Ecstasy (LGBTQIA+)

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[Ecstasy] Ecstasia: Chapter 1 - It's The Love Shot (Belle)

"It’s the love shot.”

- EXO ‘LOVE SHOT’

Belle’s POV

Trrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Beep beep beep-

“Argh, argh, okay okay, you win, you stupid piece of crap,” I groaned, slamming my palm onto the snooze button. Knowing me, I would probably fall asleep again, and would need another reminder to wake up. I stretched and stared up at the ceiling. It was time. To face her.

Ecstasy.

Seeing her face in my mind’s eye had all traces of sleep vanish immediately. Her beauty blew my mind. Tanned perfect skin which I knew would soft to my touch. Almond-shaped golden eyes whose intensity always pierced through whatever defences I held up against the world. A soft delicate nose that I’d wanted to flick from back when I first met her. Angular jaws but soft cheekbones which were always dusted with some sort of blush. I sighed. She looked beautiful even without any make-up. More so when her face was just so close to mine...

I replayed that scene again in my mind, for the millionth time in three days, and fervently wished that the ending had gone a little differently. Wished that I hadn’t been such a wimp and turned away to cry. Wished our lips had at least touched a little. And most of all... wished that girl had not interrupted us at all.

A kiss that I had dreamt about for so long... whisked away at an unwanted interruption. How utterly pathetic.

But then, it brought me back to what I considered the conclusion as to why we didn’t kiss. Couldn’t kiss.

Maybe I’m not meant to be with her...

Yeah. Of course. That would explain it. When even whatever Higher Being lived up there in the sky didn’t want it to happen. Us to happen.

Didn’t want Ecstasy to regret her actions.

I winced, vision blurring yet again. That sentence hit right where it was supposed to, only harder. Luckily, the dratted alarm rang again right then, rousing me out of the rabbit hole of negative thoughts I had fallen into just after The Almost Kiss.

Soon, almost an hour later, I was ready to head off to school.

“Kieran!”

*****

Ecstasy Beauty was one of the most popular students in our school, with wit and charm to match her prettiness. She really was an eyesore, I thought with a sinking heart, looking at her across the well-tended lawn of our school where she stood with her girlfriends, her back to me. I once again admired the girl from a distance. However much might I have indulged in my memories of Ecstasy’s face, seeing her, in reality, was a hundred times more delightful. Her beautiful heart-shaped face was envied by every girl in our school, and most sought after among boys. Her lips were full, shining with the glittery matte lipstick she wore almost daily, and I started daydreaming about them yet again. Staring into her beautifully darkened amber eyes, I thought of-

I lurched out my daydream and froze. Those golden eyes were indeed looking towards me, slowly filling with the playfulness I so adored.

Not helping Belle!

Ecstasy smiled coyly at me and winked, while her girlfriends didn’t seem to notice, too engrossed in their own chatter. My heart started racing, and I turned away blushing.

And walked away as fast as I could from there. Before she could hear my heart shatter into pieces.

I could never be with her.

I could only admire her from afar.

*****

“I’m home,” I said, pulling open the front door and stepping in.

“Oh hey, honey,” Mom said, in the process of picking up a stack of office papers that lay on the dining table. “Welcome home.”

“Hey, Mom.” I slipped the heavy backpack off my shoulders and put it onto the couch. “Need any help?”

“No, I’m good. Go wash off and sleep a little. I’ll call if I need anything.”

“Alright.” I trudged up the stairs and entered my room, making to closing the door behind me but fingers appeared on the edge of the doorway. I went stiff immediately. “What is it, Kieran?”

“It happened again.”

If I wasn’t already stiff as a board, I think I would’ve been so then. I whirled around and threw the door open. It banged loudly on the wall behind it, hinges quivering. “What do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean.”

Kieran leaned against the doorway, heavy black bags under his making him look way older and less handsome than he was. Indeed, everything about his stance might have crooned “Casual, but cocky,” but to me, the person who knew him best, it screamed “Exhausted! Tired! Help me!” His ruffled brown hair was messier than usual, the blue hues in his eyes darkened like the sky just before a storm, a light stubble on his face. It wasn’t like Kier to grow his facial hair out; he hated the itchy feeling the hair gave him. It was clear: he hadn’t slept in a while.

The guilt hit as hard, as fast as the concern did. He’d skipped school after Homeroom today, texted me he wouldn’t be there to pick me up, but I hadn’t known it was because of this- “How bad?”

“Very bad. It started late last night-” My eyes widened, surprise flashing, as well as rage, rage at why he hadn’t let me know, “-but then it ended as fast as it had begun, that’s why I didn’t tell you.” His eyes held bitter understanding in them. “You think I haven’t noticed that you haven’t been getting enough sleep these days? Do you think I haven’t noticed that the only time you’d come home the last two weeks were after your shifts at work? I’m not that selfish, sister.”

I never said you were.

The words hung in the air between us. Nevertheless, Kieran continued, “I’d thought it was done for the time being, that she won’t have another, but just after Homeroom, I got a call from her. From in between the seizure.”

I let out a hissing gasp. Dread churned in my insides, and guilt ate away at me. Mom had called Kieran. Not me.

Yes, she didn’t! A voice in my head screamed at me. Now stop being so selfish and do what’s needed to be done! Do you care more about why she called one twin and not the other than about her health?

I swallowed the guilt down. Kieran continued, his infamous self-loathing making an appearance yet again. Oh, Kier. “How could I be so stupid as to leave her alone just after a seizure? How could I?”

“It wasn’t your fault, Kier. You didn’t know.” I put a hand on his shoulder but he shrugged it off as though my touch burnt him.

“How is it not my fault, Belle? We all know seizures are known to reoccur time and time again. How could I leave her alone, even after knowing that?” He gulped, the bitterest look of hatred I had ever seen on him, appearing in his eyes and shaping the sneer on his mouth. He looked so far away, so distant that my heart broke for the millionth time that week. “What would’ve happened if she hadn’t called me, Belle? What would’ve happened if I hadn’t rushed to the house as fast as I could?” Oh, Kieran...

“Kieran Santiago. Listen to me.” His dark blue eyes refocused on my face, blinking at the urgency in my voice. I took his hands in mine. “You didn’t know it was going to happen.” Kier opened his mouth to retort, but I cut him off. “You didn’t. If you had, would you have left her alone?” He shook his head mutely. “Exactly. You didn’t. You didn’t know. It wasn’t your fault. So stop beating yourself about it.” I squeezed his hands, clammy in mine, as I gentled the hard edge to my next words. “She did call. You did reach here in time, didn’t you?” He nodded, some of the self-hatred in his eyes disappearing. “Now, there. What is done is done. You helped her through it, and now I think she’s going to be fine. She didn’t tell us she was skipping her doses until yesterday. Nor did she tell us she would be sad and depressed last night, so there’s nothing we could’ve done apart from advising her and helping her through it.” The intensity of my own eyes melted away all the insecurities in my twin’s. He swallowed and then reached in for a hug.

“I don’t know what I would do without you, La Rose,” his words were muffled against my shoulder. I smiled, standing back though still gripping his biceps, my faith in him shining clear in my mirrored blue eyes. “Who said I’m ever gonna leave you? I’m right here.” I scanned his face. “Promise me you’re not going to think like that again,” I said, even though I knew he would break it.

And it seemed like he knew it too.

He shrugged off my grip on his forearms. “Can’t make promises I know I’m going to break.” He backed away, presumably to his own room. “I’m sorry Belle. Today’s the only day you got a holiday on and I ruined it. I’m sorry.” I smiled tightly. It’s not like the rest of my day had been any better. “It’s alright. Let me know if anything happens, I mean it, Kieran.” I make the warning clear in my voice. He just sketched a bow and walked away.

“See you around, La Rose.”

I stared after him disapprovingly, then closed my door. I sank onto the bed, exhausted. Today had been a really long day. It seemed like seconds, after which I fell into a deep slumber, all my outdoor clothes on and everything, and dreamt of Ecstasy and a world where a carefree me lived without the burden of looking after my single epileptic mother and countless small jobs.

Because, after all, nothing can go wrong in dreams.

*******

Hi, it’s Kita. Before you ask, epilepsy is “a disorder in which nerve cell activity in the brain is disturbed, causing seizures.” During a seizure, a person experiences abnormal behaviour, including loss of consciousness. Seizures can be triggered by different things like acidity, stress, or strong emotions, like what older Miss La Rose went through the previous night. Epilepsy can be controlled by following strict medication, which Miss La Rose skipped. Hence she had it. Hope this part is clear to you now. I’ll be updating the next chapter soon, so stay tuned!

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