Ray

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Tell me why?

The last seen beneath Samuel Maverick’s name glared back at her as the chill of the night sent a shiver down Ray’s spine. Locking her phone, Ray instinctively folded her arms together to keep herself warm against the cold of the nightfall. Staring off into the infinite expanse of the Sea, Ray heaved a deep breath, letting her warm breath materialize in the form of fog dissipating in an instant into the thin air. Ray closed her eyes for a moment, relishing her presence in the serene moment, embracing the calm of the winding down city. For some reason this felt important to her right then. The comfortable silence, the content feeling in her heart, the clarity in her mind, the tranquility of her soul and the simplicity of it all. It felt really crucial to understand the gravity of such a fulfilled life. She realized how it wasn’t to be taken for granted. The present and fleeting notion of being alive. It was bizarre that she was feeling it all now, she didn’t know why but she embraced it. She realized she was grateful and with that boost of dopamine Ray also realized she had to make some things right. She pulled back from the railing she was leaning against and ran to her car, her face split in a grin from ear to ear, the icy breeze biting at the soft tissue on her face making it tingle, widening her grin.

Making a pit stop in between, Ray reached where she wanted to be most right now, she thought as the door swung open and there stood a man with the most candid and guileless face she had ever beheld. Overcome by her emotions Ray threw herself in Sam’s arms, making him stumble back a bit to absorb the initial shock and balance them both. Ray could sense the hesitance in Sam, as he did not hug her back instantly and his body went stiff before she finally felt his strong and snug arms around her. She then realized, no actually, this is where she most wanted to be.

Even though they shared a heartwarming moment the awkwardness between them was still there as Ray sat on his couch while he disappeared in his kitchen to get something to drink. Ray meanwhile raked her mind for the right thing to say when he would come back. Having gone through every possible cliche way to apologize ever she came to the conclusion that none of those would feel genuine enough coming from her. That is when Sam’s hand came into her blurred field of vision offering her a beer. She took it and waited for him to settle down before saying anything. She noticed that he was avoiding to look at her and she felt a pang of hurt, which reminded of how she felt the same way when she didn’t have a morning text from him for the past two days. She said in a voice softer than usual.

“You didn’t text...” Her voice trailing off, encouraging him to fill in the blanks.

“Not sure you wanted me to.” Said Sam fixating his eyes in between his legs, still avoiding Ray’s gaze.

“Will anything I say make it better?” asked Ray, her voice came out thick and coarse, the new wave of emotions rising within her making it hard for her to speak. The coldness from Sam’s distant demeanor settled in the pit of her stomach.

Ray’s urgent plea fell onto deaf ears as it was received with silence. Ray saw the bleak hope which she had carried within her for these two days dimming now with every passing second as the silence grew louder and was more piercing than any scream she had heard. As the last of her hope wavered on loose ends Ray made one more desperate attempt to reach out and hopefully turn his heart.

“Anything?” she pleaded, her voice as a faint quiver with the lump in her throat hurting and the tears in eyes threatening to spill.

“Anything.” her voice now a dejected whimper, as her gaze which had been searching his face lowered in acceptance of her defeat when the voice she was yearning for came deep and slow.

“Tell me why?”

Ray’s eyes shot up when she found him looking at her with a hurt look on his face. He repeated himself with even more pressing and aggrieved than before.

“Tell me why do you keep pushing me away?”

Ray, seeing a vague glimmer of hope rekindling among them, straightened and wiping away the few tears that had dared escape she said truthfully.

“Because no one has cared before you. You are the first person who willingly wants me. You are the first person for whom I am not just a ball of mass taking up space. You are the only one to have acknowledged me as a human being with emotions beyond my name and security number. You are the only one for whom my face is not a blur.” The sincerity in Ray’s voice gripped at Sam’s heart. The gravity of those words ran deeper than what Sam interpreted, but Ray let that be for now.

She continued after a brief pause.

“And I am afraid that at some point these details will begin to smudge, slipping away bit by bit from your consciousness, ebbing into a blur.”

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