The ....... weekend
I look for my coat, while Alexander is already putting his pants back on. He looks deep in thought and the only thing I can tell from his expression is that he is definitely not happy. Did we make a huge mistake?
''Here it is,'' Alexander says and he holds up my coat. ''The rest of your clothes are soaked, but I can put them in the dryer for you and in the mean time you can borrow some of my clothes.''
Alexander nods and he grabs my hand before we run towards the house. Inside Alexander hands me a towel before he walks away with my clothes. Only to come back with socks, sweatpants and a sweater.
''I don't have Cookie Monster socks or pj's, but I can offer you a hot shower and these.''
''Alexander, why do you look like you deeply regret what just happened? I know that I threw myself at you, but you could have said no!''
Alexander stiffens and he opens his mouth, but then everything turns dark.
''Power is out,'' Alexander groans.
''Do you still have reception on your phone?''
Alexanders takes out his phone and he checks.
''I do, but barely.''
''Can you call Tyler or my aunt, saying that I'm here. They are probably wondering where I am, since I didn't came home to change into my work-out clothes.''
Alexander calls and I hear him talking to aunt Laurel, while I change into the dry clothes.
''Where is your phone?'' Alexanders asks when he hangs up.
''Somewhere in your driveway,'' I mutter and I walk into the living room. ''What did my aunt say?''
''That she is glad that you are okay and that you should stay here, because it's not safe out there. Apparently halve the town is without electricity and a three is blocking the main road. Can you now explain why your phone is in the driveway?''
''Because I threw it away,'' I answer while I sit down on the sofa.
''Why did you do that?''
''Stop asking me questions if you don't even bother to answer mine!''
Alexander sighs and he crosses his arms.
''Isn't that obvious, Samantha? I didn't even lasted five seconds and that's embarrassing! I'm also worried because we didn't use any protection and that I disappointed you. I really thought that even for my first time I would last longer then that!''
Alexanders shakes his head and he clenches his fists.
I stare at Alexander and I feel so relieved. I feel relieved, incredibly stupid and guilty. I was angry with him and I hold on to that anger. Not willing to accept his apologies and forgive him. I was horrible to him and he just took it. Always making sure that he was still there fore me, while I just kept pushing him away.
I stand up and I wrap my arms around Alexander's neck. Hugging him tightly.
''Don't, this only makes me feel worse,'' Alexander says and he tries to loosen my grip.
''It's not a pity hug, you idiot. It's a I don't know what I did to deserve you and I fucking love you hug!''
A smile appears on Alexander's face and finally he hugs me back.
''But you were disappointed, I saw it in your eyes.''
''I wasn't disappointed, Alexander. I was sad. It was the first time that I wanted to have sex, because I was with someone that I loved. You just happened to come when I realised that, so stop thinking that you let me down in any way.''
Alexander cups my face and he kisses me tenderly.
''I love you, Samantha.''
Alexander smiles again and he presses a kiss on my forehead.
''Do you want me to get you a morning after pill tomorrow?''
This is why I love him, because he is the most caring person that I know.''
''That will not be necessary. I have been on birth control for years. Right now I have an implant in my arm that makes sure I can't get pregnant.''
Alexanders nods, but then a frown appears on his face.
''You still need to explain what happened to your phone or why you looked so miserable when I found you.''
I groan and let myself fall on the sofa, burying my face in the cushions.
''That won't work, Jones. Start talking, please.''
''Fine, I received an email from my agency that they dissolved our contract. That contract stated that I could refuse jobs that made me feel uncomfortable, like lingerie or sexy wear.''
''But didn't they keep asking you for those kind of shoots?'' Alexander asks confused and he sits down next to me.
''They did,'' I sigh. ''They used it as an argument that I didn't hold up my end of the contract, by refusing to take any jobs. Another reason was that I lost my contract with my sponsor. I didn't know that they ended my contract, so that was a nice surprise. But they really outdid themselves with the second argument.'' I say sarcastically.
''They said I was unemployable because I don't meet their high standards. Translation getting beat up, gave them a reason to get rid of me.That's why I looked miserable when you saw me.''
I turn on my back and I stare at the ceiling.
''I was anything but a good person before I got here. A manipulative bitch, just as mommy taught me and she taught me well. Never show your weakness or feelings, Samantha. Only show them what you want them to see.''
I laugh humourless, because I can still hear my mom giving me her advice.
''They are not your friends, they are the competition. We don't care about the feelings of our competition do we? We have to look out for ourselves, because in the end your always on your own. So get the best jobs and take care of yourself in any way you can.''
I let out a deep sigh and I shake my head.
''The truth is that I was arrogant, manipulative whore. I got the best paying jobs, by screwing people over of to literally screw them. I swore when I was in the YCF program that I would never go back to being that person. I said goodbye to Red, my mom and my old life. I had new contracts, a new life to start with Emma and hope. Hope that I could still be the best, but that hope vanished tonight.
''Because they didn't let you reenter that competition and now this on top of everything that already happened.'' Alexander groans and it remains quiet for a while.
''Samantha, is that...''
''Is that?'' I repeat and I sit back up again. Alexander is struggling with finding the right words and I roll my eyes at him.
''I didn't have sex with you because of that, Alexander. I kissed you because of that and because you made me realise that I missed you like crazy. The rest was just because you are fucking hot, especially when you are mad and wet!''
Perhaps this is the first time that I see Alexander blush and I chuckle.
''Don't get shy on me now, Mr. Harrison.''