Ch 5. The Proud Daughter
I step into my room to change into something light for the sleepover. Standing in front of the mirror I see a red curly long-haired girl with ice blue-grey eyes, 5.11 ft tall, average body type, and pale skin.
People say I’m beautiful.
That’s probably why I’m Donte’s top model. People tend to flock around me like bees to nectar. They adore me, praise me and some worship me. There is no denying it I love all the attention I get from them. I love it because I’m insecure, sad, and afraid and above all I am lonely.
I was told I had an older sister who passed away due to terminal illness when I was a few months old. My mum was devastated by her death. Unable to recover from her mental breakdown she started taking comfort in dressing me as a girl. Not long after, she started introducing me as her daughter.
My dad who loves my mum didn’t object as she seemed to be getting better. He thought over a period she would be able to manage and handle the situation better but little did he know. Time either heals you or kills you. It healed mum’s wounded soul and killed my spirit.
I was 14 when I learned the truth. I asked dad if I could go see Eu and he said he’d tag along as he wanted to meet Uncle Keishi. Eu had just gotten out of the bath and was only wearing a towel around his waist. I thought it would be fun to mess around with Eu so I tucked the towel wrapped around him and gravity pulled it down.
Eu gasped as he saw my jaws drop. He bent over to get the towel but I leaped to grab it instead. I moved closer to Eu and Eu covered his pee-pee. “Eu you lied to me”, I stated. Eu who had turned crimson by now started tugging the towel from my hands.
“Give it back, Mica!” he exclaimed.
“No! I want to know why Eu lied to me. I thought I was Eu’s best friend,” I almost cried through those words.
“I didn’t lie to you, Mica,” he said in a kind tone.
By now Eu’s retrieval efforts had turned into a tug of war and I was dominating him. “Why do you call yourself a boy when you are a girl?” I still remember having a funny expression on my face.
“I AM NOT A GIRL,” Eu screamed and I shuddered in awe.
“EU IS A BIG FAT LIAR” I screamed with the same intensity.
The commotion caught our dads’ attention and they came barging into Eu’s room. Upon grasping the situation my dad apologized to Eu’s dad and we left. “Dad, did you see? Eu is a girl just like me. Why is he lying? I don’t want to talk to that liar again.” I tell him with wide eyes.
I remember dad being very quiet. “I’m Sorry, Mica. I think it’s time I told you the truth.” My dad explained the situation to me but I was too young to understand how grave the situation was.
The truth trigged me in ways no normal kid should experience. I started borrowing Eu’s ‘boy clothes’ and worn them at home all the time. And my mum would say things like ‘young girls look cute in boy’s attire’ or ‘my young lady you look awfully cute’ or ‘Mica you look beautiful in everything’. Mum dismissed my every effort of being a boy and that fuelled my discomfort and anger every day.
When the school vacation ended I asked my mum for a boy’s uniform but mum again dismissed it by saying, “Mica a girl should wear a girl’s uniform.” Because of the insanity that was unleashed on me every day I let the anger get the best of me. Well, children don’t think rationally. I told mum she was the worst mother ever and ran out of the house.
Despite her pleads of coming back I run away. Not too far though, I went to Eu’s place. I held onto Eu and cried for hours. Eu was unaware of my situation and I was too embarrassed to share my secret with him. I just stood there crying in his arms till my dad came to take me back house. I was already regretting the things I said to mum and didn’t dare to face her. I refused to go home. Dad let me stay the night at Eu’s.
The next day I went home and saw dad sitting on the couch with a pained look on his face. He told me that mum was admitted to the hospital. She had a minor mental breakdown right after mine and had to be rushed to the hospital. “Is it because of me, Dad?” My dad held me in his arms and assured me it wasn’t my fault. He told me he would do anything to help me live a normal life as a boy.
The hope those words gave me was crushed when mum returned home the next day. She smiled when she looked at me. Before I could apologize to her, I hear mum say “did my baby girl miss me?”
My eyes widen at hearing those words. She had no memory of what happened. The doctor said that was her way of recovering from the trauma. “I’m sorry Mica! I’m really sorry! Forgive me! I’m sorry son!” I remember dad kept apologizing to me. I had become the cause of my dad’s worry and my mum’s trauma.
That day I made the best and worst decision of my life.
“I’m my mother’s proud daughter Dad. I will do anything to make her smile every day,” I replied with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes.
I think that day, dad cried a lot.
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