What am I alive for? Everyone hates me. Nobody loves me.
What's the point of living? And I can't almost recognize my childhood.
Once upon a time, and a never-ending story of a girl; who had one but pain and suffering replace inside of her heart and soul.
That story is about me, which I don't believe is why I'm here for.
I just don't understand why.
"Julie? Are you okay?" Someone asks, as my daydream fades away once more.
I nodded, not looking up, just staring at the white blank paper.
I was in my classroom, Art, as Mrs. Garcia, a 47-year-old teacher, taught us the value and shadows in art.
The person who spoke to me was my favorite teacher. The only favorite teacher I have in this school.
"Are you sure? Is there something bothering you?" She ask again, looking down at me with worried.
I force a smile, looking up to see her face, and holding in my tears.
Life isn't real. It's just a messed-up dream.
She looks at me, looking into my eyes, trying to find something in there.
But there's nothing.
Why would be there? I know how to control my emotions. It's just depressing.
"Well, you can tell me anything, if something bad happens okay?" She answers, patting my back before heading back to her desk.
I softly smile and nodded at her.
She's the best, but I can't let her see the pain I have. She won't understand.
I quickly realized that my classmates ran out of the door to the cafeteria or their next class.
The bell rang? That was so quiet though... Maybe because I hear silence now.
But oh well.
I got up, got my backpack and books from my desk and floor, and headed to my next class.
Should I care how I look? Everyone always looks at me. They might think I'm weird, or ugly for that matter.
I walk alone through the hallways as usual, and everyone around me whispers or giggles to themselves.
Yup, it's about me.
Why do I have to be a freak? I don't understand why I look that ugly. Why can't I be pretty?
Tears flooded my eyes, so blurry that I can't see where I'm going.
I wipe them off with my jacket sleeves, not looking up from the floor ground.
I don't want anyone to know I'm weak, but I am weak.
That's when the school bell rang again for 4th period class of the day, as everyone around me headed to class from their lockers.
I decided to head to the girl's restroom, alone.
Maybe some quiet time will help me.
I pull out my little mp3 player from my jacket's pocket, where I store my music player.
At least for now, I won't notice.
"Hi, Dad," I said as entered my broken home, but he kept looking at the TV, silently drinking alcohol.
Back at home is different. No one will judge, no one won't care. No one won't notice I'm dying.
No homework, so I guess it's free time for me.
I sigh and nodded to myself, and headed to my room which was next to my little sister's room.
I grab my journal from my backpack and pulled out a pencil, as I sat next to my bed to write.
It's nighttime, as my father fell asleep from all the alcohol he drank.
At least I'm lucky, not being punched or beaten yet.
My father doesn't love me...
But that's for now from pain, not forever.
Did Dad use to love me? Or did forget I even exist and became his punching bag?
I silently open the back door from the backyard, where there's a tiny old playground.
The place I used to play, where me, my sister, and my family were happy.
But I don't understand...anymore...
I look up, into the night sky, seeing millions of stars glowing in the dark.
The air got cold and seeing every electricity house lights turned off for nighttime.
I hear nothing but silence. It was dark and cold. As if winter was here, but not a single, beautiful Christmas light.
I always wonder if stars were souls? If I could be one of them, I should.
Do they see that I'm broken? Do they see that I'm hurt?
I wouldn't blame them, it's probably my fault why I decided to hurt myself. To cut my wrist.
I didn't mean to, I just wanted the pain to go away. It feels nice after...
I sat down at the small swing of the playground, still looking up while blinking.
Why am I selfish?
I kept on praying every day to die. I just wanted to be happy. That's all I wanted.
Am I dead now?
I slowly open my eyes, seeing the morning dawn.
I was laying on the green and dry grass.
Guess I've fallen asleep on the ground again. Maybe I'm scared to wake up alive.
Well, I'm not dead yet. Too bad, too sad.
Let me guess. Today is Tuesday, isn't it?
I sigh and headed back inside my house.
I better hurry before my bus comes to pick me up.
I waited outside, near a stop sign, where my bus always picks me up every day.
"Feel water in her body, water is never going out..." I quietly sang to myself.
Aurora Aksnes can tell everyone's feelings through heart and soul.
That's when I see my bus ahead. I stop singing, put on a frown, count to 5 as the bus stops in front of me and the doors open.
I climb on in and look around to find a seat. I could see everyone talking or laughing. Every small kid to a young adult.
There are like 18 students here, while I'm the negative one.
I find a seat, which was at the very back of the bus. But I don't mind being alone.
"Hey, had you heard about the hot teacher today?" Someone whispered in front of my seat, which was a girl from my school.
"Oh really? Is he really that hot?" Another girl asks, wondering.
"Just like Chris Hemsworth mix with Zac Efron!" The first girl cried as they both giggle.
Oh great, I just can't wait, bla bla bla...
I put on my earbuds and put on the song again when I was singing.
I hum and look out the bus window, as more students climb in.
I just hope no one sits next to me. I just want to be alone right now.
I don't understand why is a pain in the ass.
But I do have high and great grades. I gotta keep working more for my future. If I do have one.
"Welcome students and teachers, it's Tuesday. And today we hope you'll have an amazing day. Good luck!"
As the announcements said through speakers and ending the call.
Huh, I don't really care but maybe I will have a great day for now.
I hear everyone whispering, looking at their phones.
It's must be the new/hot teacher?
You might never know, but men these days are getting weird and good-looking.
I walk into my English class, seeing everyone whispering.
It's not you Julie. It's not about you. Please don't cry again in front of them.
I walk to my desk, where I sat every day alone, never bothering to look up from my empty desk.
"Dude, this guy got all the looks. I'm so jealous right now." A whisper said.
"Oh my god, he's so hot and sexy." Another said.
Many more whispers and words spread around my class.
Yuck! Boy, did I cringe a lottt. I swear kids these days are odd.
I took out my journal and my pen from my gray, cheap backpack.
Maybe, for now, I could draw flowers. Even though my last name is Flower. How ironic.
I look up, to see this dirty blonde man and with blue eyes in front of our classroom.
Eh? Since when did he enter the classroom?
"I'm Mr. Sanderson, your new English Teacher." He said as every girl blushed and giggled.
I don't know if I'm gay or not but this guy ain't good-looking.
Not even close to Ian Somerhalder.
"Now everyone, I would like to all of you introduce yourself." He said, with a wink to all the girls.
While all the boys glare at him. Wouldn't blame them, they are not good-looking.
Wait....oh, just freaking great! There's no way I'm going to talk!
That's when Ruby, stands up from her desk.
"Hi, I'm Ruby Reynolds, and I'm the captain of the cheerleading team of this school, also legally eighteen." With a wink back to Mr. Sanderson.
He laughs. "Well I'm off-limits, I have a fiancée."
Ruby blushed in embarrassment.
What a poor soul...
My thoughts laugh and nod as I continue drawing.
"What about you?" He said as everyone now stares at someone.
I look up to see everyone, every eye, and look as Mr. Sanderson stares at me with a soft smile.