It is her.
I have been looking at her for the past 15 minutes. I am currently inside Benjamin's office in one of the many clubs he owns. He is my only friend the only person who remained in my life when I suddenly lost everything that mattered to me ten years ago. He is a totally different person from me. He is happy about life the kind of person who lives in the moment. If it was not for what happened ten years ago, I bet I will also be just like him. Unfortunately, I am not able to live like him.
Standing in his office which overseas the whole club, his office had a two-way mirror which allowed him to peek at patrons who came to his club.
I saw her while I was making a drink in the little bar which is situated in Ben's office, directly facing the two-way mirror, giving you a nice view of the club.
That when I saw her.
It was only the side of her face as she was dancing, and the light were obstructing my vision. I was not sure if I saw clearly until she turned and faced my side while grinding hard on some guy. I had to get closer to the mirror so I could get a clear view of her face.
It was really her.
She looked different and omitted a different aura. Not her usual timid aura rather a very sexual aura, she looked so captivating and sexy I could not believe that was the same clumsy P.A who sprained her ankle on her first day at work. She was wearing a silk tight and very short black dress, with spaghetti straps with a loose plunging neckline which gave her double DD boobs I assume both the restrain and freedom they deserved.
She was screaming sex appeal and her moves on the dance floor where flawless and sensual. The way she was grinding her ass on that guy made me wish I was the one behind her instead of him. The way she will turn and face him, while her face is working the best sexual and mischievous smile I have ever seen since,
Since I lost her ten years ago no other woman has ever been able to compare to HER. In my eyes she was an angle a God sent, she was the one who understood me and never doubted my capabilities. With her everyday felt different never the same as the previous one, being with her was like being in an adventure. When I lost her, I vouched that as punishment I will remain single and celibate. I will deprive myself of any sort of compassion, pleasure, passion from the opposite sex. I knew it was not going to be an easy fit that is why I new it was the best kind of punishment for failing her and not being able to keep my promise.
I do not know how it happened but the trauma of losing her and my determination to punish myself, led to unlikely result. Results which were much severe and satisfactory as punishment for failing her, I became an impotent man. Even though that what I wanted to remain celibate but losing the function of my member down there made me feel less of a man. That did not help with my problems at all, it made me feel weak and useless, but I had guessed that was my punishment deserved. For ten years I had accepted my fate and I was content with it, I was at peace with my miserable life.
However, I have a feeling this girl will cause unnecessary distraction in my life. Distraction I was not prepared for, I have grown comfortable in the loneliness that surrounds me.
I remember the first time she entered my office on her first day of work. She did not fit in at all. The first thing I noticed about her was how different she was from my expectations. She looked more like a 16-year-old rather than a 22-year-old. She was way too short one of the shortest women I have ever came across. She was voluptuous in a very admiring way, she dressed so modest and simple nothing was over the top, her hair was plaited in a ponytail looking hairstyle, it looked neat and proper and suited her nicely.
I was not attracted to her. However, I was curious about her, she grabbed my attention.
I was just intrigued by the way she was analyzing my office, she seemed like a person who paid attention to detail, I thought what a nice quality she has. In my line of work that was a good skill.
The way she panicked when I finally revealed myself to her intrigued me. She feared me even though she did not know me personally, I guess my reputation precede me judging by how nervous she looked.
"How long are going to stand there like a dumb person?' that is what I had said when I finally revealed myself to her. She looked confused and lost, I would have been confused too if one moment there was no one present and the next a man appears in my vision out of nowhere. Her reaction was justifiable.
"Are you really deaf or what I am talking to you?" I understood that she was flustered by what just happened. However, the impatient me did not feel any remorse I just wanted to get over and done this with the meeting and move on with my day. She was cute and looked innocent and all, but work was work.
"So... sorry, Sir I..." She stammers when she nervous that was nice to watched but my nerves did not diminish in any way. She was really annoying me I was in a brink of losing my temper. I was counting one up to ten like how my therapist had suggested whenever I felt like blowing up.
"Sorry, Sir I am indeed partially deaf" I do not want to lie the revelation about her deafness had taken me by surprise, but I had school my face to always be neutral. To her I seemed to be unaffected by her revelation as I just stood there waiting to see what her next move will be. Then she ended up raising her hand touching her hearing aid, I bet subconsciously.
I had to keep my façade up and not seem fazed by her action. So, I said the next thing to her without thinking it through.
"Okay, is that one of the reasons you are standing there like you are lost in the Sahara Desert?... you came here for me not to look dazed in the middle of my office, come sit down, so we can get over the formalities." To be honest I was angry. Angry at myself I did not like how her innocent looking eyes made me feel a certain way, compassion that how she made me feel. I have not felt any form of feelings for the longest time and this girl in front of me seems to make some of my feelings to creep up, and I did not like it. I hated it to be honest. Even though the tone of my voice was saying something else my mind was running wild.
Before I know it, she was in front of me sitting opposite me, I can see she was trying to look as composed as she possibly can.
Taking a silent deep breath.
Looked up "I see you are from Africa, not that I am judging it is just that I have not had anyone from Africa working for me before. I hope you know you entered my company through the foreigner's skills advancement program. You should value it every department has a foreign candidate and you in the secretary filed you were the main candidate chosen. So, I expect the best from you make your continent proud."
After I said that, I tried to pull myself together. The mixed emotion that were currently swirling within me, emotions of anger, compassion and confusion were creating a storm within me. I know I was not attracted to her however I was indeed feeling something towards her it was not either romantically or sexually, I can say it was along the lines of brotherly love. I had the need to protect her something I have not felt in a long time, the need to protect.
She was winning me over and she had no idea, the affect she was having on me. I wanted this meeting to be over an done with. I need her gone so I can pull myself together. My chest was getting heavy and stuff, the anger towards myself was growing at a rapid speed stuffing my chest up living no space to compose myself. The trick my therapist suggested was not working anymore. I was feeing disgusted with myself, I was feeling unworthy and dishonest, I felt like I had broken HER trust my act was unforgivable towards HER.
"Thank you, sir, I promise to not disappoint you" I don't want to lie I appreciated her response as it was short that meant I can cut this meeting short then deal with my issues.
"I am glad you do. I will give you today off to get yourself together so when I need you to start working there will be no mistakes." I looked at her as I said this to make sure my aura of dominance was oozing out. This was more for myself than her, just to prove I still had control. The dominating me could not let her win me over like that. I had to be the last one standing, I had to come out as the victor.
"Thank you, Sir I promise I will do just that." She said, I look up and replied to her "You may leave the meeting is adjourned."
As soon as the door closes behind her. I stood up and sweep everything on my desk with my hands thank god my office was sound proofed, because the crashing noises of everything that was on my desk and my screams would have been demeaning for someone who was known to be strong, cold and composed like me.
I felt emotions. Besides anger and despair, I felt a different kind of emotion.
I was angry, I was disgusted in myself. I felt like a traitor for feeling that way. I needed to atone for my betrayal towards HER I need her forgiveness even though I was undeserving of it.