felt divine. Maybe only automatically… no, damn not! Her skin was simply addictive, and I failed to defend myself against its luring. I slid my fingers under her tank top to touch her velvety belly. And I would have voicelessly screamed out of pleasure if my Princess hadn’t frozen. If she hadn’t grabbed my hand straightaway as if trying to stop it from roaming.
This was all my fault!
She was still scared of me; she was still afraid that I would hurt her. And I had no idea how to explain to her that I´d rather burn alive than allow something to hurt her.
“Please, Dove, I´m begging you,” I muttered, trailing soft kisses all over her face. “Don’t be scared of me. Just have a little faith in me.”
Yes, I admit, the idea crossed my head. She wasn’t wearing her amethyst; I could easily make her fear to disappear. But then, there was something that didn’t allow me to keep considering it. She was so pure, so far away from the darkness I knew that even I didn’t dare to mark her.
And besides, I wanted this to be real, I wanted to deserve her. I wanted her to want me around her out of her free will.
And that stunning girl looked at me.
I had no idea for what she was searching in my eyes. I had no idea whether she found it there. But her body slowly relaxed, and the girl who had messed up my head really bad released very uncertainly my hand from her grasp.
“I have,” she whispered, and she didn’t have a slightest clue how much her confession touched me.
Just like her words back then when we were sitting in the car. She had thousands of reasons to shout at me. She had millions of reasons never to want to see me again. I screwed up with her so many times, and yet, she said she wouldn’t give up on me. And I could swear on my Mom´s grave, that it was for the first in a very, very long time when I felt hope waking up in me.
Because if Princess like her was still willing to put up with a monster like me, maybe I wasn’t doomed yet. Maybe her kisses could save me from Hell.
I had to try for saving right now, I had to at least thank her. I pressed my lips against hers again, I stole her breath once more. However, I paid too high price for that.
Because my Dove tangled me in a web of her charm, and when she cupped my face with her tiny hand, I simply knew I would never find a way out. But I didn’t mind.
And feeling her lying so damn close to me, I couldn’t take it anymore.
I had to touch her. I had to stroke her. I had to spoil her.
I had to worship her.
Yes, I felt her body stiffen again as I wandered with my hand around her navel. But my fingers were moaning with pleasure, the need to study her skin was simply too overwhelming for me to be able to stop. And what was even more decisive, she didn’t stop me either. And when I traced the curve of her breast, I knew I was fucked up.
The Nobel Prize for self-control should be mine.
Unless, of course, I would handle it.
She closed her eyes again, that was a trip on her part. Because I wanted to watch, I craved to watch what I was doing to her. And my Princess immediately cut me off. But I couldn’t help but smile. Cause´ it wouldn’t be her if it was that simple. She wouldn’t be so special if she let me have everything I desired.
No, my little miss Princess was worth all the challenge, all the conquering.
I tried to caress her as gently as possible, as slowly as possible, giving her the opportunity to get used to me. Even though, feeling her nipple hardening under my fingertips, I was damn close to ripping that annoying tank top and her shorts off her.
Those absolutely perfect shaped breast of hers!
Compared to them, Monet’s paintings were only parody to art. I could write hundreds of poems about them; I could dream about them for days. How I would undress her from the olive-colored sweatshirt she liked to wear. Or her T-shirts that clung to her body in a fantasy-evolving way. But nothing looked more sexy on her than my clothes. As if they were yelling that she was mine. That only I had the right to call her mine.
Her breath accelerated as I cupped her breast as I fondled her nipple with my nose through her tank top. Oh yes, my Dove was suddenly pretty short of breath, but I still wasn’t satisfied. I wanted to claim all the air in her lungs, I wanted her to crave me instead of oxygen. I wanted to stop her heart, I wanted it to start beating only for me. As wildly as it was pounding right now.
Now, when I was losing the entitlement to my Nobel Prize for self-control and let my hand head to her shorts.
I admit, it was me now, who was afraid that she would stop me. And indeed, her breath caught in her throat, and my Princess opened her eyes immediately as I reached the hem of that tiny devilish piece of fabric.
I knew I needed to calm her somehow down. I would have stopped if she´d asked me to. Even if it most probably had tortured me. But she still didn’t say a word and that was my only advantage at the moment.
I looked at her, I returned her gaze, and I… Fuck! Those big, scared eyes of hers, the soft blush in her face, the way she was trying not to show how much she lacked air… Oh, I´d never been so fucked up in my life as right now when I leaned my forehead on hers.
I´d never seen anything so goddamn beautiful than was the girl lying next to me.
And I wished, hell, I wished so badly that she would enjoy it just like I was enjoying her. Actually no, I wanted her to take it all, I wanted her to enjoy me adorating everything about her.
I reunited our lips; I touched her mouth again. And then my insides just melted when her tongue entwined with mine.
My little miss Princess deserved the most tender treatment, and I felt like falling into the never-ending abyss she´d dug for me herself.
Perhaps I managed to win over her doubts when she let me, she allowed me to bridge the annoying hem of her shorts. Damn, I had to try so hard not to shiver myself when I touched her, when I could just feel her. She got such huge power over me.
Only she made me forget everything, my whole existence. She could made me believe that Heaven really exists. I found myself there, I found myself in my personal paradise when I slid my fingers into her.
Suddenly, there was so much raging in my chest, I couldn’t describe any of what I was feeling. I couldn’t breathe at all, and my Dove voicelessly told me what was desire about when her head tilted back, when her whole body arched back. When she moaned so needful and desperately arousing.
That image of her burned a hole in my brain, and in that damn second, I swore my blood and soul to the Devil if he let me have this girl. If he never takes her from me.
I moved my fingers in and out of her, making her clench my T-shirt in her fist. She tugged herself closer to me, holy crap, my Princess was suddenly glowing. And I, as I filled and released her again, I reached the verge of my self-control. I was hard for her, goddamn hard, yet there was no chance I would take advantage of it anymore. This wasn’t about me; this was only about her.
Everything, my entire world, was about her.
I had no idea, I refused to even think of someone else touching her like that. Lara was mine, and I meant to do everything possible and impossible for her to admit it herself.
Was I possessive?
So fucking what!?
She moaned louder, she let the most enticing sound I’d ever heard out of that addictive mouth of hers. And I almost came into my pants. Into my pants!
She parted her lips in attempt to suck more oxygen into her lungs, she arched back again as I kept teasing her. I understood what I was doing with her, and absolutely enchanted by the view in front of me, I let my forehead landed on hers so I could breathe along with her.
The heat of her body engulfed me, I succumbed to it, moving my fingers inside her. And when she fixed her lustful narrowed gaze on me, I simply knew I became her prisoner. She had daze written all over her face, and I could feel her body starting to tremble as she came for me.
So where were we…?
She let me do what I desired to do, and I really thought I was the one who controlled the situation. And watching her now, it simply dawned on me.
Instead of driving her crazy, she made me go insane. I made her lose her self-restrain, yet it was me, only me, who just fell at her feet and begged her to be so kind and let me keep staring at her, feeling her, touching her.
I wrapped my arms around her when she calmed down at least a little bit. I hid her in my embrace, I covered her with soft kisses listening to her breathing become more slowly.
And my Dove… well, she didn’t surprise me.
As soon as her euphoria passed, she pulled away from me. She sat down, letting a bad premonition overwhelm me. She wanted to run away again as she always did. But this time, I didn’t mean to let her. Under no circumstances.
“Forget it, Princess,” I told her straightaway, pulling her back into my arms. Because she belonged there. Period. “You won’t run away from me, not anymore.”
She laughed quietly, but it was a laugh, and I thanked all my lucky stars when she complied me. She was still lost in haze and now also sleepy, but she didn’t protest and just curled up to me, lying her head on my shoulder.
“It´s still pretty early,” I kissed her forehead. “Go back to sleep, okay?”
“As long as you stay with me,” she mumbled.
I went back to the Bon Jovi´s concert with her, I guarded her dream again, lulling her in my arms. But yeah, the growing light behind her window told me that I didn’t have much time to collect myself.
I had no idea what coming morning would bring, I just hoped she wouldn’t want to run away from me later. Because I… I…
Well, looking at her, stroking her hair, I kind of understood that one simply fact.
That I, demon who was created to compel, to control, to force, became a slave to that one little miss Princess.