For you

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Just a bunch of rambles about love The thing I hate most about situationships is that the hurt way more then an actual relationship. This is for you and for those two years that I didn't get to touch you hold your caress you.

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Chapter 1

I love you now I would never tell you that because that would mean giving myself to you completely and for me that is the scariest thing I could do. I don’t know if I want you to be mine or if I want to just look at you from a distance. Am i content with just looking at you?
I dream of you. You can intoxicate me with just a glance my way.Do you feel the same?
I can’t tell you this because I don’t know how you’ll react .If the time comes to let you go I don’t think I’ll be able to do it I want to cry just thinking about you with someone else I want to be held be and be loved by you but you’re not mine and I made it that way. We met as two people try not to feel alone and wanting to feel another person warmth. Am I wrong? If you love me I have to know and it t takes more for me this time .
At first I didn’t like you that much but gradually in my heart you became mine.

Is your love the same as mine? Or am I an object to you? God I miss you ,you’re sarcasm, your face, your hands, you smell. God I loved your smell when you would come around it would always fill the room and when you’d leave (I hated when you’d leave) I would smell like you. I’m crazy I know. But I can't help but want to be near you your presence is beautiful.
Slowly but surely your smell would consume me whole and I wouldn’t be able to stop it. I can’t tell you this but I’m obsessed with you. I want you. God I want you. Every hour of every day I want you. I know that will never happen but I’m scared to admit my feelings.
Would you run away? Would you reject me and pretend it never happened? Am I crazy? What do you think of me? I want to be over you and try being normal friends but I know I cant control myself around you. Theres so much lust.But all the same I know you can’t control yourself around me either cuz I know like always within 10 minutes your hands will be gripping my hair pushing me down and pounding into me like a lamb to the slaughter. Something always primal he passionate with you. Do end this? I can ask that but I don’t want to stop it. So many things go unsaid, please tell me what you want. I get jealous. Do you want me to be jealous? Would you be jealous if I was with someone else? Won’t you just kiss me? What am I to you? What are you to me? My mind is filled with thoughts and anxiety but when you’re next to me I think of nothing.To tell you the truth I really don’t know or understand my feelings but I want you. I crave you. I miss you. So please stick around a bit longer until this feeling goes away. And I’ll promise to do the same. I want to know everything about, what you listen to when you’re sad, what you aspire to be. If I ever cross your mind when you’re lonely. Even the lyrics that you think of when you're high. I wish i was older and more mature cause then maybe I’ll be able to understand you more. I want to take your fears away and be able to comfort you when you’re anxious or scared. Now though I wonder if we have more time and if we didn’t I would have savoured those moments in that one hotel room with the wooden floors and bright red curtains .In the end of all of this .I love you ….I love you . I love you so just for now let me live in this false reality that I’ve created where you and me can exist. And everything is okay. Would you let me? Do you love me too? Because detachment is scary.
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