This Way

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Chapter 4

I was finally home some how the drive home from school was longer then it was driving there this morning. I opened the door knowing my mom wasn't home so I didn't bother to shout a greeting like I always did back in Jamaica.

I sluggishly walked up the stairs to my room I was tired and my entire body ached I was hurting with every fibre of my being I even hurt in places that I should not have been hurting in but what can I say I had sex with a stranger and I was in turmoil mentally and physically he did not deal with me delicately considering it was my first time but that wasn't why I was hurting well at least not mentally... I was scared and I'm never scared I never allowed my self to be afraid... only when I saw frogs them shits terrified me.

Everything he said to me he meant it I could tell by the seriousness in his voice and it scared me so much it made me shiver but not entirely from fear but also from want, lust. Maybe I should serve him with a restraining order yeah that would keep him away right?

No but then I'd have to tell my mom everything and even the police so that would mean more people to know how shameless I've been in only a few hours I couldn't do that I couldn't disappoint my mom, my family they deserved better my mom worked so hard for me and she deserved a child to make her proud.

See I had a plan for my life I was gonna work hard and become successful I wanted to work at a primate institute it's my dream to own an institute that cared for endangered primates like gorillas and monkeys .etc. us humans we are slaughtering them and destroying there homes they deserved better and so I wanted to build them a home even if it was temporary starting somewhere in the Caribbean I know it wasn't easy but by God I would make it happen and make mother and the animals happy.

Then he came along and now he's making me confused I mean sure I could do all this still, I know it won't be easy with him around he was a distraction a distraction I don't need but based on my actions this morning it was a distraction I wanted I have to stay away from him but how was I suppose to do that he seemed like a very determined guy...

I sighed all this thinking made my head hurt even worse than it already did. I shimmied out of my clothes instantly developing a hate for skirts and dresses I'm never wearing those again I ran into the shower thinking about what colour jeans I would wear tomorrow. My shower was relaxing I scrubbed away at my body desperate to be clean as I thought about what happened.

I was finally relaxed in bed wearing my oversized shorts and t-shirt I love sleeping in oversized clothes it was soothing.

I laid on my bed scrolling through my phone finally deciding to contact mother telling her I was home safe she quickly replied asking if I'd eaten I hadn't but after everything I really didn't have an appetite I typed away thinking to myself yea Ron you might as well leave space for when you're pregnant and the cravings kick in with that said I quickly replied saying I was just about to I speedily ran to the kitchen there was no way I was going to let this... let him get to me I laughed at my self knowing he already did I bit into my sandwich moaning it was something I always did when I ate my grandmother thought it was a very bad habit but my mother thought it was cute so I never dismissed it, it already became automatic.

Chewing in bliss I checked my phone apparently mother would be home until twelve and it was only eight thirty so I made another sandwich in fact I made five more wrapping up two for my mom to eat when she got back and placed the other three on a plate I was a big eater yet I never increased in size taking a soda from the fridge and walked happily over to the tv searching for something basketball related I loved the sport it was very entertaining to me I couldn't find anything so I sighed in defeat deciding to watch family feud munching happily and shouting at the players calling them stupid when they got the red X.

It's funny how my mood changed I chuckled thinking that this might be bipolar behaviour but na it wasn't it's just food, food always made me smile food was bliss... and sleep, sleep was bliss too. I watched one last competition before I cleaned the plate, wrote a note to mother informing her about the sandwiches before going off to bed.

I dreaded going to school but I had to go in order to make my dreams come true so I quickly got up and got ready brushing my teeth slowly but showered quickly as I had already wasted a lot of time and did not want to be late on my second day now here comes the hard part all I had were skinny jeans, basketball shorts or joggers I'm never ever wearing a dress or skirt to school ever again basketball shorts I chuckled of course I wouldn't wear that to school so it was either the jeans or the joggers, the skinny jeans really put my tiny waist, big butt and broad hips on display courtesy of mother I smiled thinking that my figure must be genetic cuz grandmother had the same curves except out of all the women I was the shortest courtesy of my dad I rolled my eyes not wanting to think about him.

I decided on grey joggers that were a bit bigger in size as the idea was to look unappealing maybe if I didn't show my body he would leave me alone... for some reason the thought of him leaving me alone made me sad so I quickly shoved away the thought and threw on a red long sleeved blouse that rested exactly below my navel I put on white socks with red and white Nikes my favourite brand when it came to everything at least everything related to it I took one last look at my self and thought I looked great if this was my trying to be unattractive then I failed miserably as I looked ok my hair was forced up in a puff I didn't care much for baby hairs so I grabbed my bag and quickly ran downstairs shouting a goodbye to mother and sped away in my jeep yes I had a jeep a black jeep I love jeeps they were awesome.

I arrived at school early and I smiled in relief I went inside feeling comfortable in my loose joggers that was tightened around my waist. I opened my locker happily there was no him and no Polly at least that's what I thought until I heard someone squeal I surprisingly smiled knowing who it was it was none other than thee Polly giggles who was growing on me with her bubbly personality.

"Hi Ronnie" she squeaked and I simply smiled not wanting to tell her to shut up "Is it ok to call you Ronnie? How are you? You left in a flash yesterday. Ah! You look so fricking cute" I stared at her as if she was crazy how could she say all that with out taking a breath I slowly walked off saying

"Hi giggles, yes it's fine, I'm good and thank you" I clearly avoided one of her questions but whatever.

I'm not sure I was ok with her thinking I looked cute tho I mean it wasn't what I was going for I frowned at that thinking my attempt to look unattractive failed it was just so hard with the type of clothes I had. Giggles kept talking about cheer leading as we walked to class as a smiled pretending to be interested in what she was saying I really am not being mean here it's just everything she said gave me this image of hello kitty and the colour pink everything was just so girly and that wasn't me.

Our first class was math I hated math but I enjoyed class turns out giggles was really smart and quick at solving math problems I grinned and thought good for her as she was more than just a pretty face. I left math class dreading the next I loved biology but I had this ache in the pit of my stomach we had the same biology class Shit!

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