Chapter 50 : Madelyn
Sexual Content Warning ⚠️
Content Warning: Anxiety attacks.
Chapter 50 : Madelyn
Monday, August 9th, 2021
Or at least I was.
I drove home in my own car, this time allowing myself to actually think about my men and everything they told me.
The emotions I’m currently feeling are mixed, but each one seems stronger and more intense than the last.
Maybe it was a longer term effect of subdrop, or maybe it was simply due to all of the stress and sadness I’ve felt today, but I found myself struggling to get out of my car.
It was small at first, the slight weight on my chest, but as I stepped out of my vehicle and drew my keys from my purse, I began to shake.
I tried to breathe, I really did, but every single part of today soon became too much as I walked up the front steps and to the door of my house.
Lifting my trembling hand to unlock it, I pinched my eyes shut in defeat when I couldn’t connect the key to the hole.
My chest tightened, my breath quickened, and I suddenly became very very quiet.
I didn’t trust myself to speak or call for Hailey’s help right now.
Instead, I just really needed to sit down.
My hand was flat and pressed against my heart, panicking at how fast it was and how I didn’t see how I could slow it down again.
I noticed that I began to swallow a lot, but my throat felt dry and scratchy.
Absently aware that I was having an anxiety attack, and most certainly not my first, I ended up on the porch with my knees to my chest, breathing rapidly but never getting enough air.
I subconsciously heard the front door open, but I couldn’t even care to move and look at the person coming outside.
“Madelyn?” Hailey said my name, surprise and concern clear in her voice.
I opened my mouth to say hers, but after many failed attempts of speaking, I simply gave up, shaking even harder.
The next second, she was on the ground beside me, taking my hands into hers and squeezing them just to show she was there.
I really hate how much of a mess I am right now.
“It’s okay, I understand.” Hailey says at the words I was unable to speak.
I had techniques for this, I did, but I was entirely too overwhelmed to remember.
“Is there anything you typically do when this happens?” She asks, and I nod my head, but the action alone was dizzying as the overwhelming urge to pass out came down on me.
When she figured I couldn’t respond more than that, she brushed a few pieces of hair out of my eyes as she held me.
“What works for me is tensing certain muscles as hard as I can, holding it, then trying to relax my body as much as possible afterwards.” Hailey offered, and it was a strategy I used as a kid, but had forgotten all about it.
“O-Okay.” I managed, even as I just wanted to curl up and stay like that until things passed.
I was given a reassuring smile as Hailey gently let go of my hand, sliding in right beside me and staying, even when we were given multiple curious glances from others on the street.
“Ignore them.” She said, “It’s just you and me. Nothing else is important right now.”
I continued to shake, but I ended up closing my eyes and curling my hands into fists, trying to stop the seemingly never ending tremble in them.
I started by tightening every muscle across my shoulders and upper arms, holding it like that until the mental clock in my brain told me it was time to let go.
I let out a long breath as I relaxed and loosened my muscles, but the nausea and spinning never left.
So, I did it again, this time with the ends of my toes.
Again and again, I forced myself to breathe, drowning out everything around me except for my tense limbs and the gentle touch of Hailey’s hand on my arm.
It took me a long time to regain control over my body once again, but even once I could stand on my own, the shaking ended up continuing for hours afterwards.
Only this time, I wasn’t alone.
I know Hailey had many questions, and we had a lot to talk about later, but she put no pressure on me to do anything as she walked me to my room.
Somehow, I managed to make sure my now slightly dusty dress was hung up carefully on its hanger, not bothering to put on anything else as I collapsed into bed.
There was a long list of things I’d worry about later, but for now, I let a different kind of darkness consume me, one known as the promising hands of sleep.
Thursday, August 12th, 2021
This is the third day in a row I haven’t seen or spoken to my men.
I’ve worked every single one of those days, but never once did they show at the bar either.
However, even though they made themselves visibly scarce, somehow I could still sense they were close by the entire time.
I was for the most part appreciative of it too, because they were doing it for me and respecting my wishes.
Only a few hours after I left their house a few days ago, Caleb texted me that Vincent was gone like I asked him to.
I didn’t respond.
I was surprised at how much I truly missed them, but I wasn’t lying when I said I needed a few days to think.
There had been so much on my mind I needed to sort out, as well as determine if I could even continue on with our relationship.
I took the time to think about my dad, my mom, and most importantly, my men.
After my stream of tears from a few days ago, as awful as it was to endure, it also forced me to realize something.
I don’t know if I can live without them anymore.
Maybe I’m just in too deep, but as supportive as Hailey was, it honestly wasn’t my bed I wanted to return to for the night.
I’ve felt cold every single night I’ve been on my own, and it only got worse with every passing hour that I realized I still wanted them.
They had a lot of making up to do for their lies, and I still had questions I needed to ask, but I wasn’t ready to let what we have go anytime soon.
My decision only hit me tonight, and it was one of the realizations that had me laying awake at two in the morning, wishing everything could just fix itself.
I know we will still have things to work through, but that could be a problem for another day.
Right now, I just wanted to see them, even if it was late and the sky was painted black.
I honestly didn’t care at this point.
There were only three thoughts on my mind currently, and with that, nothing was able to stop me as I got into my car and drove straight to the very people I couldn’t get out of my head.
With a glance at my ring, I walked past the night guards stationed around the gates of their house, and right inside.
I tried to keep quiet as I shut the door, smiling to myself at the sight of the entryway, or more so the memories it holds.
Even if he didn’t scream, the very fact that Vincent was caught off guard for once in his sorry life brought more pride to myself than it probably should.
Thankfully, there didn’t seem to be a trace of him as I walked farther inside, shrugging off the long coat I wore overtop of my nightgown.
I hadn’t bothered to take the time to change into something better.
The house felt dark and large with me being the only one walking around, but I won’t be leaving now that I’m here.
Though, I’m not exactly sure what to do now that I am.
My first instinct is to go straight upstairs, but the glint of the kitchen catches my eye as I walk farther into their house.
The first memory that comes to mind is the panic I felt when I dropped into that horrible headspace the last time I was here.
It was honestly terrifying, but before I knew it, I wasn’t alone anymore.
I soon had three amazing, comforting, yet totally lethal men by my side who would give the world for me.
I would love nothing more than to go right upstairs and tell them that despite me being angry, I don’t want to live a life without them in it.
However, it was also Xavier’s birthday two days ago, one I missed and didn’t bother to even send him a text.
I still can’t believe I never knew he was turning thirty-four, but ever since he told me he’s never celebrated it, I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.
So much of his childhood had been stripped away from him before he was ever granted the opportunity to get those excited feelings in your stomach right before getting to open gifts or blow out the candles on a cake.
My idea was stupid, and I couldn’t bake if my life depended on it, but I wanted Xavier to have something.
Even if it was this pathetic excuse of a gift I’m already thinking up.
I cringed slightly as I googled the simplest recipe I could find on making a chocolate cake, already fearing this was going to be as disastrous as I feared.
But, I did it anyways.
I dimmed the lights to a manageable setting, tied my hair up, and began silently gathering ingredients from the fridge and pantry.
Their kitchen was practically a maze to navigate and half of the things I needed I couldn’t find, but I improvised.
My plug-in mixing bowl was replaced by a normal bowl and a whisk in my hand, but so far, I haven’t burnt, spilt, or damaged anything.
It was a small accomplishment I held onto for now.
I know me doing this was also partially avoiding figuring out what to say when I go upstairs, but I was also content with staying here for now.
Things seemed to be going okay as I slid the circular tray into the oven, setting the timer accordingly to the instructions.
I sighed as I turned back to look at the slight mess I had made, but even as a small yawn escaped me, a smile followed with it.
At this point, I didn’t even care that this was likely going to blow up in my face, because honestly, I just wanted to give Xavier something he should have had his entire life... Happiness.
One cake won’t make up for all of the trauma I know can consume him, but it was still something he deserved.
Hell, he deserved a whole lot better of a cake than the one I pulled out of the oven many minutes later, but this was just going to have to make do.
I waited five minutes before my impatience got the best of me, flipping the pan over and allowing the cake to come out after being given a bit of encouragement.
I winced as the edges crumbled depressingly, but I did what I could to press them back on.
Yup, this was disastrous.
I couldn’t help but bite the inside of my cheek in frustration when the icing didn’t spread on nicely either.
Bits of the cake were pulling up with the movements of my blue covered spatula, and soon, the once light coloured icing was mixing into a darker, muddy colour from the chocolate.
It was pathetic, and the top was caving in slightly, but I barely had time to contemplate just throwing it out before someone cleared their throat from behind me.
Whipping my head around to the point of slight dizziness, I found Alec’s inked arm resting against the counter across from me, no shirt to cover the muscles scaling his chest.
For a moment, I froze up, standing there like a deer in the headlights as my stare met his.
“You’re here?” He spoke quietly, as if not seeming to believe I would return at all.
I could only nod, suddenly feeling extremely naked with only the thin nightgown to hug my skin.
It was stupid because I’ve been in far less around him before, but things felt a lot more... intimate now.
“Sorry about the mess.” I stupidly murmur, suddenly feeling conscious at how horrible the dessert behind me looked, and likely tasted.
Alec only raised an eyebrow as if to say, we both know this is about much more than some failed baking attempt.
“Did I wake you?” I asked, my hands and lower back now leaning against the counter edge.
He felt so close, yet so damn far away.
“I smelled food and got curious.” Alec simply replied, though the bags under his eyes suggested he hadn’t been sleeping much anyways these last few nights.
I hadn’t either.
“It doesn’t matter much now. I think I’ll just go out and buy something—”
“You don’t realize what this is going to mean to Xavier, princess.” Alec began, but the air was sucked from my lungs at the sight of a dark-haired man nearly frozen at the bottom of the stairs.
All he wore were his rings and a pair of grey sweatpants, his hair out of place from sleep.
“Madelyn.” Xavier let out a loose breath as he said my name, his eyes glancing everywhere around me and then back over to my face.
“Hi.” Was all I could think of in response, my heart racing against my chest.
I watched as his eyes locked entirely on me, Caleb’s tired footsteps sounding down the long staircase, yet also ceasing at the sight before him.
They were all here now, though none of us knew what to make of this.
“Although you’re always welcome, may I ask what brought you here at three in the morning, darling?” The blond’s words were deep from the remains of sleep in his system, his gaze making me tighten up.
For a moment, I looked first at Caleb, then Xavier, then Alec.
I let myself actually see them for the first time since I found out they were in the Mafia.
All of the scars, wounds, and tattoos adorning their bodies, they all told a story and it was one I think I was finally ready to learn.
I wasn’t going to act like I was higher than them, because the reality is that I knew they were capable of killing without a second thought, and I wasn’t bothered anywhere near as much as I probably should be.
Right now, with all of their emotions laid bare in front of me, I knew they were the only things I was certain of in my fucked up, messy life.
“I wanted to see you all again,” I replied to Caleb’s question, taking a breath before continuing, “I forgive you. I’m still angry and I have more questions, but I forgive you... Hence the cake.” I added at the end.
That sad, crumbling cake—if you could even call it that.
“You forgive us?” Alec repeated, my words on his tongue sounding as though he never thought they’d be spoken.
“Though, I do suppose some making up could encourage that forgiveness to stay.” I tease, feeling a small weight lift itself from my chest when they all smile back at me in relief.
It might take some time, but things can feel right again.
I watched as Xavier’s eyes focused and held on the dessert behind me, many emotions flickering through his vision.
I could tell just by the way he breathed that things were feeling intense for him right now, and when those dark pair of eyes finally reunited with my green ones, I knew he wasn’t planning on letting me leave again anytime soon.
I never even had the chance to brace myself before it was surprisingly Alec who pounced on me first.
Taking long, even strides, I was soon in his hold as my hips were pinned to the marble trimming.
“You mean it?” Alec’s eyes look down into mine, his hands shaking slightly in fear that I would change my mind.
If I could be certain about anything right now, it would be that I wasn’t going anywhere.
All it took was a blink before I was lifted onto the cold counter top, my nightgown hurriedly being torn straight down the middle and tossed away.
“Alec!” My eyes widen when he tears my white underwear clean off of my body next.
“He’ll buy you new ones, darling,” Caleb said now from where Alec used to be, “Just let us take care of you.”
The next second, Alec’s head dipped until his sinful mouth was within reach of my clit.
The suddenness of it all had me gasping, my fingers weaving into his dark curls and gripping until he moaned along with me.
He didn’t waste any time before two fingers teasingly dragged up and down my slit, angling themselves as he pushed in with no resistance.
I could feel Alec’s hands shaking slightly, but his gaze was steady and entirely on me.
I was so busy looking down at the man between my legs that I hadn’t even noticed that Caleb slid to sit by my side, taking my right leg and hooking it over his.
The action left me even more spread and I soon felt the angle of Alec’s strokes change to one that brought me rapidly closer to that blissful high.
Caleb’s fingers teased my inner thighs, dragging over my lines and stretch marks and then back down again.
All of these sensations were dizzying, and when Caleb’s free hand began playing with my nipple, I couldn’t help but buck my hips up further into Alec’s face.
“That’s it, Madelyn. Take what you need.” Xavier’s voice vibrates through me, making me realize my eyes had fallen shut.
I force them back open as my core tightens, blinking a few times before I see that Xavier’s cut himself a slice of cake, his fork being picked up from the counter.
“Don’t—” My words get cut off by a moan when Alec sucks hard on my clit, his tongue running skilled circles around it, “You shouldn’t eat that.”
My head spun as Caleb began kissing and scraping his teeth against my neck, bending my body and angling me to his will.
He hummed against my throat as he felt my racing heart, whispering quiet words in my ear about how pretty I looked and that he was sorry.
All at the same time, Xavier’s eyes demanded my attention, knowing I couldn’t stop him as he lifted a piece of the cake to his mouth.
He was looking at me as though I was both his present and entertainment, watching as my lips parted in a pant thanks to his friends’ touch and his gaze.
Xavier said nothing as he smiled, taking another bite of the dark cake and leaning against the counter to get comfortable.
Though it’s only been a few days, I forgot how powerful that stare was as he watched my pinned body.
He was touching me with his gaze alone and I couldn’t stop the tremble in my legs as they locked up, tightening around Alec’s head.
“Sir—” I gasped as his fingers suddenly stroked me deeper, Caleb’s teeth grazing a sensitive spot on my neck.
Combined with Xavier’s watchful eyes, it was all I needed as my walls clamped down, my release barreling through me and onto Alec’s long fingers.
“Good girl.” Caleb murmured in my ear, nipping right below it in praise as the two of them slowly brought me down, yet still fucking me through my orgasm.
When my eyes finally tore away from the man across from me, I looked down to find Alec gently resting the thigh that had been around his shoulder back down on the counter.
His tongue continued to lazily lap at my sensitive core until he had licked up every last trace of my arousal, his green eyes watching my every reaction as he did so.
By the time he pulled away, I was completely relaxed again, my heart slowly returning to a normal pace.
At that, Xavier placed down what was left of that god awful slice of cake, his head never turning away from me.
“I’m glad you’re back, princess.” Alec said as he placed a final kiss to my thigh before rising, Caleb unhooking my thigh from his leg and hopping off of the counter.
I was confused as the two of them both moved to leave, but when Xavier’s large form snagged my attention, I knew why just by one look at his predatory gaze.
I suddenly felt extremely exposed under his eyes, my reflex of covering up becoming greater by the second.
Reaching out to my left to grab my coat, I didn’t get far before the roughness of Xavier’s voice caused me to freeze.
“Oh, you won’t be needing that, sweetheart.” He said, taking a slow step towards me.
I shifted and crossed my legs as Xavier walked to where I was sitting, not stopping until his hands gripped the counter on either side of my body.
His muscles naturally flexed at the action, his mouth so close to mine I could feel his exhales.
“You baked me a cake.” He gave me a small smile, his head dipping slightly so his nose could trace a line along my jaw.
“I did.” I shivered as Xavier trailed down the stretch of my throat, planting a small kiss along my collarbone.
For a few seconds, the only sound between us was our breaths.
I didn’t move an inch as Xavier continued to explore my body as if he were doing it for the first time again.
Then, after a long stretch of time, he whispered against my throat, “Thank you.”
I crumbled beneath his fingertips after that.
I’m not even exactly sure how I ended up in his arms, but my body was soon wrapped around Xavier’s, his two strong arms looping around my waist and holding me tight.
I didn’t protest as I let him carry me up the stairs, even though it would have been easier for him to take the elevator.
With every breath, I inhaled his familiar scent of leather and pine, happily warming up as his bare skin brushed against mine.
When I woke up this morning, I never would have thought my night would end with me here, but I knew in this moment that this was the only place that felt right.
In his arms, in his bed, with him.
It didn’t matter the physical location; I just needed to continue being held just as much as I was holding Xavier.
With unhurried steps I was brought into his bedroom, though this time it was cleared of shattered glass and splintered wood.
A new, untouched bed stood in place of the previous one, not a single crinkle to be seen in its dark sheets.
From that, I knew he hadn’t slept at all today, but Xavier didn’t seem to have any issue disturbing the neat mattress as he laid the two of us down on our sides.
Our legs instantly wound up intertwined, my fingers finding their way to the dark strands of his soft hair.
His own combed through mine, relaxing me and causing a content sigh to fall from my lips.
Never once did Xavier’s eyes leave my face, and somehow I could just tell something was bothering him.
“Do you want to talk?” I ask, my voice quiet as I scan over his uncertain features.
He seems to be contemplating my words, as though he was torn by those as well.
“I just... I want to try something, but I’ve never done it before.” Xavier answers, causing more questions to form in my mind.
My eyes search his, my head shifting on the pillow we’re currently sharing.
“What do you want to try?”
There’s not much I wouldn’t give him at this point if I was able to offer it.
For another second he didn’t say anything, simply looking at me as his hand moved to stroke the side of my cheek.
I leaned into his touch as he held my face, not rushing him or the gears I can practically see spinning in his head.
Staying still as he slowly lifted his neck up, Xavier’s body shifted closer until he was able to bring his lips to mine with ease.
I blinked in slight surprise at the action before my eyes fluttered shut, exhaling through my nose as Xavier gently kissed me.
He took his time exploring my mouth just like that, encouraging my lips to part for him until our tongues danced against each other.
Xavier groaned as my one hand held him at the base of his neck, tugging at his hair until he moved his body overtop of mine.
Never once did he pull away from me as his hips straddled my waist, rocking against my clit until small bursts of pleasure brushed through me.
“Daddy,” I quietly whimpered against his mouth as his tongue licked a stripe across my bottom lip.
Xavier hummed in slight correction, as if that wasn’t what he was wanting to hear.
It didn’t take me any time to pick up on his hints as my one hand dropped to the waist of his sweatpants.
“I want you, Xavier.” I panted as my body squirmed beneath him.
He pulled back at that, his eyes connecting with mine and showing me the lust and emotion swirling within them.
He helped me as I tugged his clothing down and off of him, Xavier’s feet kicking his pants and boxers off of the bed.
“Say that again.” He growled, spreading my legs and happily resting his body in between them.
My legs instinctively wrapped around his waist, my hips trying to lift and gain any form of relief.
“I want you, Xavier.” I repeat, moaning as the head of his cock rubbed against my clit, “Please, I need you so bad.”
That was all he needed to hear as a satisfied smirk formed across his face.
“Ask and you shall receive, sweetheart.” He said, pressing his throbbing tip to my entrance, but still teasingly dragging it up and down until my arousal covered him, “Look.” Xavier demanded, watching me as my eyes dropped down to the little space between us.
I instantly clamped down at the sight of his piercing slowly pressing forward inside of me.
That was all it took before he smoothly rocked into me, both of us letting out soft gasps at that initial feeling of each other.
I felt my body stretch to accommodate him as my hips pressed upwards, taking that extra inch of him deeper.
His fingers deftly found their way around my neck, though he didn’t tighten his grip at all.
It was merely to hold me close as he pulled out, just to slide right back in.
My lips parted in a breathless gasp as his own hovered over mine, the both of us moving as one unit.
“Xavier,” I moaned softly in his ear as his head dipped to nibble on mine.
He hummed against my skin before his tongue traced a line along my jaw, his hips once again moving to roll against my own.
“So pretty.” Xavier murmured as my back arched in bliss, only for his hand to gently press me back down, “I really like you like this, you know. I’m going to savor every inch of you until my lips are permanently memorized by your body.”
He groaned against my heated skin as I tightened around him, before bringing his head back up to look at me.
The entire time, his thumb ran gentle strokes along my throat.
“It’s so much easier to watch you like this, whimpering and clenching around my cock when you know only I can give you more.”
Unintentionally proving his point, a string of desperate noises left me as he began to brush my clit with his body with each thrust forward.
“I can’t ever get enough of you, Madelyn.” Xavier moaned, his lips stroking teasingly against mine, “I’m never going to let you go.”
Not even a full second could tick by before our mouths reconnected with an intimacy that left me undeniably and entirely consumed.
I knew after tonight nothing would ever be the same, but I think a part of me was okay with that.
I never expected to ever feel the way I do now about not one, but three incredible men, yet here I am falling head first into a pool of uttermost affection and devotion.
There was no coming back from this, but I embraced it, just as I embraced everything Xavier had to give to me.
His tongue caressing mine could only be described as pure ecstasy as he filled my senses, gently coaxing my orgasm to that familiar edge.
“I want you to come with me.” Xavier said against my mouth, pulling back to watch as he continued to touch me in gentle strokes, “Can you do that, sweetheart? Will you let me feel you?”
I could only nod my head at him in response, barely being able to contain the writhing pleasure coursing through my veins.
“Please, I’m so close.” I whimper as his body drags against my clit yet again, my legs tightening around him desperately.
The small smile I receive makes everything inside of me warm, my eyes locking on Xavier’s and remaining there.
“Whenever you’re ready, Mads.” He says, his arm trembling slightly beside me as he holds my head in his hands.
Those final words were all I needed as I gave in completely to the sensations.
I felt my eyes widen slightly as my mouth parted in a silent moan, Xavier looking like a god as he towered over my body.
In near synchronization, the two of us reached our highs together, gripping each other tight at the feeling of our orgasms blending as one.
My climax has never felt like that before, but it was a feeling I refused to let go of, even as the small sparks of pleasure slowly began to come down.
Even then, however, neither of us felt inclined to release the other.
Things simply felt really good like this, a rush of happiness washing over me as Xavier continued to gaze down at me.
In that moment as I stared up at him, I saw something was different in his eyes than when we were last this close.
Something had changed a little bit in all of us over the course of these last three days, and while I may be too much of a coward to read his expression, I’m willing to bet my own eyes are currently reflecting the exact same emotion.
- End of Chapter 50 -
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