Because of Avalyn

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Chapter 8 - Well... Fuck

🐇Aaron🐇

Another week has gone by and I didn’t go for brunch again. Truce asked if Carter had something to do with that and I tried to lie but she caught me. She informed me I was acting out of the ordinary and so was Carter.

I didn’t know but this week and last week he couldn’t keep his eyes off of me. I should have known. At home things are a bit charged. Last week I walked out of the laundry room with only a towel on and he was just coming out of his bedroom. I could feel his eyes rake over me. And they sparked a flame inside me.

This week he made a point of taking his shirt off while he was outside but only after he’d seen me watching. We’re basically toying with each other until one of us snaps. I know already he’s a generous lover. But I know how to hold back my urges, it is definitely harder this time though.

Sometimes, I swear I can feel his hand on me bringing me that sweet release. I do crave another but does he want me or does he just want a play thing?

I am unwilling to be that person again.

“Daddy!” Avalyn huffs.

“Huh? What is it?”

“Daddy.” She has one foot pointed to the side and her hip popped out like a disappointed mother. She actually looks exactly like Mary when she was giving Scott shit.

“I’m sorry, Avalyn. What did you say?”

She sighs dramatically at me, “I want my party here”.

“You can have it at any of these places. You don’t have to have it here”.

“Here.” she squints at me and points to the floor.

“Ok, we’ll have it here.” I surrender to her.

She smiles and then runs off before I can ask her any more questions. I know she wants a Merida party. I’d be a terrible father if I had no idea but she doesn’t want to ask. I hate that she’s afraid to ask for things that she wants. It makes me feel like a horrible parent. She shouldn’t have to hold back every want because she thinks she needs to. Childhood should be carefree.

I sit down and play a game on my laptop. It’s my favourite interior design game. I applied for a few jobs this morning but as you can imagine, it’s not going well.

Now that I live here with Carter I have decisions I have to make, for instance; is it worth it to drive to that job for a five hour shift? If I’m spending more on fuel and childcare than I’ll make in a day then I don’t even bother applying.

I continued to play the game while Avalyn watched a movie and played in the fort we built this morning before Carter went to work. I’m not sure why he’s working on a Saturday but to each their own I guess.

“Daddy?” Ava bounces up to me with her bunny ear headband on.

“Yes, sweetheart, what can I do for you?”

“If I’m extra good, can I get a bunny?” I purse my lips in thought. She’s never asked for a pet before.

“May I do some research before I say yes or no?” I ask before I chase her out of the kitchen.

She squeals and runs as fast as she can. I love my girl. I sit down and tab out of the game. I look at the cost of rabbits and they really aren’t that expensive. The biggest cost is getting them fixed but even then it’s less than a cat. I will ask Carter how he would feel about it when he gets home later.

🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇

Avalyn and I are sitting on the floor in the living room when the back door opens. Carter is home.

“Avalyn, I’m going to go talk to Carter ok?” I get up and start walking away.

“Ok.” She whispers.

I sit at the counter and wait for him. I’m a bit nervous and I’m not sure why.

“Hey, I was thinking pork chops in mushroom soup, mashed potatoes and fresh green beans. My friend Dylan’s mom has a huge greenhouse garden and sends me bags of fresh vegetables”.

“Sounds amazing… Avalyn asked if I could get her a bunny.” I blurt out instead of working up to it.

“Oh. I remember wanting a bunny when I was a kid. As long as it doesn’t eat the cords around the house I’d be fine with it. We could make it a little area on the other side of the booth and move that cabinet to the living room or the garage”.

I was not expecting him to be ok with this so I just ended up staring at him in disbelief.

“Can you just brown these a little and then put them in the mushroom soup and then the oven?” Carter watched me until it looked like I had caught up.

“Yeah… sure.” I got up from the seat and did as he’d asked.

He disappeared to his room so I’m sure he’s just changing. About twenty minutes later he comes back out in a tight black tee and nice looking fitted sweatpants.

“I can take over now.” He smiles.

His smile makes my heart race and my knees a bit weak. I feel like a highschool boy all over again.

“I’ve got it. Ava is watching Tangled instead of Brave if you’d like to see something else.”

“Is that princess as fiery as Merida?”

“Not sure. I’ve never watched it all the way through.” He laughs and goes to the living room.

“Why are you on the floor again?” I hear him ask her.

“Your couch is not comfy.” She says with the exact right amount of sass.

“This couch was three thousand dollars, it better be comfortable.” Ava bursts into a fit of laughter, “this couch is terrible. Maybe I should get a new one”.

“You should. Now shhh Max is looking for Flynn”.

“Which one is Max?”

“The horsey!” She giggles.

He asks her questions throughout the movie and she excitedly explains. I can’t help but smile. I boil and mash the potatoes and serve the fresh green beans and get everything served up before calling them to the table.

I’m so grateful to him for being so sweet to Avalyn and for being open to her having a pet.

During dinner Ava tries to show me what Carter’s reaction to his couch was. She looks adorable trying to imitate him. His laugh is as infectious as hers. I wish I could bond with people the way Avalyn can. Her and Carter are so close. I want to be able to connect with people too.

After dinner and a pudding dessert, Avalyn goes up for her bath. When she’s done I read her a story and tuck her in. She reminds me she wants a bunny and happily tells me she wants to name it Bun Bun. How can I possibly say no? I kiss her forehead and wish her sweet dreams before quickly showering and heading back downstairs.

Carter hands me a glass of that champagne I liked and we go sit at the counter. I’m not sure why I came back down. I have nothing more I need to say but I like his company. I’ve been alone for so long I think I’m just clinging to the attention I get when he’s around.

When I look at him he is already looking at me. We slowly inch closer to each other and I down the rest of the champagne. I kiss him and like I hoped, he doesn’t push me away. He pulls me closer. I moan and that seems to break him from the spell.

“Aaron… are you sure about this?”

“Yes.” I nod.

“If we continue I’m taking you to my bed and we will wake up next to each other.” He says in a dark tone that gets my mind reeling.

“Ok”.

He pulls me back in and I savor every pass of his lips on mine. The way his hands have already started pulling my shirt from my body.

“Your body is beautiful.” He says when he pulls my shirt off before pulling me back in.

We clumsily make our way to his room. He tosses my shirt on his floor and then starts fighting with my drawstring. It’s not necessary so I pull them down and he gently pushes me back onto his bed.

My heart is pounding like a jackhammer in my chest. The world starts to close in on me and I’m finding it hard to breathe.

“Are you alright?” He’s worried about me.

I shake my head no. I’m having a massive panic attack. I’ve never had one like this before. Carter helps me sit up. He gets me to take a deep breath in and hold it as long as I can, which isn’t long.

“Just listen to the sound of my voice and breathe with me. Breathe in and hold it, two, three and release two, three. Ok again.” he repeats this a dozen or more times until it’s over.

I’m embarrassed but he sits beside me and wraps an arm around my shoulders and rests my head on his.

“I… I…” I can’t seem to get the words out.

“You don’t have to say anything, Aaron. It’s pretty obvious you’ve been through something traumatic. Now just get into bed and we can forget about it.” He guides me off the bed and pulls back his blanket and motions for me to get in.

I turn his pillow so I can hug it and exhale a very shaky breath. He gets in beside me and grabs something from his bedside table.

“Lay on your stomach.” He whispers in my ear sending a shiver down my spine.

I do as he said and am now on my stomach. He starts to massage my shoulders. A moment later he straddles my butt and starts to work out every knot in my back.

“Your back is so tight. You need to relax more. He leans over and places a kiss where he just rubbed out a knot leaving it really sore. “It looks like you might bruise. Do you want me to stop?”

“Please, don’t stop.” I mumble into the pillow.

Even though it is quite painful I can feel myself drifting off to sleep.

🐇🐇🐇🐇🐇

Beep beep beep beep

An alarm is blaring next to my head. I don’t wanna get up, my back is so sore.

“Good morning, Aaron”.

I stop breathing and slowly roll onto my back so I can confirm I am where I think I am. Oh God. All the memories from last night come flooding back. I pull the blanket up over my head and groan in frustration.

“I set the alarm so you could get up for the day or go to your room before Avalyn wakes up and looks for you.” He pulls the blanket back down until my head is showing.

“Thank you for everything you did for me.” My ears feel hot and when I cover myself with the blanket it again he flips it off me and gets on top of me.

I look into his eyes and I don’t see pity or disgust. I see a man who, despite what happened last night, still wants me.

“Don’t worry about last night”.

I stare at him blankly for a few moments, “what happened to the cold man I met?”

“He’s still here,” he points to his chest, “he just found something that he wanted to be warm to”.

Damn. Now I feel hot all over… wait, am I the something? He laughs at my expression, which I can feel and then I get to laugh at his expression.

Carter clears his throat and rolls off of me, “sorry about that”.

“I’m sorry about all the mixed messages.” I trail off.

“Maybe one day you can tell me what made you react that way. Until then maybe we should try to keep things more professional and less personal”.

I nod in agreement and get out of his bed and room as quickly as I can. Why did I have to push things with him? I know I can’t do this and I’ve just complicated everything so much more than it needed to be.

Fuck my life.

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