Chapter 1: The Beginning
“I’m so sorry Sienna, I never meant for you to find out like this. I promise you I was going to tell you. I swear I was, but it just never seemed to be the right time. We were already having issues and things had just gotten back decent between us and I didn’t want to ruin that. The last thing that I want to do is lose you. I love you too much. It’s just that… I ... I love him now too. Sienna I-... I just don’t want to lose either of you, you’re both too important to me. I believe, somehow, we can make all of this work. I know we can figure out something. If not, just say the word and I’ll end it. We were together first.”
This was the speech I got after stewing for a week. My girlfriend of the last three months and best friend for the past three and a half years had been cheating on me. To make it worse, it was with our male best-friend and my secret crush.
I had no idea how to feel about it.
On one hand I understood, and trust I wasn’t no saint, but I hadn’t been the one to get caught. On the other, the two people betraying me were the main ones I would talk to about shit like this.
Was I pissed? Kind of. I’ve always said I just want them to be honest with me and they’d been lying for weeks.
Jealous that I hadn’t gotten there first? Well the answer to that would depend on how much they’ve done over these past couple of weeks.
It was clear that I was confused though. I mean who wouldn’t be?
To make things clear, I had been talking to Benijah about Maleah the entire time I’d been dating her. The fact that he would use those things to go behind my back and try to steal my girl right from under me was deplorable. I mean she still had my pussy on her breath. The fuck kind of friend was that? I’ll tell you.
He couldn’t have been pulling some shit like that. It was complete bullshit and deserved a kick to the nuts.
Still I had to respond to this in a decent manner. Didn’t want them to know how affected I truly was by it all. I could at least try to keep some of my dignity. Or maybe that was just my pride talking.
“Do whatever you want to do, Maleah. Clearly you have been for awhile now. I don’t care anymore and I don’t feel like going back and forth about this. I’m over it. Whatever you want is fine with me.” with that I stood and walked away. A part of me wanted to go and yell at Benijah, and trust he would know why, but I knew that was pointless.
At least now I knew why our relationship had gotten iffy over the last few weeks. The one with him not her. Now I had issues with both of them.
By the time my classes ended and I went for lunch my irritation had almost reached its boiling point. The more I thought about it, the more irritated I became. I had questions that I needed answers to, but I knew if I was to see either of them, I would forget it all. As if he could read my mind, he popped up and sat right across from me. He seemed annoyed and I almost smirked. If she was at all with him like she was with me, he’d had an earful for the last hour or so.
“No Benijah.” I snapped, cutting him off. “I don’t want to hear it.”
“We didn’t mean for it to happen.” he practically forced himself to say. I narrowed my eyes at him finally reaching that boiling point. Clearly he thought I was making too big a deal out of all of this.
“Did you also not mean for it to happen after you rejected me?” I leaned closer to him so that no one else could hear. Our secrets were meant to stay ours. Although I was kind of being a hypocrite, it was no one else’s business. “Did you also not mean for it to happen the same day that you kissed me?” I paused for effect. “Don’t tell me that you didn’t mean for it to happen Benijah when that’s probably the same bullshit line you fed her.”
“What do you expect me to do, Sienna? The only one that even knows about that is you and I.” He groaned, starting to get frustrated. I could tell because he had a tell. He would get really still and then force himself to fold his hands in front of him. We were that close that I knew that, but apparently that was something that only mattered to me. If I hadn’t mentioned it before I was pissed about the fact that they felt like they couldn’t tell me. At least that was what I believed.
“What I expect is for you not to kiss me, followed by unnecessary rejection and ending with you stealing my girl. For fucksake you initiated everything!” I spat.
“What do you want? An apology?” he asked sarcasm oozing from every word. I rolled my eyes before flipping him off.
“Fuck off Benijah. You and I both know that if you did apologize you wouldn’t mean a word of it. Especially because you clearly don’t think that you did anything wrong.” There was another pregnant pause before he spoke. When he did I was floored.
“That’s because I didn’t. Besides, I never rejected you. I just walked off because I was shocked.”
“Shocked about what?” I asked. Now I was the one oozing sarcasm.
“About how good of a kisser you are and how much I actually liked it. I didn’t expect to like it.” Then he stood and walked off.
Who does that?!
He left me sitting there shocked, mouth opened, gapping like a fucking fish. The hell did he just say to me?
For the rest of the day I couldn’t get what he said off of my mind. It wasn’t even just that he enjoyed our kiss, it was weird having him compliment me. To me, he was saying that he liked how I kissed. Meaning he liked my lips. It had completely thrown me off. It was everything I had been wanting for a while now, but now that I was getting it I had no idea what to do with it.
Needless to say, I was still confused.
Was this my chance ? Should I even take the chance? I mean I know he has a girlfriend, hell she’s my girlfriend too. Should I not care about their relationship as much as they didn’t care about mine? So many options, yet not enough time to truly make a decision.
I was brought out of my thoughts by my phone ringing with the specialized ringtone only two people had. Now what did they want?
Babygirl: We need to talk.
Lover Boy: You can’t ignore us forever.
Cupcake: Want to bet?
Babygirl: Since you’re responding, that means you’re reading. I have a proposition for the two of you.
Lover Boy: What’s that?
Babygirl: I think I’ve made myself clear. I don’t want to lose either of you. I’m in love with you both and I never knew that was possible. I don’t want to lose this possibility. Call it selfish all you want, it might be.
Cupcake: What’s the point of this?
Lover Boy: Yeah, I’d like to know where you’re going with this too.
Babygirl: How do either of you feel about a triangle?
Cupcake and Lover Boy: The hell?!
I legit stopped walking as I stared at my phone. Did she really just suggest that? I couldn’t help myself, I had to ask.
Cupcake: What would the terms and conditions be?
Babygirl: We are all a couple. We are all in this. It’s me and you. You and him. Him and I. And all of us together. It’s the only way I could think of not to lose you both. What do you think? Are you in?
She was serious. She really suggested it and she wanted it. To be honest it kind of fixed my issue and gave me more than I wanted. In reality I knew if I agreed it would mostly be because of her. I didn’t want to lose her or him either, but could we handle something like this? What would everyone say? Was I in? Was I that curious to figure out what this thing with him was? Or did I want to stay in the dark and hide from it all? I didn’t even respond back. I just made my way back to our dorm. I needed time to really think the proposition through and lucky for me I still had a few hours. I wasn’t like them. I liked to keep my business private. Hell, only the group knew about Maleah and I being together and they didn’t even like that at first. They were going to flip their shit if I agreed to this. Why should I care what they think though? They knew about us and when it all came out, the only one that was shocked about her and Benijah was Sandra.
It opened my eyes to who was really close to who within the group. I also understood that I was the only idiot telling all my secrets to people I clearly couldn’t trust. Sucking up my pride, I picked up my phone knowing that this wasn’t something I could decide on my own. The only person left I could trust was who I decided to call; Sandra.
“Hello?” she answered groggily after the third ring.
“Sorry,” I laughed. “I forgot this is usually your nap time.” Like me she only had two morning classes on Fridays. By two she was back in her bed and out like a light.
“It’s cool. I need to get up anyway. I got a lunch date.” she giggled as I rolled my eyes. I was happy for her, but the giggling was weird. “What’s up?”
“I need some advice.” I blurted almost becoming frantic again. Is this what it feels like to get all you want at once? Like being on edge of a fast approaching panic attack?
“About Maleah and Benijah?” she guessed hitting it right on the head.
“Yhup.” I nodded although she couldn’t see me.
“Before I get all judgemental and whatnot for them fucking you over like that; what kind of advice are you seeking?” she asked and I didn’t blame her. When the not-so-much-a-rumour-anymore first came about, she was the one to tell me. I yelled at her about how it wasn’t true and she should know better than to think they’d do something like that to me. I have yet to apologize and clearly she still felt some kind of way about it.
“I’m sorry about that, Sand. I should’ve known you wouldn’t lie about something like that. I should know you better than that. I was just in denial.” I sighed, guilt eating away at me.
“It’s whatever. Now for this advice?”
“Maleah just suggested a triangle in our group chat and I don’t know how to feel about it. No one has responded back and I just know they’re waiting to see what I’m going to say.” There was a pregnant pause before my phone started dinging. I groaned seeing that it was indeed Sandra requesting a face call. I answered it to see just how shocked she was.
“What the fuck?” she gasped. “I’m going to need your ass to start from the beginning with this shit.” and so I did. I explained everything that I could. From the moment between Benijah and I to how the two of them got started. I explained it to her the way it was explained to me. By the time I was done I really wanted to text them no; just because I was pissed all over again.
“Well damn. That’s a conundrum and then some.” I don’t know what I expected her to say, but it wasn’t that.
“Tell me something that I don’t know, Sand.” I spat sarcastically.
“Don’t be a bitch.” was her retort and then she laughed. A full on belly laugh that was going to be hard to contain. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry; but how fucking ironic is it that you cheat and then the one you cheated with ends up dating your girl and now they’re asking for threesomes. That’s some epic gold shit man.” she continued laughing and I had to bite my tongue to keep from going off. The bitch was legit laughing in my face right now.
“Sandra I did not call you for you to laugh in my face. Are you going to help me or not?” I spat annoyed.
“Look the way that I see it, you can go on holding this purposely grudge or you can see where this takes you. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that your answer is already yes, you’re just looking for someone to tell you no. It doesn’t have to be a reward for anyone’s wrong-doing if it’s something all of you want.”
She hung up.
I groaned. I was still confused and I still needed time to think. It didn’t help that they were also my roommates. I knew they would be headed straight here since I didn’t respond. I knew they’d want to talk over it all. I knew they would expect more from me than I was willing to give myself at this point, but I was willing to try. For now, I was going to sit and think.