1. the beginning
I couldn't hear his stupid rap music blasting all night nor could I see him barging in my room asking for shit anymore. It was empty. I was empty.
He was everywhere and now he's not. I dare say it's a little lonely...
He was my happiness and yeah you could say my friends are too but he was there since the day I was born. We did all the stupid things together, have fake wrestling matches and soccer games in our garage.
It's not the same anymore, I can't rely on him now. I have no one except for my good for nothing parents that just get worse overtime.
If Luca didn't go on that trip with his friends. If he didn't decide to take the biggest slope. If he didn't run into that damn tree, maybe just maybe he'd be with me right now. Not buried six feet underground.
The only surprising thing is I haven't shed one tear. Even during the funeral I was the one comforting others, I didn't feel anything. Don't get me wrong I'm not a crier not even one bit but don't you think I would've? Is that wrong?
Now I'm stuck on this Earth with not even my brother to share the pain with me. I have to deal with my parents alone I have to look at all my friends sympathetic faces everyday at school. It makes me feel sick. I feel so small too vulnerable and too open.
Now my parents don't know how to deal with this version of me. They think I need therapy, they think they need to send me to a ward for mental illnesses. But I just need time. I refuse to talk to the therapist she is nice and all but I can't formulate how I feel in words, and she seems to ask too many questions. It's not gonna work. So I keep my mouth shut.
I remember it clearly. My mom sitting in one of the barstools in the kitchen and my dad standing across the table facing her. My moms head was in her hands. It looked like they were fighting.
When dad sees me he waves me over and mom looks up.
That day I knew shit was gonna change.
I don't talk, I don't smile, I don't even laugh. There is nothing funny. It's pointless. This school, these buffoons. All these cliques and dominance over others it's just a way to keep order of this messed up stage we call adolescence.
You see I didn't have a nice childhood like Jeremy over here with his all star athlete awards and fake gold medals he likes to show everyone.
He's got it good. I bet he's studying to be a successful lawyer in the future with two kids and wonderful wife. That will eventually turn to shit when she realizes good old Jimmy cheated on her with his assistant. Of course this is only what I believe. Maybe Jimmy will grow a pair and stay faithful, who knows. But who cares I was only trying to make a point.
People like him are what we all dream to be when we are older. Handsome, rich, and a cocky son of a bitch.
I just go day by day in the same routine doing the same thing. Every. Single. Day.
It gives me a sense that I'm in control even though that's far from truth, I am not in control at all. Not even in my mind.
I can't see myself in the future there is nothing. Maybe if I take school seriously I'll actually be motivated to continue the future.
Maybe if I hadn't stumbled down the wrong path home I wouldn't be in this mess in the first place, but once I got a taste I couldn't get out of it. Maybe if I didn't have a fight with dad he would've stayed and maybe mom wouldn't have been as drunk as she is now.
But that's in the past, right? Now I'm in a broken home with no future. Pretty cool if I do say so myself.
Aside from that I do have some friends they get on my nerves sometimes with their bickering and jokes but they are trustworthy and they don't question me. That's what I like about them they don't judge you no matter who you are.
This town I live in can go burn in hell and no one would even notice. That's how small it is. I don't know why anyone would come here but I kinda need a sign to keep on going because what I've got right isn't working as well as I thought...
Hi! I hope you liked this chapter they're going to be pretty short mostly because I don't want long chapters and I also don't want to write long chapters. But if you have any suggestions please let me know. I am always looking forward to improve my writing!