"He's gonna love this so much beta!" my mother-in-law boosts.
Today is his birthday. I made a cake for him, his favourite cake the- black current. My mother-in-law and father-in-law are happy seeing the decor of the house and were proud of me. The front doors of our house open and enters my husband. He stands dumbstruck at the doorstep of the house. Looking at the house in shock.
His surprise eyes scan the house, searching for someone. A grin grace his features when his eyes met mine. He comes towards me and scopes me in his arms.
"Thank you so much for this sweetheart," he whispers.
"It's my pleasure," I reply looking at him.
"Happy birthday, son!" his parents wish him and it was all smiles and giggles.
We all sing the birthday song for him. He smiles and gives the first bite of the cake to his mother then he feeds the cake to his dad too. He shoots me a smile and walks towards me, to give me the piece of cake too.
His once charming smile drops into a sinister one in a nanosecond, he brings the comparatively larger piece of cake towards my face and instead of him putting the piece in my mouth he smears that cake all over the face, most of them getting in my nose.
The pressure he exerts to smear the cake on my face is far to much that it makes it difficult for me to breath... The air in my lungs is depleting and all I could grasp was nothing. I was choking on the piece of cake while vaguely aware of someone yelling at me, at last darkness consumes me...
I'm rudely woken up by the water all over the upper half of my body and I was choking on the water. My dream melted into the reality that I was suffering and still am suffering for about 20 years of my life.
"You little pig! You still have work to do and here you are dreaming with a smile, who the hell is gonna do your work? You lazy piece of shit!" Was the first thing I heard in an ear-splitting voice of madam MARA HARKER. She's standing on my head with a mug of water in her hand with no water in the mug.
Guess where the water is?.... Yup, it's on me!
Science says that if you are suddenly and very shockingly woken up from your sleep you'd have a high chance of getting a heart attack and you can die, but I don't wanna die.
I wanna live, live for my future. I can't seem to achieve that, the sole reason is Madam HARKER. She is always this way with me. Her behaviour changes when I am around. Her eyes harden when they settle on me, her beautiful smile turns into a thin-lipped fake smile.
And I've noticed it all happenings!
"Come on up, you brat! You haven't got all day!" she screeches again.
Nodding at madam Harker I go on with the daily work of the orphanage, that includes cleaning of the place. A three-storey building, making beds of the staff, cooking food, cutting vegetables, setting the dinner hall, washing clothes and utensils, carrying coal from our storage shelter and loading them in the kitchen, planting the vegetables and also taking care of them, plucking them out and cleaning them.
Yes, you read correctly. I'm an orphan! It's not bad being here. Just gets lonely sometimes.
"Where the hell were you since morning?" yelled another one of the staff here. We have cooks, cleaners and three ma'am who know how to read, which is a great deal here.
When I didn't answer her she sighs and rolls her eyes, "go fetch some vegetables from the shed. And then you have corridors to clean. Guess you'll not be able to attend the lectures today." the lady sings!
I roll my eyes and go to fetch her vegetables. I know I won't be able to!
Our orphanage conducts studies for all the girls and guys, to study which will help our students to have competition with the other children of the world. This generous plan was offered by madam Harker, so you see she does have good in her nature.
The great news is that she allowed me to attend the lectures too, but the problem is I don't get the time to attend the lecture. Madam assigns us all some work and if we complete them, then we are free to attend the lectures. But my work never gets completed, and hence I can not sit the lectures.
As the other days of my life in the orphanage. I am still cleaning the corridors. I deliberately cleaning near the classrooms in the lecture hours, so that I can hear them, that's the way I study here.
We have many staff members here to help madam in her taking care of us all. One of which is Pappu uncle, he helps me in agricultural work sometimes, but Madam had forbidden him to, says it will make me lazy.
Yet the man helps me! I always smile and laugh whenever he's around. He has this aura, I can't help it.
It was yet another of the same days, I was again woken up my Madam's water bucket. Then I was sent to do the daily chores of cleaning, near the classes was my favorite spot. I was again standing near the window and sneaking the knowledge from there when the lectures were over. I started walking to the storeroom to place my broom, water bucket and mop.
This place is quite familiar to me. I come here daily to place the broom and to take things. The part that is worst about this room is that there are no lights. It is situated in the base of the house building and here are no bulbs or tube lights. Nevertheless, I'm immune to the darkness.
I'm walking towards the storeroom, hands filled with cleaning supplies, is when I get a sudden feeling that something is wrong.
I gulp down the sudden fear, with goosebumps decorating my arm and legs, a shuttering heart in my mouth, I turned, only met with the abandoned corridor.
This feeling is so stupid, right? You get all hyped up, feeling all the adrenaline and then, nothing!
Shrugging off the creepy feeling I carried on with the work on the hand. I keep the broom and mop on the shelf near the mirror. I always wonder what is the need for a mirror here.
When I straighten up from my bend position, I see a shadow in the mirror standing on the threshold of the room, just behind me. The light of the outside world was enough to let me make it out.
It didn't take time for the shadow to get its arms out, and in a second they were around me from behind. My heart jumped in my throat when I was crushed to a fatty chest and a round stomach. Their hands tightly coiling around my waist and the other around my mouth.
I involuntarily scream and thrash in their hold. But my screams died because of the fatty hand.
My trashing was only to be stopped by the wall, pinned to it with the fat ball still behind me, so close to me,
close for me to feel sick.
Close for me to be disgusted to the bones.
He turns me in his arms, I'm terrified to open my eyes, shaking, sweating due to fright. And he's staring at me, with so much intensity, that I can feel it even with my closed eyes.
However, his voice rang in my ear "Finally, I got you, after so many attempts. I finally can have you." By the voice, I know that it was none other than our cook. Vikas uncle.
My breathing stops when every word of his started to make sense.
There is this one more uncle here in the orphanage he's cook, and sometimes he walks around in the corridors I work. He always gives me a smile that creeps me, that makes shivers of disgust run up my spine. Whenever I was alone with him, he'd make an attempt on me. He tired... every time, but every time Pappu uncle was there to save me...today I hope, he comes too.
My frantic eyes snap open and look behind him to the door.
"Stop searching for him, baby. He won't come for you. You are mine today." he purrs, the disgusting voice came back to me and hit me like a ton of brick. Of course, he won't, Pappu uncle is on a leave, he went to his native place!
Panic bubbled in me, kicking the first move of self-defence into action. That was to scream so that every child in the orphanage could hear me and help me.
My attempt to do so was crushed by his hand on my mouth. He tightened his fingers on my mouth, causing the pain to erupt in my jaw. "Don't you dare scream or I'll fucking break our jaw!" he threatens widening his eye, so I can get his point.
But like any person in fright mode; I started to scream again. "No, no, no, my darling, don't shout. You don't want me to get harsh on you, do you?" he mocks at me. This causes all of my fear towards him to turn into anger, and all I wanna do is to hurt him and make him take his hands off me.
I desperately look around for a way to get outta here. The door to the outside world was ajar but was behind him. All I have to do was to get out of his hold.
Thinking silently about my so-called exit plan, caused me to spaced out a little. Cause next I know, he was leaning near me!
Near my body!
He grabs a hold of my hair and pulled it backwards, causing my face to rising towards him.
His face descending towards me!
Things that are near me were the broom and the mop, but my hands were caged above my head by his hand.
The foot of the broom wasn't that far from my leg, so I kick hard in the random direction of the broom.
Luckily the mop along with some other container, they all fell on his head, he grunts in pains and loosens his hold on me, this gave me the split second to make a run for my protection.
I dash for the door that was ajar in front of me, only to realise that he's recovering from the small attack.
The small distance suddenly felt like a lot when he regain control of the situation.
By the time I cross the threshold of the room, he recovers. Seeing me running, he comes for me.
For a fat body he is a lot faster!
As I was about to get away from the basement section. He grabs ahold of my ankle, and pulled me down to towards him!
I groan in pain as I slam down to the hard floor, and he used this momentary laps to pull me towards him, grabbing my ankle.
He'd use his weight over me. And I know if that happens, I will not be able to help myself.
So I do the only thing I was doing since I got in the room, I kicked on his face.
The impact was enough to loosen his grip on me, and I dash towards the door of my room at full force. I gave him a short of a run and went into my room, closing the door behind me. I lock the room and soon my legs gave in under me.
My heart beating frantically with adrenaline and I struggle to get my breathing even. I look around the place I call my room, the mat and some light bed sheets I call a bed, I grimace, the events of the last few minutes flashing in my head.
All the epinephrine left my body. I settled against the door, tears prick my eyes as the shock and fear sink in, that broke the dam in my eyes.
I cry my eyes out, till the time I was sure I have no tears left.
Depression is a disease, where you self loath yourself. Here you blame yourself for all the things, especially the bad things that happened to you, or a person close to you, have suffered. You think that all the things happening around, have a sole reason, You!
You don't deserve happiness. You deserve to die, at least for the people you love to stop them from suffering. That's what happens to a girl being raped, or was close being one.
All I could think about was that there is a problem with me! I instigated him, to come after me. Pappu uncle was always there, but what if someday he decides not to. Am I a burden to Pappu uncle too? Why did this happen to me? What can I do to stop this? With all these questions I go on with my lecture.
I'm given a free pass today after the 'events' of yesterday. I cried about that too.
The other girls who share room with me were terrified when they saw me leaning against the door, all bruised up. Since I the ache of what really happened was crushing me, I confide in them.
In the morning I was summoned by madam Harker and then given a talk about situations like these. "This is what happens to girls who always stay in shadows. You were alone and hence made this easy for him." she explains.
I could only duck my head, my shoulders slump and try to sniffle the tears who were slowly clogging my throat. She sighs, "I'll punish the man, don't worry. He'll not come after you." she says softly.
Her words suffocate me!
But I answer with a nod. My jaw and arms are bruised, with some bleeding scratches on my knees. I really am very tried to continue having this conversation. "You can go now." she dismisses me.
Another nod and I get to go to kitchen. My work is yet to be done. "Oh and don't worry about the work today. Go get to your class now." she gives me a concessions for the day with a sympathizing smile.
Taking up on anything to distract myself, I make my way towards the classes.
The girls all eye me as I walk in. For the first time in years I could seat in a lecture, and that is just a distraction. This itself was enough to sour my excitement and all the imaginations I had conjured for this moment.
Today ma'am was teaching about English literature, where love is the strongest force. And that gave the couple the power to elope, from the cruel reality. Where they find there 'happily ever after'. So thinking the same, I decided to elope from my home of 20 years.
Elope. The word itself takes courage to do so, courage to tackle the problems of the real world. In movies and stories, there is always a happily ever after at the end. But in reality, the truth is, there are no such things.
The real world is just as cruel if not more than the orphanage. In orphanage I used to get food, here there are no sources to do so, but the training for cooking food in the orphanage did come in handy to igniting the fire for the camp. So that the animals don't come near me.
Animals? Well yes, I did say that our orphanage has a backside fully covered in thick forest, didn't I?
For the starting days of my eloping, it was good. All was good, no madam Harker waking me up, no uncles staring me, no cleaning, no cooking, no self-loathing.
I walk aimlessly, now inside the forest. In the arms of mother nature. Here nobody will hurt me, harm me. It like if we don't change our surroundings for a long time, we lose our sanity. The changes are important to make us think, to make us laugh, to cry, talk, all these are important for living. And here in the jungle, I was happy with my freedom. Little did I know I was harming myself.
3 months later
I don't know what the time is unless there is a sun or a moon in the sky. I do not know how long I have been in the forest. All I see is some monkeys, insects and tall green trees. The water I drink is through leaves or I spend my day with absolutely no water. The food is some berries, and sometimes I sleep empty stomach.
I have absolutely no one, I can't talk, it's been months since I listened to my voice. And this is bringing my insanity closer to me. My self-loathing has gone to a different level, where I literally wanna scratch my self raw. The places Vikas uncle touched are burning, where his breath lingered are making it harder for me to breath, I wanna scratch them all out.
Nowadays I sleep and only see his sick self, and his hands coming close to me. I am starting to lose hope that I can have a certain someone for me. No one would want a girl, with some other man's hand on her.
As the time, day and night pass I am used to staying with a monkey. I have come across many drunk men, trespassing the forest. And then concluded that they are no better then Vikas uncle. So I copied monkeys and climb the trees, mostly I stay on tress in nights and come down when the drunkards pass the area.
If you're reading this that means you've given my book a chance thanks so much.