"Here are you drinks boys." The waitress says as she sets a tray of beers down.
It's Friday night and me, Jasper and Hudson decided to go out to get drunk. As it is the end of the week, most of the bars were packed so the one were in is the only one that had a table free.
It's not your typical type of bar, the waitresses are wearing skimpy leather crop top and mini skirts and are rolling around on roller skates. Crazy, I know!
I wouldn't really be surprised if one of us ends up with one of these girls in our beds.
"Thanks babe!" Hudson thanks her, sending her a wink causing her cheeks to turn bright red. She turns to walk away swaying her hips a bit too much for my liking.
"Alright guys, let's cheers for another week done!" Jasper says holding up his glass.
Hudson and I lift our glasses, clinking all three glasses together and taking a sip. These two boys had pretty busy weeks, so I can understand their want for unwinding, me however, I haven’t done much. Jasper is a personal trainer and Hudson is doing online lessons to become a teacher.
"So, which one are you two planning on taking?" Hudson asks us.
"I'm gunna have that one." Jasper points to a petite red head serving a table of middle aged men across the room. "What about you Grayson?" He asks me.
I look around but see no one that really catches my eye, which is strange for me. Me and Jasper are the ones to always end up with the girls whereas Hudson goes for more serious relationships.
"None of them." I tell the boys. They both just look at me and screw up their faces like they're trying to figure out if I'm joking or not. "Seriously guys, none of these chicks are catching my eye today!"
"Are you feeling okay?" Jasper asks.
"Yeah, why?" I ask back.
He just stares back at me before saying. "It's just not like you to not want to take a girl back to yours. Your almost always taking someone back!" He states.
"Yeah, well I'm just not feeling it today. It's been a long week of doing nothing and I just want to have a sleep." I reply
They still just stare at me as if I've grown a second head.
"Seriously guys, stop staring at me!" I demand.
"Sorry mate." Jasper apologies.
I just roll my eyes at them and take a gulp of my beer.
I take another look around the bar. Most of the people here look like they're older middle aged perverts. They're all looking at the waitresses with such lust in their eyes that it actually makes me feel sick, which is not normal for me.
Normally I don't really care how someone else looks at a stranger because I'm normally doing the same!
I shake off the feeling and continue to sip my beer while Jason and Hudson talk about god knows what.
"Grayson?" Hudson says.
"Yeah?" I ask.
"You were zoning out. Was wondering if you were still with us. We were asking if you wanted another beer? We're ordering some more."
Just then do I notice the red headed waitress Jasper was watching earlier. I was about to decline as I still had half a drink before I look down to see that my drink was empty.
I look back up at the boys and nod my head. They order the drink for me as I'm not really one to speak to strangers. When I take a girl back to mine, there is no speaking unless I'm kicking her out.
I continue to zone out while the guys speak just taking in the atmosphere of the place. Observing how happy some people are and how care free they are.
There are times I wish I could be that carefree and happy but it's hard. I struggle to let my fears fade. After what happened with my parent, I just can't open up to anyone. I told the guys what happened but shut everyone else out.
As soon as I start to feel like I'm opening up to someone, I shut them back out and distance myself from them. I just can't open up and I feel like I never will.
Before everything happened, I was so carefree, got involved with conversations with the boys, we would laugh and joke about, now I just sit there while they laugh and joke about.
I changed so much after everything, I became cold, I no longer feel, I don't care about hurting people other than the guys. I just don't care anymore.
I did things I regret but can't get out of. I have people who want me dead, I constantly have police on my back.
I just want to go back to my old life sometimes.
"Grayson, you okay mate?" Jasper asks.
I look up at the boys to see my grip on my glass is tight and my knuckles are white.
I get up and leave the bar. I get into my car even though I've been drinking and just drive. I drive to I don't even know where at this point.
When I look up 10 minutes later, I'm at the boxing ring I usually go to, when I want to release my pent up anger.
I get out the car and everything after that is just a blur.