When a child grows up a certain way, the parents are always the first to be blamed. Every single decision that a parent makes bends and shapes the outcome of their child’s life.
Product of divorce? Statistically does worse in school.
Murderer? Allowed to play violent video games.
Shy? Parents didn’t give them enough love and affection.
Alcoholic? Must have been some abuse going on there then.
The list goes on!
It doesn’t matter what someone does in their life, they never have to fully accept consequences. Its second nature to look elsewhere to find some place to offload a portion of the blame. I’ve done it myself. I’ve silently judged Eros and Sophia when I’ve seen my niece act out.
“They’re spoiling her. They’re letting her get away with whatever she wants. They don’t give her enough discipline. She needs a sibling.”
I wonder what they’ll say about my parents when the truth comes out? Fuck, it’s not as if they don’t have plenty of ammunition right off the bat. That’s without digging a little to find the skeletons we have buried deep.
That’s one thing they’ll accuse my parents of, and they would be right. More so my dad, but both of them definitely played their part. I never really had many consequences for my actions -at least, not until now, anyway. I was the apple of my father’s eye, and he had my back no matter what I did. Funny how I’m only just remembering this now. If there’s one person in this world I could - and should- have turned to for help and advice, it was definitely my dad.
It’s almost laughable, really. Khaos, the leader of the fallen Dragon Heart pack, the man who murdered his adoptive and birth parents. The man who single-handedly destroyed an entire pack of panthers is actually less of a wolf, and more of a pussycat. The Khaos I’ve been privileged and blessed to have raised me, has been nothing short of loving and kind.
It’s so unfair that his past is going to be brought up and used against him once more, all because I fucked up so spectacularly. Despite what I’ve done, I still think the biggest shocker in this story is that Khaos was actually a decent dad. Who would have thought that? Hell, I’m still surprised after some of the things I’ve heard! If someone had said he once ate his own young like a true feral wolf, I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid. In fact, I’d have bought them a beer and clapped them on the back. They’d have needed it. The Khaos they knew would rip out their vocal chords and make them choke on them.
But even if that was true, my dad wouldn’t take full responsibility, would he? His actions as a grown ass man would still be the fault of his parents and how they treated him.
You see, those that look for someone to blame are doing so out of denial, or maybe even ignorance. I know that now. I judged Eros when it came to his parenting skills, because I didn’t know any better. I was ignorant. Instead of offering help, support, my own version of guidance, I kept silent and instead ran a silent monologue in my head of all the areas I thought they were fucking up.
Why are we like this as a society? Why is it easier to judge rather than offer a helping hand? My mother raised me better than this.
Oh Goddess, what are they going to say about my mother when the shit hits the fan?
“I knew nothing but trouble would come when she mated herself to that animal.”
“Should have stayed with her parents where she was safe.”
What an absolute joke that was! My actions during the last couple of months are going to overrule everything. My mother has been safely under my dad’s protection for the past two decades, but that will all mean nothing. Long ago grudges will once again come to the surface, and this will simply prove they were right all along.
Do you know what I think? People judge others, blame others, so they don’t have to look towards themselves and accept the part that they may have played.
As the only saying goes, when you point a finger at someone, there’s always three fingers pointing back.
That’s what I need to do. I need to accept my portion of the blame. And my portion is fucking huge.
I can easily see where I could blame others. My childhood had some trauma, that’s for sure. But so did Eros’. In fact, he had so much more to deal with than me. I may have been kidnapped and turned into a hybrid bear, but am I suffering for it? Eros had to spend the first years of his life without his dad. He had to watch as Grey and Fang resurrected Khaos, without his memories, and turned into Grey’s beta puppet. His own grandfather. Mine too, I guess.
Although, having never met him, it’s easier for me to discard that particular family branch. Eros had to watch our mother’s heart shatter time and time again. He had his whole world and identity shattered. He witnessed Grey and all his minions be slaughtered. And yet, he’s still a fully functioning Werewolf. If he shares the same dark thoughts as me, he does a better job of hiding it, that’s for sure.
I cannot blame my lust for blood on my parents. My craving for adrenaline can’t be blamed on my childhood. The cruel streak I have, the one that enjoys torturing and maiming my victims, cannot be blamed on anyone other than myself, and my fucked up personality.
I mean, should they have forced me to move packs? No. Should it have automatically been assumed I would be happy with my given mate? No. Should someone, anyone, have taken the time to listen to me? Absolutely!
But nothing excuses what I did. Nothing gave me the right to betray my father the way I did. Nothing gave me the right to make the choices I did. It was me, no one else, who caused this mess.
I was the one who made a deal with the devil, and now we’re all paying the price.
The whole “woe is me” has to end now. I allowed myself a moment of self pity. I allowed myself to wallow in despair. But no more.
It’s time to pick myself up, dust myself off, and fight with everything I’ve got until the very fucking end.
I am Antheia. Daughter of Violet and Khaos. Capable of things that would warp and twist your fragile mind, shattering it to pieces. I skin wolves alive for a living. Why am I running and hiding? If this all comes to an end with my life, I know I did everything I could have to make amends.
That’s the reason I decided to sit down and write this letter. If everything goes tits up… if we don’t survive this… well, I want one true account of how things came to be.
So, in a rare moment of peace, I have the time to explain everything. My mates are upstairs, Grace and Duke have settled down for the evening planning our next move, and I’m alone. For the first time in a long time. I can’t even hear his voice anymore. The one that called to me. Beckoned me. Summoned me.
Goddess, how did I manage to get myself into the fucking mess?
I, Antheia, am the top enforcer fo…
The rest of the letter is torn off here. Contents unknown.