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Chapter 18: so fucked up

Oh god.

My head’s hurting. I rolled on the bed and felt my hand flying on a warm hard thing. My eyes instantly opened in alarm. I had to blinked several times to be able to adjust to the light and also to get rid of how blurry my sight was. Once I was able to open my eyes, I turned my body and rubbed my eyes to see Aiden sleeping next to me. He was shirtless and he was sleeping on his stomach. Damn, he was indeed a beautiful sight for my eyes. Unconsciously, I licked my lips and laid back on the bed trying to remember whatever happened last night.

Oh yes.

I remember getting drunk and started dancing on the table with John. I groaned slightly when I realized that I was indeed going to strip and that was before Aiden taking me back to bed. I also remember the scowl on his face when I was going to take off my top. I should really stop drinking. Who am i shitting? We all know I won’t. I let my fingers caressed his back muscles. A grin found its way on my face when I saw goosebumps rose on his skin. He stirred a bit then slowly opened his eyes. When he noticed me, he smiled a bit then closed his eyes again.

“Good morning” I whispered as a smile stretched on his face. He opened his eyes and gave me a cheeky smile.

“I thought I was dreaming” he said making me chuckle. “Won’t you ask me what I’m doing in your bed?” He asked as he rolled over on his back.

“Didn’t I tell you that I always remember the things I do whenever I get drunk?” I questioned back and he groaned a bit before glaring at the ceiling.

“Then you must certainly remember how you started stripping” he scowled. I rolled my eyes and turned to my side so that I could study him. He was gorgeous as ever and his jaw was slightly clenched.

“Yes. And I also remember that you were here to stop me. Thank you for that” I thanked him. He turned on his side to so that we were now facing each other and let his eyes trailed on me.

“How come you’re always so beautiful?” He asked with a sigh. “I know girls who wake up with a bird nest hair” he chuckled. I rose my eyebrows in fake disgust.

“Yeah, because you wake up with new girls every morning” I continued. His eyes hardened and he sighed.

“That was before I know you” he told me. I sat up and stared at him.

“Aiden, what do you really want from me?” I asked with a frown. He was really confusing. “I know you don’t do relationships” I continued.

“No, I don’t” he agreed, making me take a deep breath as disappointment engulfed me. Why was I even hoping for him to date me? I mean he’s Aiden Black! I bite my lips and looked away from him. “But i was serious about what I said yesterday” he said and i felt him move. Soon, he was sitting on front of me, with his hand on my chin, moving my face slightly so that now his eyes were boring in mine.

“Aiden, I don’t want that kind of relationship” I whispered. “You want that friend with benefits things, right?” I questioned. He didn’t answer but simply sigh and let his body fall on the bed.

“I don’t know what I want” he groaned. “You’re fucking addictive. I can’t let you go” he sighed. I took a deep breath and shook my head.

“You’ll have to. I don’t want to face all those things that I did two years ago” I said without thinking. Aiden quirked his eyebrows in curiosity and pulled me to him with one hand. I fell on his chest as he stared at me right in the eyes.

“What happened two years ago?” He asked. I need to tell him. I hope he’ll give up on me after I told him.

“Two years ago, I met that guy, Ryan” I started. His face hardened at the name of another guy. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “He was the star of the school, always surrounded by other. Just like you” I whispered the last part. I rolled off him and laid next to him while looking at the ceiling. “We started dating. Everything was going on perfectly. He was sweet, kind and loving but of course all good things have an end” I muttered with a humorless chuckle. “On his birthday, he had a party and he eventually got drunk. He was so drunk that I had to carry him up the stairs and took him to his room. Once we were in his room, he started kissing me and I kissed back because he was my boyfriend. But i guess that gave him the wrong idea because he kept on pushing himself on me and ended trying to rape me” I said, not daring to look at him. But I could hear how his breath changed. He was angry. “I ran away. I was shocked and Adam was really pissed off. I wasn’t angry with Ryan as he was drunk” I explained.

“Drunk or not, he shouldn’t have done that” Aiden snapped. I turned to look at him but ignored his words.

“The next morning, I was ready to forgive him and all shits but, he was angry because I didn’t sleep with him. Rumors started spreading about me. His friends started to harass me and I had to cry myself to sleep each fucking times” I said with shaky breaths.

“Fuck” he cursed and pulled me to him. He engulfed me in a hug and kissed my forehead. “That’s why Adam is so protective” he whispered. “I never knew you went through all that” he mumbled and I wrapped my arms around him.

“Aiden, you need to forget everything that happened between us” I said and I felt him stiffened under my touch.

“Why?” He asked as he pulled away and his voice was cold.

“I don’t want to face all that. I don’t want rumors again and knowing Stacy, I know she’s going to make a big deal out of all that” I told him.

“You used to date James, right? Wasn’t he the golden boy? Still you dated him, right?” Aiden snapped and I could decipher anger in his voice and hurt in his eyes.

“He didn’t have the queen bitch behind him, Aiden” I said. “And most importantly, I trusted him”

“Why don’t you trust me?” He questioned and moved away from the bed. He stood up and pulled his shirt from the floor. He was pissed. Really pissed.

“Give me a reason to” I said and that seemed to silent him. “Aiden, I think you only want me because of my body” I said softly. “You have no feeling for me” I tried to persuade him, even thoug it hurts like hell. He took a deep breath and turned to glare at me. He was angry.

“How the fuck would you know that?” He sneered. “You don’t know anything about my feelings” he snapped and started to walk away but I quickly jumped off the bed and stopped in front of the door to stop him from going away. He clenched his fists and looked away.

“You’re the one who don’t want a relationship” I snapped.

“In fact, it’s either a relationship or nothing?” He questioned with fury in his eyes. I nodded sternly and he glared at me.

“I’m not willing to take the risk again. If you’re not sure about me, then there’s nothing to think about” I said as I opened the door and motioned him to walk out. He took a deep breath and stared at me.

“Kar-” he started but I shook my head to motion him to stop talking.

“No!” I snapped. “I don’t want to hear it. Forget everything. I don’t even know why I’m bothering myself with you. You just want to sleep with me and here I am wanting a relationship with you. I’m such a fool!” I rambled, getting angrier with me and with him. He stood there, staring at me with regret in his eyes. I needed to think. I huffed and pulled a pullover from the table next to the door and stormed out of my room, leaving Aiden behind.
“Tori!” I heard Hannah called from behind me. I ignored her and walked to the door. I needed to go for a walk to be able to think. I put on my sneakers and walked out of the house. What the hell just happened? Aiden doesn’t even know whether he wants to be with me or not. I admit that it hurts as hell to know that he actually doesn’t care about me. He only wanted to get in my pants and here am I, falling hard for the bad boy who doesn’t like me back. As I walked down the street, I could feel tears running down my cheeks and the chill air past by my bare legs, making goosebumps rose on my skin.

As I walked, I reached a river and the trees on its side were simply beautiful. I walked to it and sat on the grass. I shouldn’t have let Aiden get to me. Why did I even talk to him? I should have known that things wouldn’t work out between us. I laid myself on the grass and watched the cloud move in the blue sky. My phone buzzed in my phone, making me groan slightly. I dug my hand in my pocket and took out my phone.

Where the hell are you?′ Hannah texted me.

I needed space. Don’t worry’ I texted back and already rolled my eyes, knowing how my friends were. Of course they are going to worry.

Don’t you fucking tell me not to worry when you stormed out of the house with a booty short on! Do you want people to rape you?′ Her text made me shook my head. My eyes fell on my bare legs and I shivered again as the wind blew. Leaves flew everywhere and I felt at peace.

Nobody’s going to rape me’ I simply texted back and put my phone back in my pocket. I closed my eyes but my phone buzzed again. It started ringing and I pulled it out of my pocket.


The name flashed on my phone and I clenched my teeth. I put the phone next to me and let it ring. I admired how the branches of the trees would shake every time then wind would blow and listened intently to the water rushing in the river. My phone rang two more times then it stopped. It buzzed and I picked up the phone to see a message from Aiden.

Answer the fucking call’ he was pissed. As hell I was going to answer his call. I turned off my mobile phone and pushed it back in my pocket. The fact that he called and sent me a message complicated everything more. I mean, I was trying to hate me but here he is, sending me a message and calling me. I was starting to think that he actually cares. I close my eyes and groaned at how messed up all that is. He wanted the friends with benefits type of thing but I didn’t want that. I didn’t want rumors on me again. I didn’t want to have Stacy on my back. I didn’t want to let of Aiden but this seemed to be like the most appropriate thing to do right now. The simply fact that I was going to forget everything that happened these past three weeks, was going to keep my life peaceful and boring. It was going to return back to its normal routine with no Aiden in the picture. It broke my heart into pieces but that was the best thing to do. I was pretty sure that Aiden isn’t going to fight for me. I mean, he can get what he wants with any girl he wants.

Holy hell, my life is so fucked up.

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