I was enjoying it.
The sun covered my face with its rays. I felt their might grew weaker; they weren’t burning as on hot July day. Instead, they gently caressed my cheeks. The birds were also singing their arias softer as if they were slowly but surely falling asleep. Even the air smelled like summer twilight.
Light breeze poked me tenderly, making me shiver. And only then did I realize that my shoulders were bare.
I perceived the endless calm surrounding me. But I didn’t feel it just around me. I sensed it filling every part of my body, every molecule, every cell. As if at the moment, everything was as it should be.
And I opened my eyes.
It surprised me. Damn, I was more than surprised as I had no idea where I was. What I was doing here. Still, this lovely terrace enchanted me.
It was lined with columns, and there was an astonishing view of a beautiful garden situated just a couple of feet in front of me. Trees, shrubs, millions of flowers of all possible and even impossible colors. It looked like they were hiding their own secrets, this place was exuding a magical, mysterious atmosphere. It reminded me of the Gothic Garden, and in an instant, I felt an unbearable urge to take a walk there.
“Baby, there you are!” My Dad’s voice interrupted my lost thoughts. “Are you ready?”
It surprised me even more.
I redirected my attention only to see him approaching me. Hell, my eyes weren’t fooling me, it was really my Dad who was now standing next to me. Wearing a tuxedo.
I wanted to ask what this all was about. What was going on. I opened my mouth; I took a breath but then I got stuck as he smiled at me. “You look beautiful.”
He looked me up und down, and I would have to be blind not to notice the emotion in his eyes. It confused me, he made me look down on myself, too. And only then did I realize that I was standing here in a white dress.
In a wedding dress.
I was wearing Tamara´s wedding dress.
My heart automatically started pounding at the insane speed. It pounded exactly as it pounds when my demon is around. But I didn’t see him anywhere. There was only my Dad, who had never met him before anyway.
Fuck! What the hell is going on?
The confusion in me grew into a huge mess. Suddenly, I could only dream of a calm I´d felt before. Now, I needed to ask, the urge nearly overwhelmed me.
“Daddy,” I began. This time, I literally gasped for air. But the words never left my mouth. I couldn’t, I simply was not able to ask for an explanation.
“Shall we?” my Dad spoke out instead.
And I, I… Holy crap, I had no idea when or why, I just knew I trusted him. And I accepted his offered arm and let him lead me.
We headed direct into the garden´s heart. He made my wish come true; I got an opportunity to take a look in there.
The air was suddenly filled with the most enchanting smell of wood and flowers. I saw butterflies playing along their petals. As if this place fell into oblivion a long time ago.
The colossal trees hid us under their shadows, yet the rays of the setting sun penetrating through the branches here and there revealed the beautiful colors their leaves turned to.
The same leaves I was walking on.
I realized it as the sound of the rustle under my feet kissed my ears. I couldn’t help but smile as I recalled the evening when I learned to dance.
No, the days of the reign of the Sun were over. It must have been Fall already.
The satin lining caressed my skin as I took another step. It felt damn good, I felt… I… The last time I wore this dress, I felt like it didn’t belong on me. But now, I don’t know, it was completely different.
As if it was made for me, as if I should wear it right now.
A strange shiver ran through me, I failed to suppress it. Neither calm nor tension, I couldn’t even describe it. As if I came to terms with fate.
I simply walked further by my Dad´s side.
He didn’t say a word, he didn’t speak the whole time, and I couldn’t get rid of the feeling that he was holding back tears. He kept smiling; he was smiling at me with the typical dad’s look he always had for me when he was proud of me. Like on the first day of my elementary school. Like the day I played my first song, the day I played my first concert.
It didn’t stop bothering me, my confusion didn’t disappear. I still wanted to know what was going on. But he suddenly stopped.
And maybe only automatically, I looked in front of me.
I looked in front of me only to spot a small courtyard that appeared in front of us. And then I froze completely.
I knew them all. They were all there. Everyone who mattered to me. I saw Joel, Oscar, Spikey and Dave who were grinning cheerfully at me. There was Jessica hugging Kyle, there was my whole gang standing there. I saw Jim, I even saw Will and Tamara. Holy crap, my Mom was there too!
And then, there was my demon.
He stood on the other side of this beautiful place, and it took my breath away how damn hot he looked in the tuxedo he was wearing. I couldn’t take my eyes off him, I absolutely indulged in what I saw now. Because yes, what a sight he was!
Suddenly, I really couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t breathe at all. Exactly at the moment when he laid his eyes on me. I had the impression as if he wasn’t breathing either.
And the world around us ceased to exist.
He stiffened as he noticed me. And he looked nowhere else. As if I was everything he saw.
As if I was everything, he´d ever seen.
I recognized the emotion he had written all over his face. I swear, I felt the same way. I kept staring at him, I couldn’t look anywhere else, at anyone else. I was unable to think, I couldn’t disobey my own heart, which was speaking to me softly. Which was telling me that I was his. That I belonged to him, to him and to no one else. Only he remained there for me.
The boy who my Dad was leading me now to.
Slowly but surely, it started to make sense to me. Out of the blue, everything was clear to me. All of a sudden, it dawned on me, the reality slapped me hard right into my face. And I started to realize what was really going on. I understood what I had been trying to ignore all along.
And that was exactly the moment when I started to panic.
For heaven´s sake!
Am I getting married?!
I recalled the afternoon when he asked me to marry him, but I couldn’t remember when I agreed to it. I didn’t remember anything, anything at all. And my brain still didn’t work properly when walking, I really was walking to the altar. To my demon, who was smiling at me. All I knew was that my confusion overwhelmed me. That I´d never been so scared before.
When the fuck did I make this decision?
How did it come to this?
What if it doesn’t work out between us?
I always thought that if I get married one day, it´s gonna be marriage based on love, trust and honesty. Just like my parents had. And now? Now, I was slowly approaching the boy, with whom I had been absolutely incompatible for over three months!
I still didn’t know a lot about him, I didn’t know anything about him! What if we find out we can’t get along? In just few years… Damn, in few months?!
My heart was pounding, I nearly trembled, I panicked. I wanted it to stop, I wanted to turn around. Suddenly I felt the urge to run away.
But then I looked into his eyes.
His eyes were the ones that didn’t allow me, that discouraged me from making that decision.
The way he was staring at me, the way he was watching me. That utterly moved gaze of his. As if he adored every part of me, every detail, every movement that led me closer to him. As if he couldn’t wait for me to stand next to him. As if he wanted me to be his. As if he really loved me.
And just like that, I couldn’t run away from him.
It was there. The calm that always fascinated me about him was reflecting in his irises. In the whole posture of his body. And the more I was getting lost in his eyes, the more I felt it too. As if he had the ability to pass his inner peace on me. I, looking into his eyes, let myself be led to him.
He reached out his hand as soon as we stayed still in front of him, and my Dad didn’t hesitate to put my hand into his palm. For a moment, I found myself in heaven forgetting what we were doing here. The boy who had my soul smiled at me, and I could swear it was a thousand times more beautiful smile than on the photo his sister had given me.
I couldn’t help but enjoy the view. Because he, wearing a tuxedo that clung to his body in a goddamn sexy way, was definitely worth gaping. And then I burst out laughing, I had to laugh as I notice the Converse sneakers he put on.
However, I don’t know how, somehow, the thought crossed my mind. That one question. How it was possible that my feet didn’t ache that I didn’t suffer walking. I automatically lifted my skirt a little bit only to find out that I was wearing the same sneakers. Under my wedding dress.
“You see, Dove?” my demon whispered, laughing with me. Oh, those stunning sparks in his eyes were glowing so brightly! “We´re simply perfect for each other, we´ll never get bored together. I swear to you that I will never stop trying to win you over and do everything I can for you to have as many of those perfect little moments as possible.”
My breath was taken away again. This time, his words were responsible for that. Because I knew he meant it. That he really wanted to keep them.
I felt his other hand on my back, pulling me closer to him. He stunned me, he dazed me, he mesmerized me. When he kissed my forehead gently.
“Eric,” an unfamiliar voice brought me back to reality, “do you take Lara to be your wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in heath, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself solely unto her for as long as you both shall live?”
No, no more sparks, there were incredibly beautiful flames dancing in his eyes now. The tenderness overwhelmed his expression as he smiled again. “I do.”
“Lara.” The panic returned as soon as the priest said my name. “Do you take Eric to be your husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in heath, in good times and woe, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself solely unto her for as long as you both shall live?”
It was there, the moment, the one moment came. That second when I had to make a decision. A decision that would affect my whole life.
I felt the stares of everyone around on me. Yet, none of them were more intense than the gaze of the boy who was about to become my husband.
“Lara?” The priest asked me again, but I still didn’t know what to say. In an instant, there was no air in my lungs, and I couldn’t make a sound.
“Dove?” My demon cupped my face with his hands making me face him. Making me look into his eyes.
His deep eyes, which now looked at me like no one had before.
And I knew it.
When he ran his thumb through my cheek, when he caressed me, I simply knew what I wanted. I wanted him. And my heart was about to jump out of my chest as I opened my mouth to answer him.
My heart was about to jump out of my chest as I shot up into the seating position, catching my breath. It took me a little but eventually, it dawned on me.
I was at Jim’s house.
I was in my blanket fort.
And those hand were still wrapped around my body.
“What´s going on Princess? Are you all right?” I heard him when he immediately sat up next to me.
“Nothing,” I exhaled, letting him pull me back into the pillows, into his embrace. Letting his calm engulf me again. “Just a dream.”
He stroked me; my demon kept running with his hand through my back as he pressed his lips to my forehead. And it helped me to collect myself, yes.
Even though I didn’t understand it at all.
Why the fuck I kept having a dream every night in which he either steals my heart or I give it to him voluntarily.