The Dilemma
I don’t like him. He’s not even that attractive yet there’s something electric I feel when I’m around him. I wonder what it would be like to touch his skin with my skin or brush my lips over his. I can’t stop thinking about him. He makes me feel like I’m pushed against a live, electric fence. My skin stings with need but I feel alive.
Problem is, my friend likes him. My closest friend. I feel like she knows how I feel but we’re just passive-aggressively coexisting at the moment. There is no way to be sure but she hasn’t been normal lately and she hasn’t texted me since school let out almost a week ago. Granted I haven’t texted her either and I’m grounded from my phone.
I sometimes daydream about him coming to my front door because he feels the same and he kisses me. Long and hard. I want it to happen. I want to get thrown into that fence and I want that electric charge but I don’t know if I want him. I’m into guys who are taller and older than me and he only checks one of those boxes. I like slightly built guys, not lanky soccer boys.
He has thick blonde hair, slanted dusky blue eyes, and a ‘nice guy’ smile. His hair is cut short but it’s still shaggy if you can picture that. I like his hair, I think about taking a fistful near the nape of his neck and tugging at it softly.
However, he doesn’t have those wide muscular shoulders I’m looking for. He’s lean and bratty but in a flirtatious way. There have been times where I thought about just leaning in and kissing him. I want to know what he thinks.
I’m laughing in my first period where I sit next to him in a group when I claim that I’m taller than him. It’s a claim I feel strongly about because he gives off that “I’m shorter than you” vibe that I feel like I must challenge. He protests and tells me to stand up which I do because I can’t bring myself to say no. He gets up and now I’m looking up and he’s more than an inch taller than me and he’s centimeters away from my face and I don’t know what to do. I take a step after a few heated seconds of us unabashedly looking from each other’s eyes to lips and back again. We sit back down and laugh it off, he makes fun of me for thinking I’m taller than him. I’m glad I’m wrong but I can’t figure out why I feel this way.
Reading all this werewolf fanfiction makes me wonder if humans have that same sense, just duller. That poke that says “Your mine and I’m yours”. It’s a serious thought and now I want to look it up. I mean, there’s no other reasoning for it. I know nothing about him outside of school other than he’s the youngest with two older sisters. I don’t know if his dad is around or maybe his mom died.
I want him. I want him so bad my stomach clenches with need and desire only he can fulfill. God, I need him and I can’t do anything about it.
