I shouldn't let him in,
Because the moment he barged in our apartment and introduced himself with a large board in the middle of the night like a maniac;
'Hi! I'm your connective tissue, and you can be my cardiac muscle!'
My friends squealed.
They said I would never meet a person who's willing to be a connective tissue for me.
Who takes his time of knowing me better,
Who waits for me even if I took too long to get ready.
Who memorizes everything that I want for the sake of giving what I want.
Who bonds with my family so well they were so close in adopting him.
They said I would never find a man like that.
When the bell rings for lunch, I collected my things and made sure I have the books I needed to return at the library.
I headed there not knowing that his gaze followed me along with his body.
"I needed to use the library," he denied when I confronted him.
"On a lunch time," I pointed out and raised my brow.
He began to feel uneasy in front of the librarian.
"...yeah, that," he then turned his eyes on me. "Why are you here then?"
His looks were challenging me. I know, but I won't falter because of his menacing gaze.
I raised the book for him to see before I passed them to the frowning librarian whom I'm sure she desperately wished to get out of here as soon as possible.
Handing her my library card next I motioned for the door and she was quicker than I thought she would in having my card, she handed me back my library card and skedaddle her way towards the door.
Poor librarian who needs to fetched her lunch, great for me because I can read books in sly to fill in for her, but of course, the truth was I just beguile her for such a win-win circumstance. After all, who doesn't want this? She can get her lunch, I can read books in peace.
But I think I need to crossed out this day for peace. This outlandish man just kept staring at me like I'm some sort of someone he recognized as part of his alien family tree.
"This is exasperating," I said when I still felt his stare for the last minute.
"What do you want?" I eyed him.
He put his hand on his chin in retrospect, "what are you doing here?"
"You should get lunch," He countinued.
I sighed and glare at the 'no eating inside the library' sign.
"I eat books," I babbled.
"Oh, you're some sort of a bookeater then."
"Not really," I replied, inspecting the returned books in the cart. There were lots of different books returned today. Wow, what an achievement.
"You want to be a polymath?"
I glanced back on the man who can't get the meaning of 'silence please'.
"No, not really," I replied as I gaze down on the floor. I just want to be smarter and erase my past whilst achieving that.
"Okay. I'll join you then," with declaration he exclaimed.
With that simple words, I found my library buddy during lunch time, his name was Dale.
One day, as I entered the library on the usual time, he was nowhere to be found, the librarian found her exit before I could even asked her, so I wiggled the thought: Maybe, he was just late.
I walked down the aisle of science books as that was were I want to focused as of the moment.
I forced myself to read through the course, to jot down the vital pages and leave imprints of it on my brain.
Because I don't want to repeat the same mistakes again, because I think, if I would fall again I wouldn't be able to pick up the pieces.
I always taught myself that 'academics is the only forever in this mundane world', so I feed, and feed myself until I end up vomiting all the knowledge I found on books. But that won't stop me.
Because I could not made the right choice that time, I ended up punishing myself, I think I would do this even in the future, I wrestled with myself, I constrict myself, made rules, made a mindset consisting of only one goal:
That's to gain knowledge that is more than enough it would eat everyone who looked down on me to shame.
The next day, I found myself unable to breathe and my hands were shaking uncontrollably, so I needed to hide from people as soon as possible.
No one should see me like this, no body should know. No body. Absolutely nobody. Not a single soul on Earth.
"You found me," he said, when all I did was hide.
I dropped from my knees and catch my breath, opening my mouth for something to say.
I'm not looking for him, heck, I didn't even know that there'll be a person behind the old building of our school.
"I..." But before I could finished, he enveloped me in his hug, this guy whom I only treat as my library buddy, who found all my hobbies intriguing that he wants to learn all of it. This guy who thought I found him when I was trying to hide.
"You should've texted me!" Jean gruffed but was cut off with the emergence of the man behind me.
"He's Dale." I introduced them to each other, Dale beamed. And I was so sure he went to his camouflage of being happy-go-lucky again as he always do.
"That's the top student in biology!" Jean declared when we're back in our classroom.
"I only met him in the library, he was the top student of his class?"
"Yes! He reeks of intelligence, and charisma and handsomeness and he is also the grandson of the president here."
I haven't met the president of the school, but I knew her stout old lady face and her big round eyes with her perm hair.
"I don't know that," I truthfully said. Jean told me how the world works, she told me facts, and the technicalities to survive this world. I'm so grateful to have her as my companion, I would've been lost without her.
As soon as our class ended, someone was waiting for us, or should I say for me.
"I want to take you home." He wasn't just full of himself in front of these people, he also made clear on what he wants.
So now the whole class knows, but I would like to not know about it.
"What do you like?" He asked me one sunny afternoon as we returned the returned-books from the shelves.
"I'd like for you not to know me," I replied and I heard him snickered.
"Nah, I would love to know what you like."
I, instead put the book on a space in the top shelf than to kept the conversation. Whatever on what he wants.
I almost stumbled because of what he said, I made a face on him, "you want to know what I like right? Stay away from me."
All of his gestures, all of his signals that I chose to ignore if not palpable enough to feel. He always stick beside me. He's always there for me.
But I shouldn't be bothered with that, what I like is to be on top, to be the smartest, to free myself from my past.
Even if I asked him how did he know I prefer having a breakfast date in pj's and hot waffles with saccharine coffee.
First, I didn't said yes or have any non verbal communication that would indicate my approval of having a date. Second, was still same as the first but even so, know my point.
"What are you doing?" I asked as he placed my cup of coffee before me.
"You know, what I want you to say when I asked you what you like should be: You want to know what I like right? Recall the first word again."
I want to be what I want, I build my dreams and intricately memorized every part like the back of my hand,
But that dream I devoted my life with, crumbled within an hour.
To cut short, I made a mistake, and I'm desperately crawling to resurfaced the battle again.
For 18 years, I constructed that dream, but it only took 18 seconds for it to be bulldozed.
I feel like I've gone without a leg that day, I cried for weeks and belie myself to keep me still breathing.
I reassemble myself with the remnants of my past as a motivating factor. But as I look back on it, I think I would do this for 18 years or more.
So I told myself that I wouldn't fall in love with a man, instead I would fall in love with knowledge that even if I tried to file a divorce it won't leave me alone until death do us apart.
What I liked was for knowledge. Knowledge. Knowledge. And knowledge.
"Are you knowledge? No, right? I don't like you then." It was so simple to get back on him like that. But I think this brain of mine decided to control my heart if ever I open my mouth to reply with such sarcastic remark.
I should've known that this brain of mine is the biggest influencer of my heart.
And even if I told him that, I think he would just find a way to change his name into knowledge.
Jokes that my brain makes.
"I look forward for my dream."
So this go on and on for more days, him liking me and me not saying anything.
Until it came another year, and I decided to stay on an apartment with others that goes to the same graduate college as me.
He bribed the guard on coming in, where I was joined with Jean and two other friends.
'Hi! I'm connective tissue, Ms. Cardiac Muscle."
I was so sure that I made it clear that I don't want anything other than knowledge, and now he is going to be a connective tissue?
"I'm not asking for you to date me, I just want you to know what I feel for you and that, I won't leave you until I got you head over heels for me." He said that with a serious face. Glad to know he knows his place.
"Ayieee. Go for him already!!" My friends were wiggling like how a gummy bear should jump on my stomach everytime I swallow it. Pushing me lightly towards the man with a big sign board.
Was it a year or two already? He's been bugging me all the time that I lost count, rain or shine, he's always there, even if I was mad on him for no reason, irritated with his face or just plainly woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
He's always there. Always.
I wouldn't even think twice that even if I'm in the wrong side he would still side with me, and together we'll sashayed away all the haters.
I was convinced that he won't changed, I deemed adding him on my head, I considered breathing again. But there's going to be an obstacle for this relationship to progress.
And I never been so right more than everything else.
"Hi, I'm Pamela."
I always ruminate into knowing her before. She wore an all white now, sometimes scrubs and assist him on the surgical room.
She was a head nurse, who's so good at her job everyone praises her. She's white as milk, has glass skin, big eyes and pinkish lips, sexy body, perfect set of teeth, black hair and I was so sure that she can take the best selfie with just accidentally opening her front camera.
She was a beauty.
And she's the only one who can make me feel so insecure.
She was a friend, back in junior high school, she's a part of the past that I desperately wanted to forget.
I should've known that it will come haunt me again.
When after she realized I'm not going to speak, she took a sip of her coffee.
"You're Anneliese Michelle, right?" She said, as if tasting the tip of my name has a bitter aftertaste to her.
"It's Anne. You can call me Anne."
"Hey, are you alright?" He said when he saw me staring at a torn class picture of my junior high school.
I was right that she was familiar.
She's my best friend back then, I once hugged her in senior high school and was so kind to rekindled our friendship, she was already perfect back then. She was more perfect now.
"Dale." I called.
"It was this time that you call me by my name— which was what I loved the most, but I know you have something serious to say, what is it?" He asked, "Does it hurt?"
I smiled at the warmness that enveloped me. I was lucky to have him in my life. I was fortunate to feel his warmth everytime I feel cold. He was so kind and perfect.
"Dale." I called again, I kept calling his name because I don't want this to end, even though I know that it will gonna end.
"Dale. Dale. Dale. Dale. Dale. Dale."
"Yeah." He chuckled. "That's me."
I once named a folder in my personal computer; his name in capital letters, not because I caught him doing the same thing on his.
When I happen to access his computer, I opened the folder, I saw numerous files of the things that I like, list of things, foods I don't eat, books I read and the information about them on one of the documents.
He knew every inch of me. But I knew nothing on him.
"Can I invite you to dinner?" I asked, tears beginning to fall as I stared on the perfect face before me.
The approval that I heard makes me want to drowned myself on wine as I walked down the halls, and as if scrubbing salt to the injury, I heard them white-collar people say;
"She was the girlfriend of doc."
"Didn't you hear? They were lovey-dovey back then."
Ah, how I hate hospitals. It got lots of rooms and echoing voices. How I cursed hospitals for making my mother cry when I was 13. How I hate hospitals for ruining my fate.
How I hate it.
"You know me already but I'll introduced myself, I'm Anne."
She made a slight smile and accepted my handshake. I reached for my bag on my side afterwards.
I reached my dreams, that's the reason why I'm still living right? I didn't wished for someone to stay on my side, the only thing I want was to get the intelligence and show the world that I am able to do it also.
After this dinner, I'll probably cry myself to sleep like what I did for weeks when I didn't passed the exam or maybe have myself drowned in wine as I walked every corner of what others called 'dream house'. Because that's the goal right?
She was shocked when she saw the picture of her together with Dale, kissing on a vacant room on the hospital.
He knew that I was the girl Dale was waiting,
"But I think he got tired on waiting for you that's why, he ended up falling for me instead," she said.
As I drove myself home, I don't know what to think, after all the years, he finally got tired.
I'm strong like the cardiac muscle that pumps blood and the connective tissue's only task was to support me.
I should've realized back then that there are valves that can separate the vessels.
And they will not meet again.
Are you enjoying my ongoing story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, Meech LumiereWrite a Review