I was always too soft. I lacked a level of drive and ambition it took to go somewhere in the world. I knew it. My dad knew it. My older brothers did too. Even on the night of junior prom, my girlfriend saw it.
Dressed in my absolute best, she dumped me after three songs. Maybe I should have counted myself lucky. Cindy was nice enough to break me down in private.
I had been drunk all night. It shouldn’t have surprised me when she pulled me out of the gymnasium. We walked down a couple of hallways, she walked, and I stumbled before she told me we were over. Cindy took off after that.
I don’t think I cared about our relationship nearly as much as I thought about how I managed to fail at something else. Cindy was probably more upset over the breakup itself. I could tell. As she ran away, I could hear her voice cracking.
Instead of going back to the party, I walked outside to find my car. That should have been the end of my night. That should have been a wrap, but when I got to my car, I saw him.
He was lanky, taller than me by at least an inch, and had wild black hair. It was his junior prom night too, even if he was new to town. Maybe he didn’t feel like dressing up and dancing with classmates who treated him poorly on a day to day. His name was Nick Carter, and he was pissing on my car. Technically it was my dad’s car, but it was mine for the night.
There was no love at first sight, no butterflies or fireworks. I was devastated and beaten, so I wanted to devastate and beat someone else. Nick seemingly volunteered to take the punishment. Lucky for us, I was too drunk to hurt him.
While he struggled to put away his dick and zip up his pants, I chased him around the car, trying to cave his head in. From there, all I could remember were snapshots of what happened. I couldn’t connect a single blow, and the alcohol was starting to get to me. It had already gotten to me. I broke down into tears.
I never cried, especially not in front of people. Whatever dignity I had left, it vanished as I sank to the concrete. He stood there watching. On my knees, I didn’t scream or whale out, but my face contorted as I tried to fight what was happening. And then he did the strangest thing. He came closer. Eventually, my head rested against his belly while he held my head, combing fingers through my short hair.
That’s how we met. I found Nick when I was at my lowest, but somehow, we didn’t stop there. The very next morning, I woke up in his bed.
His skin, the way it clung to mine, I was worried and relaxed at the same time. Part of me was in perfect balance with our morning after, but another part of me knew I had to get up. The world was frozen, and I had a choice between freaking out or going back to sleep.
I was in an unfamiliar place with a guy I didn’t know outside of school. We were naked, so I knew what happened even if I couldn’t remember most of it. Had Nick been smooth enough to stay silent, I may not have acted so cruelly in the following moments. Had he played dumb and went back to sleep, it would have given me time.
But Nick sat up, and he opened his mouth to speak. Every word that he said made me more upset. Why couldn’t he have just shut up?
“Don’t fucking touch me,” I said.
We went from sleeping peacefully together to standing at odds. Nick was on one side of his bed while I was on the other trying to gather my clothes from the floor.
“I won’t,” he answered.
“I was drunk. I didn’t mean to do this,” I said, pulling up my pants.
“It’s ok,” he said.
“Nothing fucking happened,” I yelled.
I couldn’t find my shirt. Frantically I looked around for it, but I couldn’t drop my eyes from Nick. While I worried about getting dressed, he stood completely naked with only a pillow in front of himself. When I couldn’t locate the last of my clothes, he awkwardly picked them up from the floor on his side of the room and handed them to me.
I took the garments with my expression remaining the same. But I stopped yelling.
“This didn’t happen,” I argued against what I knew in a defeated tone.
Not only had I failed to keep a girlfriend, I failed at being straight. In any case, I couldn’t see it yet, but someone new had finally walked into my life’s story. Nick changed it from a solo to a duo.