My palms were sweaty and I was trembling badly. My heart was beating faster in nervousness with me holding the mic in my shaky hands.
The whole stage was glowing with colorful laser beams pointing towards me. I was in the spotlight!
The lady who was the Judge said in annoyance for the third time but I was not able to gather the courage to sing in front of so many people ogling me like eagles.
Finally, after convincing myself, again and again, I loosened up the tightness in my chest a bit and blurted the first line of the song I prepared, in tune with the background track.
“Every night in my dreams!!” This was the moment I realized that my nervousness again fucked up my dream career and probably the last time.
My voice was as hoarse as crows.
I was breathing intensely and the worse thing was that the mic fell from my hand gathering every single person’s attention to myself.
I kept my head down in embarrassment, fixing my eyes on the floor of the stage.
Every participant sitting in the audition hall whose dream was as same as mine started laughing tauntingly.
“Was she here to sing?”
“She can be a comedian better than a singer. Lol.”
“Did she think that she could be a superstar with that voice? HaHa...”
Tears fell constantly from my eyes listening to their sarcastic comments.
I wanted to escape...
Escape from every troubling moment of my life.
Did it have to be so harsh on me?
Was I not deserving of a single good thing?
Not being able to endure their contemptuous mocking I left the audition hall in haste.
Wiping my tears while running I entered an unknown street.
I kept my pace till my legs got tired.
Inhaling the air around me I decided to sit on a bench that was abandoned in the corner of the street, just like me.
Depressed like hell, all the sad events of my life till now were replaying themselves in my mind...
I am Julia Hills, a simple girl who has liked singing since childhood.
Singing was a dream which I and my papa saw together.
He taught me how to live my life to the fullest enjoying what I had.
He was my inspiration.
Whenever I did a home concert he would be the only audience listening to me all night, cheering for me.
I was his cutie daughter and he was my lovely daddy.
Though we were not that rich, I was happy because I had the best parents in the world.
What else did I need at that time?
Till one day, destiny decided to take the only person I loved.
He died due to kidney failure leaving me and my mother all alone by ourselves.
Before breathing his last breathes, papa did not say me to remember him or be a good girl.
He said me to never feel lost and achieve my dream at any cost.
He said that though he will not physically exist with me, he will always come into my dream asking me about how I was each day.
From that day, I decided to put all my efforts into the singing career.
Though my papa never came in my sleep, I at least wanted him to see from heaven that I fulfilled our dream.
I became successful...
But, my luck was not in my favor at all.
After practicing for three years in a singing institute using my mother’s hard-earned money, I decided to give an audition to get selected by an entertainment agency at the age of 18.
Of course, I failed for the first time, nonetheless, that did not stop me from trying again.
Even after failing for the 25th time, I again went to give an audition.
After four years of trying I again messed up today.
My soul has lost and doesn’t have enough guts left to try again and that too when my mother was bedridden and sick.
We were living on her savings for 1 year.
Now that I don’t have any job, how will I support my mamma?
How will I live?
I spent all my teenage trying to do something that was never meant for me...
Only if I would have learned something productive back then.
My whole being was exhausted and worn out.
What was the meaning of my existence?
Sometimes I just wanted to go on a hiatus, away from this world.
It was very cruel.
Fate was very cruel...
I got up from the bench and started walking with drained-out moments.
Only if I could end all the things of my life.
On my way, I saw a bridge which was built on the river.
I decided to go there for some unknown reasons, maybe to get some fresh air.
The trees were covered with snow.
As I was walking lazily I saw the depth of the river.
If some person maybe falls from there, would he/she come back alive?
I rested my arms at the railing of the bridge and saw the river flowing with the speed of the current.
There were not many people here because everyone was busy spending their Christmas evenings with their family.
Only loners like me were here...
I could not meet my mother even if I wanted to.
She would ask me why I was in my hometown and why was I not practicing my singing.
I didn’t have the nerves to reply to her that I have admitted defeat.
Will I be able to end my sorrow if I jump from here?
I am too tired to live even a single day.
A warm tear fell from my eyes.
“Are you thinking of suicide?” A husky deep tone made me bolt straight up.
In sudden shock, I lost my balance and was about to fall into the river, but a hand saved me by pulling me towards it.
Resulting in us falling with me on top of that person.
I opened my closed eyes, which were scared to see whether I was alive or not, only to see a boy under me, snuggling me like a teddy bear.
H...he was handsome...
I took a quick peek at his face.
Did someone so attractive exist in today’s world?
His face was sculpted like a model’s with his nose and jaw being perfectly aligned.
The most charming thing was his eyes.
Oceanic blue with a hint of lightness in the middle of the iris.
His eyes were something that a person could explore and get lost in.
I was continuously staring at him while blinking like a stupid person.
He was doing the same but with a frown on his face.
Our lips were so close that if I moved even a single bit, they would touch.
Better not take any risk.
“Oh my, my. Such a beautiful couple.”
My head snapped to my right to see who was talking. She was an old lady walking with the help of a stick.
“It’s not what you think...” I yelped at her but she continued taking her hazy steps with a smirk on her face.
“For how much time were you going to lean on me?” The boy grabbed my attention making me realize that I was on top of him for five minutes on a suicidal bridge which almost got me killed.
I got up shrugging my clothes clean and all the dust fell on his face.
“Why are you making me inhale dust?” He said while getting up.
“I am sorry. I didn’t mean that.” I shook my head in denial.
“Are you stupid? What were you going to do?” He yelled in my ears almost giving me Goosebumps.
“What did I do wrong?” I stuttered in confusion.
“You were freaking going to die and you don’t know what you did wrong?” He came closer to me shrugging my shoulder with his hand almost making me feel nauseated.
I was going to die?
Why didn’t I know?
I was just leaning on the railing thinking about what if I fall from here because of being too depressed.
I’m not that stupid and on top of that my whole body will shiver in that ice-cold water.
Even if I die, I at least want a good place to be buried.
“Look dude,” I tried to calm his angry self.
“I was not going to...”
“What the hell made you so sad?” He shouted at me while his eyes teared up, not letting me complete my sentence.
“Do you even know how many people struggle to live a life which you were so easily giving up on?”
I shut my lips and looked at him worriedly. Since when did a stranger care for me so much?
This feeling had become Greek to me.
I had forgotten the feeling of love and care... There was no one to make me feel loved so I had to do it myself.
Did he go from something much darker than what I went through?
I smiled bitterly.
“I was not going to die. But thanks for your concern.” I paused.
“It has been ages since someone remembered that I still existed.”
His eyes widened and then formed a concerned look. “I’m Blake, what’s your name?” Giving me the brightest sad smile of the world Blake passed me his hand as if wanting me to hold it forever.
I blushed, warmth filled in my whole body, holding his hand. “I am Julia.”
We both were taking steps together with silence between us.
This was the first time I felt the warmth of someone’s hand after 6 years of my father’s death.
In the past years, my mom was very busy with work and eventually came late at home.
I had to do my entire thing by myself and sleep alone at night.
Was he an angel sent by God?
Though I don’t know who Blake was, the urge in me to make him mine was eternal.
But then again I was not that lucky...
“Julia, remember one thing. Don’t lose your life ever. There will be many people who will be sad if you do so.” He said casually.
I could see my papa in him.
I froze on my spot, sobbing.
“What? why are you crying?” He turned back to see me.
“Thank you for caring so much and giving me confidence when I wanted it the most.” I cried like a crybaby.
He gave me a friendly punch in my arm smiling. “Silly.”
And resumed moving forward to where I don’t know.
I kept following him like a lost puppy.
Suddenly a device started buzzing in his pocket.
He took it out and picked it up.
It was his phone.
Blake’s carefree look turned into a grave one.
“No...I am in the lane along the bridge?”
“Yes, I will come to the hospital right now...” Saying this he ran in the right direction.
What happened? Did he also lose someone precious to him?
I...I don’t know what to say...
I went to my dorm quietly trying to think about all the possible reasons why he ran.
And at last, when I was half-asleep I remembered, he said something.
Yes, he said that maybe he could meet me in the future...
I hope too...
There were many things I wanted to ask Blake...
My second inspiration...
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(* The other parts are written and are waiting to be published.)