Melting My Heart
Isha had approached her before me. I couldn’t hear them, but I understood the scenario, as Isha left agitatedly when Shrutha answered her rudely.
“Hey, I need to talk to you privately. Can you come with me for a while?“, I asked as I approached her.
“Okay...“, she nodded and intimated her husband about it and gave a kiss to her daughter before following me to an uncrowded place. As I turned to talk to her, I couldn’t utter a single word. All I could do is, just stare at her like the old times. Looking at those sparkling eyes, I completely forgot what I came for! and what I wanted to talk to her! I hate to tell the fact that, she still has such a huge impact on me. I hate that feeling, but still, I wanted to do it, stare at her for a long time, which was making her uncomfortable.
“Ahem, Sam?“, she called me.
Oh dear Lord! she just called me Sam, so lovingly, just like our old times and it’s melting my heart! Oh, God! I now cannot focus on anything. I hate this feeling, I hate the fact that it is affecting me, attracting me towards her. No Samarth, you need to control your emotions. You can do it! She is nothing to you. She cannot have such an impact on you and your life. Mind you Samarth, though you wish her to be in your life, it is not possible. She has moved on, so should you. Now focus on the thing, for which you have come to talk to her. You can do it...
“Sam.... ah... Samarth?“, she called again, while I was making up my mind.
“Uh..? yeah... I think we should patch up...“, I said without my knowledge. Only when she looked at me in confusion, I realized what I just said.
So I rectified it, “No... I meant You should patch up with them. You should at least try correcting your mistake.”
“But, they are not ready to talk to me.“, she pouted.
“Then what should they do? You tell me?“, I asked irked. She chose to keep mum, and I continued, “They are hurt because of your action. You chose to be distant from them for your selfish motive, not contacting them and now you expect them to be normal with you! As if nothing happened! Wow!!!“, I said sarcastically, then continued, “Oh yes, I know, you didn’t want me to disturb your happy life with him, so you thought to cut ties with them too, so that I cannot try to contact you through them, right? For your kind information Shrutha, I had moved on long back and I never had plans of wooing you back in my life. But you know what? They are hurt because of your action. Weren’t they important to you? I know our relationship was nothing but just a lie. Was it the same with them? Now, tell me how on the earth they can mingle with you, like old times? How can they, after all these things?“, I grabbed her arm, shaking her hard, and asked again “Tell me?“, in anger. All the emotions which I had bottled up for all these years, just got burst up. When I looked at her, her chin quivered and her eyes were welled up and she was trying hard to control them.
I loosened my grip from her and calmed myself and this time I spoke to her in a calm tone, as I couldn’t see her in tears, “I think you should try to pacify them, even if you have to beg them for their forgiveness. I know they were rude to you, for which you actually deserve. They are angry with you Shrutha, but they equally love you. They were just upset and still are. But I know, if you try they will forgive you and you guys can get along like before. At least do that, revive your friendship with them.“, I said and was about to leave from there, she grabbed my hand and asked me, “What do you want Sssam? Don’t you need any explanation from me? Aren’t you angry over me?”
I freed my hand from her, “Don’t think highly of yourself. You are not worth it.“, I said sternly and left without looking back.
When I reached my car, suddenly out of nowhere, Isha came and whispered something bad about Shrutha in my ear, as she heard our conversation earlier, which made me angry. I grabbed her arm and gripped it tightly, she hissed, “Sam, it hurts...“.
I pushed her aside and said, “Don’t you dare.. don’t you dare to badmouth about her with your filthy mouth.“, and sat inside my car and left the venue as she stared at me in anger.
I know Shrutha has hurt me, and I hate her now. But that doesn’t mean that I’ll entertain such people badmouthing about her. I cannot stand it. I know, I don’t wholeheartedly hate her, I still feel for her. But today when she asked, I asked her not to think highly of herself. She must have felt bad, but not as bad as I felt or I feel, even now.
I yell to the world that I have moved on and I’m happy. But deep inside I know I haven’t. Part of me still yearns for her and I hate that feeling. I hate to love her. I hate to love you Shrutha. I hate to love you.....